The sad reality is that we leave this world the same way we enter it, alone. In between the entering and the leaving, however, we are wired to create connections, help one another get through this ride, and provide support to one another. Easy in concept, but it isn’t simple for every type of personality.
For some of us, feeling safe, secure, and included doesn’t come easily. Feeling alone is not an uncommon feeling at times, especially when there is a loss in life. If, however, you are continually asking the question – why do I feel so alone – there may be something more inside driving your feelings of loneliness.
8 things that make you ask, why do I feel so alone
Typically, when people feel continually alone, even when they have people in their life, there is an internal force behind their feelings. Whether you are feeling alone after a big break up, or for no reason at all, the only one who can change your feelings of loneliness is you.
Learning to be okay with being alone is the key to not being lonely. The reality is that feeling alone rarely stems from not having anyone in your life, but some other driving force. Here are some reasons why you keep asking… why do I feel so alone? [Read: Loneliness in relationships – 4 why’s and 7 ways to fix it]
#1 You have an underlying mood disorder. There are times when people have an underlying mood disorder that predisposes them to feel anxious and depressed. When you are depressed, it is hard to feel anything but lost and alone. The feeling of hopelessness is one of the biggest driving forces behind feelings of loneliness.
That is why people who have depression can be surrounded by hundreds of people in their life, and still feel alone. If you are continually asking the question – why do I feel so alone – then it may be worth talking to a counselor to see if a mood disorder is at the heart of your feelings.
#2 You can’t let go of the past. If you had a loss in the past that you can’t seem to get over, then it can keep you stuck feeling lonely. Whether it is a breakup or the death of someone important in your life, if you keep that place filled with memories, then it is stopping you from filling it with love and other people. [Read: I feel lonely – 30 ways to overcome the feeling of loneliness]
Holding onto old relationships will almost certainly make you feel as if something is missing, and you’ll feel alone no matter who you have in your life. You have to grieve, rationalize, and try to move forward so that you can fill that empty and lonely space with love and fullness.
#3 You don’t know who you are. There are times in life when we wake up feeling like a fake. If you have always let other people tell you who and what you are, then you aren’t ever really sure what is real and what is created in your mind.
Sometimes not having a clue what you want to be or who you even are, can lead to feelings of loneliness. If you don’t even know yourself, then how can you ever feel safe and secure in any relationship? If you are feeling alone, it may be time to take stock and evaluate who you are and who you want to be. [Read: The 3 stages to embrace and overcome loneliness]
#4 You never do what you want. Sometimes feeling alone is really just feeling unfulfilled. If you are a dreamer who feels stuck and like you aren’t ever moving forward, that can feel isolating. Feeling stuck can lead to hopelessness and a feeling of being alone and lonely.
If you want to stop asking the question – why do I feel so alone – it may involve you following through with your dreams and stop being stuck by your own mind limitations. People who are moving ahead don’t have time to feel alone; they are bettering themselves and working toward being the happy person they long to be.
#5 You feel sorry for yourself. There are times when we can get stuck feeling sorry for ourselves like the world has done us wrong. When you feel negative about your life and wallow in your own self-pity, it is difficult to feel loved and fulfilled.
It can also lead to self-sabotaging and pushing people away, even when they are willing to be there for you. If you are always looking for the dark side and saying “woe is me” you may be missing people who are trying their hardest to love and be with you. [Read: How to be happy alone – 20 ways relationships are overrated]
#6 You are too guarded. If you have been hurt in the past, you may be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of being alone. Not wanting to be hurt in another relationship, you may be pushing other people away unconsciously and then telling yourself, “See, no one cares for me.”
Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. If you feel alone, you may be creating the loneliness on your own through not letting people in, pushing them away, or creating drama to destroy the close relationships that are trying to protect yourself from.
The reality is that you aren’t protecting yourself from anything but happiness. You have to be vulnerable to gain closeness, and if you aren’t willing, you may stay stuck feeling lonely forever. [Read: How to meet new people – 16 exciting ways to find a new crowd]
#7 You are using vices to fill the loneliness, but they aren’t working. People who feel lonely, typically, use vices to make themselves feel less alone. Things like compulsive working out, drugs, and alcohol are all ways that people stop the feelings of loneliness through feeling nothing.
The problem is that the vices are only further keeping you stuck in your lonely feelings. Bottoming you out, you wake feeling a little less human, spent, and empty. If you want to stop feeling lonely, put the vices away and try to live wholly in the world without crutches.
It may be more difficult, but you will soon learn that you can’t hide feelings of loneliness by making yourself empty. [Read: Positive vibes – 17 ways to welcome positive energy into your life]
#8 You are addicted to social media. Social media is a great tool to help people connect… or is it? There are some personalities that simply aren’t made for social media sites like Facebook. Being addicted to having a cyber life may be taking you from your real one.
If you are always comparing your life to someone else’s due to their pictures of partying and happiness, what you aren’t realizing is that no one posts pictures of themselves when they are feeling lonely and sad. [Read: 11 things about being single that people fear the most]
We all feel that way at times. Also, if you are creating a facade of happiness to the outside world, then you aren’t being your genuine self and may be comparing yourself to the imaginary person you have created online and feeling bad that you aren’t really them.
The answer? Get off Facebook and make some “real friends.” Stop being a spectator and be a participant in life. [Read: How to make new and genuine friends outside your social networks]
Feelings of loneliness aren’t about not having anyone in your life. Feeling alone comes from within. You can literally be surrounded by love, and hundreds of people in your life and still feel lonely if you are mentally keeping yourself there.
[Read: How to live in the moment – 20 positive ways to live in the now]
The key is to figure out what is driving your feelings and overcome them without vices. Only you can make yourself fulfilled, and then you will stop asking the question – why do I feel so alone.
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A writer isn’t born, but created out of experiences. No lack of subject matter, my life reads more like fiction than anything that could have been imagined...
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