I have a 13-year-old who just broke up with his first girlfriend. He is kind of a sensitive soul by nature, so I waited for the day with trepidation, thinking his whole world was going to fall apart. I found out about two weeks after they broke up. All he had to say about it was, “I am 13. Did you think I was going to marry her?” What my 13-year-old understands about dating multiple people, not many adults do.
The phrase dating multiple people sounds like you play people, or that you can’t commit. But, the reality is that once you are married, guess what? You are married. If you are young and way too attached to someone, it might be time to consider dating multiple people to find out if you found the right fit.
Why dating multiple people is essential to find the right fit for life
Just like dress shopping, you try on a lot of dresses to find the one that fits. It isn’t just about how you look in it. It is about how comfortable you are in it, how strong the material is, and whether it is your style or not. If you only try on one dress, how will you ever know if another one might have looked better?
#1 You only live once, YOLO. You only get one go around on this earth, or at least that is the most common belief. If you only date one person at a time you limit the amount of people that you get to know and have a good time with.
Stop trying so hard to find “the one” right away and play the field while you can. As long as you are honest, there is nothing wrong with living it up while you can. [Read: 15 ways to live life to the fullest]
#2 Comparison shopping is always the best. When you are with one person, there is no way to comparison shop. I know people aren’t commodities, or things you buy on the internet. But, just like shopping, if you can’t compare one thing to another, how are you supposed to know which is right for you?
When you date multiple people, you compare and contrast how they handle things, which you have more fun with, and which one you think about most of the time. Comparison shopping is essential for finding the best match.
#3 If you stick to one person, you might get stuck. Sometimes when you date only one person, there is a natural order to things. What I mean is that there are steps that you are expected to take.
One day you wake up, and you are to the point where you are serious and supposed to make the next move like move in or marriage. You haven’t even had the time to really think about what you are doing. Choosing someone for life shouldn’t be about making the next step because it is expected or what you are supposed to do. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples have to go through]
#4 You are too young to get serious. If you are too young to be serious about getting serious, then only going out with one person might teach you about how to be monogamous. But, is now really the time for that?
Being young is about trial and error and finding out what you want and who you are. If you date the same person throughout your entire childhood, how do you know that there isn’t someone better suited out there that just might pass you by? Being young is about experimenting. Experiment the hell out of relationships while you have the chance.
#5 You aren’t sure what you want. If you don’t know what you want out of life or out of a relationship, you aren’t going to find out by staying serious with just one person. Look around and find out what you want out of life, and that is about exploring the many fish in the sea to find out which one you want to swim around with forever after.
#6 Your relationships always seem to get too close too fast. If you are the person who always has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, then there is a likelihood that you have a problem standing on your own two feet or being comfortable being alone.
When you date multiple people, you aren’t relying on someone to be your everything. You are your own strength, and the people you come to know are accessories—not your everything. Being monogamous doesn’t make you a better person morally all the time.
Sometimes it just makes you fearful of being alone and the unknown of not having someone to lean on. [Read: The 8 biggest signs you’re a real serial monogamist]
#7 You know in your heart you aren’t ready for a commitment. If you know that this is not the time in your life where you are ready to make a commitment for life, then don’t limit yourself to one person and one relationship. It isn’t fair for you to only be with one person if that is not what you want or are ready for.
And, it definitely isn’t fair to that other person if they think that you are and that is where y’all are headed.
#8 You don’t want to lead someone on. It is good to date multiple people so that the person you are with doesn’t think they are something more special than they are to you. All too often we keep someone around as a cushion until we find someone better and jump ship.
That isn’t fair to anyone. If you aren’t sure that the person you are currently with is the right one for you, dating multiple people lets them know they are free to do the same and tells them where your head is at. If they can’t take it, then they aren’t the one for you. [Read: Cushioning and why this dating tactic just makes you a jerk]
#9 You are at your sexual peak. If you are at your sexual peak, enjoy the ride. The valley isn’t as much fun. Being young is about exploration and memories for a lifetime. Involved in that is reckless abandonment *with a condom, of course*.
Don’t forego those fun times by getting too serious too fast. They won’t ever be back again. [Read: Why every girl needs to date more than just one guy until she gets serious]
#10 You just got out of a super bad relationship, don’t settle for a rebound. If you just got out of a bad relationship or a serious one that you thought was the one, don’t start looking for something serious to hop into. The rebound person is never the right one, and not dating multiple people after a bad breakup can have you making poor decisions that potentially alter the rest of your life. [Read: How to date multiple girls at once without being a douche]
Emotional heartbreak makes us do some pretty stupid things. Give yourself some time to heal before you get too serious again.
[Read: Should you settle for less when you can have much more?]
A serious relationship is something that there is always time for when you find the right one and the time is right. If that isn’t right now, then don’t try to convince yourself it is and enjoy dating multiple people.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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