10 Possible Reasons You’re Still Single and Struggling
Wondering why you’re still single after searching for Mr. Right? Wonder no more because we have the top 10 reasons you still haven’t found love.
When dating, we tend to instantly judge a guy on every little thing, enabling our never-ending adventure to keep searching for Mr. Right. But if you’ve been searching for him for much longer than you ever anticipated, then maybe finding him isn’t your problem. Maybe you are your problem for being single.
As little girls, we grow up watching movies like Cinderella, and reveling in the fantasy that any minute now, the most incredibly handsome man will appear out of nowhere into our lives, we’ll fall in love, and ride off into the sunset. Oh, and if we get lost, or lose our favorite shoe, he’ll know exactly where to find us, because he’s perfect. But if you really think this is going to happen, you need to wake up.
The reasons why you’re still single
The reality is that you don’t live in a Disney movie. If you are really looking for a relationship, but not having much success, here are some reasons why.
#1 You have a checklist. We all have our idea of the “perfect” guy. Usually you’ve only “met” him in a movie. If you have a checklist of things you want, you need to understand your list should be used as guidelines.
If you’re relationship-hunting, looking for a financially stable, smart, handsome, blue-eyed, 6-foot tall guy, you need to understand this guy is probably out there, he just may not be 6-feet tall with blue eyes. If he’s only 5-foot-9 and has green eyes, you need to remember your checklist isn’t going to be verbatim.
So what if he’s a little shorter than you when you wear heels? We all shrink as we get older anyway. If Build-A-Bear could build boyfriends based on your request, then sure, you could have any boyfriend creation you want, but that isn’t reality. [Read: 9 reasons your ideal man checklist isn’t working for you]
#2 You text way too many guys. It’s a great feeling to know you’re wanted, desired, and being sought after. But if you start talking to a guy, and go on a few dates, and start thinking he might be your next boyfriend, then it’s time to get rid of the others. You know, the other guys that text you all the time but that’s all it is.
If you can’t handle attention from only one guy, and occasionally mention how the other guys won’t stop texting you, you’re basically pushing away your crush. He’ll either do one of two things. He’ll either ask you to stop texting him or he’ll eventually get tired of hearing about all the guys you’re talking to and jump ship. If a guy is interested in you, but it’s a very new, budding relationship, and he knows you’re still texting a bunch of other guys, then he might soon start to lose interest. After all, who wants to be an option to the one who’s their priority?
#3 You talk negatively about your friends. If you’re always complaining about your friends to your new crush, it’s not attractive. No one likes a complainer or a drama queen, and if you talk bad about your friends, what else do you talk about?
Soon enough, he’ll wonder why you’re friends with them, but he’ll also take into consideration the fact that if you two started dating, you’d probably talk about your relationship to your friends the same way you’ve been talking about your friends to him. A guy doesn’t want to date someone who would constantly blabber about all his negative points to people who don’t even know him yet. [Read: 8 topics to avoid in a new relationship]
#4 You’ve been cheated on and all guys suck. Most of us have probably been in a bad relationship, had our heart broken, felt like the world was ending, until we realized it’s not. If you’re the kind of girl who has been cheated on, and can’t seem to get over the trust issues, that’s fine. These things do take time.
But if you go on a date with a guy, you should not talk the entire time about how much your ex boyfriend hurt you, how you think all guys are cheaters and liars, and how you just don’t know if true love is out there. Your current date is not responsible for your loser ex-boyfriend’s actions. It’s up to you to move forward and to move on. If you want to harp on about being cheated on, that’s fine. But only do this if you want to stay single. [Read: How to deal with trust issues in a relationship]
#5 You don’t want to work. If you’ve always dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom, that’s great. But if you’re on a first date, a guy doesn’t necessarily need or want to know that. They want to meet you, but the cool you. They want to know the fun you, the outgoing you, what music you like, the you who is passionate about things, the you who is driven.
Guys don’t want to feel like you’re staring at them, planning your wedding, how many kids you’ll have, and whatever else you might be conjuring in that crazy head of yours. We all have crazy thoughts, but keep them as thoughts. Guys don’t want to feel that pressure, especially when on a first date. They can sense if you’re the kind of girl who wants to get married, like tomorrow! So stop being a vulture!
#6 You always say no. If you’re talking to a guy, and he asks you to do things, but you always say no, he’s going to stop asking you at some point. Just like with your friendships, you’ve probably experienced a time in your life when you stopped getting invited to do things, and eventually your friends told you it’s because you always said no or were never available. If you are always sick, always working, always tired, always something, then you’ll probably always be single.
#7 Social media is your life. If you pride yourself on being a really great Facebook stalker, that isn’t necessarily a good thing, especially when referring to a guy you are dating or getting to know. When you start dating a guy, you are entering his life, and that makes you someone new in his already established life.
You are going to encounter his friends, the people who were there before you came along. If you’re on his Facebook page, or Instagram account and you see some girl write a comment using a smiley face, this does not mean they’re flirting! Seriously, how many smiley faces have you ended a comment with, think about it.
The bottom line is, don’t troll his social media accounts, and turn into some sort of online detective. Don’t go looking for things that aren’t there. If you tend to react quickly about comments, likes, followers, especially early on in the relationship, I can promise you that you’re going to scare him away. [Read: 14 dos and don’ts of adding your date on Facebook]
#8 You think it’s weird if he’s being nice. This one is very important. If you honestly get weirded out because your guy is being nice to you, you know, complimenting you, holding the door for you, paying for your meals, basically treating the way you should be treated, then you are definitely your problem.
Calm down, and stop thinking that he has ulterior motives. A guy can be nice because he genuinely likes you. If you keep being weirded out, you’ll just make him think you’re not appreciative. And that’s one way to drive a guy away.
#9 You’re needy. It’s very okay not to spend every single day together. Just because you have a huge crush on a guy, or think he might be “The One,” doesn’t mean you two have to hang out 24/7. There’s a reason the saying goes “distance makes the heart grow fonder.”
If you’re constantly available, he might actually start taking you for granted or getting annoyed by you. A relationship is like a teakettle: it takes time to warm up. You don’t have to have true love within the first 48 hours of dating each other. In fact, you should seriously continue having your girls’ night, and letting him play poker with the guys.
When you two aren’t spending time together, and he knows you might be all dolled up with your girlfriends for Wine Night, he’ll probably not even be thinking about poker and thinking about you instead. And isn’t that what you want? Don’t you want a guy who thinks about you and misses you, but also someone who wants you to do your own thing whenever you want? If you are the needy-new-girl-in-a-relationship, it’s safe to say the guy will get tired of feeling like they are babysitting you, and not dating you. [Read: 9 ways to stop being needy and insecure]
#10 You like having your best friend around all the time. If you are always seeking out your best girl friend for advice, her opinion, her feedback, her reassurance when it comes to your dating life, then this means you’re insecure about yourself and making decisions on your own.
It’s great to hang out with your best friend, but you don’t have to update her on every detail, fight, discussion that you have with your boyfriend. Some things are better left within the realms of a relationship, and not spilling out onto your friends! [Read: Why you can’t seem to find love, no matter how hard you look]
Re-evaluate your moves and motivations when you’re out looking for a guy to be in a relationship with. If you do any of the above actions way too often, then it’s safe to say that those actions are the very things that are keeping you single.