Have you ever found yourself wondering about texting after a first date? Should you do it? Should you wait? How can you avoid appearing too keen?
First dates are always new territory. No matter how many first dates you’ve been on, you never know what to expect with someone new. But if it goes well, you might then start wondering about texting after first date rules.
Are you eager to see them again? Are you feeling unsure or do you want to make sure you never see them again? Any and all of the outcomes of a first date require a follow-up text. But it can be hard to know what to say. That’s what we’re here for. [Read: 30 first date rules for guys and girls that’ll make your date adore you]
How to text after a first date
You want another date; we get it. But how are you going to handle the days in between dates? Going completely silent isn’t going to do the trick, and neither will be texting them every three minutes.
The best advice? Feel out the situation yourself and go with the flow. If they text you back after a couple of minutes and it’s consistent, you don’t need to wait three days. Get what we mean? So, let’s get to it and talk about texting after first date do’s and don’ts.
Nail the second date with this advice. [Read: Strong feelings after a first date? Here’s how to recognize all the right signs]
1. Don’t make a big deal of it
This is for yourself. You’re texting someone; this isn’t a marriage proposal. You don’t need to be making this a big deal, even if you really like this person.
The minute you place them on a pedestal, you lose yourself. Remember, they’re human just like you. Relax, take a deep breath; it’s going to be okay. [Read: How to not rush into a relationship and avoid the crash and burn]
2. Don’t text right away … but don’t wait too long
It’s a balancing act. You shouldn’t text them right away, give some space for them to digest the date. A little space never hurt anyone. That being said, you also should go with the vibes of the date.
If you really hit it off, you don’t need to wait a day or two to text them. All we can say is, just don’t wait three days if you’re looking for a second date.
3. Keep your goal in mind
What’s the entire point of texting this person? It’s to get yourself a second date with them, right? Sure, you can chat with them, but plan your next date as soon as possible. You don’t want the high from your date to fade away.
After a few text messages, see when this person is free again and make a plan. [Read: How to confirm a date without sounding too desperate]
4. Start the conversation where you left off
If you don’t know what to say to them, start the conversation off with something you’ve talked about on the first date. It could be about a TV show they talked about, or some joke you two laughed at. This will help you ease into a conversation with them and get things going.
5. Don’t get sexual with your texts
Of course, if you had sex on the first date, then ignore this tip as it doesn’t apply to you. But if you ended the first date with a hug or a kiss, don’t jump into the dirty talk before the second date. You don’t know how this person feels about you yet, and it could risk you seeing them again. [Read: Texting before the first date – 15 rules to make them eager to see you]
6. Keep your messages short
You don’t need to write a short essay for your date. Keep your messages concise. The real conversation you want to have should be in person, so save it until the second date.
Long messages can add pressure to the other person, plus, they’re draining to read.
7. Guys – no dick pics
Unless a woman has specifically asked you for a dick pic, you should never send them. Sure, there is a chance she could respond positively to it, but it’s not respectful.
Come on, you actually think dick pics are nice to look at? Think again. Keep it in your pants. [Read: How to be a better texter and someone everyone enjoys texting with]
8. Keep the conversation light
You do not need to talk about religion and politics via text message, first of all. And you should definitely leave these topics until the second or third date.
You didn’t even land yourself a second date, and now you want to unload your feelings about these heavy subjects? Take it easy. Have a light conversation via text, leave the serious topics for in-person conversations. [Read: 14 really smooth ways to text girls and get anyone interested in you]
9. Go easy on the emojis
Now, we’re not emoji haters; we think they can be great for communication and getting the point across to someone and clear up any confusion. But you don’t need your message to be full of emojis. Keep it to a tasteful amount. [Read: How to text a guy first – 14 ballsy moves to make the first move]
10. Get the hint and back off
You may like your date, but perhaps your date didn’t feel the same way. Instead of telling you how they feel, they’re not really replying to your texts, and are giving you one or two-worded replies.
It’s clear they’re not interested, they just don’t know how to let you down. Get the hint and back off before you end up chasing a lost cause.
11. Accept the answer
So, let’s say you ask this person for a second date, but they declined your invitation. Sure, you’re bummed out, anyone would be. But you should accept their wishes and move on.
Don’t become angry or lash out at them. Not everyone is going to like you, and you don’t like everyone either. [Read: How to stop having feelings for someone who won’t like you back]
12. Go with the flow
At the end of the day, only you know your feelings and how the first date went. If it went well and you are frequently texting, great. Now, meet them in person again.
If you’re not sure how they feel, odds are they probably feel the same way. And that’s also okay. Just go with the flow and be easy on yourself. [Read: Use these 12 texting habits in the early stages of dating]
13. Start with one text a day
And then let things develop from there. One text per day is a great starting point because it shows your intention to get to know them, but it doesn’t seem overly keen. It’s the perfect middle ground.
14. If you clicked, text freely
The last point is ideal for starting texting after a first date, but if you feel that you both clicked and the chat is flowing, you can text as often as you like. Follow their lead and feel it out.
15. Slow down if the conversation isn’t developing
If you get the vibe that the conversation isn’t really developing how you would like, or it seems stilted, slow down a little. Pull back on the messages and see how they respond.
You might find that the conversation then picks back up. [Read: Does he need space? The subtle hints guys give when they want space]
16. Avoid double or triple texting
If they don’t reply, don’t feel the need to send another text ‘just in case.’ They’ll get back to you when they can, and if they don’t, you should take the hint.
And please, avoid triple texting at all costs!
17. Replace frequent texting with phone calls
If your text conversation is flowing and you’re always hearing your phone beep with a message, it’s time to take it to phone calls. You can’t text forever! [Read: Why do men hate talking on the phone?]
18. Ask if they got home safely
So, you want to send them a text that shows you’re interested. Well, you can start off by asking them if they got home safely. Of course, if you’re interested in your date, you want to make sure they made it home safely, right?
It’s a classic line and yet works every single time.
19. Thank them for the date
You had a great time, right? You enjoyed yourself and want to get to know them more. So, your text should reflect that. Send them a text that says, “Thanks for the date! I had a great time. I’m busy for the next couple of days, but I’m free on Friday night.”
This way, you knock two birds with one stone. You let them know you enjoyed your time with them, and want to see them again. [Read: Perfect date – 36 secrets to be a good date, plan an ideal one, and impress them]
How to flirt after the first date
So, if you’re someone who’s not into being a straight arrow, don’t worry. You can still let someone know you’re interested in them without having to say it. But this will require you to do some flirting.
Let’s all be honest… flirting is fun when you’re comfortable and confident. It may take a little time for you to get the hang of it, but once you get those wheels rolling, you’ll be a flirting force to be reckoned with.
So, if you want to know how to flirt after the first date, here’s what you need to do to flirt your way to a second date. [Read: How to tell if a first date was good enough – 15 signs you should be able to see]
1. Any positive text is a good sign
Listen, unless you’re writing them a, “Hey, I didn’t feel any chemistry, but it was nice meeting you” text, the odds are you’re interested in seeing them again. So, any text message you send that isn’t a rejection text is seen as a positive message.
If you’re nervous about being flirty right away, texting, “I had such a great time, thanks for the sushi” is creating a space to continue the conversation.
2. How was the actual first date?
Were you two flirting on the actual first date? Or was there some awkwardness in the air? This matters because you should match your text message.
If you didn’t look interested during the date, but suddenly are messaging this person like you’re in love with them, it doesn’t add up. So, measure what you’re going to say based on your date. [Read: How to recognize a bad first date and see the red flags most people ignore]
3. Test the waters before jumping in
You can be bold and send a very flirtatious text message. There’s a chance it won’t be received well. Instead, go easy into flirting. Don’t jump right in. You don’t really know this person; you’ve only been on one date.
4. Be flirtatious, not crude
Okay, we feel like we have to say this even though this should be a given. You can be flirtatious. Do not cross the line into crudeness. Be light, have fun, but do not act disrespectfully.
This will not work well for you with now or in your future. Know where the line is and don’t cross it. [Read: Flirting – what it is, 5 different types, and how to pick a style that works for you]
5. Use a little cheekiness
You don’t have to do it by saying, “do you want to go out with me again?” that’s not screaming flirtatious. Instead, say something with a little cheekiness to it. Saying, “You picked a good Italian restaurant, but I think I know a better one ;).”
You’re not too aggressive and leave space for them to flirt with you back. [Read: How to flirt over text and intrigue someone with only your words]
6. Tell them you had a great time
If you had a great time on the first date, tell them! Don’t act mysterious and pretend you didn’t enjoy yourself. Be your authentic self.
If you really enjoyed yourself, let your first text message reflect that. Simply saying, “I had such a great time, I never met someone with such an amazing smile/eyes/laugh/sense of humor.” You’re opening up the conversation to go down a flirtatious path.
7. If there was sexual tension, build on it
If the sexual tension was on both sides and you were kissing or touching each other, build off your flirting from where it ended. Perhaps you were hooking up, then keep flirting from that point; you don’t need to rewind. If you’re going to talk via text, say something a little hot and steamy. [Read: 20 naughty text messages to start a really sexy conversation]
8. You can be a little more forward
If you don’t want to start off easy, you can be a little more forward in your message. But remember, it depends on how the first date went.
If you kissed on the first date, text them saying, “I had a great time and your lips taste delicious, I could have kissed you for hours.” It’s a bold move to make, but if the sexual tension was there, use it. [Read: The complete texting and follow-up guide after a perfect first date
9. Slide in the mention of a second date
If you want to go on a second date, slide it into the conversation. Say, “You gave me chills with how beautiful you are, now that I know you love Indian food, I know the next place we’re going.”
See? It’s smooth, effortless, and shows the person what you want.
10. Go with your gut instinct
We can tell you to say this or that, but at the end of the day, you should go with your gut instinct. If you feel this person isn’t that interested, then go easy. If there was intense chemistry, test the waters with how flirty you can be.
Each date is different for everyone, and you must rely on your instinct to pull you through. [Read: These flirty emojis will make you a pro flirty texter!]
11. Give a little ego boost
Everybody loves a little ego boost from time to time. If you feel the date went well, you can send them a flirty text and see how it goes.
If you thought they were very funny or witty, let them know. You can say, “I had a great time on our date, I’ve never had someone make me laugh so much! Can’t wait to do it again.” [Read: The texting and followup guide after a great first date]
Who should text after a first date?
Of course, a pretty common question is who should do the texting after first date success. Well, either of you can. Forget the old traditions that the guy has to do the texting. If you’re a girl and you really enjoyed it, say so!
Just make sure you don’t double text and that you go with the flow. As long as you follow the tips we mentioned above, you should be golden. [Read: How to be confident when flirting]
Should you call or is it a turnoff?
The more pressing question, aside from those about texting, is whether or not you should call after the first date. Since texting is the go-to mode of communication these days, there’s not much reason to even consider the idea of calling.
But that’s just what skeptics want you to think. There’s no reasonable stigma against calling a person after a date. In fact, it’s actually more sincere and can bolster your connection to the person you’re seeing.
So, what’s our verdict? Go ahead and call them. Just not while they’re driving.
If they get turned off at the idea that an awesome and attractive person is calling them to say thank-you for a wonderful evening, then they’re definitely not worth it. [Read: 11 honest reasons why you haven’t got a call after the first date]
Generic texts to send after a first date
It is okay if after the first date you aren’t completely sure if you want to see them again. Maybe the date was fine, but you didn’t have a spark. You may want to think about if you want to try again or move on.
That is totally okay. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t sure. But also don’t ghost your date because you aren’t sure what to say. [Read: 10 second date rules you need to follow to see if you’re a match]
Instead, here are some basic and more generic texts to send after a first date. With these, you can keep the lines of communication open until you decide whether or not you want to go on another date.
1. “I had a nice time tonight. I hope you made it home safely.”
There is nothing in this text that says you are super into them nor are you foregoing a second date altogether. This is a polite and friendly way to check-in after a first date when you aren’t really sure of your intentions.
2. “I hope you had a nice time tonight.”
This is another way to text after a first date without insinuating anything. With this, you’ll also get to feel out how the date went for them. Maybe if they felt a connection you’d want to give a second date a try, but if not you can move on. [Read: 12 reasons to be open and honest with your feelings]
3. “That restaurant was so good. I’m glad we tried it.”
Instead of talking about your lack of connection or confusion, just chat casually. Talk about the food, the bizarre waiter you had or how you already dove into your leftovers.
This keeps things pressure-free. Then, you can keep talking without jumping right into the possibility of a second date.
4. “How was the rest of your night?”
Instead of sending a text right after the first date, wait until the next morning. Sleeping on it could give you a bit more clarity.
Plus, you’ll be able to ask them how the rest of their night went, which gives you more ambiguous talking points. [Read: Stop wasting time – the signs they’re not interested in a second date]
5. “I’m swamped with work this week, but if you want I’ll reach out when things free up?”
If you’re still unsure of a second date, let them know your stance sooner rather than later. You don’t want to get their hopes up, but maybe you need some time to think.
With this text, you’re not only giving yourself some time to ponder but you are also leaving the ball in their court. If they aren’t into it, they may respond by letting you know they didn’t feel a spark. Or maybe they’re eager to make another date, which can help you make up your mind.
Texts to send after a first date if you want a second one
That feeling you get when you are leaving a first date that went so much better than you expected is unmatched. There really is nothing like the excitement you get from a great first date.
But, that excitement can quickly turn into anxiety when you’re trying to figure what text to send after a first date to ensure a second date. You don’t want to seem too eager or too nonchalant. So, what do you say? [Read: How to ask for a second date and not fumble or appear too eager]
1. “I had a great time. We should do it again sometime.”
You can’t go wrong by keeping it simple and to the point. Start with something a little more general like this. If they agree, then try to nail down a more specific plan.
2. “I hope you had as good of a time as I did tonight.”
If you don’t want to go straight into asking for a second date, feel it out first. This is a great way to let them know you enjoyed yourself and want to make sure they did too.
3. “That was the best first date I’ve ever had. Let’s see if we can keep that going with a second date.”
This is a more fun and almost competitive way to ask your date out again. Trying to top your great first date can amp up your excitement and theirs. [Read: How to flirt after the first date and create the right kind of sparks]
4. “Thanks for a great time. Maybe next week we can try that new restaurant you mentioned?”
By bringing up something you talked about during the date, you are making things more comfortable and reminding them that you are actively listening. Offer to go somewhere they said they were interested in, like a new bar or museum.
This will impress them. It most likely will get you that second date.
5. “In case I forgot to tell you earlier, you looked great tonight.”
Once a date is over, it is nice to know your date is still thinking of you. Sending this text after a first date will let them know you were awed by them. [Read: The complete texting and follow-up guide after a perfect first date]
6. “Not to be presumptuous, but what should we do for our next date?”
This is a great way to show your politeness and confidence all at once. You are making it clear you felt a connection and believe they did as well which can help them feel more secure.
7. “I don’t want to seem too eager, but I’d love to go out with you again.”
When you can’t help but want to ask them out again, it is clear you’re interested. Anyone who doesn’t want to play games will appreciate the honesty.
Instead of playing it cool and waiting days to reach out, letting them know you are already excited to see them again will make them happy. [Read: Strong feelings after a first date? How to read all the right signs]
8. “Our first date went great, so there’s a pretty good chance if we go out again it’ll only get better. What do you think?”
It is great to show your confidence after a first date, but you also want to make sure you are letting your date decide what they want too.
A perfect text to send after a first date is something like this because it is fun and intentional, but also gives them a pressure-free opening to answer honestly. [Read: 18 very obvious signs your date really likes you after the first date]
Texts to send after a first date if you want to end it
When a first date doesn’t go how you expected, it can get awkward. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but you also don’t want to lead them on.
Instead of being a major jerk and ghosting, try one of these texts to send after a first date that just wasn’t ideal.
1. “I had a nice time with you, but I don’t think we clicked. I hope you understand.”
Keep it short and sweet and to the point. There is no need to write a novel explaining all the reasons you don’t want to see them again. This shows that you respect them and should be plenty after only one date. [Read: The best guilt-free excuses for how to cut a bad date short]
2. “Hey, it was great to meet you but I’m just not feeling it. I hope we can stay friends.”
If you liked your date just fine but didn’t feel that romantic vibe, offer up a platonic friendship. You don’t have to make plans right away but if you clicked over your love for a TV show, sports team, or fandom, this person could be a good addition to your friend group.
3. “I don’t know about you but that wasn’t really the best date for me. Good luck with everything.”
If you are okay with having a conversation with this person, then this text is a great one after a failed first date. You can get some reassurance that the date wasn’t great for them either and part ways on good terms. [Read: Stop wasting time – 15 signs they’re just not interested in a second date with you]
4. “Good luck with your future dating adventures. Sorry I just didn’t feel it.”
Send them off with well wishes and honesty. Remember, you’re not breaking up with them. You only just met. A simple text like this is perfectly fine after a not so great first date.
5. “Hey I had a great time getting to know you but didn’t feel a spark. Maybe you’d like to join my friends and me for trivia night?”
Once again, if you actually liked the person, just not romantically, let them know you’d like to keep hanging out but in a group setting. Invite them to trivia, your friends’ game night, or something similar.
This will feel less like rejection and more like gaining a friend you have something in common with.
6. “Hey, you’re really great but I just don’t think we’re a match.”
Offer a compliment before letting them down. You can keep it generic like this or be more specific like telling them how funny or stylish they are. Then let them know it just isn’t a good match. [Read: How long should a first date last? Your guide to timing it right]
7. “Hey, I had a nice time, but I don’t want to lead you on. I’m not interested in pursuing this any further. I hope you understand.”
When looking for the right text to send after a first date that wasn’t great, being straight forward is best. Letting them know you just want to move on and be honest right away can seem harsh.
But they will appreciate the bluntness, especially if they’ve been ghosted before. [Read: Why you shouldn’t ghost someone and 5 possible situations where it’s okay]
8. “It was really nice to meet you, but I don’t see this working out. Good luck out there.”
A polite yet professional text is ideal to send after a first date. You’re not too comfortable with each other and owe them respect but not much more. Text them the same way you would email someone offering you a job you’re not interested in.
What you should definitely NOT text after a first date
Do you remember what we said before? No dick pics, no overly sexual chats (unless you’ve already been there), and no double or triple texting. Stick to light conversations and avoid political and divisive subjects. Other than that, there really are no standard rules on what not to text.
At the end of the day, you had a date with this person so you will have got a feel of what to talk about and how they respond. As long as you avoid the above points, you should be good to go!
[Read: How to turn down a second date with a non-awkward guide]
Figuring out the whole texting after first date situation can be complicated, but if you follow these tips, you’ll be fine.