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Timing It: How Often Should You See Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend?

You don’t want to appear too keen but you want to be with them all the time! How often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend to get it right?

How Often Should You See Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

You’re young, you’re in love, you can’t bear to be away from your new boyfriend or girlfriend for more than a second. Does this sound familiar? It’s a wonderful feeling, but it’s also a confusing time too. You don’t want to appear too keen, but you want to spend as much time with them as possible. So, how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend to hit the balance between having your own independence versus being a little too clingy?

We often think that we need to adhere to an invisible set of guidelines or rules when it comes to knowing how often should to see boyfriends and girlfriends. We think we should do certain things by certain times, and say specific words by certain times. Basically tick relationship milestones off, almost as if we’re ticking tasks off our daily to-do list.

The good news? It doesn’t have to be that stressful.

The truth is real relationships don’t work like that. Throw out the so-called rule book. Instead, focus on what feels right to you!

[Read: Healthy relationship expectations for the healthiest love life]

Why relationship milestones don’t really exist

Why is this lesson so important?

For starters, every single person on this planet is different, and that means when two people join forces, their situation is never going to be the same as anyone else’s. In that case, how can you tell a couple that they should be hitting this milestone by that time, or this milestone by another time? [Read: Relationship milestones – 15 dating highlights you should be proud of]

You can’t!

Perhaps they don’t feel ready! Maybe they’re never going to feel ready!

What happened to having fun, people?

In addition, relationships are not a series of boxes to be ticked off a list. There is a lot to be said for simply going with the flow. [Read: 15 rules to be a good partner in the relationship]

The so-called milestones include: exclusive by a certain time, going Insta-official, meeting friends, meeting family, moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having children. What if you don’t want to get married? Maybe you’re perfectly happy living the way you are or what if you don’t want to have children? What if you have them earlier than people say you’re “supposed” to?

None of it matters. All that matters is that the pace your relationship is moving at is comfortable for the two of you.

Where’s the rush? [Read: The 80-20 rule in relationships that all couples need to understand]

Forget comparing your relationship to anyone else’s

The other major issue is comparing your relationship to someone else’s, perhaps a friend or someone you’ve grown close to on social media. We’ve all seen it – there’s that one couple that are total oversharers on Instagram and post about literally everything. They look oh-so-happy and everything seems perfect. It simply makes everyone else feel bad that they’re not 100% all over each other all the time.

The truth? It’s a total illusion and it’s very unlikely that they’re really that happy!

When you compare your relationship to someone else’s, whether it’s how often you should see each other or how happy you are, you’re just comparing it to a lie.

Everyone is different and if you’re smart, you should never believe everything you see on social media. All that will happen is you start to resent how slow your relationship is going and you’ll start to force things that don’t feel natural. That’s not going to end well. [Read: 5 easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]

So, how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend?

Another question which people ask and think there should be a set answer to is ‘how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend?’

The answer?

There isn’t one! But, there are general guidelines and advice that help you to get the blend between alone time and together time right.

Some couples see each other every night, some see each other a few times per week, some see each other a few times per month because one of them works away. There is no hard and fast rule as to how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend! [Read: How much time do couples need to spend together?]

In addition, what does ‘see’ mean? Does it mean video call? Does it mean a photograph or a physical meet-up?

It only needs to be something which you’re both perfectly happy with.

Sure, if you don’t see your partner as much as you want to, that’s another issue. In that case, figure out whether there’s a logistical reason for it, or simply because one of you isn’t putting in the effort. In that case, chat about it and make a change.

On the other hand, if you’re simply asking how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend because you’re worried that you’re not living up to so-called relationships norms, throw the guidebook out of the window. Focus on what feels right to you! [Read: How to give space in a relationship and not drift apart]

Let’s give you a few ideas

If you’re totally unsure how to get the balance right, first let’s talk about why you need one.

It’s important to have time for yourself when you’re in a relationship. If you’re with your partner all the time, you may start to lose yourself. You’ll also notice that you’re spending less and less time with your friends. Every relationship needs that blend between time spent together and time spent apart. When you do more of one than the other, everything is thrown out of whack and the balance isn’t right.

Of course, you also need to make sure you’re not spending too much time apart as well. You need your relationship to grow and you can’t do that if you never see one another!

So, what is a good set of guidelines to follow? Here are a few ideas, but remember not to stick to this as a rigid routine. You should do what feels right to you and don’t panic if one day you can’t see them as much as the other days! It’s meant to be a natural and comfortable thing, it’s not supposed to be a military-timed operation! [Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]

1. Send a good morning text every day

Don’t be the only one to do this, your partner needs to take the responsibility too sometimes! But, the idea is that you touch base with one another when you get up and say “good morning.”

No, you do not have to send the text before you’ve even got out of bed, but at some point during your morning routine. You are allowed your coffee first! [Read: 20 reasons why a good morning text is so important in love]

2. Then, send a good night text every day

In addition to texts to say “good morning,” you should also send a goodnight text too. It helps the other person to sleep better because they know you’re thinking about them. Again, make sure you don’t end up being the one who sends the text all the time. This should be a two-way thing. [Read: 300 plus most romantic text messages for her that’ll make her melt]

3. Random texts throughout the day

Don’t overdo it, you don’t need a constant text stream of conversation throughout the whole day, but a few random texts at odd times during the day is enough. If you see something funny, you can text them about it. If you see a meme you think they’ll appreciate, send it.

4. Meet at least once a week, but 2-3 times if possible

Learning how often to see your boyfriend or girlfriend is a pretty fluid thing. You don’t have to see each other every day and it’s probably going to be impossible to do so anyway unless you work together or attend the same classes.

But, you need to make sure you’re spending quality time together at least once a week, but around 2-3 times per week is obviously better. It depends on your schedule, but 2-3 times means that you’re getting that blend between spending time together and spending time with your friends or alone.

Also, when you arrange to meet up and do something together, don’t cancel it unless you really have to. Date nights are important! [Read: 33 awesome date ideas every couple should try]

5. You can meet every day, but don’t change your plans

As we’ve already said, if you’re not working or studying in the same place, you’re going to find it hard to see each other daily without causing major scheduling issues! That’s okay. We all have our own lives and it’s important to keep those ticking along nicely.

If you want to see each other more often, you can try to fit in a coffee in the afternoon or a meeting at night but don’t start changing your regular plans. When you do that, you’re going to mess up the balance and probably cause another part of your life to go out of whack.

6. If you start to feel overwhelmed, learn your lesson

When trying to figure out how often you should see your boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to remember that it’s not supposed to feel difficult.

If you start to feel overwhelmed and as though you have no time for yourself, pull back a little and take it as a sign that you’re forcing things. If you feel that way, your partner probably does too!

It’s important to find a routine of time alone and time together that works well for the both of you. When it starts to feel stressful, it’s not fun anymore. [Read: How much time should couples spend together? The real answer you need to time it right]

Focus on independence as well as togetherness

When asking yourself how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend, spend time in a balanced way. Yes, you should spend time together to build your connection and closeness and to make happy memories together. You also should have your independence too.

The healthiest relationships out there consist of time spent together and time spent apart.

That means both partners can go out and see their friends, do their work, concentrate on spending time with family, and also dedicate a little time to their own hobbies and pursuits, while having a little ‘me’ time too.

When you strike this balance between time together and time focused on other things, you have more to talk about when you are together. It gives you a healthier outlook and greater appreciation for one another. [Read: 11 clear signs you’re spending way too much time together]

The perils of spending too much time together

Spending too much time together might seem all adorable and loved-up, but it creates an unrealistic bubble. What are you going to talk about after a while? What happens when the small things about your partner start to annoy you?

Then, you won’t be asking how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend, you’ll be asking, how much time should we be spending apart! [Read: How to love your partner without smothering them with too much love]

Having that equal balance and happiness between the two of you allows you to build up a stronger, more lasting connection. Intense relationships, when partners spend every second together, usually end up crashing and burning.

If you want longevity, if you’re truly in it for the long haul, then find a balance in your life, which allows you to maintain your own hobbies and interests, while also being in a close-knit relationship with someone you adore.

Just because you’re not with each other 24/7 doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other deeply. You don’t have to think about one another all the time or share every single detail with one another. [Read: How to stop the codependency for a healthy relationship]

What is normal anyway?

Finding the balance that works for you is the only answer. When you’re balanced, everything is better. Both sides are happy and fulfilled. Surely that’s what relationships are about, not ticking boxes and making other people feel like you’re apparently ‘normal.’

For you, that frequency might be every other night, for your friend and her partner it might be every night, and for your other friend and their partner, it might be two times per week. Neither of those situations is incorrect, provided both partners are happy with it.

Each is living lives of their own at the same time. That’s all that matters. [Read: Putting too much effort into the relationship – Where to draw the line]

So, let go of those so-called relationship milestones. Think about your relationship in personalized terms. What do you want out of this union? Do you have no idea and you’d rather just see what happens? That’s fine too, provided you’re both on the same page.

Just be open and honest with one another and communicate about the things that matter. In that case, you don’t have to tick a certain box by a certain time or adhere to certain social norms.

What is normal anyway? Who made the rules? It’s time to make your own rules or decide not to have any and just go with your own flow. Do what suits you both, however that looks.

[Read: 30 must-follow relationship rules for happy love]

How often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend? The right answer is, however much you want to, provided you are both happy with the situation!

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...