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How to Tell if a Guy is Gay: 13 Subtle Signs to Hone Your “Gaydar”

You might think that your gaydar is foolproof. However, without knowing how to tell if a guy is gay in detail, you’re missing out on some subtle signs.

how to tell if a guy is gay

How many times in the past have you decided that you really like a guy, only to find out that he’s gay? You might have been totally convinced he was straight at the start, but you missed out some very important signs. You see, when you like someone, it’s easy to convince yourself of all sorts. But, it’s vital to learn how to tell if a guy is gay, to save time, heartache, and your own ego.

It’s pretty embarrassing to pluck up the courage to ask a guy out, only for him to tell you that he’s gay. There’s really nothing you can say to it, other than “oh okay!” You’ll slope away, kicking yourself for not knowing. But, really, how could you? It’s not like all guy men walk around with a sign over their heads to inform you of their sexual preference. Some signs are extremely subtle, or not visible at all!

This doesn’t help you try and work it out before actually trying to ask a guy out. However, there are some signs you might have been missing. By learning them now, you can go some way to avoiding the cringe-factor on another occasion. [Read: 20 Sexually enlightening movies all about sexuality]

Why you should never trust your gaydar

Put simply, the very notion of having a gaydar is nothing short of ridiculous. You might think you’re pretty good at figuring out who is gay and who isn’t, but as we’ve already mentioned, it’s not like every gay man goes out of their way to make it obvious.

Gay men don’t walk any differently, they don’t sound any different, and most don’t act any differently either. That’s why it’s hard to tell. But, you should also ask yourself why they even need to give signs to show people that they’re gay. It’s a personal deal, they don’t need to tell you anything.

That’s why so many girls have embarrassed themselves asking out a guy, only for him to turn around and tell her that he’s sorry, but she doesn’t have the right appendage for him! The good news is that many girls manage to laugh this off and they end up becoming great friends.

For that reason, throw out the very notion of having some all-knowing gaydar, and simply go with your guy. These signs should help you. [Read: Is my boyfriend gay?]

How to tell if a guy is gay (mostly)

It’s time to refocus your attention and look at what’s in front of you. If he’s a closet gay, well, it’s not going to end well for you because it will end at some point. These are the 13 signs to look for when trying to figure out if the guy you like is gay. However, do remember that no approach to identifying whether a guy is gay or not will ever be foolproof.

1. You just feel it

Listen, if you’re already on here trying to figure out if the guy you like is gay, then you already have a feeling. Listen to your gut. It may not be always right, but more likely than not, it is.

So, if you’re iffy and already analyzing what he does, take your own advice and don’t lose sleep over it because you’ve already figured it out. On to the next guy! [Read: Dating feminine men – Is it a boom or bust?]

2. He doesn’t want to sleep with you

Don’t take this personally. I know this really hurts, but it’s really not you. It’s actually him. So, before you go standing in front of a mirror, judging yourself, think about whether it could actually be something else.

Now, that’s not to say that every man who doesn’t want to sleep with you is gay. Perhaps you’re just not their type in general. Maybe they’re not feeling it. Perhaps they’re celibate. You never actually know about a guy’s situation in this case until you talk about it with him, but if it’s continually not happening with the same guy, there is a chance he could be gay.

3. He checks out other men

This is a big one in knowing how to tell if a guy is gay. If he’s pointing out men to you, that’s pretty unusual. Unless some guy really stands out in the crowd, most men won’t notice other men. Heterosexual men usually stay focused on women. It makes sense.

So, if he’s commenting on men walking by him, it’s because he’s not looking at the females. So, take note of that because it’s a pretty good sign. [Read: Everything women need to know about dating a bisexual man]

4. How he talks about women

If he’s talking about women, it still doesn’t mean he’s straight. You should look at the way he talks about women. Usually, heterosexual men are more sexual with their commentary about women. They’ll talk about her body, her face, etc. But if your man talks about how nice her coat and boots look together, we would raise an eyebrow on that.

5. He prefers anal sex

Does he like it when you wear a strap-on? Heterosexual men engage in this activity as well, it’s worth pointing that out. However, is this the only way your guy will have sex with you? That’s another issue. If he’s only engaging in intimacy if you perform anal sex, question if he’s interested in women.

Heterosexual men like anal sex, but they also like missionary and other positions which require you to face each other, as well as sex vaginally. If the only thing he likes is looking at you from behind, well, he has his mind on other things. [Read: What is pegging? All the backdoor facts to get you started]

6. He’s secretive about his friends

Haven’t met many of his guy friends? Maybe that’s because if you met them, you’d be suspicious. If he doesn’t bring his friends around or if you’ve never met any of his friends, we would question why.

7. He watches gay porn

If the guy you like is subscribed to a gay porn site, that’s not because there’s an abundance of women on there. If he’s watching gay porn, it means he’s attracted to men.

8. He flirts with guys

Still confused and wondering how to tell if a guy is gay? Take a look at how he behaves around other men. Do you catch him winking at other men? Or making flirtatious comments?

Why do people flirt? You flirt with guys that you’re sexually attracted to in hopes of getting their sexual attention. So, for him, it’s not any different. He’s flirting to arouse the other person, and the other person just happens to be a man. [Read: Sexually fluid – What does this even mean in the dating world?]

9. He’s very tactile with other men

If he’s sitting on the couch with another guy and caressing his arm, perhaps leave the room and let them have some alone time. You’re interfering.

Men are usually not overly physical with other men unless they’re hugging each other hello or goodbye. So, if his hands are all over another man, come on, you know what’s up.

10. He wants to bring another guy into the bedroom

Most guys want to have a threesome, it’s basically every man’s dream. Now, usually, they want one with two women. But it’s not unusual to have a threesome with two men.

However, if he’s always nudging you for a threesome with two men, that’s odd. Try bringing up a threesome with two women and see how he reacts. Not so turned on? Yeah, that’s because he’s not into women. [Read: The devil’s three-way: 10 ways to master the devil’s threesome]

11. His Internet history is foggy

Have you ended up on his internet history? Is it always cleared? That’s unusual, wouldn’t you say? Because as far as we know, people only clear their web browsing history when they don’t want people to see what they’ve been looking at. So, if there are some weird sites he’s been on or if his history is completely blank, well, then we would be curious about that. However, if this is the only sign you’re noticing, it’s nothing to be concerned about; most guys watch porn online and hide their Internet history!

12. He avoids gay people

Heterosexual men don’t care about gay guys, they’re comfortable with their sexuality. If someone is gay, that’s not a big deal. However, heterosexual men who are secretly gay, usually dislike gay people. That’s not always the case, of course, but it could be that he’s struggling with his sexuality and doesn’t want to face it yet.

So, if you find the guy you like strongly dislikes gay people and avoids them at all costs, then you should take another look at him. Either he’s secretly gay or he’s just not a very nice person because he’s judging people because of their sexuality. [Read: The perks and unperks of coming out of the closet]

13. He has iffy sex toys

Listen, if you’re with him and you use sex toys together then that’s not a big deal. However, when you first met him, did he have any toys that were more for gay sex? Like dildos? This one can be tricky because man toys are not necessarily used strictly for straight or gay sex.

Women are usually the ones who bring their own dildos, so it’s odd if he has one already. Yeah, if he has his own dildo, we would question that.

[Read: 6 Things to do when you find out your man is gay]

People have many reasons for hiding their sexuality, which is fine. However, try to not get caught up in their personal issues.By looking out for these signs on how to tell if a guy is gay, you can avoid getting involved with a guy who isn’t into you.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic is an intimacy, dating, and relationship writer best known for her writings on Kiiroo, LovePanky, Post Pravda, and more. She's the creator and ...
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