Does your man make your feel smothered? If so, then you might have an overly attached boyfriend. Here are the signs and what to do about it.
We’ve all dated someone who texts you 24/7. They show up “randomly” where you are, and seem to be breathing down your neck at every turn. Some girls think this is super cute, at first, but then come to realize the irritation that shortly follows. Here is how to deal with your overly attached boyfriend.
Some guys think this is what girls like. Some even think they’re earning bonus points by always being RIGHT there.
The truth is, it’s not a desirable trait in a guy at all. We’d prefer that you didn’t do this. Sincerely, all girls. [Read: What makes a man attractive? 38 traits guys should focus on instead]
What makes a guy get overly attached to a girl?
This answer could go on for days and days. Realistically, there are TONS of different reasons a boyfriend could be so attached to you, so we’ll only have time to cover a few here.
Each guy is different and all of them have been raised to think girls like a certain type of behavior, even if it’s wrong.
But here are some common reasons a guy gets overly attached to a girl.
1. Attachment style
An attachment style is how someone becomes emotionally bonded – or not bonded – with other people. Some people find emotional attachment uncomfortable, and therefore, they run away from it. Those are the emotionally unavailable guys and the players.
But if someone has an anxious-attachment style, then they crave attachment to other people. They become someone who is the “chaser” in the pursuer/pursuee dynamic of romantic relationships. [Read: The four attachment styles and how they influence your relationship]
2. Insecurity
Everyone has some insecurities. It doesn’t matter how hot, smart, or rich someone is, they will always find something to feel insecure about. However, if your boyfriend is overly attached, then he might have more insecurities than you think he does.
He could worry about his looks, personality, performance in bed, the size of his junk, height, bank account, car, and the list goes on. So, if he’s focusing too much on what is wrong with him, then he might feel like he has to smother you in order to keep you around.
3. Burned in the past
Maybe he has had some bad experiences in the past with other girls. An ex-girlfriend could have cheated on him or treated him badly. So, he thinks that if he holds on to you for dear life, you will stay around and not dump him as the other girls did. [Read: Why am I so jealous? The real reasons why we feel it and how to fix it]
What he doesn’t understand is that by holding onto you too tightly, he might actually be pushing you away. Just because he had some bad experiences before doesn’t mean that you’re going to recreate them for him now. But he doesn’t know that.
4. Lonely
Your boyfriend just might hate being alone. It’s not uncommon – many people don’t like being single. It’s natural for people to want a partner to go through life with. And he could be so scared of being lonely that he just attaches himself to you a little too much.
5. Thinking you’re too good for him
Linked closely with his insecurity and attachment styles, he might be feeling insecure because he thinks you’re out of his league.
He might think you’re too hot, smart, and charming to actually be with him long-term. He might think you’re just biding your time with him until someone better comes along. [Read: How to calm a guy and let him know you’re not out of his league]
These are the most common reasons boyfriends get so attached, and they all come down to their own insecurity, protectiveness, and infatuation.
It’s also the simple fact they think women WANT them to be all over us all the time. Some could even be scared you’re going to get sick of them, so they spend MORE time around you. [Read: 5 reasons why loving someone too much kills the love]
The blatant signs of an overly attached boyfriend
Now that you know the reasons a guy gets overly attached to a girl, let’s look at the signs of an overly attached boyfriend so you can figure out whether you have one on your hands.
1. Calling and texting you 24/7
He needs to be in constant contact with you. He’s the first to text you “good morning” and the last person to text you “good night.” And everything in between. You feel like you can hardly do anything without him blowing up your phone.
2. Panicking when he doesn’t hear from you
If he doesn’t hear back from you right away, he starts panicking. He thinks you might have been in a car accident or hanging out with another guy.
Either way, he gets very anxious when you take your sweet ol’ time responding to him. [Read: 18 warning signs of a clingy guy and how you can avoid him]
3. Stalking your social media
He wants to make sure that no guys are trying to flirt with you on social media. So, he makes sure you know he’s “watching you” by commenting on everything you post. He wants you to know that he sees every guy who tries to interact with you.
4. Threatened by other guys
Not only is he scared that other guys will slide into your DM on social media, but he’s also threatened by any other single guy in your life.
Whether it’s your best friend or a coworker, he doesn’t seem like he likes any of them.
5. Shows you off on social media too much
He’s constantly posting pictures of you and him together. The reason he does that is that he wants the world to know that you’re his. It’s kind of his way of “marking his territory.”
He’s doing this because he hopes it will intimidate other guys and keep them away from you.
6. Doesn’t like when you go out without him
Sure, you probably have a lot of friends, but he doesn’t like when you do things with them – without him.
Even when you do go out with your friends, he might invite himself along to whatever you are doing. He might even be doing this because he doesn’t have many friends.
7. Needs constant reassurance
Because he feels insecure, he seems to need constant reassurance. He might ask you, “Do you really love me?” or “You won’t ever leave me, will you?”
He asks these questions because he is afraid of losing you. That’s why he is overly attached. [Read: 26 signs of a needy man that reveal if it’s time for you to leave him]
8. Physically clingy
Not only is he emotionally clingy to you, but he is also physically too. He always has to be spooning with you, holding your hand, and putting his arm around you.
You might even feel like you need your physical space sometimes so that you can breathe. But he doesn’t want to let you go – ever. [Read: Clingy boyfriend – 16 signs he’s doing too much and how to shut it down]
How to deal with an overly attached boyfriend
Of course, we want our significant others to be attached to us. We want them to want to spend time with us and tell us about their day. However, there is a point when it gets out of hand and becomes annoying.
If you really care about your boyfriend but feel like he’s suffocating you, there is something you can do to save your relationship. This is how to deal with an overly attached boyfriend without ruining your relationship at all.
1. Figure out why he’s being that way
Decide why he’s overly attached. Is he insecure? Does he have jealousy or trust issues? Finding out the why helps you stop it. [Read: Jealous boyfriend? How to make him not-so-jealous]
2. Openly talk to him about it
Just bring it up during dinner. Ask him why he’s been so talkative and wanting to know where you are lately. See how he responds. He may not even know that he’s being an overly attached boyfriend.
3. Suggest he go out with the guys
If you’re going on a night with the girls, tell him to take a night to hang with the boys! Openly tell him that you want him to go and have fun with his friends. He may get the hint that you don’t want him annoying you while you’re going out.
4. Tell him you can’t be by your phone all the time
If he’s the type to text and text and calls until you’re constantly talking to him, just tell him you can’t be on your phone so much. Explain that’s why you’re not responding. [Read: When a girl says she needs space – What a good boyfriend should do after]
5. Tell him that YOU’LL text him later
Don’t let him tell you he’ll text you. Just explain to him you’ll be busy but will text him when you’ve got some time.
This avoids him texting you whenever he wants. It also reserves a time for you to call him and have a real conversation.
6. Dedicate date nights to only him
He may be feeling that he’s not getting enough attention from you and wants a little bit more. Dedicating every Wednesday or Friday night for just him satisfies his attention needs. You’ll also get less of him during the other days.
7. Ignore him if needed
If he’s relentless and texting and calling all the time, just ignore him. Sometimes it takes a little while for him to get the hint that he’s actually annoying you.
Ignore all his texts and calls until you want to actually interact with him. [Confession: I’m a boyfriend who’s too clingy and needy!]
8. Get advice from friends/family
Some of the people in your support system may have experience dealing with an overly attached boyfriend. You’d benefit from asking them about it. They may give you good advice about how to go about dealing with it without ruining the whole relationship.
9. Have scheduled “me” days
Everyone needs days without their significant other. We all need a little alone time! Have a talk with him and schedule days that you need to spend JUST with yourself.
For example, tell him that this Sunday is going to be your “me” day. Tell him you’re going to spend it relaxing, watching movies, or having a spa day. [Read: How to give space to each other without drifting apart]
10. Reassure him you’re not going anywhere
Sometimes people get overly attached when they’re feeling like you’re distancing yourself from them. If this is the case, make sure to always reassure him you care about him and don’t want to go anywhere anytime soon. This helps get him off your back a little.
11. Don’t withhold information from him
One thing to make him really clingy is when you don’t tell him what you’re up to or where you’re going.
Don’t withhold information from him. Just shooting him a quick text about what you’re up to throughout the day allows him to give you a little breathing room.
12. Tell him what you DO want from him
Give him expectations. Maybe he thinks you like him always checking in and being in contact with you all the time.
Tell him what you DO want him to do and that helps stop him from doing everything you don’t want him to do. [Read: 33 dirty, cute and funny real relationship goals most couples have no idea about]
13. Be stern but understanding
Don’t be weak when you tell him what you want. Be stern about your requests, otherwise, he might not take you seriously. All you have to do is make sure he knows you’re serious about how you feel. However, don’t be mean and accusatory.
14. Find a way to keep him busy
Maybe he’s just bored, and you’re the only person he has to talk to. To stop his overly attached boyfriend behavior, keep him busy.
Introduce him to guys he would like to hang out with and get him to join a recreational sport or league. Keeping him busy keeps him out of your hair. [Read: 40 secrets on how to make your boyfriend happy and feel lucky to date you]
15. Let him know you can’t be with someone OVERLY attached like he’s currently being
This may cause a small rift in your relationship to start with. But if you do this in a calm and nice way, he’s bound to understand where you’re coming from and correct his behavior if he really wants to be with you.
[Read: How to be independent even if you’re in a relationship]
Dealing with an overly attached boyfriend is difficult simply because you don’t want to hurt him, but you can’t stand him the way he is. The best way to go about this is to follow the above steps and see if things improve for your relationship.
