Flirting is complicated yet fun thing to engage in. It’s can be subtle or glaringly obvious, especially when you learn how to flirt by touch.
It’s not easy to flirt, especially when you can’t get to spend some time alone with that special someone. But, you can still get your message across with a flirting touch, and without overdoing it. The first step is to learn how to flirt by touch without making the other person feel uncomfortable and without making it glaringly obvious what you’re trying to do.
You might wonder what the point of flirting is if you’re not being obvious, but that’s what flirting is – subtle but powerful!
Flirting is a way of telling someone you find them attractive without actually coming out and saying it.
It’s a way to figure out if they’re feeling the same way too, before coming out and actually saying the words. But, flirting is fun too.
When you understand the power of body language and flirting combined, it takes your flirt game to a whole other level. [Read: 5 different types of flirting and how to pick one that works for you]
The secret of a flirting touch
Have you ever felt a tingle of excitement rush up your spine when an attractive person brushes your arm for no apparent reason?
Well, you’re not alone!
An unexpected touch can be warm and fuzzy to just about anyone, and it’s always a great way to show that you have something more than ‘just friends’ in mind.
Another person’s touch is always soothing, and yet, at the same time, leaves us feeling flushed and slightly uncomfortable when it’s someone we find attractive. But, one can’t help but want more. [Read: 15 flirting signs to instantly know if someone is flirting with you]
Why does touchy feely flirting work?
A guy who experiences a gentle touch by a girl in the middle of a conversation can’t help but connect to her sexually. A girl who feels the palm of a guy guide her lower back unexpectedly can’t help feeling the tingle rush down her spine.
It happens naturally, doesn’t it?
There may have been times when you are in the middle of a sleepy conversation while this friend just drones on and on about the problems they’re having with their third aunt’s great grandmother. But then, when this friend grasps your palm gently and asks you for an opinion, you can’t help but slip up a bit, and pull yourself together. [Read: Sexual flirting – How to step up from regular flirting and naughty it]
It’s not because you were touched by the boring story, but because you suddenly warmed up to this friend, and just for that instant, you actually realized that your chat-mate is actually quite attractive.
And just for that one moment, thoughts of more than just holding hands flash across your mind. Yeah, yeah… we know you’ve felt that. You don’t need to squirm and protest. And the surprising fact about it is that it happens to everybody!
Irrespective of how attractive or charming either of you is. But yeah, it can get creepy if the touch lingers too long! [Read: How to flirt with a guy subtly without really flirting at all]
Why do we get excited by a flirting touch?
So why does this happen? Why do we *even if it is for just an instant* get attracted sexually to this friend all of a sudden, just because of a simple unexpected touch?
Well, you see, it’s all in our head. Our minds are programmed in such a way that a human touch triggers a positive feeling within us.
You can blame oxytocin, the hormone that is released when we experience a physical touch by someone we like or care about. Once this hormone floods the body, it’s impossible not to get those tingles and to feel connected to the other person.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to fall in love with them. But it does mean that you’re going to feel something a little more than just platonic friendship.
It’s also probably because we understand that touch often leads to more. Now, if that’s something you want to happen, it can be very exciting.
But, if someone is touching you and you don’t like them, it can also be creepy.
It’s for that reason that if you’re trying to learn how to flirt by touch, you also need to be able to read the other person and work out whether they’re happy with your touch or uncomfortable. If they’re not comfortable, you need to stop and back away. [Read: How to have sex with a friend and seduce them slowly]
Real life flirting touches and emotional connections
Flirting by touch makes a huge impact on who we become attracted to. The impact of touch is a lot stronger than our senses of sight, smell, or sound.
Let’s just contemplate this thought.
Why do you think people find it a lot easier to open up while partying or dancing together? And why is it that it’s so easy to get carried away and kiss someone on the dance floor, even if it’s just friends?
No, it’s not the booze and the music *though they do play a small part*. It’s actually all in the power of playful touching. Our sense of touch is so strong when it comes to attraction, it overpowers all other senses put together, albeit momentarily, or until one of you returns to your senses.
That means you can simply touch someone you’re attracted to the right way, and attract them back in return. Of course, this all comes down to body language and knowing how to read it. [Read: How to flirt with girls – 25 secrets to help you win her over]
Body language attraction and responses
Body language is as simple as it gets. Keep a keen eye on the body language of your date. Body language is when your body speaks for you – it doesn’t matter what your words are saying, if your body language is saying something else, the other person is going to doubt your words ten-fold. That’s how powerful it is.
Learning how to read body language is very useful in many situations, but especially when learning how to flirt by touch.
After you start touching your date occasionally *more on that shortly*, is your potential mate leaning in closer or sitting down in such a manner that both your feet are almost next to each other? [Read: 10 clearly noticeable signs of body language attraction]
When your date leans in to talk from across a table, do their hands stretch out a little further than necessary?
Or if you’re at a bar counter, and you slide towards this person to let others pass, does your date place their hands on you?
If your date is purring inside because of your subtle but flirty body language, they can’t help but involuntarily try getting more body contact from you.
If you see that happening, give yourself a pat on the back. You’re going great guns. If it’s not happening, ease up the frequency of touching. [Read: 10 subtle body language moves to appear more confident]
How often should you attract using body language?
It’s easy to get carried away while playing touchy feely. But don’t overdo yourself. Don’t let a simple positive response to touch take you all the way to the petting zoo.
Both of you may be touchy feely flirting discreetly, without actually acknowledging it. If you overdo it, you could bring things to a grinding uncomfortable halt.
Guys, don’t go rubbing the arms while flirting for the first time. And girls, don’t ever pinch a guy, that’s just annoyingly kiddish.
As the date progresses, try stepping into each other’s boundaries by moving closer, instead of increasing the frequency of petting. [Read: Female body language – 15 things girls do and what it really means]
And you’d know if you can move in closer by the way your date responds to you. So watch out for the signs and keep the frequency of petting discreet.
The do’s and don’ts of learning how to flirt by touch
Flirting by accidental touch doesn’t mean manhandling and pawing at the other person. It’s the subtle art of drawing a person closer to you with your subtle, lingering touch.
But this form of flirting is never easy, and there’s a lot more chance of you being labeled slutty or horny rather than a cool cat.
Some people touch all the time, which makes decoding these signs much harder. But if you know how to go about it the right way, and compliment your accidental touches with your tone and body language, you won’t just get the message across, you’ll have your date all over you! [Read: Does he like me? 23 signs to decode his body language]
The do’s of learning how to flirt by touch
1. Be sure to read the person’s behavior – if they seem uncomfortable, back off
2. Test the waters by gently touching their arm when you say something funny
3. Start slowly and build up from there
4. If you sense things are going well, move the touch to a very slight stroke and then move your palm away [Read: 15 body language cues a girl gives away if she likes you]
5. Team your flirty touches with eye contact and smiles
6. Tell them you find them funny/pretty/handsome/sexy if you feel like the flirting is going well
[Read: How to flirt with a friend – 18 ways to tease them without being weird]
The don’ts of learning how to flirt by touch
1. Don’t allow your touches to linger too much – it’s just weird
2. Touches should be sporadic and surprising, don’t touch them too often [Read: Types of touches – The 36 physical touches we use and what they mean]
3. But, don’t move your hand away too fast either – you haven’t been burned!
4. Don’t allow your touches to come over as sexual – it may scare the other person off when done too soon
5. Make sure you don’t touch them in inappropriate places – arms, hands, and shoulders are fine
6. Don’t make other people around you uncomfortable if your partner is reciprocating – too many touches and they’ll be thinking you need to get a room! [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to feel connected and loved]
Mutual moves in body language attraction
In addition to touching, watch for someone who follows your lead. If you lean in to talk, do they lean toward you or away? If you touch them on the arm, how do they respond?
When most people really like someone, they will signal with body language, even if they are not yet comfortable with touching.
But, also remember that some people are bad at flirting. If that’s the case, you can always know they like you if they seem to pay attention to you. So watch out for mutual moves.
Even if it takes time for your date to warm up, with a keen eye, you’d be able to make out a few key changes in the behavior. You will start to recognize their touchy feely flirting whether it is through touching, body language, or actions. [Read: Different types of attraction – Which is most vital for true love?]
The final word in body language attraction
All it takes to impress a hot date is an accidental touch that’s premeditated, planned, and executed with grace and finesse. Remember to keep a keen eye for mutual signs and make sure you take things further, one step at a time, without overdoing it even once.
Flirting by touch using the attraction of body language is like stacking up a pack of cards one on top of the other. You need to build the attraction and the tension carefully. On the other hand, one wrong move is all it takes to mess everything up, and look sleazy.
So plan to flirt by touch with class. You’d be much more confident to determine if that slow hand brush down your arm is a reciprocating move, or a move to push you out of their space.
[Read: What is flirting? the science behind this common act]
Learning how to flirt by touch is very subtle, but it’s also very powerful as well. If you know how to touch someone subtly without overdoing it, you’ll be able to flirt and seduce them into liking you in no time!