You see couples walking down the street or sitting at coffee shops all the time, but no one tells you how to be in a relationship or how hard it is. It all looks so cheery and easy from the outside, but you see how hard it really is when you’re in a relationship.
In a relationship, there are two people, and both have different needs and desires. As you can imagine, it’s not easy always aligning those desires. But, I understand, you want to experience this for yourself, as you should.
[Read: The 20 sure signs you’re ready for a relationship… or totally unprepared]
Here’s how to be in a relationship
So, if you’re wondering how to be in a relationship, you came to the right place. Is it going to be a walk in the park? No. But, if you use these tips, you’ll be able to have a healthy relationship with the person you want to be with.
A relationship isn’t about being together all the time and buying each other gifts; it’s much more than that. And, to be honest, it really starts with you… not your partner. So, read through these tips and see what things you should incorporate in your life so you can be in a relationship.
[Read: 12 healthy relationship expectations that define a good love life]
A little effort goes a long way.
#1 Slooooow it down. If you haven’t been in a relationship for a while, you may get a little excited and rush through the process.
But there’s no need to rush through anything. Take your time. Go at a pace that’s comfortable for you. If you’re not ready yet to be in a relationship, that’s okay. [Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship – your guide to perfect timings]
#2 Do you want a relationship? Give yourself some time to think about whether a relationship is something you want right now. Are you willing to invest your time in someone else? To spend your personal time with them? Don’t go into something because you feel you must.
#3 Remember you’re not perfect either. When we’re going on dates and meeting people of interest, it’s easy to pick out their flaws and highlight them. But remember you’re not perfect either. You’re flawed just like the next person. So, show some compassion towards other people. [Read: How to be a better person and grow into a kind human]
#4 It may take time for you to fall in love. Some people have immediate sparks with the person they meet, and other people take time. If you want to be in a relationship, leave time for a connection to develop and grow. If you’re enjoying your time with this person, continue to do so and see where it goes.
#5 It’s healthy to argue. Just because you have a disagreement, doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail. You’re going to disagree with your partner at some point down the road. What’s important is the communication that happens during and after the argument. [Read: The first fight in a relationship and what you should do next]
#6 Human flaws are not red flags. There’s a huge difference between annoying personality traits and red flags. If this person chews with their mouth open, it doesn’t mean they’re abusive or disrespectful. Now, if this person insults you on the first date or forces sex onto you, then those are red flags.
#7 Don’t throw yourself into the relationship. If you want to be in a relationship, the first thing you should do is focus on yourself. Don’t throw yourself into something without making sure your needs are met first. Practice self-care, and don’t be the person who gives up everything for a relationship.
#8 You may have singlehood nostalgia. When going into a relationship, there are some single-ish activities you stop doing so frequently. You won’t go on dating websites or hook-up with people, and that’s something you agreed upon once you entered the relationship. You may have moments where you miss those times, and that’s normal.
[Confession: I want to be single again!]
#9 Don’t look for a project. If you want to be in a healthy relationship, don’t look for someone to fix. I can tell you right now; it’s not going to work. You shouldn’t try to find yourself someone you need to change in order to be in a relationship.
#10 Be willing to end it. As much as you want to be in a relationship, you also need to be willing to end it if it’s not for you. It takes time to meet someone you truly connect with, and this person may not be the one. The sooner you accept and move on, the closer you are to finding your partner. [Read: What does dating really mean and what you need to know about it]
#11 Not all relationships are going to be serious ones. Don’t go into a relationship with the idea it’s going to become a long term one. You don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s best for you to be present with this person and enjoy the time you’re spending with them. You can’t tell the future, and neither can they.
[Read: How to find love and learn to be open to all that life has to offer]
Knowing how to be in a relationship isn’t easy for anyone to answer; they take a lot of work. But hopefully, these tips help you out and give you a better idea of how to make it work.
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