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How to Date Multiple Women at Once without Being a Douche

dating multiple women

It’s the holy grail of a man’s dating life – to be able to date multiple women at the same time. Can you pull it off while being a gentleman?

Are you the type of guy who wants to date multiple women? This is an important place to start. Not everybody is cut out for this lifestyle, and while it might sound appealing in principle, in reality, it might not quite work out for you.

Dating multiple women does have its headaches. More people to keep happy, more text messages to answer, and balancing all these people in your life means you won’t have a really deep relationship with anyone.

It is this last point that is the most pressing. If you are looking for a deep relationship, a life partner, then this is not for you. Seeing multiple women at once tends to keep everything very casual and surface-level only.

You need to be very comfortable in yourself and not be prone to jealousy or lying to try and appease women. If you are, things are going to go wrong quickly. [Read: Love triangles and its confusing complications]

Are you the kind of guy many women want to date?

If you’re not, then you are just dreaming.

Until you improve your value in the eyes of women, you shouldn’t be worried about trying to date many women. Focus on being the best version of yourself to become the kind of guy that many women will want to date and even be content dating, whilst knowing that you are dating other people too.

This is fairly advanced stuff, and if you don’t have the experience of successfully attracting and dating one beautiful woman, you need to start there first. [Read: 12 Prince Charming traits that leave all girls swooning]

Does your desire to date multiple women at the same time come from a good place or a bad place? If you love women, enjoy feminine company, and are just not looking for a serious relationship at this time, then go right ahead. If, however, you have some bitterness or anger towards women and feel like you want to “get one over” on them, this is not the way to do it.

You need to explore where your motivation to date several women comes from before you can know for sure that going through with this new dating setup is a good idea. [Read: What men think impresses women and what actually does]

How to date multiple women without being a douche

Assuming you are ready to go ahead and date multiple women at once, what are the dos and don’ts to keep in mind to ensure you’re not being a douche and hurting people?

#1 Brutal honesty. Do not lie to women about your intentions, your past, or whether you are dating other people right now. You don’t need to shout it from the rooftops, but when the questions inevitably come, you need to be honest with them.

A lot of guys are scared of being honest because they don’t believe that women will accept them for who they are, so they try to make themselves seem “better.” I can tell you now, this kind of mindset will always end in tears, and you should work on your own self-esteem to nurture an abundance mindset – there is an abundance of women out there who will fall for you! [Read: 10 rules of casual relationships to follow while dating multiple women]

If you believe that you are good enough, then you will be comfortable with being completely honest to the women and not live in fear of losing them. Speaking of which…

#2 Don’t fear losing them. When you are completely honest, you are giving the women the option to pursue something with you or not. Each of the women you date has her eyes open to reality.

Manipulating and lying to women is borne out of a scarcity mindset, of believing that women won’t like you for who you truly are. You have to be comfortable enough in yourself to know that you can tell her the truth, and if she leaves, no big deal.

It comes from experience and self-esteem. Some women will not be okay with the situation as you present it, and they will leave. This is part and parcel of the kind of lifestyle you want to lead.

#3 Let them make their own decisions. Being honest seems like the right thing to do in principle, but guys will often slip when they are hit by the fear of losing somebody. They will start saying things to appease her and tell her stories to try and make her stick around. This is going to end badly for everyone and is completely unfair to the woman in question.

Don’t try to convince them or force them to do anything. If they want to leave, let them leave. Oftentimes, women will get upset that you don’t want to pursue a monogamous relationship with them, but if they are left alone, will come around in a few days. If you are the kind of guy that many women want to date, she will often be content dating you, knowing that it is not exclusive. [Read: 7 dumbest relationship mistakes men often make]

#4 Don’t treat them like your girlfriends. What I mean is, don’t mess with their head and give the impression that this is more than it really is. If it is casual, ensure that it stays casual.

Don’t allow too many feelings to develop in either direction, and don’t do too much “couples” stuff. For example, only see each of them once or twice per week. Don’t take them to work or family events as your date. And never, ever post lovey-dovey photos of you two together on social media. You don’t want to send mixed messages and give them the wrong impression.

#5 Don’t talk about other women. They should be aware that you are not exclusive, but they absolutely do not want to know the gory details. Never talk about other women in front of them, and don’t spell things out in an obvious way.

It will either make them stop seeing you, or hurt their self-esteem and end up emotionally scarring them. Say things like “I don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship right now,” not, “I’m currently sleeping with 3 different women.” [Read: 25 biggest dating deal breakers for women]

#6 Don’t be stupid. I mean, don’t put her at risk or do anything that jeopardizes her in any way. Use protection with all the women that you sleep with, and steer clear of dating anyone whom you think might cause problems for you or anyone else if things were to turn sour.

This is just basic respect and caring. You must look after everyone involved and not be sleazy. This should be an enjoyable and fun arrangement for everyone, knowing exactly what they are getting into and doing so with their eyes wide open. [Read: 7 signs a girl gives away if she wants to sleep with you]

#7 Let them do their thing. If you are going to date other people, you have no right to tell them not to do the same or get jealous if they do. A lot of girls actually won’t want to date other people, but if they do, you must respect that. Have an adult conversation about it, and ensure that everyone is safe and that this is going to work for everyone.

Jealousy is ugly, and it will repel women away from you. You have to be comfortable in letting them do what they want to. If you are not, you are not ready to date multiple girls at one time. Again, you should go back to working on yourself and building your own self-esteem before you worry about trying to date lots of different women.

[Read: 22 small but very effective tips for having more success with women]

These are the 7 tips to ensure that you are happy and, more importantly, that you are not hurting anybody or manipulating women into a situation they do not want to be in. Remember, when you date many women at the same time, the point of it all is to make sure it’s fun for everyone involved!

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DISCUSSION

5 thoughts on “How to Date Multiple Women at Once without Being a Douche”

  1. Jason says:

    Brutal honesty is the only thing you need to be out there with, guys. No, you definitely don’t need to rub it in their faces, but there’s nothing wrong with mentioning you’re dating others: especially when things aren’t all that serious and you haven’t had that inevitable who are we talk (a completely different issue altogether that’s best avoided completely). I have no problem showing myself off when it comes to replying to their questions. I mean, who wouldn’t want to date *me*, right?

  2. not a douche says:

    I think it’s not wrong to date another girl while you’re dating another one when you’re not committed to them. If they really like you, they would get jealous and it should be their fault, not yours. If you presented yourself right to her and told her that you’re dating other women as well and she said she’s okay with it, she should not have the right to get mad at you. She doesn’t have the right to call you a douche at all.

  3. Ian says:

    Yeah, when you’re doing this, you definitely need to keep hush about other women. If the ladies don’t feel like they’re a guy’s exclusive option (without blatantly knowing that they’re his only option, which is exactly why you keep the calls and texts spaced out and all those rules), then they’ll be out the door faster than you can pull out a stopwatch. If a guy starts blurting about all the other chicks he has on the side, then he’s going to quickly lose the contact that’s right in front of him. It’s always best to keep silent. Brutal honesty has too many flaws and things going against it to truly make it a viable option in today’s dating world.

  4. th way says:

    I date a lot of women all at once in the same day even and I love meeting a new girl everyday. The most women I dated at the same time may be 12? that’s just in a week. In a month I would date more than 50 women and I discovered that women aren’t at all the unique. They all want the same thing. They want to be loved. Love is a deal breaker for me. I don’t want women falling in love with me. The moment they do, I let go. Love is just not the way I roll. I don’t want to be in love. I’m just in it for the sex and it takes some of my free time away since I’m a business man and I make up my own hours. At most, I would only work 4 hours a day. The rest of the days I need to fill them up with something worthwhile. I only work about 12 hours a week and I don’t have to be aware of the time. I’ve been working on myself for the past decade and I deserve what I’m doing right now. Love would just complicate things for me so I try to avoid it as much as I can. I have to be honest though, full disclosure, I fell in love with one of the girls I’ve been dating. She was just the most unique of all of them. She wanted love too so I just broke it off with her. I sometimes regret losing her because she was the best of all of them. Every time I date a new girl, i would set my standards on how my best girl was. No one ever compared to her. I don’t know, If ever I would turn a new leaf, maybe i would pursue her for real? Or maybe it would be too late by then? What if she would have a husband by then? My life is awesome and I love it but I have to settle down one day and have kids of my own.

  5. weh says:

    I’ve done this.. There were weeks where I’d have 4 dates with 4 different women. The big thing is time management. Also, to avoid being a dick, if things get serious with one of them, you have the conversation that goes something like this: “So I consider myself ‘with’ a girl when I’d feel like a dick going out with other women. I kinda feel like we’re at that point, but I just wanna make sure we’re on the same page.” Boom, exclusive, break it off with the others. Or make sure you treat each one like they’re the only one. Let them have no suspicion (don’t text other girls while with a girl so they don’t have any questions on who you’re texting). Also, never bring up a specific fact that one of them said without making sure they were the one who said it, and not a different girl.

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