The end of a relationship can be a time a few mistakes are made. One of the biggest? Sleeping with an ex you still love.
Big mistake. Huge. Epic.
If you’ve done this before yourself, you’ll probably be nodding your head along with me. Whether it worked out in the end or didn’t, sex complicates things. When there are messy emotions already in the middle of it all, the situation can only get worse. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future]
We are only human
We all do things we’re not proud of and things we think are going to help a particular situation. Sometimes they end up actually making it worse. We’re human and make mistakes. We assume a certain action is going to cause everything to magically fall back together again.
The end of a relationship is a time when emotions are flying all over the place. You can’t think straight and might be desperate to get them back, you might be hurt, feel embarrassed, guilty, the list goes on. It all depends on how the union ended, who was to blame, or if anyone was to blame at all. If you want to get back with your ex, you might be desperate to get close, bombarding them with calls and texts.
Yes, over time you’ll look back and wonder what you were thinking, you might even cringe at your behavior, but when emotions are high, we’ll do anything to right them. Don’t worry, you’re only human. [Read: Rules to protect your heart if you plan to get back with an ex]
Possible outcomes of sleeping with an ex you still love
There are three possible outcomes to sleeping with an ex you still love:
– It works out in the end and the other person realizes that they missed you just as much
– It turns out to be a one time thing which simply leaves you more confused than before
– It leaves you feeling ashamed, upset, and possibly used, because you’re either angry at yourself, or even more angry at them
You’re probably reading that and thinking that if the first option is a possibility, how can it be such a bad idea? That first outcome is so rare that unicorns are more likely to make an appearance.
Sex doesn’t fix things, conversations and effort fixes things. If you’re thinking about sleeping with an ex you still love because you want them back in your life, jumping into bed with them is not the best way to go about it. Trust me, I know. [Read: Sex with an ex – When it’s okay and when to steer clear]
What if you’re sleeping with an ex you still love but you don’t want them back?
This is a possibility. You might still love them, you might still want a connection with them, but you know in your heart of hearts that they’re not right for you in the long-run and that you can’t be together.
There are two sides to this. Firstly, well done for being mature and emotionally intelligent enough to know that a situation isn’t good for you and being able to still have that person in your life. Secondly, and on the negative, how can you be sure that your sexy time with your ex isn’t holding you back and stopping you from moving on to what you really deserve? [Read: All the reasons why you shouldn’t be in an on-off relationship]
Look at it this way, while you’re regularly sleeping with an ex you still love, you’re holding on to the past. You might know there’s no future, but in the here and now, they’re in your life and you like it.
Fair enough, but you’re also probably being monogamous. In that case, you haven’t left them in your mind, you’re still half and half with them in some strange alternate universe part of your brain, and that in itself stops you from talking to new people, going on dates, perhaps sleeping with new people. [Read: 15 revealing questions to know if you should even be talking to your ex]
Is it the right choice?
Personally, I don’t think there can ever be a good outcome to sleeping with an ex you still love. If the unicorns do take over earth and the unlikely outcome does happen, i.e. sleeping with them switches on some part of their brain which makes them want to get back together too, I will stand corrected. Until that happens, I remain with my point made.
I don’t want to make you feel bad, because believe me when I say I know how desperate you can feel when you aren’t with someone you love.
The reason I’m so passionate about you making the right choice here is because I made the wrong one, time and time again. My ex never wanted to get back together, probably because it was never a real relationship in the first place. They were more than happy to take me up on the sleeping together part of things. Did I get a text back afterwards? No, well, not until the next overnighter anyway. All it did was erode my self-esteem even further, to the point where I felt virtually worthless. [Read: 15 real reasons why your ex texts you and stays in touch]
It took me a long time to build myself back up again, and while I look back on it now and learn from it, feeling stronger for knowing I wouldn’t do it again, I do still cringe and wonder what I was thinking. My friends all warned me, they told me exactly what I’m telling you now. So, listen to me, because I didn’t listen to them and look what happened there.
The better way forward
When you’re in the heat of the moment, it can be hard to know the difference between a good choice and a bad one. I get it, again, I’ve been there. What is a better option? Sense. Sense and reason.
I want you to remember the unicorns. When you consider sleeping with an ex you still love, visualize unicorns. Why? Because those unicorns will remind you of the chat we’ve just had. It will remind you of the very tiny chance of a positive outcome, and the very huge chance of an epic mistake.
It will give you a second to de-fuzz your brain and get out of your emotions, and back into reality. It will remind you that there is a better choice, one which means you get out there and talk to new people, hopefully finding someone who treats you far better in the future. [Read: The reasons why getting back with an ex is self-sabotage]
Keep your eyes on the future, not the past
You see the bottom line is this. An ex, whether they have feelings or not, would be with you if it was meant to be. The fact that they’re happy to indulge in the physical, without righting the problems and your broken emotions, means they don’t actually care as much as you thought they did. Shouldn’t that tell you something? Shouldn’t that tell you you’re far better off without them?
Save yourself for someone who actually gives a damn. That might sound harsh, but it’s true. Do you really want to go back over old ground and rehash the past? Why not find someone new to have really great sex with? Someone to make memories with and have a relationship with? Surely that’s a better option? Surely that will lead you towards a brighter future? You’ll only get a pain in the neck if you keep looking backwards.
[Read: How to know if you’re ready for rebound sex]
Sleeping with an ex you still love is a fast track towards heartbreak once more. You might think you’ll be fine the morning after. Trust me, you won’t. Leave the past in the past, and focus on the future!
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