You may want to talk about every little detail in a new relationship, but avoid these 9 big conversation no-no’s if you want that perfect start!
The first couple of weeks in the relationship are usually the most fun and exciting.
It’s the time when you discover the quaint little quirks that make you fall even more in love with your partner.
It’s also the time when you’re slowly building both, the emotional and physical connection.
But new relationships are always at a precarious state.
You haven’t invested a lot of time in your relationship, so it’s easy for either one of you to suddenly back out or misunderstand the other person’s intentions.
9 conversations to avoid in a new relationship
In relationships that are only a handful of weeks old, there are certain topics of conversation that you should probably be saving for the three or six month mark.
A few conversations on this list are included not because you want to deceive your partner into thinking you’re perfect, but because you may want to wait until your partner is more understanding of your circumstances before you tell them.
#1 Marriage. No, no, no and another big NO! Nothing scares off a partner more than suddenly making plans for where, when and how you’ll get married. It’s like you’re already building a wall around your partner to make sure he or she sticks around for better or for worse, in sickness or in health.
Although a relationship really is the first step to getting married, why should you rush? Take it slow, relax, and let things flow before you discuss anything too serious.
#2 Moving in. Much like the talk of marriage, talk of moving in also bears a huge amount of pressure onto your partner. Unlike marriage, which requires some planning, moving in can be done in a matter of days. Simply mentioning it in conversation may already make your partner feel like you’re implying that you should do it.
Imagine if your partner, goaded on by your talk of moving in, finally decides to give it a shot. But what if it then it turns out that he or she is a slob, an insomniac or a snorer? You can’t just take back your words and kick them out. A word of advice: don’t talk about moving in until you’ve gotten to know your partner a lot better. [Read: 5 things to know before moving in and 10 things to know immediately after moving in]
#3 Kids. Unlike marriage and moving in, kids are for life. You’re talking about a real live human being who’s going to be a permanent fixture in your life. You need to feed, clothe, bathe and educate them.
Talking about kids in general is actually fine. It shows your partner what your views are on having children. But talking about kids you’ll be having with your partner may be a little too much for a new relationship. Again, calm it down, and shelve that conversation for the later months… or years. [Read: 50 perfect get-to-know-you questions for a new romance]
#4 The people you’ve dated. Now this is a matter of preference. Some people are okay with talking about their relationship portfolio on the first date, but others are more apprehensive.
Oftentimes, there come questions like, “You’re such a catch! Why have you been single for so long?” And that’s when your relationship history unfolds. But don’t turn it into a novella about what happened in each and every relationship you’ve entered. Save the more gritty details for later on.
To keep yourself from going into too much detail about all the relationships you’ve been in, try to summarize your dating history as best as you can. Try something like “The last guy I dated wasn’t really on the same page as me. So we ended it on good terms. That’s it.” [Read: The right way to talk about past relationships]
#5 That one ex. There will always be that one ex who had the biggest impact on you. He or she may have changed your views on dating, on yourself, your career, or just about anything.
You may be over this ex, and he or she may no longer be a looming shadow over your future relationships, but if you talk about this ex’s influence more than you should, your new beau may think you’re not over him or her yet.
Any talk of exes may lead to your partner comparing, and what’s worse is if it’s conversations about “the ex.” That’s just asking for insecurities and doubts to arise. Save this conversation for when you and your partner are more established and secure in the relationship so that not even the mere mention of the ex’s name will faze you or your partner.
#6 Family problems. If you come from a troubled family or are currently experiencing some problems with your family, a new partner may not be the best person to talk to about it. Sure, they can provide support and guidance, but there are some things that shouldn’t be shared with people outside of the family.
#7 Money matters. Bring up money talk too early in the relationship and your partner may start to think you might be in it for the money or you want to start controlling each other’s finances. Bring it up too late and you might end up dating someone for a year before you find out they’ve got a $100k credit card debt plus $20k in student loans.
If you’ve only been dating for a few months, it may be enough to talk about your source of income *your job or if you’re receiving support* and what your financial priorities are *designer clothes, mortgage, rent, savings*.
#8 Your opinion on things that matter to him or her. It’s good to have an opinion and to voice it out in the least offensive way possible. But if you have some criticism for something your partner cares deeply about, it may not be the time to voice it out just yet.
Constructive criticism on his wardrobe or her makeup is okay. A comment here and there on a bad habit might even end up helpful. But when you start talking smack about your partner’s family, friends, career or even his or her sports team, expect chaos to ensue. Even things that seem trivial to you may mean the world to your new lover, and that can turn into a breakup waiting to happen. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility immediately!]
Relationships need a foundation of trust and understanding. New relationships don’t have a lot of this just yet. And trust and understanding are the things that cushion the blow when you tell your partner that you don’t like something he or she is emotionally invested in. Without it, you’ll be highly likely to be dropped like a hot potato.
In addition, it’s also a good idea to wait it out before you form a concrete opinion. Maybe the friends you hate now may become your best buddies. Your partner’s mum may become a more sympathetic figure when you get to know her better. Who knows? [Read: 12 tips to be an awesome couple that’s envied by everyone else!]
#9 Really weird fetishes. Not now, maybe not ever?
In reality, everything you talk about in your relationship is your business. The conversations mentioned here are just a guide for you to let the first few weeks of your relationship run a little smoother.
If there’s something you feel you need to talk to your partner about, then that’s your prerogative.
But remember, the amount of time your relationship has had to flourish may spell the difference between being abruptly dumped and being welcomed with open arms.