Ladies, have you ever wondered why your man can’t seem to communicate with you? At least in a way you can understand? Here’s why that may be the case.
I want to roll my eyes just thinking about having a meaningful conversation with a guy and then walking away having learned nothing. Why? Because half of the time, I just don’t understand what they’re trying to say!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been texting a guy or even talking on the phone with him and been utterly oblivious to what it was we’d just discussed. Women and men are super different beings—no doubt about that.
Why is it that there is such a communication gap between the two genders?
You’d think for people who have to procreate to keep this earth going forward, we should be able to talk to each other effectively, right? Wrong. Far too many misunderstandings come from situations where women just don’t understand what the heck a man is trying to say, or vice versa.
I once almost didn’t date someone because I wasn’t sure he was even into me. When I told him about it later on, he was completely shocked! “How could you even think I wasn’t? I was showing all the signs!” I nearly knocked him upside the head right then and there—to me, it was very unclear. [Read: 25 surefire signs that tell you if a guy likes you]
Two different languages for two *very* different genders
So I did some thinking, digging, and even interviewing, and came up with these 7 reasons why women just don’t understand men’s communication style.
#1 Men have a one-track mind. Now, this isn’t meant to say that men are dumb and don’t think about more than one thing at a time, but rather, it points out that men are typically straightforward.
Ladies, have you ever told a guy you’re “fine” when you really meant that you wanted to rip the head off of the stuffed animal he won for you and shove it down his throat because you’re furious with him? I know you have.
When men say they’re “fine,” they most likely mean that they are, in fact, fine. However, if a girl hears that, she immediately starts to think about how when she says that, it means something that is basically the opposite. This can lead to a lot of arguments because a woman may demand to know what’s wrong, but in reality, everything truly is fine!
#2 Men don’t feel the need to divulge their every thought. “How was your day, honey?” she asked. “It was good. And yours?” he replied. She then went into detail about every aspect of her day: who said what in the office, what she had for lunch, and even what was on the radio on the way home. [Read: Why do men hate talking on the phone?]
Women can get so confused at a man’s response to such a simple question because it’s not the way we would answer it. We don’t understand that a man doesn’t want to spend time reliving his day. He probably just wants to kick back, relax, and not worry about it.
As women, we may take this as a sign that he is upset about something that happened and doesn’t want to talk about it—or worse, that he’s hiding something from us. But honestly, ladies, he probably just had a good day, with nothing significant that went down.
#3 Men don’t like to talk when they’re upset. This is probably the biggest difference between the genders that may have the biggest impact. If men have a bad day or if something is wrong, they just want to be left alone. They don’t like to put their problems on someone else and try to get feedback on how they should react. [Read: Do men have feelings? Why they act like they don’t care]
Women don’t understand this, because we want to know everything so we can try to make it better. If you’re distant or quiet when we’re trying to talk to you, we will assume that it’s something that we did and will thus become upset ourselves. We just don’t get why someone would want to suffer alone.
#4 Men hardly ever ask questions. Women don’t get this for a lot of reasons, the most prevalent being: “How could you not have questions about the 50 things we just talked your ear off about? Did you understand everything, or were you just not listening?” [Read: 6 effective tips for communicating with your man]
Women look for clarity in conversation. Who’s this person? Why did you do that? What happened after that? Men just listen *some of the time* and take it all in, not really wanting many details. This is so wildly different than how women communicate, and that’s why there can be a such a large disconnect between men and women during a conversation.
#5 They listen quietly. “You never listen to me!” she scolds. All I ever do is listen, because all you ever do is talk, he thinks silently *and wisely* to himself. This one sort of goes along with their never asking questions.
When two women are talking to each other, there is a LOT of back and forth. We make comments about something that happened, voice our agreements or disagreements, and provide reassurance. But men usually sit there silently, making us question if they’re listening to us at all. [Read: 10 subtly endearing ways men say “I love you”]
Women don’t understand this. If you’re listening, how could you have nothing to say after all that we’ve just said? The truth is that men listen with the intent to listen. Women listen with the intent to reply. Men will hear everything you’re saying but may not have anything relevant to contribute, so they’ll stay silent.
#6 Men don’t like repetition. Women realize that things are changing all throughout the day. Even if you were having a good day earlier, things may have changed. So we ask how your day is a couple of times throughout.
Men tend to give you an answer to something, and that’s that. If his day has gone downhill since the last time you spoke, he will probably tell you about what happened. A woman’s day *and emotions* tend to change a lot more frequently than a man’s, which can also contribute to this difference in communication styles.
#7 Women want to be asked, while men want to tell. We like to be asked how we are. We want to be asked why we’re feeling a certain way and what we’re going to be doing with our day. Men… not so much.
Men will more than likely not ask you about your day. If you’re upset, they think you’ll just tell them, because that’s how they are. If they just got into an accident, they will tell you. If they just got fired, they will tell you. If they’re spontaneously going to see a movie, they will tell you. They won’t wait for you to ask them how their day was before letting you know if something awesome or horrible happened. Women, on the other hand, tend to look for a prompt before letting you know how they feel.
A lot of times, this makes us think that our men don’t really care about our days. But that’s not the case at all. He is probably just under the assumption that you’ll tell him when there’s something important for him to know.
What this all boils down to is that men and women have opposite ways of thinking, which can make communication difficult at times. But as long as both of you keep these differences in mind and don’t take them personally, you can be well on your way to a more fulfilling relationship.
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Bella is a lifestyle writer, cheese enthusiast (Wisconsin native over here) and fantasy adventure author-in-progress who enjoys all things love, dog, p...