Most guys are terrified of being labeled the nice guy and wonder how to stop being a nice guy. I can’t blame them. For years, I was known as the tomboy, which is basically the equivalent.
Let me tell ya, it’s not a great place to be. You’re into all these people, but they don’t even see you. It’s like you’re a tree.
If you’ve heard, “you’re such a nice guy,” or “too bad I always go for assholes,” well, it sounds like you’re the nice guy. Now, this isn’t a bad thing. In fact, your goal shouldn’t be to become a jerk towards women. That’s not what you should do. But you should understand the dynamics between men and women better. [Read: The qualities of a good man that set him apart from a lesser man]
How to not be a nice guy
The reason why “assholes” get women is that they’re assertive, bluntly honest, and strong-minded. Of course, instead of being all those things naturally, they must be aggressive, which makes them act like jerks.
Now, you don’t need to be aggressive and rude to get out of the “Mr. Nice Guy” stereotype. But it’s easier said than done. You’ll have to go through a couple of experiences to really get the hang of things, and that’s okay! [Read: Why the nice guy isn’t really such a nice guy deep inside]
If you use these tips when meeting new people, it’ll help you not to be a nice guy. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up getting a phone number or date out of it. Say goodbye to Mr. Nice Guy.
#1 Be honest with what you want. Women who talk to honest men find it refreshing. If you want to ask a girl out on a date, ask her. Don’t try to become her friend and work your way up to a date. You don’t want to be friends with her; you want to date her. So, be honest and upfront. If you don’t tell her what you want, you play yourself. [Read: These are the signs of insecurity that insecure people can’t hide]
#2 Put yourself first. Nice guys make one crucial mistake: they put the girl first. By doing that, you allow her to walk all over you. She should know you value yourself and aren’t willing to put yourself second. If you have hobbies, do them. If you have goals, work towards them. If you want to know how to stop being a nice guy, don’t lower yourself for someone else, it’s not attractive.
#3 Take the conversations slowly. If you’re a fast talker, it’s time to slow things down. I know you may be nervous, but that doesn’t mean you speed through the conversation. Take a couple of deep breaths and enjoy the conversation. If you’re too quick, it loses some of the mystery. [Read: How to respect women without patronizing them]
#4 Say ‘no.’ You don’t need to be brutally honest, but you cannot be afraid to tell the truth. If she’s asking you to do something you don’t want to do, say no. That’s right, say no. Don’t say yes to everything just to please her. The fact you have personal boundaries is what she finds attractive.
#5 Keep your expectations to a minimum. The reason why some guys get what they want is that they’re not expecting anything to happen. Don’t go into a conversation thinking you’re going to get laid or go on a date. Expect nothing from her and see where the conversation goes. By expecting nothing, you’ll relax and put yourself in the right headspace.
#6 Don’t overcompensate. When it comes to frat bros and Mr. Nice Guys, they share one thing in common: overcompensation. As a nice guy, you probably know this is a problem for you. But you don’t become a complete jerk. If you overcompensate, you’ll just go to the other end of the spectrum.[Read: How to talk to girls and leave them swooning]
#7 Work on your self-esteem. This is usually the root cause of all nice guys. Because you lack self-esteem, you try too hard to get attention from women. Your relationships are directly correlated to your mental health and self-esteem. Say ‘no’ when your boundaries are being crossed. Focus on healthy relationships where you and your partner are equal. [Read: Nice guy syndrome – 16 reasons why girls find them sooo boring!]
#8 Be confrontational when needed. This doesn’t mean you must fight someone when they do anything wrong. But if your boundaries were crossed, confront the person, including her. If you’re trying to figure out how to stop being a nice guy, and the girl you like insults or offends you, let her know where the line is. Naturally, you should do this in a respectful way. She’ll appreciate you for it.
#9 Keep the apologies to a minimum. This doesn’t mean you should never apologize. If you do something wrong, say sorry. But apologizing one thousand times because you screwed up or something else happened isn’t going to get you what you want. Overapologizing isn’t sexy, if anything it feels smothering. [Read: The honest truth why nice guys finish last all the time]
#10 Live on your own schedule. When we meet someone we like, it’s easy to change our lives for them. But you shouldn’t change your schedule to please someone else. Yes, make time for them, but live by your schedule. You’re not going to miss your chance, but you’ll show her you’re independent. [Read: What is a SIMP? Meet Gen Z’s new version of the nice guy]
#11 Avoid spending too much time with her. Though men think spending all their time with a woman will make her more attracted to them, that’s wrong. Spending too much time with a girl you’re into will show signs of desperation and clinginess. Yes, hang out with her in your spare time, but also leave yourself time for self-care and your own hobbies and interests.
[Read: The 16 tricks that will make you instantly likeable with girls]
If you’re tired of being Mr. Nice Guy, change your persona and learn how to stop being a nice guy. Don’t turn into a complete jerk, but improve the way you communicate with women.
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