I have been on dates with so many guys and tried dating some of them where I felt things were off as if they were emotionally detached. Well, I didn’t have to feel it, half of them literally ran away from me, so I could see it wasn’t going to go anywhere. But was that because I did something wrong? No, in fact, I did everything right. They simply weren’t ready.
Someone may like you, but the minute they start thinking about what the future with you will look like, they emotionally detach themselves. It’s not necessarily because of you, but they’re simply not ready or they’re scared.
How to know someone is emotionally detached
From experience, being with an emotionally detached person is exhausting. You don’t need to give yourself to someone who gives you only the bare minimum of themselves. Know the warning signs so that you pull out of this situation before you’re head over heels for them.
It stings, but it’s better than dragging this out.
#1 They’re not compromising. They only do what they want to do. If you don’t join them, they don’t care. And if you think they’re going to do what you want sometime, don’t hold your breath for it. Anything where they’re inconvenienced is already too much for them.
This is a huge sign they lack emotional maturity, something you don’t need to deal with. If their parents didn’t teach them that then they need therapy, you’re not their mother. [Read: 13 clues to know if someone has emotional maturity]
#2 You find yourself bashing them. You’re frustrated because they’re not giving you what you need emotionally, which is understandable. With this frustration, you find yourself bashing them, insulting them to their face, or behind their back.
If this is a healthy relationship, this would never happen. Of course, it’s normal to be annoyed with your partner but not to the point where you insult them for a reaction. [Read: Lower your expectations: Best way to find love or complete BS?]
#3 They find flaws in you. We all have flaws. But they dig through yours. Why? Because they don’t want to be emotionally involved with you. If you’re flawed, it’s easier for them to rationalize why they could never be with you. You’re flawed and they can get better. At least, that’s what they think.
#4 They’re too nosy. I once went on a date where the guy, within the first five minutes, asked me how many guys I’d slept with and if I’ve had one-night stands. This is a huge red flag.
Invasive questions about sex and money show that they’re not emotionally available. They don’t actually like you, they’re terrified about being cheated on or played, so they simply look for someone who follows their criteria—and they don’t care who that person is.
#5 They don’t argue with you. To argue with someone, you actually must care about them or the issue at hand. However, if you can’t seem to get any emotion out of them, it’s because they don’t care. When people argue, they’re emotional. But if you can’t even get this person to talk to you about something that’s bothering you, it’s over.
#6 If they do, it’s all your fault. If you manage to have an argument with them, trust me, it’s going to be all your fault. I saw one guy and within the first week, we argued. And when it came down to it, it was all my fault. Nothing was tied to him. In fact, I was the one that ruined the relationship that we never had. [Read: Selfish people – 15 ways to spot and stop them before they hurt you]
#7 They’re inconsiderate. They don’t ask if you’re hungry or if you need a ride to work when you missed your bus.
Though these may not seem important, they are. They show that this person cares about you. But if they’re not going out of their way to do anything for you, they’re not emotionally invested in you. [Read: The 14 telling signs it’s time to give up on a relationship]
#8 They seduced you into the relationship. How did this relationship come about? Usually, emotionally detached people are very good at seducing others. Why? Because they don’t care. If your relationship happened very quickly, it doesn’t mean that they’re emotionally connected to you. Remember, seduction is about conquering and gaining power over another.
#9 They don’t define what you two are. Are you two dating? Just sex? What are you two? Now, you don’t need to have a label. However, it’s nicer to know if they’re having sex with other people or not, right? If they’re not willing to tell you what you two are or they don’t want to commit, they’re not willing to emotionally invest in you. [Read: When to define the relationship – 20 signs it may be right now]
#10 You don’t talk about emotions. When was the last time you sat down and had a deep conversation about your relationship or your feelings for each other?
You may have had those talks, but now, your conversations are as shallow as a kiddie pool. If you try to bring it up, do they dodge the topic? That’s a sign.
#11 The sex is lacking. Sex is a huge part of a relationship. Now, they could still be having sex with you but it’s probably a little different. They may not be kissing you or the sex could be becoming rougher or shorter. You’re the only one who knows what the sex is like with this person, so if you feel a switch, there’s a reason why. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
#12 There ain’t no affection. People who become emotionally detached tend to suddenly stop with any displays of affection. They don’t hug you, kiss you—nothing. My ex-boyfriend did this to me and then after one week, I found he wanted to break-up with me. See? Body language is huge.
#13 They’re secretive about what they do. Maybe they were open with you about their plans, but if they’re not willing to tell you what they’re doing this weekend or if their phone is flipped over and protected with eight different passwords, be aware. There’s nothing that they need to hide if it was just you. [Read: Serial cheater? 14 signs you’re dating someone who loves cheating]
#14 No talks about the future. If you mention the future, there’s a huge silence followed by a bunch of stuttering or the TV turning on.
I don’t even mean long-term. If they cannot even commit to next weekend, this is a red flag that they don’t even know if they’ll be with you by then. So, that’s a pretty strong hint that you should see they’re emotionally detached. [Read: How to fall out of love when you see no future]
#15 This is the first three to five months of dating. Well, sorry to break it to you but research shows most people in relationships get dumped between the first three to five months. This is usually when people decide what they want and if this relationship is something to invest in. So, if this is something new, there is a higher chance of these signs showing within this time frame.
[Read: 9 relationship stages all couples go through in every relationship]
If these emotionally detached signs match with your current relationship—it’s time you dumped them. For sure, you’ll be sad but you’re worth much more than someone who gives you nothing.
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