The confusion, frustration, and self pity that arise when a guy stops texting you can be horrendous. But there is something you can do about it.
We have all been there. You are chatting with a guy and things are going well. Then all of a sudden radio silence. He fell off the face of the earth and stopped texting. Why? With no explanation, you are left to constantly wonder. What do you do? Is he just being a jerk? What do you do when a guy stops texting you? [Read: What you need to do when a guy starts acting different]
Why did he stop texting you?
When a guy stops texting you, the first thing you do is go nuts trying to figure out why. Maybe he is still watching your Instagram stories and posting, but isn’t texting you back. You want to believe the best and hope his phone just isn’t working right. But then why wouldn’t he message you on one of the millions of apps available?
A lot of thoughts fly through your mind when a guy stops texting you. You might think of something you want to do or say to him. But before making any decisions you may regret, there are some steps you should take.
#1 Cool off. Before doing anything, just relax. When you first realize you’ve been ghosted you feel bad, maybe even pissed off. You want to go off on him. But before giving yourself the crazy girl label, try to cool off.
Take your mind off of him. Even if you have been texting nonstop and got used to hearing from him and even shared some personal things, he stopped texting you, so take some time to regroup before doing something dramatic. [Read: How to make a guy realize he’s losing you]
#2 Vent to a friend. This is something you can do whether you are cooled off or not. You can be pissed off or upset or frustrated. Get it all out. You can trash talk him to your heart’s content. Just be sure you are talking to a trusted friend and not someone who will spread gossip.
Talking to a friend will also remind you how amazing you are. Instead of being down on yourself, your friend will perk you up and remind you that you deserve better than this jerk. [Read: 22 ways a friend will make you feel better]
#3 Be sad. Getting over texting a crush can be hard. You want to mourn the loss, but you were never really dating, so it feels like you can’t. Well, you can. Go ahead and cry and drown yourself in mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Just don’t let this go on for too long. He is not worth your time, energy, or tears.
#4 Distract yourself. Instead of trying your hardest not to text him, avoid your phone all together. Do something to keep yourself busy so your mind isn’t revolving around him. Try a DIY you’ve been wanting to do. Go check out a sale at the mall, go to the gym, or get some work done that you’ve been putting off.
#5 Live your best life. Go out with your friends and be happy. You might still have a little sting from his rejection or rather lack there of, but the best way to get over him is to own your confidence.
Go dancing, get dressed up, and feel great. Now I’m not saying to show off or depend on others to feel good, but posting a killer selfie and raking up the likes certainly won’t hurt. Plus it will show him you don’t need him and are doing just fine without him.
What not to do when a guy stops texting you
Along with everything I just said, there is plenty you should avoid doing when a guy stops texting you. You might ask yourself: Should you ask him why? Should you stalk him on social media? Should you ask his friends what’s up?
No. No to it all. This guy does not deserve any of your time, your thoughts, your energy, or your cell phone data.
#1 Do not text him. Your initial reaction to not hearing from him in a few days might be to reach out. But likely this is exactly what he wants. He wants to know you are thinking about him without him having to put in any effort at all. The same goes for tagging him in memes, Snapchatting, and everything else.
Don’t give in. I know how tempting it is. I spent years trying to be unghosted, but it never works. Plus why would you want to be with someone who can’t just speak up. [Read: Dealing with how ghosting affects you]
#2 Do not dwell. This has nothing to do with you. I know it feels so personal, like a brutal rejection with no explanation. And if you have been talking for a while and getting close, it can feel like a slap in the face. But try not to dwell on the unanswered questions.
I have sat and wondered and wasted countless hours on these guys, when I could have been enjoying myself, and it is just not worth it. Guys who ghost have their own issues and they don’t concern you. He is the one missing out, not you. So you can be sad, but try not to overthink it. It will drive you nuts.
#3 Do not lash out. As much as this guy doesn’t deserve your respect or kindness, two wrongs don’t make a right. So if he reaches out, as they all do eventually, don’t ignore him right back. That creates an endless cycle of ghosting. Revenge ghosting is petty and you are above that.
Instead, as Selena Gomez once said, “kill ’em with kindness.” You can be cordial and polite, just keep things professional and shut him down if he is out of bounds. If he reaches out at 3am, you have every right to ignore. But if you see him in person or he texts you as if nothing happened, confronting him won’t do any good.
#4 Do not expect this from every guy. Yes, guys ghosting is nothing new. It is quite common, but you cannot let that get you down. No one ever said dating was easy. You just have to keep your head high and hope for the best. Yes, you might get ghosted again, but you have to try to not let it get to you.
The same way you go on a lot of job interviews or an actor goes on a lot of auditions and never hears back, you have to have a thick skin to survive in today’s dating landscape. I know it doesn’t seem fair, but you will find someone worthy of all you have to offer. And he will text you back.
#5 Do not do the same thing. As I said, just because some guys ghost, it doesn’t mean all guys do. So do not treat all men how some men have treated you. Keep up with your childhood mantra of treating others how you want to be treated.
If you want respect in a relationship, you need to give it too. I know it sucks when it isn’t returned, but doing the same thing to someone else just puts you on the same level as the guy that stopped texting you. So try to remain the bigger person. And the next time you’re not interested in someone, let them know, nicely.
When a guy stops texting you, confusion, rejection, and frustration all start attacking your confidence. You get sad, mad, and pissed off. But there are plenty of things to do and not to do that will guide you.