You see it all around you: couples in love. They share popcorn at the movies, kiss in the subway, and spam their social media with couple quizzes and photos. With all the romantic bliss and happiness that seem to fill the air, you start to wonder “Is it weird if I’m not ready for a relationship?”
There is almost a perpetual pressure from friends and family to shack you up the moment you become single. Everyone seems to have the perfect match for you in their address book and are more than willing to set you up on a blind date. Even with all the offers coming your way, the thought of being in a relationship makes you want to take a big ol’ nap.
Dating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. More often than not it’s too awkward or nerve-wracking to be fun. Here are seven legitimate reasons why you’re not ready for a relationship right now.
Not ready for a relationship and here’s why
You’re almost used to it by now. You tell people you’re not interested in dating. They give a puzzled expression followed by one of remorse for the life you have chosen to live alone. The truth is, being single is totally cool. There is more to life than dating and getting married. These are some of the most common reasons why people are putting the kibosh on shacking up.
#1 You’ve had a bad experience. Bad experiences in romantic relationships soil your interest in having a repeat session. Common reasons for a bad experience could be anything from:
-Dealing with assault
These aren’t exactly memories laced with rainbows and unicorns. Even if Mr. or Miss Perfect is being dangled as date-worthy right before your very eyes, you think back on your prior experience and cringe. [Read: How to be single after a long relationship: 16 ways to start over]
#2 You are asexual. One huge reason why you may not be interested in dating is that you may be asexual. Asexuality is generally used as an umbrella term for someone who feels no sexual attraction for any gender. This doesn’t mean that asexual people can’t have sex or be in relationships, but some simply have no interest in doing so. [Read: Identifying with grey asexuality in a world of sex]
#3 You’ve just come out of a relationship. One of the biggest reasons why people are not ready for a relationship is because they already nurse a broken heart. Whether you were the one doing the dumping or you were on the unfortunate receiving end of a breakup, the healing process takes one week, one month, one year, or even several years for some people.
Going through a breakup doesn’t exactly make you want to get back in the ring. Kind of like how one bad night of boozing makes you exclaim: “I will never drink again!” Getting out of a bad relationship can have you internally waging war against the idea of being with someone new.
#4 You have enough problems. Sure, dating can be nice, but it can also be akin to a hard kick in the proverbial pants. Most people romanticize relationships and forget to mention that when you attach another person to your life, you attach all their problems and personality traits, too.
In some cases, this can be a great thing. For example, dating someone with a welcoming family and connections opens you up to new experiences personally and professionally. Dating someone with an upbeat, positive personality rubs off on you and strengthens you during the hard times. This also means when someone is an alcoholic, recovering drug addict, total perv, or a needy, emotional wreck… you get to carry all that baggage with you.
If you have enough personal baggage or problems you are working through, now is definitely not the time to expend yourself for someone else’s issues. [Read: How to be happy alone: 20 ways relationships are overrated]
#5 People don’t stimulate you. No matter how many dates you’ve been on, people just don’t interest you. As far as you’re concerned, you must be a space alien because you have nothing in common with anyone you meet.
Nice as they are, they just don’t charm you or make you feel anything other than bored. Be it they are sports fanatics where you can’t even name a hockey player, or they are way too obsessed with getting laid. People put you off, and that’s okay—just so long as you’re not arrogant about it.
This just means you can be happier alone knowing that if you do meet someone someday who catches your interest, this person is going to knock your socks off.
#6 The actual dating process sucks. Evaluating the subtext of an entire evening to decipher whether someone tickles your fancy is a big decision that isn’t always fun. That’s not to say that there aren’t people who enjoy the thrill of the first date. To these people, there is magic behind the first shared laughter, the endless conversation, and the nervous butterflies that come at the end of the night when they realize there is something special there.
For others, the first date is a horrible ritual that should be abolished. Figuring out what to wear, how much to eat, as well as a mutually enjoyable activity, and making riveting conversation with someone you know nothing about is… Well, stressful, to say the least. [Read: 13 modern dating trends you need to dump immediately]
#7 You are enough for you. This reason may shock some people, but you actually like being in your own company. The relationship you make with yourself is one of the most important ones you’ll ever have. Liking yourself is the first step you’ll make toward being a better friend, relative, and lover one day should you choose.
But in the meantime you like listening to music, writing, playing video games, journalling, watching TV, working out, meditating, and reading—all by yourself. As Steve Harvey says: “I’d rather be happy by myself than miserable with someone else.”
[Read: Single for life: Enjoy the ride and the find the one along the way]
There are plenty of legitimate reasons why you’re not ready for a relationship. No matter what your reasons, you shouldn’t have to answer to anyone about why you choose to stay single. You do you.
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Waverly Smith is a freelance writer who has been getting paid for spreading her sarcastic take on love, life, and sex since 2010. She is many things that peo...
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