If you just started dating someone, you’re still in the early stages of getting to know who they are. Everything seems amazing. You have butterflies when you’re around them. But you still have a lot to learn about them. The best way to get to know your partner on a deeper level is by asking the right questions for a new relationship.
After all, it’s a good time to learn about them and how specific things make them feel before you deepen your relationship.
Without asking the kind of deep questions we’ll get into in a second, you will sit in the fun and flirty zone without ever learning anything or knowing each other better. Then when something important arises, you won’t know how to keep your relationship afloat.
It is so important for new couples to ask questions to find out if they have a future or not. The last thing you want is to find out years down the road that they don’t share any of the same core beliefs as you.
But of course, that doesn’t mean sitting them down, shining a light in their eyes, and demanding answers. [Read: How to have the perfect start to a new relationship]
Obviously, you ask your new partner questions so you can get the answers, but why? Well, because you don’t want to waste your time or theirs.
When dating someone new, things can be passionate. They can be hot and heavy. This is known as the New Relationship Energy (NRE.) That is all fine and all, but eventually, things will get more serious.
And at that point, if you don’t know enough about each other, things can get messy and complicated.
It is vital to discuss sensitive topics in a new relationship to avoid getting stuck in something destined to fail.
Whether you have dealbreakers or just want to know how you might handle things as a couple, asking questions is the best place to start if you want to know whether your relationship is going somewhere or not. This will also help you move forward together or decide if you want to part ways. [Read: Starting a new relationship? Your checklist for a happy romance]
Word of warning… don’t ask these questions in a new relationship all at once, or it’ll make you come across as more of an interrogator than a partner. These topics usually come up naturally as you get to know someone on a deeper level, but bring them up if you find them essential.
Of course, you will need to answer some of these questions for them as well. It’s a two-way street. You aren’t just getting to know them, but they are getting to know you as well.
Find out if you really like this person or if you just have chemistry. Maybe you clicked but realized you don’t align on some pretty significant topics.
If you want to know your new partner better but don’t know what to ask them, you can choose questions from this list. It can really help you both gain much-needed clarity. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
Is intimacy purely about sex? Or is intimacy a variety of things like hugging, cuddling, and kissing?
This is a great question for a new relationship, whether you’ve already had relations or not. [Read: How to successfully date someone with intimacy issues]
Is there a person, place, or activity that makes you feel like yourself?
This is a great question to ask in a new relationship, even though it is undeniable that money is involved in so much of our lives. Asking this lets you know what is truly important to them and if they love their job or just work to pay the bills. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
What does your partner think about having kids in the future? If so, how do they see themselves parenting their children? Will they raise their potential kids as their parents did? Will they raise them with a particularly religious upbringing? Do you agree with their answers?
This is one of those important questions to ask your partner at the beginning of a relationship that people just don’t discuss! Sure, it can be a little personal to ask this question for a new relationship, but money issues lead to more breakups than you realize.
If you’re in a serious relationship, you have to know whether your partner can save money or if are they someone who loves to spend every dollar they have.
It’s important to know in advance how your partner would spend their money, and discussing how you would handle joint finances before it becomes a problem can help make your relationship stronger in the long run. [Read: 17 brilliant yet simple ways to save money as a couple]
If they’ve dated people in the past, they probably have some lessons they learned. What are they? If they didn’t learn anything from their last relationship, that’s not a good sign.
Let them show off and tell you how wonderful they think they are! This question will also let you know if your partner likes themself.
Are they okay with their partner making more money than them? Or is this something that bothers them? If this would bother them, discuss why. Is it something you can sort out?
You don’t want to find out five years down the road of your committed relationship that they believe in polyamory when you don’t.
This is one of those fundamental questions every new couple should ask either other. You need to get this out of the way at the beginning of a new relationship and talk about what monogamy means to you.
What are the limits or boundaries that you need to meet? [Read: 20 questions to ask your lover to know everything you MUST know right away]
What are the things in a relationship they cannot tolerate? Maybe they can’t get on board with a new partner who smokes or travels too much. Perhaps you need to have the same beliefs or stances.
We all have different ways of expressing our love to the people around us. Maybe they enjoy giving gifts or being affectionate. Find out their love language so you can both meet each other in the middle. [Read: Words of affirmation – How to use them and 20 examples to say it right]
Is it cheating? Or being lied to? These may have something to do with their past, but past baggage almost always gets carried into the future.
Find out what their fears are, and be prepared to share your own. Discussing this early on can help you get it out in the open to be more patient with each other. [Read: 15 rules to be a good partner in a relationship]
Do they read? Fish? Paint? What are their hobbies? Everyone should have something they enjoy doing in their spare time. Do you both enjoy the same things? If you don’t know this yet, you might as well ask now.
How do they feel about their exes? Were they all “crazy”? If so, that is a major red flag.
Are they good friends with their exes or at least cordial? You may think talking about exes is a bad idea, but it can help you understand their headspace regarding their past relationships. [Read: 34 relationship red flags most couples totally ignore early in the relationship]
Everyone has something they’re trying to overcome in their lives. What is their struggle? Did they come from poverty? Do they deal with mental health struggles?
This can be difficult to talk about, but this is one of the more important questions to ask a new partner so you can understand each other better. [Read: What it’s like to date someone with low self-esteem]
Oh, it’s so important to know your new partner’s sleeping habits! Is this someone who loves to stay up late or someone who likes to wake up early? What kind of person are you? Do you match?
Sure, you can work around this, but knowing beforehand is very beneficial.
You need to know what turns them on and off if they’re going to be your partner. This can be awkward if you are taking things slow, but it is essential.
Talking about what you like sexually or just in a relationship is important. After all, you can’t expect someone to know what you want right off the bat. This relationship question is key in making sure that you and your partner know how to satisfy one another sexually. [Read: 18 relationship turn-offs that can ruin your romance]
We all make mistakes, but how do they handle those incidents?
Even if they hold grudges, they may not be super open about that. They may not even be self-aware of it. But talking about this can help you both dig deeper and get to know yourselves better too.
Whether they had a lovely childhood or not, we all have that one time we remember that puts a smile on our faces. Asking this question to your new partner is an excellent intro to learning more about their origins. [Read: 20 funny get-to-know-you questions to help you bond instantly]
Everyone has something they’re secretly good at, so what is their hidden talent? Can they juggle, lick their elbow, or solve a mathematic equation super fast?
It’s good to know your partner’s talents, as you might be surprised at what they can do. Plus, it’s a fun question to ask.
What does your partner see in their future? How do they want their life to look? Do you both want to travel the world? Or maybe you want to settle down? [Read: What should I do with my life? 16 steps to design your ideal life right now]
This question may be tough to ask, especially if you receive an answer that contradicts your own ideas of your future, but it can potentially save you a lot of time if your ideas of the future are incompatible.
This is a great question, as it tends to open the door to a lot of discussions. Are they close with certain members of their family but not others? How often do they see their parents? Did you have similar family lives?
This may not be important to you, but it can be a dealbreaker for others. Even if you don’t need to align on your beliefs, it is nice to know what your partner believes in. [Read: 15 big relationships questions to ask before going to the next level]
Do they volunteer with animals or the elderly? Do they protest or work with the government to make a change? What matters to them?
This can seem like a cocky question, but it can help you understand where each other is coming from in regard to approaching this relationship.
Learn the traits your partner likes about you. Is it a feeling they can’t describe, or do they like aspects of your personality? [Read: New love – Should you say “I love you” first or wait to hear it?]
If they can only think of physical things that they like about you, either you haven’t gotten to know each other at all, or you might be on two different pages about this relationship. Either way, it’s useful to know what about you shines out to them.
Is it their mother? A celebrity? Ask them why. Get to know what they view as important in life and what they aspire to be like.
This can be something like smoking, being wasteful, or chewing with your mouth open. It’s always good to share the things that drive you nuts so you can avoid them or so that you know when they might be in a bad mood. [Read: Non-negotiables in relationships]
This is a fun question to ask to break up the serious mood some of these other questions will create. You can bond over fandoms and TV shows. You can also learn more about what they like and think they’re like, which isn’t always the same.
Most people seem to love spontaneity. It’s romantic, right? Well, some people prefer plans and set schedules.
See if you align on this. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]
Let them ask you some questions and see what they want to know about you. Perhaps, they have a few things they’d like to ask you that are especially important to them. This question will also help you get an idea of what your partner is looking for in a relationship.
If yes, in what way? Are they aiming for fame?
X-ray vision? Seeing the future? This is an interesting one, for sure! [Read: What are you passionate about? How to find and own your desires]
This is always a good question. Maybe they’ll choose a long-lost friend, a relative that has passed, or maybe they’ll opt for their favorite movie star. It’s a fun thing to know!
Everyone is proud of something they’ve done in their life. Find out what theirs is, and you’ll get to know them much better, much quicker.
Not all questions for a new romantic partner need to be serious. Sometimes, the fun questions can help you to get to know someone in a different way.
This one will tell you whether they’re a perfectionist on the phone or whether they just wing it! [Read: Why do men hate talking on the phone?]
They can learn about their future, the truth about their past, or anything they like. So, what would they choose? Most would say their future, but perhaps your partner will come up with something totally new and different!
Yes, we’re bringing in the mom question. But it’s one that needs to be asked. This is especially an important question for women to ask their boyfriends, as their answer will give you an idea about how they interact with and view women.
Or to someone else? Who doesn’t sing in the shower these days? You could also ask them what they choose to sing or ask for a rendition! [Read: 20 most romantic songs for the one you love]
Why haven’t they done it? What’s holding them back? Are they working towards it? If someone has a dream, how they choose to pursue it reveals a lot about their behavior towards the important things in their life.
What’s more important to them? Body or mind? This is one of those questions for a new relationship that can reveal a person’s superficial or intellectual side.
Honesty? Loyalty? What do they look for in a friend? At the end of the day, you’re your partner’s friend as well as their lover, so it’s important to know what they really value. [Read: How to be a friend – The real art of true and meaningful friendships]
Or is everything up for laughs? This could give you an idea about their sensitivities and how sensitive they are to other people.
Oh, another morbid question… waiting for the answer.
Crying is healthy and showing vulnerability is never a bad thing. This will tell you how in touch they are with their emotions. [Read: How to stop crying – Heal yourself and find happiness again]
Is it friends? Family? Money? This question will help you learn more about your partner and help you understand the things that matter to them most. It will also give you a good sense of where you’re placed in the relationship.
Why haven’t you told them? Are they expressive, or do they hold their emotions in? So many follow-up questions!
Why? Are you doing what you want to do right now? Some of the best questions to ask your new beau open up the potential for real conversation, and this is certainly one of them. [Read: The different kinds of regret and how to deal with it]
Why? Let’s hope it’s not their cell phone… This new relationship question will give you an idea of how your partner deals with difficult choices.
Did they have a perfect childhood? What do they look back on and wish could be different? This might tell you a lot about how they would parent a child of their own too.
It’s a hard question to ask, but one that will make both of you reflect on your relationships.
[Read: 60 deep and fun get-to-know-you questions to instantly peek into someone’s soul]
Now, you’re not going to find out everything about your partner, but with these questions, you will have a better idea of who they are and if you are right for each other.
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