Cheating in a Relationship

cheating in a relationship

Can you really define cheating in a relationship? As complex as the feeling of love may be, affairs and cheating in a relationship are just as complicated, says Roberto Rossi. But who defines cheating, and what constitutes cheating in a relationship?

Cheating in a relationship is funny business. Painful, most definitely, but it’s extremely hilarious to watch from a third person’s view.

Have you seen how relationships change with time?

And have you noticed how we twist our own promises to our lovers to suit our needs as time passes by?

You kissed someone else because you assumed your partner was cheating? Or did you sleep with another person because your partner just wasn’t showing you any affection?

Is that cheating, or is that just changing with the circumstances?

Cheating in a relationship

More often than not, things can sometimes be lost in translation when it comes to your relationship with a loved one. Without clear boundaries set, it’s even more likely that relationships won’t last past the initial honeymoon period.

It seems nowadays you can’t even fart or sneeze without your loved one having opinions about it. Why is this happening?

Only god knows, but as couples become more and more immersed into each other’s daily lives, problems seem to be occurring left, right and centre!

Just think about it for a moment. Have you been in a situation where the doubt of infidelity has been so small and so insignificant, but in the end you ended up having a row with your partner and probably took a few days to resolve it while the dust settled?

Have you been in that situation when in looking at what is positive in the relationship, you instead focus on the negative? There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s up to you to find the torch that can take you there.

Cheating and our own views

Cheating in a relationship can be a confusing affair. Recently, a friend of mine came to me with a dilemma. His girlfriend had left him because he often sent text messages to a female colleague from his workplace. [Read: How to text flirt]

This girl from work would call him occasionally to talk, to gossip, etc. His girlfriend came to him concerned, and even after he had comforted her over a few glasses of Portuguese Rose, she came right back at him with the sucker punch, “but you always see her at work, why do you need to talk to her even when you’re home?”

His response was somber, and there wasn’t much he could have said back, other than “she’s a friend who likes to talk, what’s wrong with that?” Of course, some level of flirtation probably took place, but let’s be big boys and girls here, who doesn’t flirt in life?

Infidelity creates its own circumstances

As a few months went by, a one-off, random office drinks party ended with my friend and his workmate sharing a kiss. Of course, my tone changed. But in the end, I felt this couple had a lot more going for them then, to allow a stupid kiss to get in the way.

Three years together, and a stupid kiss could ruin all of that? Who hasn’t done something stupid which they come to regret, or rather forget? But this is it. When he felt guilty about it and told his girlfriend about the kiss, she was obviously pissed off. But she went one step further. She told him she always knew there was something going on between them.

Fair enough, I thought. She was well entitled to believe that something could come from this because they had locked lips.

But it was her failure to reflect on their relationship to understand that such a scenario was always a miniscule event in a wider picture. She assumed that that one kiss had started an entire illicit relationship between her man and the woman from work, and she just wasn’t ready to accept that perhaps, just maybe, it was an unfortunate event that happened by accident. It could happen to any of us.

Becoming the unfaithful one

Anyone can fall prey to such accidents, given the circumstances and chances of timing. No one’s a saint and no one’s a sinner if you really weigh the circumstances.

But as the American actor Henry Winkler once said, “assumptions are the termites of relationships.” They eat at you and your partner, and in the end, just like a termite loves to grind down on wood, the termite assumption eats at the tree you and your partner have grown together.

When is it cheating?

In today’s world, it seems that everything shared between a partner and a friend of the opposite gender is cheating. Absurd, right? Wrong.

You will be surprised at the amount of cases where relationships have ended over the most miniscule of things. With respect to sexual infidelity, cheating is only cheating if, ladies, you happen to walk into your room to find some butt naked chicka playing with your fella’s nuts (and I’m not talking about food here).

Alternatively, cheating is only cheating if men, you happen to find your lady with her panties in a twist with another man. Well, unless you’re talking about emotional affairs.

Anything is remotely possible today. Think back about my friend, his example is exactly what is killing the average American relationship of a twenty or thirty something year old. We, as humans, are drawn in by our assumptions of situations without allowing ourselves to reflect on the positives. Sounds familiar?

But I hear you saying out loud ‘what could be positive from my partner kissing someone else?’

Well firstly, it’s not as if they slept with them. They didn’t share a night of passion that they would normally have shared with you. Secondly, if you know about it, either they have told you themselves or you’ve found out yourself, but that doesn’t mean they are going to do it again. [Read: Chemistry in love and the first kiss in an affair]

If they do, then, of course it’s cheating in a relationship. But what if it happened in the heat of the moment, a onetime thing? It really could happen to any of us!

Defining cheating in love

The definition of cheating in a relationship is changing with the times. Most relationships end when either one of the individuals involved does the unthinkable. They cheat. [Read: Having an affair with a married man]

In the U.S. alone, one in three marriages now ends in divorce, and a lot is put down to infidelity issues. In a recent national survey, twenty two percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives, while fourteen percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives. And that’s the number of people that confessed to their deed! Can you even begin to think of the number of secret affairs going on right this minute? [Read: Emotional affairs]

During the 1950’s and 1960’s, cheating was seen as a pass-time. Both genders could openly do more things and people, but today is different.

With the techno-advanced twenty first century, all forms of communication are a blessing to us. We text, email, have mobiles, and interact much more. Socially, we are freer in more ways than ever before, but in trying to be a free spirit like a character out of a Paulo Coelho book, we cause ourselves harm too. The more we interact, the more problems we get into, and more temptations we come across.

So what is cheating?

When one talks about cheating in a relationship, some may think of a lover banging someone else. But as I said, times have changed. Flirting, kissing, cyber-sex, text-sex, email-sex, facebook-sex, even looking at the opposite sex is considering cheating! Forgive me, maybe I just won’t look at beauty the next time it passes me by.

Seriously though, because people have different opinions about what’s considered cheating, it’s up to you and your partner to decide what the “ground rules” are for the relationship.

What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends also on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner in the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of the relationship.

Many people agree that there are six basic qualities to healthy, loving relationships. Respect, trust, honesty, fairness, equality, and good communication. Everyone is different when it comes to dating rules, so people should sit down with their partners and agree on what counts as cheating in their relationships.

Discussing these details, however uncomfortable they may seem, is actually the best way to create boundaries in love and avoid cheating in a relationship. Click here to continue reading about cheating and relationships – what is cheating?

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DISCUSSION

15 thoughts on “Cheating in a Relationship”

  1. KatyDid says:

    I disagree with the point “It could happen to any of us!”

    No, it really couldn’t.
    If you don’t allow yourself to be put in a position where it could, or you can anticipate what is going to occur and make the moves to keep it from occurring, it won’t happen.

    I wouldn’t excuse my partner kissing someone that wasn’t a close friend or family member (& that’s only a kiss on the cheek).

    The fact that your friend was accepting texts outside of work, and didn’t ask the co-worker to lay off the texts after his girlfriend had expressed a desire to spend time with him without the interruption of his co-worker speaks volumes about your friend.

    There’s being your own person, and then not caring what your partner thinks and not caring enough about them to change your behavior, which is what happened here. He didn’t change his behavior with his co-worker or draw boundary lines, & his girlfriend of 3 years left him. She shouldn’t have settled for someone who didn’t care about her feelings, and she didn’t. Right on for her.

  2. kaz says:

    I agree with katydid … If it makes your partner feel uncomfortable that means she herself has given u the chance to stop anything from happenIng if u then go and carry on with what she has expressed concern about u have no right to9 blame it on a mistake. Her reaction was that of a woman who knows what she wants nd respects herself .. if she didn’t respect herself in this matter there would be no respect for her by the partner nor herself. If u love someone u wouldn’t put ureself at risk of fucking up the relationship .. especially where the boundaries have been set once she found him making or straying towards the mistake. Prevention is allways better thn redemption …

  3. Anonymous says:

    My husband cheats on me all the time. He creates profiles on dating websites to meet women. He has been doing this for years. He tells women that I am dead, our child is someone else’s and threatens their lives when he is caught.

  4. WhatDoYouThink says:

    Me and my gf became together after dating eachother for two (while datinh others) and a month while daiting just eachother. To quick in my opionion, but it has a reason. I was going to move away for 4 months. So I just popped the question asking her if she wanted to be together. I never get into a relationship if I really don

  5. Lilly says:

    I had a very debunked one night stand, it was basically over before it started,
    I felt awful and told my husband, after a week of talking, crying etc, we decided to put it behind
    Us, however, a week later I found out he had been on sex dating sites for months, I am so mad
    That he couldn’t tell me, he has paid for these sites and he dosnt understand why I’m upset, he lied to me about it, he has sex with me then goes on line to talk dirty to women, I count this as cheating.

  6. Tryingtotrust says:

    I have made the horrid mistake of reading my husbands texts out of mild suspicion and curiosity…. He’s been texting this girl non stop it seems every day. So I snuck a peek to see if I should be worried and it’s all “I’m thinking about you” “I miss you” “I wish I could see you” and then worse thins from him. Like “I wanna talk naughty to you” “can I call you in 30 minutes?” Etc…. I know it shouldn’t be right, I mean it feels WRONG… But usually he has a bad conscience with stuff and I feel like he would’ve felt guilty about it by now and told me… Maybe I’m just making up excuses for him…. But I feel he can be very naive with things like this… And I guess it could be my fault. I’ve had limited to no sex drive and maybe he’s just looking else where…..

  7. samantha says:

    I have recently cheated on my husband of 13 years. He doesn’t have sex with me and I enjoy the attention that I receive from my secret boyfriend. I have no guilt about my actions. I will be making a change real soon.

  8. BL3xArVSx4 says:

    Cheating is difficult to define? Not at all and it can be summed up in one word “secrecy”. Secrecy kills intimacy (in-to-me-see).

  9. Nena says:

    This article is ridiculous. Cheating is cheating. Is it difficult to understand? Sleeping with someone else (aka sex) is obviously cheating. French kiss is cheating. Simple kiss is cheating if there is too much friendliness involved between the two parties. Sexting is cheating. Flirting should be left to flirt with one’s partner, not with someone else – bring your best home, and be happy at home. If you bring your best outside of your home, your home will be empty. IS IT DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND? Maybe I cannot understand this F-U nonsense because I’m a demisexual, I am a faithful person and demand equality/mutuality in that. If I cheat, it would mean I don’t love my partner, so before that, I’d leave them. I’ve been cheated on, and still with that person, however, years of time have passed, and it does not help – behaviour still shows the person is probably somewhere on the cluster B of the personalities disorders. I will be making changes in my life. Tired to trust and burn, trust and burn. No more pity, no more kindness. this article is really no good – it feels like you, guys (yes, this is written by a guy, right?) try to justify cheating. There can be excuses, of course, people always try to find a scapegoat. But from my own experience, if such thing happens again with a new partner, I will not be so forgiving anymore. I will just say “goodbye” much sooner, than waiting for years.

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