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How to Initiate Sex: 16 Seductive Moves to Take the Lead in Bed

how to initiate sex

Knowing how to initiate sex is important for the nights you feel frisky, but your partner is parked on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Time to turn up the heat.

Sometimes you feel frisky or maybe you’re used to your partner always initiating sex. But why not be the one to take the lead this time? If you’re a woman, then this is usually what happens. We tend to rely on the man to make the first move. However, you cannot always wait for them to feel horny, so you need to know how to initiate sex and turn up the heat.

Sometimes you need to take the plunge. And if you’re a man scared to make the first move, well, you have to fix that or else you’ll wait the rest of your life.

How to initiate sex – 16 moves to take the lead like a boss

Initiating sex, whether as a man or woman, is intimidating. Most are nervous to make the first move, especially if we don’t know the person well. I saw one guy and was terrified to make the first move. I could never figure out if he was into sex or if he even wanted to. Eventually, I asked him if he wanted to have sex.

I didn’t know what to do, but you don’t have to ask your partner straight up. I mean, it could be a bit of a buzz kill. So, you need to know the other ways for how to initiate sex. Once you pass that awkward phase, you’ll be initiating sex all the time.

#1 Don’t think of this as a man’s job. If you’re a woman, you may hesitate to do this because you think it’s the man’s job.

Just because he isn’t initiating sex doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have sex. Now, if you do this and he says no, then that’s different. Then, he doesn’t feel like having sex at this moment. But don’t think he’s saying no because he wants to be the one to tell you when you should have sex. [Read: 14 subtle moves to be a natural seductress]

#2 Don’t overthink this. Please, don’t waste your time by overthinking this. Do you want to have sex? Do you want that sex to be with your partner? Okay, great, we have that covered. If yes, then make a move. Don’t overthink if you’re overstepping your boundaries, you’re not.

#3 Don’t be embarrassed. Many people feel ashamed when initiating sex. Why? Someone has to do it, so why not let that person be you? Don’t be ashamed to initiate sex with your partner. You have needs and you want them fulfilled, your partner cannot read your mind.

#4 Be demanding. While initiating sex, tell them what you want. You can be demanding, I mean, why not. Plus, it turns them on when you tell them what to do. So, say to them clearly what you want them to do to you and what you want to do to them. Boom! Instant horniness. [Read: Be dominant in bed and command your way to ultimate pleasure]

#5 Use your body. If you lay on the couch next to your partner, watching a movie, use your body to turn them on. Start rubbing your pelvis against them, rubbing their vagina or dick, massage their back. You have this entire human body you’re in, so use every inch of it to turn your partner on.

#6 Look sexy. Now, this doesn’t mean you need to wear something super revealing. You wear what makes you feel sexy. If you want to be nude, then be nude. If you want to wear a costume, do that. Sexy is subjective. As long as you feel good, you exude confidence and sexuality.

#7 Start early in the day. You don’t have to wait until your partner is at home to show them you’re horny. Start showing them the minute they wake up or go to work. Build the tension and the need for your partner to have sex with you throughout the day. By the time they come home, you won’t even have time to ask them how their day was. [Read: How to initiate sexting and make your partner hot and horny for you]

#8 Use texting. Texting is great when it comes to developing chemistry. You shouldn’t rely on texting to boost your relationship, this is just an enhancement tool. Though, you should text them. Send them photos, sexy texts—whatever you want. It’s a great way to show them that you want them.

#9 Follow through on having sex. If you’ve texted your partner all day, sending them naughty pictures and the whole nine yards, you have to follow through. I mean, you can’t tease someone like that. If you don’t want to have sex with them, then don’t start the process. So, if you start sexting your partner, follow through on your words. [Read: 20 kinky things to do with your boyfriend outside the bedroom]

#10 Make sure you have time. If you initiate sex, make sure you have the time to actually have sex. There’s nothing worse than someone making a move on you and then two minutes later, they say, “Oh, sorry, I have to actually go now.” What was the point of all of that then? Quickies are great, but make sure you can have a quickie.                                     

#11 Show them that you want them. Listen, if you’re lying in bed, scrolling on Facebook, it doesn’t show that you want your partner. In fact, it shows them that you don’t want them to touch you. You need to show them your genuine interest in them. Which since you’re reading this, you want them, so that’s not the problem.

#12 Try to make it regular. Don’t just do this every blue moon. You want to make this a regular event. I mean, if they usually initiate, they’ll get the hint you want more sex, so they may take the lead.

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t keep initiating sex. It’s nice to not always have to be the one to make a move. So, put some of the work on yourself and give your partner a break. [Read: 13 ways to change the way you make love and have better sex]

#13 Be creative. When it comes to knowing how to initiate sex in a way that’ll excite your partner, nothing beats creativity. Leave flower petals trailing to your bedroom, or make a map of where they need to go. You can answer the door in a costume. Play around with this. Don’t think you’re restricted to doing only one thing. So, be creative. Sex isn’t supposed to be only serious, you can laugh during the build-up.

#14 Try the straightforward approach. If you’re someone who likes to be straightforward, then use this approach as well. I mean, usually, you’ll get the outcome you want. In fact, many people like it when their partner says to them, “I want you to fuck me now.” I mean, it’s a real turn-on. It’s intense and filled with passion.

#15 Wake them up. If you want to surprise them, well, why not wake them up in the middle of the night with a hand job/fingering? Or in the morning, wake them up by going down on them.

When I was younger, I didn’t think a guy would appreciate someone sucking their dick when they were sleeping—don’t ask me why I thought this. I was completely wrong. They love it and I love when a guy rubs up against me in the morning while I’m sleeping. [Read: 10 reasons why you should have morning sex more often]

#16 Be in bed, ready. You know the look I’m talking about. When you’re already in bed and your partner walks into the room, they look at you and you give them that look—the “I want you” look. They’ll put two and two together really quick.

You don’t have to say anything, just lie there in bed naked, waiting for them. You can wear lingerie, listen, you can look however you want. Just make sure you look like you want to fuck them.

[Read: Get the message across – 15 ways to seduce without words]

Now that you know how to initiate sex, don’t just sit here. You have to go make it happen. No one is going to do it for you. Actually, I would be a bit worried if someone else did.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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