You told everyone it’s over, but, deep down, you know it’s not. Well, there’s a right and wrong way when it comes to knowing how to have sex with your ex.
Breakups suck. When the best sex of your life was with your ex, it sucks even more. Why? Well, if you haven’t had sex since, or even if you have, you know it was incomparable to what you had. This is why it’s so hard to cut ties. Do you wonder sometimes how to have sex with your ex because of the amazing sex?
Okay, of course, you had feelings towards them but attach that to amazing sex, and it’s ten times harder to let go. You probably haven’t admitted to your friends that you’re sleeping with your ex again because deep down you know it’s a bad idea, but you can’t help it. [Read: 10 circumstances where breakup sex works]
How to have sex with your ex
Trust me, we all have been there. I’m not going to judge you for this because it’s pointless. We’ve all felt those feelings and some of us have gone back to our ex while others haven’t, but the point is, we all know what it feels like.
Now, I’m going to tell you, you probably shouldn’t sleep with them. I know, I know, the sex is good but really, try not to. But, we’re only human after all, so if you’re going to sleep with them, at least do it in a way that causes you the least amount of emotional distress. Try not to, but if you can’t, here’s what you need to know.
#1 Don’t do it. I need to say this to you before I give you the low-down on how to do it. Listen, this isn’t a good idea. I know you have feelings, but this isn’t going to help you move on. If anything, it brings up bottled up emotions and then you’re back in the beginning when you first broke up.
#2 Why are you sleeping with them? You need to ask yourself why you want to have sex with your ex. Is it out of convenience? You’re too busy with work so you don’t have time to meet someone, or is it because you want them back. If it’s the latter, do not sleep with them. Having sex with your ex isn’t going to bring them back, it’s just going to get you laid.
#3 Don’t jump into it. If your ex proposed the idea or you’ve been thinking about it, take a little more time to think about it. You really need to reflect and see where your feelings are with them. If you still like/love them then this is going to end messily. But if you’ve passed the emotions and given yourself enough time to heal, wait a little bit more before doing it. [Read: 10 signs your past relationship is holding you back from moving forward]
#4 Be open and honest. This isn’t the time to play mind games or go into a power struggle. What you need to do is be open and honest with them. Tell them what you want from them. If you want to have sex, tell them, and be honest with your expectations and your boundaries. This way, you both know where the line is and not to cross it.
#5 Have a cap on sex meetings. You need to have a max on how many times you’re going to sleep with this person in a month’s time. Try to aim for once a week. Anything over that and it becomes too much. Be strict on the number as well. Of course, you can always decrease it, but you can never increase it. You need to keep your distance.
#6 No dates outside of sex. This is a huge no-no. Don’t text each other unless it’s about arranging to meet up for sex. Don’t go for dinner, don’t go to the movies. Listen, this is only sex, you need to get this in your head. If you want to keep this straight then you need to stop. So, make sure that you guys keep it strictly sexual. [Read: Sex with your ex – When it’s okay and when to steer clear]
#7 No deep conversations. Keep the conversation very light. Talk about what’s happening in the local community, the weather, political commentary but don’t get into any deep conversations about yourself or the relationship. You should never discuss the past or reminisce about the good old days, because that only brings up the feels. There’s nothing going on between you two except sex.
#8 Leave the past out. Like I said before, if you are contemplating how to have sex with your ex, do not bring up anything regarding the past if things lead to bed. Don’t talk about special moments you shared or the sweater that you bought him that he’s wearing right now. Remember, this is purely sexual. You’re trying to keep the emotions out of the bedroom. Not so easy, right?
#9 See other people. If you’re too busy working in order to meet other people, fine, you’re excused. But you should, if possible, you need to continue to see other people and go on dates. Your ex isn’t going to be an option for a relationship, so you need to press forward with your life and not get sidetracked by sleeping with your ex. [Read: How to create a romantic meet cute in your life]
#10 When emotions come, cut it. There’s no other way to get around this. The minute you start feeling something again for them, and let’s be honest, after a certain amount of time, it’s going to happen, you need to cut it. It’s going to be hard, but it’ll be harder when you’ve fallen for them again, and they don’t want you back.
#11 Leave after sex. You don’t need to stay over, you have your own bed at home. This isn’t a sleepover for two, this is strictly sex and that’s it. If you have to sleepover, then leave early in the morning. Avoid any romantic breakfasts or cuddling conversations because those bring nothing but heartache.
#12 Why didn’t the relationship work out. After you have sex, you may be happy and content, but remember why the relationship didn’t work out. You need to keep yourself on earth and not have your head go into la la land. It didn’t work out for a reason, and that reason was probably fundamental because you’re not together anymore. [Read: 8 reasons getting back with you ex is self-sabotage]
#13 Don’t do it. Like I said again, don’t do it. Do. Not. Do. It. I have yet to meet anyone who told me, “Oh yeah, sleeping with my ex was the best decision I’ve ever made.” Move forward with your life and don’t get caught in the past. You’re worth more than that.