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17 Big Signs of a Jealous and Possessive Boyfriend!

signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend

Are you dating a guy who seems perfect, but is jealous and insecure on the inside? Read these 17 big signs of a possessive boyfriend to find out!

Is it so bad to be a possessive lover?

After all, all of us are possessive, at least in the first few stages in the nine stages of love when we’re insecure and not too sure of our partner’s love for us.

When you display a sign of possessiveness, you could be seen as a girl who loves her boyfriend a lot and fears losing him.

But there’s a thin line between displaying possessiveness as a sign of love, and displaying possessiveness as a sign of control and dominance.

[Read: The nine stages of love all couples go through in a relationship]

Are you dating a jealous and possessive boyfriend?

Jealousy and possessiveness can seem extremely cute to begin with.

You laugh about it, talk about it with your friends, and you feel really loved and special because there’s a guy who can’t seem to live a moment without hearing from you.

Your boyfriend’s possessiveness reaffirms his love for you, and it makes you feel like you’re the only girl that matters in his whole life!

But what if his possessiveness goes too far and stops you from living your own life?

How can you tell if he’s being loving or controlling, when you just can’t see the difference? You may believe that your boyfriend is really possessive only because he loves you so much.

But the truth is, love has very little to do with most people’s possessive nature. More often than not, it’s a guy’s insecurity that makes him jealous and possessive. And beyond showing your love and affection to him, there’s really not much you can do to change him if he chooses to control you through his jealous and possessive nature! [Read: 10 ways to handle a jealous boyfriend and make him not-so-jealous]

Jealousy and possessiveness go hand in hand

When your boyfriend gets jealous, he’d feel insecure. And when he feels insecure, he’d become more possessive. And each time he displays his possessiveness and gets to control your behavior, it makes him feel more powerful in the relationship. And this power to control you *that you willingly give away each time you give in to his possessive habits* makes him assume that he’s the final authority in the relationship.

And each time you break free or do something he doesn’t approve of, it makes him feel more jealous and insecure because he believes he’s losing his grip and power over you.

Jealousy and possessiveness is a vicious cycle that takes turns to rear their head all the time. And no matter how hard you try to help your boyfriend feel better and more loved, he may only choose to see the ways that you’ve let him down. [Read: 15 sweet ways to make your boyfriend feel loved and special in the relationship]

The only way a guy can rid himself of the cycle of jealousy and possessiveness is by confronting it himself. You can shower him with affection and make him feel loved, but there’s only so much you can do before you crumble into pieces yourself!

17 big signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend

It’s never easy to clearly demarcate the signs that differentiate a good boyfriend from a possessive one. After all, a tinge of possessive behavior is completely acceptable in every relationship, especially when you feel insecure.

So here’s a list of 17 signs to know if you’re dating a jealous and possessive guy. If you see a handful of these signs in your boyfriend, he may just be slightly possessive because he feels insecure now and then, or bordering on controlling behavior. [Read: 22 early warning signs to recognize a bad boyfriend immediately]

But if you see a lot of these signs in your boyfriend or husband, it’s time you talk to him about it because things will only get worse, and never better.

Possessive boyfriends are like a noose around your neck. Every time you give in, their grip only gets tighter *and their expectations from you only grows bigger*!

If you see several of these 17 signs of a possessive boyfriend in your own lover, point it out to him and help him see your side of the story, especially if it bothers you or if you feel controlled in the relationship. [Read: 12 things you need to look for in a guy before you fall for him!]

Of course, your boyfriend will deny it or straight out accuse you of using these signs to make him look bad. But at the end of the day, if both of you need to have a satisfying and fulfilling relationship, both your expectations and wants from love need to be addressed and met. And if your possessive guy can’t change for you, or can’t stop trying to control you, perhaps it is best you walk away from him, or he’ll always expect more from you, all the time!

#1 Your decisions. He constantly wants to play a part in any decision you take. And he just can’t seem to accept it if you choose to do something he doesn’t approve of.

#2 His possessiveness is love. Every time you point out just how possessive he is, he defends himself by claiming that he’s possessive only because he loves and cares about you so much. [Read: The 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]

#3 Stalking. He stalks you or tries to find out where you are often when you’re out with a friend by calling you up out of the blue and telling you he wants to see you or meet you, or that he wants to pick you up.

#4 New experiences. He’s extremely protective about you, and doesn’t want you to do anything new without him. He behaves like your life is in danger when he isn’t around to take care of you, and sulks when you try something new for the first time without him.

#5 He sees red. He gets really mad over simple issues, especially if it involves another guy. He just doesn’t want you to create any memories or do anything fun with any other guy but him. [Read: Are insecure men ever really worth dating?]

#6 Inquisitive. He’s extremely inquisitive about everything that goes on in your life. And if you don’t talk about something you consider too trivial to talk about, he gets angry or sulks until you tell him all the details, all the time.

#7 Passwords. He wants to know all your passwords and all your secrets, even if you don’t want to share them with him just yet. He coerces you and threatens you until he gets what he wants.

#8 You have to answer his call. It doesn’t matter who you’re talking to, but he expects you to answer his call as soon as he calls you even if you’re busy on another call. And if you ignore him because you’re busy, he accuses you of ignoring him or being a bad girlfriend.

#9 Controlling. He doesn’t like it if you meet a friend or go out anywhere without telling him about it first, even if he isn’t around. It starts small until you find yourself asking him for permission for every single thing you do. [Read: 15 subtle and yet shocking signs of a controlling boyfriend]

#10 Your friends are flawed. He ridicules all your friends, especially your guy friends and constantly picks their flaws. And each time they let you down, he takes it upon himself to emphasize just how unreliable your friends are, and how he’s the only one you can completely trust.

#11 He hates space. The idea of giving each other space shocks him. He wants to be a part of everything you do, and yet, he may whine and nag about something you enjoy until you give it all up and do things that he enjoys just to keep him happy. [Read: The importance of giving space in a happy relationship]

#12 His world revolves around you. He behaves like his entire life revolves around you. And he forces you to behave the same way around him, even if you don’t feel that way just yet. He wants to be the center of your world, and forces you to give him preferential attention over everyone else in your life.

#13 He tags along. He’s extremely insecure however hard you try to make him feel loved. He doesn’t like it when you go out to meet your friends by yourself, and always insists on tagging himself along, especially if there are a few guys in your group of friends. [Read: 23 must-know relationship advice for all women]

#14 You shouldn’t have fun alone. He hates it when you have any kind of fun without him. If you watch a movie with your friends and meet him at the end of the day, you may find him really quiet or sulking. And eventually, he may tell you the real reason and find a way to make you feel guilty about it at the same time!

#15 Compliments. He doesn’t like it when you speak highly of someone else. Every time you say something nice about someone, a friend or a family member, he immediately tries to point their flaws. He’s extremely competitive and wants you to believe that he’s the only one you should ever look up at or seek help from. [Read: 16 ways to handle your boyfriend’s controlling behavior]

#16 When you’re out. You may not have realized this, but your boyfriend calls you up a lot more every time you go out with your friends. He doesn’t like it when you go out with your friends *without him* and constantly calls you and asks you what you’re doing and when you’re heading back home. He may sound inquisitive, but you get the feeling that he doesn’t like it when you go out with anyone but him.

#17 He’s happy when you’re down. He seems particularly happy when your friends let you down, even though he doesn’t say it out loud. And he uses the occasion to prove why you should trust no one but him because everyone in the world is unreliable but him! [Read: How to stop selfish people from hurting you]

Remember, not all these signs or traits in a guy are bad or dangerous for a relationship. But there’s a thin threshold between tolerable behavior and extreme possessiveness. And that threshold is different for all of us.

Some girls may love their own independence while a few other girls may love depending on a guy for all their needs. We’re all different and have our own expectations. But these 17 signs you see here are all signs of jealousy and possessiveness, and is something that definitely needs to be addressed in a relationship.

[Read: 25 signs and qualities that make a really great boyfriend]

So just how many of these 17 signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend do you see in your own lover? And are they acceptable to you, or is it something you’d never put up with?

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Alison Ricard
Alison Ricard
Alison Ricard loves sunshine, good books and contagious laughter. And when she isn’t writing, you’ll find her sitting in a café, people watching and commun...
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27 thoughts on “17 Big Signs of a Jealous and Possessive Boyfriend!”

  1. Melina says:

    Holy crap…this is all the signs my boyfriend have…. Ahh..now I understand him….

  2. amy says:

    love this article

  3. nishad abrahams says:

    thanks for the help you have given me its highly appreciated thank you.I have a boyfriend that is extremely jealous and insecure about everything i do,but thanks for the tips now i know how 2 handle my situation better…THANK YOU…..

  4. nishad abrahams says:


  5. John Pribanic says:

    Wow…I’m a guy and my gf’s friend accused me of being possessive. I actually have 7 of these traits, I feel awful. What can I do to change?! I love my gf so much but I don’t want to end up smothering her and losing her. Please help me before it’s too late!!!

  6. The_Man says:

    This article is nonsene. Women try to make mens’ jealousy look stupid. They want us to bow to them. I don’t think so.

  7. Sarah says:

    Not necessarily .. some of these signs are really cute, and means they love you .. but could be true sometimes. Not always, though.

  8. Anne H. says:

    I have been looking for an article about this, and well I have just discovered my beloved boyfriend is possessive with me, he says he doesn’t want to. But some of this things made me sligthly uncomfortable: he doesn’t want me to go out or try things because “it’s dangerous” and I have a really good friend who I think is awesome, and he doesn’t want me to talk to him. I really love my boyfriend, but I don’t want to tell him he’s being so possessive because he will sulk… I love being independet… what do I do…?

  9. Peggy says:

    My ex boyfriend is very controlling and jealous and he beg beg me go back I can’t I say show me proof. That u change I still don’t believe him but show me proof u are change. Give me tips to tell him to proof me that heis try changes how me

  10. Briana says:

    This sounds like Edward Cullen from Twilight.

  11. vicky says:

    Its sad to know that the guy I was going to marry in a few weeks has become extremely possesive!! But he made me feel that it was all my fault bc Im so proud and dont take his crap. The worst part is he s so called christian! He would use the bible to manipulate me and i put up with it for a year!! This has been one difficult year for me but I know that the Lord will help me get through it. Girls, we tend to like the challenge to change Men, and from my experience i’ve come to accept that I cant change someone that cant accept that he is WRONG!!! Only God can change him. I encourage you to walk out of a relationship that is possesive because it only gets worst. My Fiance is a cop and ex MMA fighter and he’s short tempered, I had to call the police twice!!! He is a manipulating, controlling phsycho and extremely INSECURE!!! He doesnt have respect for anybody, not my family not his parents so definetly not for me or the Lord. So please ladies get out right now if you can because many a times it comes to a point that we girls become damaged from jerks like him. God bless you all!!!

  12. Jonathan says:

    Any good guy in a good relationship SHOULD have most of these! He gets angry if you’re making memories with another guy? Well no DUH!! You shouldn’t be hanging out with other guys AT ALL if you have a boyfriend. My god there are a lot of sluts now days.

  13. Joe says:

    Jealousy is healthy I within a relationship in small quantities as it shows that your partner cares. But when it reaches possessiveness and control it’s a horrific draining situation to be in. After 15 months of being blamed, constantly ridiculed and accused of anything and everything I have found the courage to walk away. Nobody who says they love you should make you feel inadequate and have the power to destroy you.

  14. Laci says:

    I doubt that Mr. Jonathan will see this but his remark ticked me off.
    I am by no means a feminist, but after recently coming out of two bad relationships IN A ROW, I’m putting in my thought.
    Male friends are better IMO, but I sure as hell am not a slut. If any men want me while I’m dating, I’ll make it clear out that I am not interested…I get along better with men and I have a huge disdain on females (due to their need for attention on themselves and the ones I meet trying to get in the way of a relationship; I won’t put up with them).

    Ex #1 got abusive after drinking, and taking my phone to text my friends and say rude things (leave me alone, I’m her boyfriend and I don’t want you talking to her, etc). When I grabbed it he punched and tried strangling me. We didn’t last after.

    Ex #2 Exhibited these signs… had a male friend from HIGH SCHOOL come by and play Minecraft. Boyfriend came home and got pissed despite me telling him I had invited this friend who he also knows. He went to bed, then came out an hour later, told me to “fuck off” and when I went to talk to him he accused me of cheating and more. He punched me in the gut this morning and nearly kicked me last night when he was also accusing me of calling the police (he was stopped when he headed out to his sisters place). I didn’t cheat on him except maybe when we ‘broke up’, and he used it in our arguments.

    So Jon, please get off your superior ‘girls shouldn’t do this’ logic and live down to earth. Men like you makes it harder for us to enjoy a life without being nagged at for every thing we do.

  15. sarah says:

    Hey Jonathan, there are men everywhere. Since when does talking to someone of the opposite sex make you a slut? Your like middle eastern men who make there woman cover up from head to toe because they’re so insecure about other men looking at them. Being a possessive psycho is not attractive and men who display these traits usually have problems. Yes I am a feminist and everyone who respects woman, including men, should be one too.

  16. Cindy Delgado says:

    Wish I could have read this a long time ago…

  17. Veronica says:

    glad I read this now…was beginning to think I was the problem in our relationship

  18. Tina says:

    This was exactly how my ex boyfriend treated me. I left and am extremely grateful that I never did marry him, like he wanted. It’s such a hideous kind of relationship to be involved in.

  19. Nicole says:

    Hey Sarah,

    Why did you make a racist comment to Jonathan? What makes you think he’s Middle Eastern? There are guys out there that aren’t Middle Eastern and are quite possessive of their girlfriends. Middle Eastern men are less possessive to their girlfriends if anything. Don’t push your silly agenda on anyone.

  20. Erin says:

    I do not believe possessiveness and jealousy is something that is that bad. From my experience it just means that they care about you and don’t want to lose you, but what do I know, I’m only 17. My last boyfriend was easily ticked off by other guys. He even got upset when I was wearing an outfit that showed off my body because he didn’t want other guys looking at that (according to him it was just for him to see (the outfit was just a fitted shirt that showed at little bit of cleavage)). Obviously, that relationship didn’t work out and shows how possessiveness and jealousy are bad.

    My current boyfriend is younger than me. He’s 15. I described him as possessive the other day and he also says that he’s jealous in his mind when I talk to other guys besides him but he knows it’s ridiculous so he doesn’t ask me to do any different. He’s possessive in a childlike way, he doesn’t want to stop holding my hand, he doesn’t want to leave me to go to class, and the way he expresses this is with a sad face and whines. I do not see this as a problem at all and I don’t see him becoming overly possessive where he becomes violent. Although, he is going into the marines directly after high school. If you have any feedback, please don’t hesitate to comment.


  21. Franks says:

    Hasn’t made me feel any better I want the relationship to work, he does every single 17 of these things and I doubt he’ll ever change…

  22. Ken says:

    Wow. Thank God I read this article. I have almost every trate listed. I have a girlfriend of 8 months and now I just feel terrible. Definitely going to starting changing a lot. Women do not deserve to feel manipulated. A true relationship is built on trust. If there are any men (like me) out there, change asap. Hope it’s not too late for me. Thanks for posting the article.

  23. Nisha says:

    I have a bf and we have been together since 3 years.I love him dearly and he loves me or not i am really worried because he has each and every signs that u hv mentioned here.I ignored all these in the beginning of our relation thinking that he loves me but now I can’t handle more.He was not like this before.But now according to him if i talk with boy then i do not respect him and he does not want me to be wid those grls who talk wid boys.It is becoz of him that i could not go to my frnds party every time she invited me due to which she felt bad.I cannot go out witjout askin him and even if he says to go , he asks me where i am each n every time even if i am wid my father.Once he has also abused my father and mother.when i tried to broke up wid him he cut his hand with a blade due to which i felt sorrry for him and once again came in relation.But now he’s too irritating but i could not say to him becoz he feels that i have just used him and accuses me everytime and since he lives near my house i cannot face him everyday.So plzz tell me how to emd this reln becoz to some extent being possesive is good nd i too like it but he is overpossesive.Plz tell me how to brk up .

  24. sweetrecognition says:

    Most of those signs are of possibly a Dominant boyfriend not a crazy jealous guy

  25. -V- says:

    Men go through a lot of things too from women. Guys get cheated on and abused as much as women do so if a guy is damaged you cannot completely blame him in full for how he gets. It is still your discussion whether or not to be with them and or give them what they want. If they aren’t physically blocking your way or hitting you, You can do what you want just fine. This article just seems like a generic hate towards men based on past experiences. Well sister I am so sorry that happened to you but next time stand up for yourself as a women and say no. This also sounds more like teen drama nonsense, adult men rarely do this and when they do in this age women speak up and say ” I will slap the shit out of you “. Its fine to have an opinion like myself and you but don’t go stating shit like this without indicating some research because the only time this is horribly bad is when the guy has 0 issues or past pain and he is flat out being crazy. Every guy out there has a few of these issues you listed and there are appropriate reasons for them too.

  26. Katlei says:

    I’m going through this now that is why im reading the article. It’s nothing against men it happens to both sexes and if you experience it like I am you wouldn’t be saying that. It’s hard when you love someone and want to make them happy

  27. Braveheart says:

    The “guy friend” has always been the deal breaker for me,I don’t get jealous unless my girl hangs out with guys. Women want to pretend like those guy “friends” don’t want to be more than friends and that’s what boils any faithful man’s blood. Only promiscuous men and women are ok with that type of behavior.

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