43 BIG Signs of Insecurity in a Man & Ways to Date an Insecure Boyfriend

Table of Contents hide

Is your man secretly insecure? Here are the biggest signs of insecurity in a man, and how to deal with dating an insecure boyfriend the right way.

Is your boyfriend secretly insecure? Watch for these red flags before it turns toxic

What makes a man insecure? The psychology behind it

Signs of insecurity in a man

Dealing with an insecure boyfriend made a little easier

The problems of dating insecure men

Insecurity is common, but manipulation isn’t okay

Is your man secretly insecure? Here are the biggest signs of insecurity in a man, and how to deal with dating an insecure boyfriend the right way.

An insecure boyfriend can be endearing or infuriating, depending upon the severity of his self-doubt. There are a million and one things that may have caused him to be so insecure, but if he’s brave enough to enter into a relationship, know that he’s allowed himself to be vulnerable.

Everyone is a little insecure in some way, maybe you’re a little insecure at times too. But if you really like this guy, you have to find a way to overcome his insecurities and help him through it. If not, maybe his issues are a little too much for you to deal with.

Either way, let’s discuss the ins and outs of dating an insecure man so you can work out what to do next. That also means knowing the signs of insecurity in a man. [Read: Signs to tell if he really is the right man for you]

Is your boyfriend secretly insecure? Watch for these red flags before it turns toxic

Ever feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around your boyfriend? Like he’s sweet one moment, but suddenly suspicious, jealous, or clingy the next?

If so, you might be dating an insecure man, and the signs can sneak up on you when you’re not paying attention.

Here’s the truth: insecurity in men doesn’t always look like someone curled up in the corner doubting himself. Sometimes, it shows up as control, jealousy, passive-aggressive guilt trips, or needing your constant reassurance like it’s emotional oxygen.

So, how do you know if your guy is just a little unsure of himself… or if you’re dating someone whose insecurity could slowly eat away at the relationship? Let’s dive right into the signs of insecurity in a man, and what you should do if your boyfriend checks more than a few boxes on this list.

Quick signs you’re dating an insecure boyfriend

If your man does more than two of these things regularly, he might be more insecure than you think:

Gets jealous when you talk to other guys
Needs constant validation and attention
Hates when you go out without him
Stalks your social media like it’s his job
Blames his exes for everything but never self-reflects
Acts like you’re his entire world… in a scary way
Controls how you dress or who you hang out with

Scroll on for the full list and how to handle each red flag!

[Read: How to leave a toxic relationship – 24 steps to end it and find happiness]

What makes a man insecure? The psychology behind it

Insecurity in men isn’t random, it usually comes from early experiences or internal beliefs about self-worth. Many insecure men carry wounds from childhood, broken trust, or even unrealistic expectations about what “being a man” should look like.

According to attachment theory, people who develop an anxious attachment style often fear abandonment and need constant reassurance in relationships. If your boyfriend craves validation or panics at the thought of losing you, he may not be toxic, just emotionally unsafe.

📚 Source: Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007, Attachment in Adulthood

Add to that society’s fragile ideas of masculinity, where showing emotion is seen as weakness, and you’ve got a guy who feels pressure to be the strong, stoic protector but secretly doubts his own worth. This is called precarious manhood. 📚 Source: Vandello & Bosson, 2013, Precarious Manhood

Understanding why your man behaves this way doesn’t excuse toxic behavior. But it can help you figure out whether you’re dealing with someone who needs support… or someone using insecurity as an excuse to control you. [Read: 25 Common Male Insecurities Men Have that Women Have No Idea About]

👉 Want to understand insecurity better, and fix it from the root? Read these guides:

Signs of insecurity in a man

People advise others to steer clear of insecure boyfriends. The thing is, everyone is insecure to some extent. You’re not going to find someone who doesn’t have some sort of insecurity. But with that being said, you don’t have to be with a partner full of insecurities.

As we all know, our insecurities can have the ability to get in the way of what we do or how we feel. Now, for most of us, we know our triggers and can control them when they pop up. But there are some people simply loaded with insecurities, ones so inflated they can’t control the outcomes.

Catch the red flags before they catch you. Here are the biggest signs of insecurity in a man. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people can’t hide when they feel insecure]

1. He puts you down

Now it’s normal to tease each other, that’s nothing to be wary about. However, if you’re noticing that he’s putting you down, making comments about your looks, weight, and intelligence, then that’s when you need to be cautious.

Teasing is one thing, but if he’s putting you down rather than supporting you, he’s insecure. This is one of the biggest signs of insecurity in a man. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend most girls just don’t notice]

2. He has no friends

He just has no friends. He never speaks about his friends and doesn’t seem to go out with anyone. He just hangs out with you.

Now, hanging out with you is a good thing, but let’s be honest, everyone has friends. If he doesn’t seem to have friends around him then there’s a reason why, and it’s something you need to explore. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]

3. He’s always threatening to break up with you

Whenever you have a disagreement with an insecure boyfriend, he threatens to leave or break up with you. Normally, people would talk it out and see how to fix the situation. Instead, he goes right to the extreme.

This is because he’s insecure and trying to manipulate you. He wants you to get on your knees and beg for him to stay and that’s all because of his weak ego.

4. He tells you he loves you after the first date

Yeah, if you hear this, then run. Don’t even bother exchanging numbers. This guy will never leave you alone if you do. If he’s telling you that he loves you right away, those are some strong warning signs of someone extremely insecure. If you haven’t even gone through appetizers, put your fork down and leave. [Read: Is he saying “I love you” too soon?]

This guy sees everything you post. Every. Little. Thing. He makes sure he comments on each of them and makes sure everyone sees. If you post something he doesn’t like, don’t worry, he’s going to tell you right away.

When someone stalks you on social media, no matter who they are, it’s creepy and one of the stronger signs of insecurity in a man.

6. He still thinks you’re into your ex

You may not have even had an ex, but in his eyes, you’ve had many. You could have been with someone and broken up years ago, but to him, you’re still not over your ex.

Of course, this just makes you want to prove to him even more that he’s the one, but that’s what he wants. For him to see that you love him and only him, you need to show him. [Read: Still in love with your ex – 19 ways to accept it is normal and let go of the past]

7. He doesn’t take criticism

Don’t bother saying anything that’ll crush his already fragile ego. This guy can’t take any criticism. It could be something small, but to him, you’re attacking his entire being.

And yet, he’ll have no problem criticizing you and telling you what you need to change. You cannot make him look smaller than you.

8. He needs validation – all the time

At first, you thought that him asking you, “Do you love me?” was cute and sweet. But now, it’s annoying. It’s like he’s just waiting for you to tell him so that he’ll feel some validation. However, even when you say it to him, it’s not enough.

Now, let’s not forget, we all like to be validated. However, there’s a limit and if he crosses it and borders into annoyance, it’s clearly one of the signs of an insecure boyfriend. [Read: Signs to recognize selfish people and 5 steps to walk away]

9. He needs constant attention

This guy needs more attention than a two-year-old. He always needs you to touch him or look at him when you’re together. When you’re not together, he needs you to constantly tell him what you’re doing and where you are. But really, this isn’t about attention, this is about control.

10. He’s jealous of your friends

He can’t stand that you give your attention to other people who aren’t him. He wants to go everywhere you go when you’re with your friends, but what he’d really like is if you didn’t have any friends.

And don’t even get us started if you have male friends, he’ll lose his mind. [Read: How to tell when a guy is jealous – 25 hints he just can’t hide]

11. He likes to be the alpha male

He needs to be a man. You should know right away, guys who need to be the “alpha male” are not secure with themselves, and that’s why they’re compensating by being overly masculine.

They think that by being masculine they’ll mask their insecurities. However, it’s not effective. He needs to show he’s a man. It has nothing to do with you, this is all about him.

12. He feels suffocating

You know when someone is too much. It’s just that you don’t want to lose them because of insecurity. See how that works? But deep down you know they are or else you wouldn’t be feeling suffocated.

If you’re feeling choked, it’s because you are being choked. He’s not allowing you to be your own person, and that is a huge red flag. It’s certainly one of the big signs of insecurity in a man. [Read: The signs you’re past the point of no return and need to break up]

13. He can’t handle that you’ve slept with other people

If he knew just how many people you’ve slept with, he would have a heart attack. Even if he was your second, that’s already one person too many. If he had it his way, you would be his one and only.

14. He’s highly protective

Now, there’s protective and there’s possessive. This is one of the huge warning signs of insecurity in a man. If he won’t let you walk to the grocery store alone because he’s worried you may get hurt, this guy needs to take a chill pill and he’s definitely an insecure boyfriend. [Read: Key differences – a protective boyfriend or a controlling boyfriend]

15. He wants to change the way you look

He doesn’t like the way you look. Okay, he does, but he doesn’t want other people to like the way you look.

So, he’ll tell you that he doesn’t like the way you dress, he’ll tell you to change your hair – all these things are a form of control. He wants to make you how he thinks you should look.

16. He needs to make it known that he’s with you

While this isn’t always one of the traits of an insecure boyfriend, it can be. You’re in a relationship, but he needs everyone to know that. He needs it to be on Facebook, Instagram, or any social media where another man may see you… He wants to be in every photo.

When you introduce him to people, he has to announce that he’s your boyfriend. Why? Because he’s claiming territory. It’s definitely one of the main signs of insecurity in a man too. [Read: Social media and relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly]

17. You’re his entire world

Of course, it feels amazing when a man is in love with you and sees no one else but you. But then there’s this moment when you realize that you’re the only thing he sees, but literally, the only thing.

You’re basically his private property, you’re his world. He owns you, he’s possessive – which at the beginning, you found attractive. But now, it’s too much.

18. He’s jealous of other men

If another man looks at you or hits on you, he’s up in arms. He becomes defensive, wants to fight the guy, or blames you for what happened. The guy simply can’t handle the thought that other people find you attractive. Ugh, like, grow up, man. [Read: 17 big signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend]

19. He monitors what you do and where you are

He wants to know what you’re doing every second of the day, where you are, and who you’re with. He needs to know your agenda because, if not, he assumes you’re off hanging out with another guy… Cheating on him.

This guy needs to control every breathing moment. If he could watch you sleep, he would.

20. It’s all about the guilt

That’s how he’ll get you to do things for him. If you don’t see him today, he’ll call you saying that you never see him and that you’re neglecting the relationship.

If he’s doing these guilt trip moves, it’s because he wants to try to control you and your relationship. He’s selfish and wants to keep you in his grasp. He’s showing one of the key signs of insecurity in a man. [Read: Guilt-free ways to handle the guilt trippers in your life]

21. He has a horrible dating past

All his past relationships ended with him being cheated on, or them leaving him. None of his past girlfriends cared about him and they all treated him like shit. At least, that’s what he tells you.

In reality, he was overly demanding, required constant attention, and needed to be babied. [Read: Why men feel emasculated – the big reasons]

22. He panics if you don’t text back right away

An insecure boyfriend doesn’t just wonder why you didn’t respond, he spirals. He thinks you’re mad, cheating, losing interest, or playing games. A secure guy knows life happens. An insecure one sees every silence as a red flag… even if you’re just napping.

📚 Source: Cassidy & Shaver, 2016, note that anxious-preoccupied individuals often exhibit hypervigilance to signs of rejection.

23. He love bombs… and then withdraws

One minute he’s flooding you with affection, gifts, and declarations of undying love. The next, he’s cold or distant. This push-pull behavior is often insecurity dressed up as romance. He’s testing your devotion, not expressing real intimacy. [Read: Love Bombing: What It Is, How It Works & 21 Signs You’re Being Manipulated]

Research suggests love bombing can be a manipulative strategy to fast-track emotional dependence.
📚 Source: Shahida Arabi, 2023, Narcissistic and psychopathic traits in romantic partners

24. He asks you to delete guys from your life

He doesn’t just dislike your guy friends, he tells you to cut them off. Or worse, he makes you feel guilty until you “decide” to do it on your own. This is one of the more dangerous signs of insecurity, it’s not about trust, it’s about isolation.

25. He always compares himself to your exes

Even if you haven’t mentioned them in months, somehow, he finds a way to bring them up. “Was he better in bed?” “Did he make more money?” “Did he treat you better?” It’s exhausting, and wildly unsexy.

26. He’s obsessed with what you post online

A secure guy doesn’t freak out because you posted a fire selfie. An insecure one might accuse you of attention-seeking or fishing for compliments, even if the post had nothing to do with anyone but you. This is especially common in men who tie self-worth to control in relationships.

📚 Source: Muise et al., 2009, Social media jealousy in romantic relationships

27. He apologizes excessively… but never changes

After every fight, he says sorry. In fact, he says it a lot. But somehow the same behavior keeps repeating. Insecure men often fear abandonment, so they apologize just enough to keep you from leaving, without doing the real work to grow.

28. He gets upset when you succeed

You got promoted? He sulks. Your friends complimented your outfit? He gets weird. He may say he’s proud of you, but deep down, he feels threatened by your wins. A secure boyfriend cheers you on. An insecure one keeps score. [Read: Weak & Strong Men: What It Means & 56 Signs of a Weak Man in a Relationship]

29. He pressures you for constant physical intimacy

This isn’t always about sex. It could be constant touching, hugging, or needing to be physically close to you at all times. It’s often less about love and more about needing reassurance that you’re still “his.”

📚 Research ties anxious attachment to hyperactivation of physical closeness to reduce abandonment fears.
Source: Hazan & Shaver, 1987

30. He can’t celebrate you without inserting himself

You’re excited about something? He makes it about him. “Well, I helped you get that job.” “I told you to go for it.” Insecure men often fear irrelevance, so they hijack your joy to remind themselves that they “matter.”

👉 Want to read his mind, and understand why he behaves the way he does? Read these:

Dealing with an insecure boyfriend made a little easier

Before we dive into how to handle an insecure boyfriend, let’s be clear: insecurity isn’t a flaw, it’s a feeling. And many people, especially men raised in environments that shame vulnerability, never learn how to manage those feelings in healthy ways.

The good news? Some insecurities can be soothed with patience and love. The bad news? Others are just dressed-up control tactics in disguise. Here’s how to spot the difference and help your insecure boyfriend without losing yourself.

Yes, you can deal with these types of behaviors and even make them go away altogether. You alone can’t fix those problems, but you can do certain things to make your man feel secure with you.

Now you know the signs of insecurity in a man, here’s how you can handle your boyfriend’s insecurity with ease. Dating an insecure man may not be easy, but there are ways around it. [Read: 23 secrets and real-life problems that make a relationship stronger]

1. Keep the communication going strong

This is really the most important part of a relationship and oftentimes, the responsibility will fall on the women to keep this up. Men aren’t very good at talking about their feelings and that’s what makes dating an insecure man so hard.

As long as you continue to prompt your man to talk about the things that are bothering him, you’ll be able to work it out. Ask him questions. Tell him how you’re feeling. Just get him talking about how he’s doing. [Read: Ways to get your man to start communicating with you]

2. Tell him how much he means to you

He should already know, but hearing it time and time again doesn’t hurt. Knowing you want to tell him how much you love him will make him feel good. He’ll feel as though he doesn’t have to worry about you running off with someone else.

When dating an insecure man, it’s not just about getting him to talk, but you talking too.

3. Figure out how he feels loved

People don’t feel love the same. You might need physical affection or verbal affection to feel love whereas he might feel love through acts of service.

Figure out his love language. Ask what things you do make him feel the most appreciated and cared for. Then do those things more often so he’s not as insecure.

4. Reassure him often

Sometimes you just need to tell him that he has nothing to worry about. Verbally confirm that you’re only there for him and want no one else. It might seem tedious to do this all the time, but it’ll be worth it.

Just don’t overdo it or he might just think you’re saying stuff to throw him off. When dating an insecure man, you have to think ahead of the game. [Read: How to reassure and win over a super jealous type]

5. Keep in contact without being asked

Just check in throughout the day. It’s really not that big of a deal. Tell him when you walk from the coffee shop home. Send a quick text when you’re done with work.

You don’t have to give him a play-by-play of your entire day, but just let him know what you’re up to so he doesn’t need to feel anxious and worried. [Read: Communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]

6. Don’t point out his insecurities

Never point out his insecurities and never mention them in front of his friends. He knows what they are and it’ll make him feel worse if you point them out, especially if you make fun of them.

He also really doesn’t need his friends to know of his insecurities. Guys feel very emasculated when their friends know their weaknesses. Just keep it to yourself if you know about them.

Dating an insecure man means knowing his insecurities but not pushing them in his face. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people will always try to hide]

7. Openly discuss his past

Since a guy’s past can tell you a lot about their insecurity issues, go ahead and discuss it with him. At first, he might not want to open up about it. Make sure he knows you’re willing to talk about anything he has to say so he’ll feel more comfortable going to you.

8. Don’t lie to him about anything

If you lie and he catches it, he won’t be able to trust you. And not having trust will make his insecurities a LOT worse. So if you can avoid it, just don’t lie to him.

Tell him the truth whenever you can and make sure it’s right away. This will build up your trust and that’ll help his insecurities settle down. [Read: How to regain your partner’s trust after you’ve lied to them]

9. Let him meet all your friends, even the guys

If anything, he should be meeting the guys you spend time with right away. Otherwise, it’ll be really easy for him to paint them in a negative light before he even knows them. He’ll get really insecure that you’re spending a lot of time with other guys and it’ll become a really big issue for the two of you.

10. Open up about your insecurities

Knowing he’s not alone in his insecurities will help him feel a lot better. So talk about yours! Let him know you have issues too and you’re not always happy when it comes to certain things.

If he feels like he can be vulnerable with you about something you both are dealing with, it’ll be much easier to handle. When dating an insecure boyfriend, you have to be open on both sides. [Read: How to feel beautiful even on your darkest days]

11. Ask what he needs from you

Be honest and just ask what he needs from you. How much communication does he need throughout the day? What are some things you can do to make him feel better? Knowing exactly what’ll help his insecurity will make your relationship better and that’s a key to dating an insecure man.

12. Prove he has nothing to worry about time and time again

This is easy. Just be faithful and be there for him. Always prove his worst fears to be false. This is all it takes for his insecurities to be less and less prominent.

He’ll still have them, sure. But the stronger and healthier your relationship is, the less he’ll feel insecure. [Read: Common guys’ insecurities that women don’t realize]

13. Set boundaries, and mean them

Supporting your insecure boyfriend doesn’t mean letting him dictate your life. If he constantly crosses lines, like checking your phone, controlling who you talk to, or accusing you of cheating, it’s time to set firm, loving boundaries.

Tell him what’s okay and what’s not, and what happens if he crosses that line again. You’re not being “mean.” You’re protecting the relationship from rotting from the inside out. [Read: Boundaries in a Relationship: 43 Healthy Dating Rules You MUST Set Early On]

The problems of dating insecure men

Insecure men are terribly jealous, but they won’t admit to it. In fact, they’ll make you feel like you’re the bad one in the relationship. They’ll behave like they’re sacrificing so much for your happiness, and load you up with guilt.

Insecurity in your man can also make you antisocial and stunt your growth. Before you know it, you’ll start avoiding all your friends and only be spending time with him. And even if you want to meet a good friend, you’d wonder if your boyfriend or husband would be okay with you meeting a friend.

Ever felt that? Chances are, you’re being tricked into submission by an insecure man.

One of the easiest ways to recognize an insecure boyfriend is by watching his behavior when you’re having a pleasant conversation with another man. [Read: 20 traits and signs of a toxic boyfriend that predict a painful relationship]

A secure man wouldn’t be offended or threatened if his woman speaks to other guys *unless she’s had a sexual history with that guy*. But if your man is insecure, chances are, he’ll tell you how lonely and awkward he felt when you were so busy talking and having fun with another guy.

An insecure boyfriend won’t speak his mind. He’ll look for ways to pierce your heart and get things done his way. For that reason, you need to know the signs of insecurity in a man so that you can act accordingly. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]

Insecurity is common, but manipulation isn’t okay

Look, we all have our insecurities, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to manipulate another person. If you’ve tried to reassure your boyfriend and he still plays the manipulation trick to try and control you, it’s time to question the relationship.

Dating an insecure man isn’t easy, but if you’re open to trying and he’s willing to do his best, it can work out.

Helping him to work through things is fine, but there’s a line. If it goes beyond that, and you constantly feel like you’re being watched and controlled, perhaps you should walk away from your insecure boyfriend and find someone who doesn’t drain all your energy.

[Read: Healthy Relationship: What It Is, 45 Signs & Secrets to Stay Happy in Love]

Insecurity in love can seem cute at first, like a quirky need for reassurance or sweet jealousy. But left unchecked, it can morph into manipulation, emotional exhaustion, or even abuse.

Whether you’re dating an insecure boyfriend who’s struggling to feel safe, or recognizing the signs of insecurity in a man for the first time, remember: you are not responsible for fixing someone who refuses to grow. Love should feel like freedom, not a never-ending test of your loyalty.