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Romantic Attraction: How to Know When You Feel the Real Thing

Many people think they feel romantic attraction when really, they just like the way someone looks. Here’s how to know if you feel the real thing.

Romantic Attraction

Romantic attraction is really the big-ticket item when it comes to a long lasting relationship. You can’t hope for a successful and happy relationship without it. But something a lot of people think is romantic attraction is actually only surface deep. Meaning, it’s not the real thing.

Usually, it’s only physical attraction. We can get so invested in someone at the beginning of the relationship that we only THINK we feel romantically connected to them. That’s one of the flaws in the dating world today. Too many people are mistaking lust for a romantic attraction.

Lust can only get you so far in a relationship

The main thing people feel for someone when they first meet and have an initial attraction is lust. They feel a strong desire to be close to that person in a physical sense. But that can only get you so far in a long-term relationship.

This is something that usually fizzles out after a few months. AKA, the honeymoon phase ends and they’re hit with the reality that they don’t actually like the person emotionally. Then the relationship usually ends. You just can’t have a healthy and happy relationship without that romantic attraction. [Read: Different types of attraction: Which do you need for true love?]

How to know if what you’re feeling is romantic attraction

So how do you differentiate those feelings? It can be difficult to know because really, if you’re with the right person, you’ll feel a combination of all attractions. The thing you have to start figuring out is how to tell when you feel romantic attraction specifically. Because that’s what will make your relationship stronger. Here’s how to tell if you’re feeling the real thing.

#1 You feel emotionally connected. This is by far the biggest indicator that you’re romantically attracted to someone. If you feel an emotional connection, it’s romance. If you’re not sure what that feels likes, it’s basically when you really, really like someone and it has nothing to do with any tingling feeling in your crotch area.

You feel attraction to the way they talk, their opinions, and the way their mind works. It’s not about how hot you think they are. [Read: 8 small ways to build an emotional connection]

#2 Physical attraction aside, you’d still be drawn to them. If you feel romantic attraction toward someone, chances are you’re also physically attracted to them. That being said, if you could take away their good looks and still be drawn to them, it’s a romantic connection. You like them for more than just their appearance.

#3 You value their opinion. This is a huge sign of romantic attraction. If you’re feeling all fluttery around them and you also tend to take their opinion to heart, it’s definitely romance. When you want someone’s opinion – not because you want to be what they like – but because your find value in their thoughts and views, it’s romance. [Read: 12 things happy couples talk about and feel closer]

#4 You want to be physically close with them in a nonsexual way. Sure, you probably have the urge to touch them in naughty places and make out with them from time to time. However, when you also just want to lay with them and enjoy their company, it’s romantic attraction.

Cutting out the sexual tension and energy and still wanting to be in someone’s presence is how romantic attraction works. That feeling of wanting to curl up and cuddle is romance and an emotional connection. [Read: Do guys like to cuddle? 15 truths to uncover their secrets]

#5 They make you smile for no reason. The thing about romantic attraction versus being sexually interested in someone is that with romance, just the thought of someone can make you smile. When you’re always giddy and happy around someone, that’s romantic attraction at its finest.

And that’s because they’re reaching you on a deeper level. Sure, if they were pleasing you sexually you’d probably smile. But that’s the thing. There’s a reason to that smile. When you’re happy for no reason whenever you’re around or thinking about them, it’s romantic attraction.

#6 Their thoughts and ideas are attractive. When you have romantic attraction with someone, you are attracted to the way their mind works. Their thoughts and ideas and opinions become very important to you. Sometimes they even captivate you.

At times, you’ll find yourself wanting to sit and talk to them about certain topics instead of being intimate with them physically. Forget making out! You just want to know how they feel about alien life on other planets! [Read: 20 deep questions to get to know someone better]

#7 Your life is richer with them in it. This has nothing to do with the fact that you’re probably getting some in the bedroom. This is focused around the idea that you feel as though your life has improved since they’ve been around.

This can be because you feel happier or perhaps they help you see the world in a brighter light. No matter the reason, if you can confidently say your life is better with them in it, it’s romantic attraction.

#8 You want to be their shoulder to cry on. This one is a huge sign it’s romance and not something less meaningful. Wanting to be their support system shows that you care about their happiness on a deeper level. This type of care is categorized as deeply emotional.

If you could see them break down and cry and only want to be there to make them feel better, you’re romantically involved with them. You want to be there emotionally for support. That’s not about taking off your clothes and hoping it cheers them up. [Read: 22 ways to make someone feel better]

#9 You want them to succeed in their endeavors. This also has to do with wanting the best for them. When you care about their life goals and ambitions, it shows a level of romance.

That romantic attraction makes you want to see them succeed. You want them to be happy and you know that seeing them succeed in their goals will do that. [Read: 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]

#10 Their personality is the main reason you’re attracted to them. Throw literally everything else out the door. What are you left with? Someone’s personality should be the main reason you’re attracted to them. If you want romantic attraction, it’s crucial.

Caring for someone based on their personality is more about romance than anything else. If you get rid of their job, looks, family, and anything else that may make them appealing and only leave them with their personality, are you attracted to them? If the answer is yes, then it’s a romantic connection.

 [Read: 25 of the best romantic gestures for everyday life]

Romantic attraction can be difficult to pinpoint if you’re never felt it before. These are the top signs that what you’re feeling is definitely romantic and not just lustfully physical.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer, and the creator and author of her short stories on TheLonelySerb. She completed her first degr...
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