Many relationships nowadays begin in the hookup phase—even though that’s kind of the opposite of how it’s supposed to work. You’re supposed to meet someone, go on dates with them, develop feelings, and then hit the sack.
But what I’m finding more recently is that many people meet, skip the whole dating part—which I don’t understand, because if you’re a girl, it’s free food—and head straight to the bedroom, after only a few drinks at a bar.
This makes it increasingly difficult to tell if the other person really likes you after the first few hookups. You may develop feelings for them, but do they now just see you as a hookup and nothing else? That seems to be the biggest problem in the dating world today.
Signs you’re just a hookup and nothing else
I have a good friend who, for some odd reason, doesn’t like to date girls. He always sticks them in the “hookup” category and gets on with his life of boning them and then having nothing else to do with them.
Since I personally have not been in nor stuck anyone in the hookup-only zone, I asked him for some help in determining the signs that you’re just a hookup and nothing more. He always wants to make it abundantly clear that he wants nothing else, using these signs. If a lady is given these signs, she can be sure she’s just someone for him to get in between the sheets with. [Read: 10 most common mistakes people make on a one night stand]
#1 You only see them at night. One of the biggest signs that you’re nothing more than their go-to sex buddy is that you only see them at night. Their days are full of everything else but you, and they only make an appearance after dinnertime. If that sounds like your current partner, then chances are you’re just a hookup.
#2 All your plans are last minute. If they never make plans in advance, and are texting you at 9 PM or later to “watch a movie,” then you’re definitely not their first priority or their first option. This is a tell-tale sign that they’ve placed you in the “just sex” category.
#3 You never go “out.” Dates are not a possibility, and the two of you rarely do anything other than hang out in your apartment. If that’s your reality with the person you’re getting naked with on a regular basis, then that’s probably all you are to them. Someone who only wants sex and is already getting it is not going to go out of their way to take you on a nice romantic dinner—sorry.
#4 They never talk about their personal life. If you hardly know anything about them, their childhood, their family, or even what their hobbies are, then that’s a sign they may be trying to distance themselves so you don’t go looking for anything more than a hookup. Which is all that they want.
#5 You have never had the “talk.” If you’ve never talked about the extent of your relationship, or what exactly the two of you are, it might be because they’re avoiding the issue. And that’s probably because they don’t want to have to tell you that they’re only in it for the sex. [Read: 10 scenarios when it’s the perfect time for that relationship talk]
#6 They avoid texting/calling until later in the day. When you’re waking up to zero texts or calls from them and you still haven’t gotten a response to your “good morning” until after dinner time, you’ve probably come across someone only interested in a hookup. This way, they don’t have to pretend to be interested in your day and can just skip to the, “long day, can I come over?” text.
#7 You’ve never been to their place (if they have roommates). If you know your current friend with benefits has a roommate or two and you’ve never been invited over—at all, ever—then you might want to take a step back and realize why this might be. Most likely, it’s because they don’t want to introduce you to their friends because they don’t foresee you being around for the long haul.
#8 They never stay the whole night. No sleepovers! That’s a surefire sign that they just want the sex. By skipping the sleepover, they also skip the bedtime cuddles, pillow talk, and cutesy breakfast in the morning—which is all relationship stuff that they don’t want with you. [Read: 10 reasons why guys run away after sleeping with you]
#9 No post-sex cuddling ensues. That’s right. If they’re hittin’ it and quittin’ it right away *AKA: running out the door after without so much as a warm embrace for you* then you’re just a hookup and nothing more. This shows that they have very little interest in being close to you…unless they’re going to pound town.
#10 They won’t add you on social media. This is a huge one. Even a hookup should have you on social media. But if they won’t accept your requests, they don’t want you involved in their personal life at all. This clearly means that they’re not interested in you for anything other than sex.
#11 If they see you in public, you’re avoided. If you end up running into them while at the mall, or out with some friends, and they’re deliberately pretending they didn’t see you—or even ignoring you calling their name, it’s because they don’t want to be seen with you. This may be because they don’t want people to think you’re together. Because they don’t want to be with you in that way—and want both you and their friends to know it. [Read: Dating material vs. a hookup – 12 qualities that differentiate them]
#12 Your get-togethers never last more than a couple of hours. If you’re only seeing them for a few hours, and most of that time is spent in your pants, then it’s safe to say that they’re not into spending time with you doing anything else. You’re just a hookup!
#13 There are no pet names. Unless you’re actually having sex, you don’t call each other pet names. No “baby,” “honey,” “cutie,” or any of those couple names are ever used when the two of you are communicating. That’s because those names are meant for people in a relationship or that want to be—which they don’t.
#14 They don’t focus on pleasing you during sex. If your sex leaves you wanting more, and you feel like they don’t care how satisfied you are, then you’re probably just a hookup. As long as they get what they want out of it, they’re just fine with it. That’s exactly how someone who only wants you for a hookup thinks.
#15 You’re always the one to initiate conversation—unless it’s plans to hookup. Unless they’re contacting you in order to make plans to come over later that evening, you’re the one who always has to try to start a conversation. And oftentimes, the conversation never takes place because they don’t care for it. This is definitely a sign that you’re nothing more than a hookup to them. [Read: How to make a guy want a relationship after being just his FWB]
#16 They’re open about the fact that they’re seeing other people. If you know they’re seeing other people, then they absolutely don’t want anything more than a hookup from you. And if they’re making it a point to make sure you know, they’re probably hoping you don’t want more or won’t ask for more.
#17 They tell you so. If they refer to you as their “friend with benefits” or any other terms that can be used to describe someone that they only hookup with and have no feelings for, then that’s the clearest sign there can be. They obviously don’t want anything more than what your involvement is: a hookup.
[Read: 16 signs to know if you’ll be a hookup date and nothing more, within the first hour]
Some people are absolutely fine with just being a hookup, but there are others out there who maybe want a little more and are unsure what the other is feeling. And these are 17 surefire signs that you’re just a hookup and nothing more to your partner.
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