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Monogamous Relationships and Your Mind

Can monogamous relationships survive the temptation? What is it really? Find out how to have a monogamous relationship if you really want to have one.

monogamous relationship

Humans were never built for monogamy.

If they were, men wouldn’t need billions of sperm cells.

And women wouldn’t need thousands of eggs.

What’s the point of investing so much energy into the sexual system if you’re only going to use it a few times in your life?

[Read: Affairs in a marriage and games egos play]

Understanding monogamy

There’s a little affair happening all around you all the time.

It could be a stolen glance or an all out affair in the bed you share with your own partner.

At the end of it all, evolution tells you one thing, men and women weren’t built for a monogamous relationship.

What is a monogamous relationship?

A monogamous relationship is one in which the two partners are completely dedicated to each other, and have sexual relations only with each other.

Are all relationships doomed to failure then?

Well, yes and no. After all, it’s all in the way you think and the way your mind works.

Love and relationships are a complex issue that all humans have to cope with. [Read: Should you ever confess to cheating on your partner?]

On one hand, one part of our brain tells us to have indiscriminate sex to better the odds for the survival of mankind. But at the same time, there’s another part of our brain that craves for security and emotional stability.

While one part of you wants to take the risk of having sex with someone else, another part prefers the stress free, emotionally stable and happy romance you share with one partner. While stress can trigger an adventurous streak in all of us, most of us still prefer the calm, happy life on a regular basis instead of living in a constant state of crisis.

Call it your conscience or a messed up confused mind, but this constant conflict takes place all the time within your own head. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat… find out here]

Understanding a monogamous relationship

Monogamy is based on rules of the society. But your mind may not accept it. So set your own rules with your partner. It’s perfectly normal to set your own rules, as long as your partner’s comfortable with it.

The fact that we live in a world surrounded by monogamy with huge streaks of polygamy proves that we still prefer the law abiding monogamous relationship. It’s just that we’re all having a hard time dealing with temptations all around us. Men and women are now sexually liberated like never before and that just makes it so easy for people to stray. [Read: Tips to resist temptation in love]

Monogamy vs. polygamy

While jumping from one bed to another every night can seem like a fantasy come true for many, it’s still something that’ll never make you happy. While we may love the act of sex while having sex, we still spend the rest of our lives plotting ways to find someone to live with.

Polygamy can satiate your sexual desires, but it can’t satisfy your need to lead a well settled, safe and happy life.

Have you ever felt guilty after kissing someone else or having sex with someone else, even though it felt great while you were indulging in the act? Ever wondered why your mind convinces you to have an affair and then makes you feel guilty for having one?

Polygamy is an addiction. You get immense satisfaction while indulging in it, but feel terrible when the high is followed by a crash.

It’s a sign, don’t you think? [Read: What to do when you get attracted to someone else]

On the other hand, a monogamous relationship may feel restrictive after a while, but it always gives you a reason to live.

How to have a monogamous relationship

A monogamous relationship may feel restrictive, but only if you look at it as a burden. If you truly share a great relationship with your partner, you’d see that a monogamous relationship can be just as fun, or even better, than a polygamous relationship.

# Understand what you stand to lose. You could get away with an affair for a while, but would you be willing to give up on your happy relationship just to have a few minutes of sexual pleasure now and then? Think about it when your mind is not clouded by sexual fantasies. [Read: The best way to end an affair and get over it]

# Understand what you’d gain. What would you really gain by groping another body now and then, sexual satisfaction for a day? Weigh the benefits of a long term happy relationship and you’d see that a monogamous relationship can actually define your life and give you a sense of accomplishment.

# Be truthful about your sexual desires with your partner. The biggest reason why most people stray is because of the kind of relationship they share with their lover. Both partners pretend like they’re not sexually attracted to anyone else, and they don’t talk about anything but the missionary position. Can bottling your sexual urge ever help the relationship? Learn to be frank, and your relationship will get better. [Read: Things to talk about in a perfect relationship]

# Satisfy your sexual desires before the urge heightens. You fantasize about other people now and then. Or you recreate sexual thoughts with someone else in your head when you’re alone. Over time, these urges will force you to make a mistake and move away from monogamy. Instead of suppressing your desires, learn to talk about it with your lover. Talking about someone else while having sex with your lover can help you satiate your sexual desires without having to stray. [Read: How to fantasize about someone else]

# Affairs are more fun in the head. Affairs seem like a lot of fun when you think about it. It’s so sexually liberating and enjoyable, isn’t it? But have you ever thought of the different emotions and games involved in the whole affair? Sex could last an hour a day, but you still need to deal with the affair for the rest of the twenty four hours. Is it worth it?

When you really weigh the odds against each other, you’d see the real benefits of monogamy over polygamy.

How to add a polygamous streak to monogamy

Happiness is a state of mind. If you still find your mind conflicting over monogamy and polygamy, it’s time you learn to trick your mind into believing that you’ve got a polygamous streak in your life even if it’s all monogamous.

Your mind triggers sexual interests and creates polygamous scenarios in your head, and it wants to experience all those fantasies in the real world.

Use these three tips to satisfy those sexual cravings with your partner, and you’ll have an exciting sex life, even in a monogamous relationship.

# Don’t restrict your life when you’re in a relationship. Respect your partner and ensure that they feel secure in the relationship, but don’t avoid flirting or talking to people of the opposite sex. If you intentionally stop yourself from getting sexually attracted to someone else, you’re bottling up the sexual emotions in your head which may eventually lead a sudden burst of sexual affairs. [Read: How to handle insecurity in a relationship]

# Indulge in kinky ideas. Try to relive the fantasies and sexual desires in real life with your own partner. If you want to have sex with a doctor, ask your partner to dress like one. Be open and truthful with your own partner and explore your sexual desires. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a sexy relationship]

# Involve your partner to do more. Are you having a hard time staying faithful no matter what? Well, your last resort may be to involve your partner and test the waters of infidelity together. In a manner, you’re not being unfaithful because you’re involving your partner to participate with you. Try indulging in threesome sex or swing with another couple.

You’d definitely be straying into the territory of polygamy, but if you have no other options, well, what have you got to lose when you’re trying to keep your faithful relationship exciting and sexually fulfilling at the same time?

[Quiz: Would you be unfaithful to your partner?]

A monogamous relationship is hard work. But by indulging in the naughty games of your mind and yet staying faithful to your partner, you can still learn to enjoy a perfect romance and have an exciting sex life all at once!

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Elizabeth Arthur
A mom of two who’s currently working on a novel, Elizabeth Arthur lives in Cornwall. And when she’s not chasing her boys around the house, she enjoys sittin...
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