I know what you must be thinking. How would a woman know what a man wants and needs in a partner? What makes her think she can help me?
These questions and more are probably running like crazy through your head while you read this. Women all over the world are tired of getting dumped because the men they were with cannot figure out what the heck they want and need out of a partner.
Women look at men as simple creatures but many have learned the hard way *myself included* that they are far more complex than we ever imagined them to be. [Read: 12 typical stereotypes of women that men create in their mind]
To address your concerns listed above, I do not pretend to be an expert on the topic. I have not studied the mythical creature that is man and neither have I written my thesis on what they want and need.
Furthermore, I certainly have not lived as a man to know what goes on in their heads. My only credentials are that I have been with the same man for six years now and have amassed enough life experience to know what he wants and needs *for now at least*.
14 insights into what men want and need in a woman
In any case, do not pay too much attention to me because all the tips listed below were garnered from men anyway, so you can be sure of their legitimacy. Keep in mind that these pearls of wisdom are not from random men plucked off the street. These are men who have been in long term relationships for up to seven years and who are comfortable with speaking their minds. These six men know for a fact what they want and need in a partner. [Read: 12 very effective tips to have a long term relationship that lasts forever!]
By sitting down with them and weaseling out these tips, I have made life just a tiny bit simpler for all you women out there who are reading this. Hopefully, it will no longer be a great mystery to figure out what men want and need in a partner. Here are 14 general yet helpful things to keep in mind the next time your man stumps you.
#1 A confident woman. Nothing is sexier to a man than having a confident woman on his arm. Whether it is wearing something out of this world with total confidence or engaging in a debate on liberal issues in a room full of conservatives, a woman with confidence is what a man wants and needs in a partner.
It does not matter what you look like, what your dress size is or whether your hair has more flyaways than you would like, but if you can exude enough confidence and be happy with yourself, he will be attracted to you like a moth to a flame. You may think otherwise but when men set out seeking a mate, they look for things that are more than skin deep.
#2 An independent woman. An article that appeared in the Huffington Post touched on the subject of what men want in a wife. According to the piece, “Researchers have found that men today want more than a woman whose talents include looking beautiful and nothing more.” The article then goes on to say that, “A German study that surveyed 2,000 men over three years found that 76 percent of them would not accept a partner who didn’t have a job, and 45 percent said they want a woman who earned lots of money herself.”
There you have it, ladies. The days of men wanting an air-headed trophy wife are long gone. Men today want an independent woman who can hold her own weight, both socially and financially.
#3 Zero mind games. Like you and me, men hate mind games and do not appreciate being manipulated. Whether it is playing your man into moving in together or pressuring him to tie the knot even though you know he is not ready, men are truly not as dumb as you think. They know when you are manipulating them and the reason they allow it to happen is because they are simply on the same page as you are. Do not chalk it up as you being successful in convincing him to give you a key to his place.
There is no need to remind him or pressure him into taking the relationship to the next level. He knows what he wants and he let you win because he wants the same thing. However, you have to realize that your luck will eventually run out and the more often you try to play him, the closer you are to getting dumped. [Read: 12 subtle signs you’re being manipulated by your lover!]
#4 Loyalty. If there is one thing that we can all agree on, it is that loyalty is very important to both men and women. Although women always say that men are the cheaters, remember that women cheat too. The same way you will not tolerate your man getting jiggy with someone else, he will not accept you cheating on him. Fidelity is very important to men and they need to know that you are not going to hurt them. If you are loyal, you can be sure that it is definitely one of the many qualities that he wants and needs in a partner. [Read: Why do men cheat? – 3 big reasons and 27 little ones!]
#5 Strokes his ego. Men have huge egos and this is something that you should know by now. As humble and modest as your man may be, you can rest assured that there is still some egoism in him. Stroke his ego as often as you can and let him know that he is wonderful.
Men need a partner who can give them assurance that what they’re doing is the right thing, or at the very least, worthwhile. For example, if your man is worried about a huge work-related presentation, stroke his ego by saying something like, “You know who you are and what you can do. I have seen it for myself. You are great and are going to ace this.” [Read: 15 ways to convince a guy that you want and need him]
#6 A kind heart. No man wants to be saddled with a bitch for the rest of his life. No matter how great you are in bed, if you are a complete she-devil, he is going to pick the kind girl over you any day. Having a kind heart is important to men, especially when they are ready to settle down with a life partner.
Whether it is the joy you find in volunteering at the local animal shelter or always buying a loaf of bread for the homeless man who lives on the corner of your block, men notice and remember these little acts of kindness and are very attracted to them. [Read: 35 not-so-obvious things about you that your guy really, really loves!]
#7 No gold diggers. Unless you have the sheer luck of dating someone who is rolling in dough and has more than enough to share his fortune with India, no man wants to be with a woman who is with him solely for his money. If you are a gold digger or have cruel intentions to spend whatever you can get your hands on, you can be sure that you are going to get the boot soon. Men want a partner who can appreciate the value of money.
#8 A healthy mind and body. Proving that you can look after yourself is a very sexy trait indeed. Men love it when you not only look good but feel good as well. A healthy woman has curves that can make a man moan just thinking of them. When you put effort into exercising, eating right and staying healthy, your man will appreciate it more than if you were to let yourself go or if you were to starve yourself silly. The same way you would love to have a healthy man in your life, he wants the same from you.
#9 An intelligent mind. The whole Stepford Wife ideology is a thing of the past. Men do not want or need a pretty face who cannot partake in intelligent conversation. As gorgeous as you may be, if you are a dud, he will not want to be with you in the long run.
Men know that one day your looks will go and all he is going to be left with is a woman who has long since lived out her glory years. Your looks may be what captivate him but your intelligence is what will make him stay. As hard as it may be for you to believe, men like a woman with brains.
#10 Partner in crime. Men want and need a partner in crime. They want someone whom they can have fun with. Whether it is spending a weekend by the ocean basking in the sun and scuba diving, or just giving him input on his latest manuscript, you have to remember that men want a partner, not just a hole to stick it in.
You have to think of your relationship as a team. If one person does not carry his or her weight, then the team will lose. Unlike some women who can only seem to focus on the present, men surprisingly think of what is going to happen in the future. Having a woman whom they can have fun with and be themselves with ranks very high on the list of what men want and need.
#11 Acceptance towards his flaws. Never try to change a man because you will fail. Have you never heard the saying, “People change but they don’t change much”? Well, keep that in mind the next time you try to mold your man into the ideal creature. Like women, men have flaws and hate being reminded that they are not living up to your expectations.
Accept and embrace his flaws and you will find that he will unconsciously make an effort to please you. Whether it is leaving the toilet seat down or planning a romantic trip for two to the mountains, you will be surprised at the myriad of things that a man is capable of doing when he does not have to worry about changing who he is to please you. [Read: 14 signs you’re being too critical with your man!]
#12 Clear communication. Out of the six men whom I sat down with to garner insight into this article, all six of them were adamant that clear communication is something that they want and need. Men the world over are confused as to who put the notion into women’s heads that they do not like to communicate.
On the contrary, men love communicating freely and clearly. Do not speak to your man in riddles. Do not expect them to read between the lines. Just talk and let it all out. When you tell your man what you want and need, he will deliver but if you speak in what can only be described as a foreign language, what you’re saying will just go way over his head. [Read: How to effectively communicate with your partner]
#13 Personal space and time. As much as your man loves you, he needs his personal time and space. Long lasting marriages are the ones where the man found a partner who understands and embraces this concept. Being in a relationship is not all about spending every waking moment together.
Sometimes, it is important for each individual to have their own space and to do things that they enjoy without having to worry about boring the other person. Men love it when their partner has her own friends, passions, hobbies, job and life. Give your man the personal time and space that he needs and you will find a significant improvement in your relationship. [Read: 13 obvious signs of a clingy girlfriend and easy ways to avoid being one]
#14 Support and confidence in him. Basically, all men want is for you to support them through the tough times. Whether it is through a financial crisis or family drama, if you can be there in his darkest hour, he will want and need you more than ever. Contrary to popular belief, men take these traits very seriously because they know that life is not always about rainbows and roses. There will be tough times and they want and need a partner who is strong enough to be able to support them emotionally and who can shower them with the confidence to know that everything is going to be okay in the end.
[Read: 12 traits that men typically look for in their ideal woman]
At the end of the day, you have to remember that although they are men, they are still human and crave the same things that women want. If you can live your life by the mantra, “Treat others the way you want to be treated” and apply this concept to your relationship, you will find that life will be so much sweeter and that the two of you will be much happier together.
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