Many people get so wrapped up in their heads with work, school, or other things that they push their relationships to the side. Of course, they love their partner, but life can be overwhelming and it makes us forget what matters most. But there are healthier ways to know how to get more attention from your girlfriend and grow together as a couple.
You might even wonder from time to time whether the problem is you or if it’s her. In the next section, we will discuss the signs that the problem is likely her.
But, you also need to take a look deep inside yourself to see what you are doing – or not doing – to contribute to the situation.
First, look at your behaviors from an outside perspective. How do you think you would feel if your girlfriend acted that way?
If you don’t have the ability to do this, then ask some friends or family members what they think. They can give you a very objective outsider’s perspective on the situation.
If one or more people you know say that she is the problem, then that is probably the truth. But if some of your loved ones think that your behavior is a bit needy, clingy, and smothering, then maybe you should change your expectations of your girlfriend’s behavior.
You don’t want her to have to push you away to get some space, do you? [Read: How to stop being needy – Why people get clingy and 32 ways to fix it]
That is key. Figuring out if you are demanding too much time from your girlfriend or if she is depriving you of attention is the important first step to fixing the situation between the two of you.
Now let’s look at the signs that she’s not giving you enough attention and giving it to others instead.
She probably makes excuses for why she doesn’t pay more attention to you but you’re not buying it. And so, if you see any of these signs, then she might be ignoring you on purpose.
Your girlfriend probably has a lot of friends. And when you ask her to come over or go out for a date, she never has the time to do that.
Then you see on her social media that she went out with a group of her friends instead of spending time with you. Even when you mention it to her, she has some reasons and excuses for why she chose them over you. [Read: 15 worst types of bad girlfriends who will make your life a living hell]
Whenever you do see her, she is very attentive to her phone. In fact, she probably never lets it leave her hands.
If you glance over at the phone to see who she’s texting, she might get defensive and tell you to stop. But she certainly has time to text others, and you rarely hear from her unless you reach out first.
When she does text you back, she takes her sweet ol’ time. It could be hours or even a day or more. Yet as we just said, you have noticed when you are together, she has her phone nearby all the time.
So, if she can answer other people in a timely manner, why can’t she answer you?
Beyond texting, she just has her nose in her phone all the time. If she is doing this, then you are definitely not getting enough attention from your girlfriend. Whether she’s on social media or looking at things on the internet, she just stares at a screen when you’re together.
If you try to engage in a conversation with her, she seems very uninterested and actually acts annoyed that you are talking to her. You feel like you are bothering her. [Read: Phubbing – What it is, 18 reasons why we phub, and ways to stop it ASAP]
Whenever you try to talk to her about how you need more attention, she either doesn’t take you seriously, or she pretends to “hear” you.
She might even fake it and say she is going to change, but she never does. She might even blame you and not take any personal responsibility for her behavior at all.
You ask her to do things with you well in advance, and she may even agree to it. But when the time comes, she changes her mind and hangs out with someone else. You are never her top priority.
In fact, sometimes you feel like her last priority. She always puts other things and people before you. [Read: 27 signs she’s not interested in you anymore and is starting to lose interest]
By doing all of the things that we just mentioned, she hurts your feelings, but she doesn’t seem to care.
She might even say unkind things to you but doesn’t really understand how her words and behaviors are affecting you in a negative way. Whether she’s purposely hurting you or accidentally, the outcome is the same. [Read: Why is your girlfriend ignoring you all of a sudden? 15 reasons and fixes]
She is very unreliable. When you ask her to hang out or do something with you, she never fully commits.
And even if she does, you know deep down that she’s probably going to flake on you at the last minute. Her behavior is unpredictable and you never know what to expect. [Read: 19 wily signs she only wants your attention but your your relationship]
If you have read all of these signs that she’s not paying attention to you, then the core reason for this is that she’s selfish.
If she wasn’t, then she would be a better girlfriend and give you the attention you deserve. But because her own needs are on top of her priority list, she doesn’t really care about your needs.
School and work will always be there, but what’s most important are the people around us who we love and care for. And if you’re feeling that your girlfriend isn’t giving you enough attention, there are plenty of ways to let her know your needs aren’t being met. [Read: What to do when a girl ignores you and won’t give you any time]
In the movies, they always show the guy making small hints and gestures, but this isn’t a romantic comedy. If you truly have a genuine and healthy relationship with your girlfriend, tell her what’s going on and how you’re feeling.
So, here’s how to get more attention from your girlfriend without having to beat around the bush or get on your knees and beg. It should never have to come to that. Just remember, if you want more attention, you should make the first move.
Because everyone needs some attention from their partner.
[Read: The psychology of ignoring someone – Why we do it and why it hurts]
Sometimes we can get confused and think our relationship is something more than what it is. If the relationship is casual, then there’s no commitment from either person to heavily invest in the relationship.
But if you are in an agreed-upon relationship, then the feeling of not receiving enough attention is understandable. [Read: Dating vs. relationship? The signs to know your true status]
It could be she’s stressed out about a big exam coming up or that she’s having a hard time at work. It’s important to see what’s going on in her life right now.
It doesn’t excuse the fact you feel you’re not getting enough attention, but it helps narrow down why you’re not getting the attention you once received.
How is she feeling? Are you the only one who’s feeling as though they’re not getting enough attention, or does she also notice that she has been neglecting that part of the relationship?
If she’s aware, then you can talk about it and make a plan on how you two will work together to spend more quality with each other. [Read: 20 signs you’re wasting time in a one-sided relationship]
When it comes to receiving attention, you’re not going to get what you want unless you talk about it with your girlfriend.
Sit down with her and tell her how you feel and what you need. We all have needs, and yours is not being met. But, nothing will change unless you sit down and express your feelings to her.
There’s one thing you need to understand; she may want to give you more attention but is unable to. If she’s going to school and working, there may not be enough time to physically see you when you want.
Along with expressing your feelings, she needs to be honest with you and tell you if she can meet your needs. [Read: Want to date a busy, busy girl? Here’s what you need to know]
If you have agreed upon spending more time together, then work out a plan to actually make that happen.
Maybe reserve every Friday night as a date night for the both of you. Or spend five minutes every night having a video call with each other before going to bed. You don’t need to make huge changes; small ones do wonders.
Sure, the phrase is usually ‘think big,’ but in this case, you should think small. Your goals shouldn’t be to see each other for five hours every day. The odds are that’s not possible.
But make small and achievable goals that you both agree to and actually follow through on. [Read: How much time should couples spend together to actually be happy?]
If you want her to surprise you every now and then, lead by example. Surprise her first, so she can understand the feelings and emotions you get from these kind gestures.
Sometimes we’re not fully connected to the moment. This is another great way to get attention from your girlfriend.
You need to think about yourself as well. Perhaps she’s giving you the amount of attention you’ve always received, but you’re going through a hard time and need more.
It’s important to look at why you want more attention from your girlfriend. Maybe you’ll be able to receive attention from other people in your life like friends and family. [Read: How to stop feeling ignored by the one you love]
Whatever you do, express yourself to her. Do not hold your feelings inside of you because they will come out eventually, and they won’t be pretty.
Make sure you’re constantly communicating how you feel; that way, you don’t bottle your feelings up and explode. That’s never a good situation. [Read: Emotional wellness and how to live your life with intention]
While you’re working on this issue with your girlfriend, it’s important to continue living your life. Go hang out with friends, see your family, and continue with your hobbies.
Don’t let this prevent you from doing the things you love. Show her that you won’t let this come in between you and the other people and hobbies you have in your life.
When you get into a romantic relationship, you think that it will just be natural to get attention from your partner that you deserve. So, if you have figured out that the problem is her and not you, then you can use these steps to try to fix the situation.
If you have tried everything to get more attention from her but nothing has changed, then you might want to figure out whether or not she’s the right person for you.
After all, relationships are a two-way street. If she’s not putting in enough effort, maybe you should reconsider whether or not you should stay with her.
[Read: The raw psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love]
It’s not easy today to be in a relationship, considering how busy our lives have become. But using these tips can help you know how to get more attention from your girlfriend, especially when you feel ignored by her.
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