In our society today, we are so focused on the fairy tale, the perfect wedding, and the happily ever after that we don’t really think about specifics. No one teaches us what is important in relationships. Instead, most of us have to learn through trial and error.
Our divorce rate is really, really, high. Too high. And why is that? Well, it could have a lot to do with the fact that most people don’t know that they should talk about deep things that will impact their future. In fact, in order to live happily ever after, there are some really important questions to ask your significant other.
25 important questions to ask your significant other
Dating is not just about sex and romance. It’s a time to test your compatibility with each other. Sure, it seems like you get along great in the beginning – it’s that way for everyone. But if you’re going to have a future with this person, then you need to get down to the basics. So, here are 25 important questions to ask your significant other if you want to be together for the long haul.
#1 Are you close to your mother? If they have “mother issues,” this could present a problem down the road. [Read: What does it mean if your man has mommy issues?]
#2 Are you close to your father? Or maybe their father didn’t even help raise them. Talking about their parents can give you a big clue about who they really are. [Read: Dating a girl with daddy issues – 15 things you MUST know]
#3 Did your parents give you more positive or negative messages growing up? If their parents were negative, that probably lead them to have low self-esteem.
#4 Are you an optimist or pessimist? It’s difficult to be in a relationship with a pessimist if you are an optimist. And vice versa. So, it’s important to find out.
#5 Do you want children? You would be surprised how many people don’t ask this question! Hello?! It’s practically the #1 question to ask before you get married! [Read: 60 get to know you questions for a new romance]
#6 If you want children, how many do you want? Ditto on this one. If one of you wants one child, and the other wants seven… ummm… big problem!
#7 Do you want the man to work and the woman to stay at home with the children? Or vice versa? Does your partner want to have traditional gender roles? Or do you want to go against mainstream expectations?
#8 Where do you want to live? Some people like the city, others the country or suburbs. Hopefully, you’ll both be on the same page about this one. If not, it’s going to be a long-distance relationship for you.
#9 Are you a spontaneous person or a planner? Believe it or not, this can cause problems if you are opposites. Both of you will get equally irritated by the other. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
#10 Do you like to travel? Some people do, but not everyone. So, if you’re a traveler and your partner is not, you need to know. So this is why it’s one of the important questions to ask your significant other.
#11 If so, where would you like to travel during your lifetime? Do you like to travel around Europe or sit on a beach with a cocktail in your hand? Those are two very different types of travel experiences.
#12 How important is money to you? Well, sure, it’s important to us all on some level. But some people are more materialistic than others.
#13 What does money represent to you? Status? Freedom? Something else? Is your partner concerned with their public persona? Or do they just want the freedom to not have to look at the prices on a menu?
#14 Are you a spender or a saver? Again, if you’re opposites in this category, this might become a huge point of contention down the line. [Read: 15 What-if questions to ask your boyfriend to grow closer]
#15 How important is religion to you? If you’re both the same religion, then great! If not, well, that could be a problem… unless one of you is willing to convert.
#16 Do you need to raise your children in the same religion you were raised in? If one of you is Catholic, and the other is Jewish, what would your kids be?
#17 Do you give to charity? Why or why not? This gives you an idea of how giving they are, and how often they use their money for good causes.
#18 If we got married, how would we handle the household chores? Would you two have the traditional gender separation of chores, or some other arrangement?
#19 If we were planning a wedding, what kind would you like to have? Do they want to elope to city hall, go to Vegas, or have a 300-guest church wedding? [Read: How to elope and yet have your perfect fairytale wedding]
#20 How important is sex to you? And ideally, how often would you like to have sex? The importance and frequency of sex can really make or break a relationship long term.
#21 If we had problems, would you be willing to go to a therapist to help us? This is huge. Inevitably, you’ll encounter problems if you are together for the next 10, 20, or 50 years.
#22 How much alone time do you need? Some people might feel smothered if the other one wants constant togetherness. And the other one might feel rejected if the other one wants their space. [Read: How to give space to each other and grow without drifting apart]
#23 Do you want to get married? This is an obvious question, I know. But so many people just make assumptions instead of asking directly. This is one of the most important questions to ask your significant other.
#24 What is your dream career? You should both support each other with your hopes and dreams. But you should at least know what they are first!
#25 Are you a “black and white” person or a “shades of grey” one? In other words, do they see life in terms of absolute rights and wrongs? Or are they more of a “it depends on the situation” kind of person?
[Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]
Long term relationships are never easy, but with these questions to ask your significant other, you will be way ahead of most people. So, start asking your partner these questions today so you can really, truly, live happily ever after.
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