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Why Do I Always Attract the Wrong Guys & Repeat the Same Mistakes with Men?

YOU may be the reason you keep choosing the wrong guys. Read these reasons and learn from your mistakes.

why do i always choose the wrong guy

You’re probably tired of asking yourself: “Why do I always choose the wrong guy?”

We all know that the outside counts, but many women fail to realize that the inside does, too. Physical attributes draw us to each other in the first place, but it won’t take long to realize that his curly locks and killer abs aren’t all he’s made of.

If you’ve instead placed all your focus on his external glories, this could be the very reason the two of you just don’t seem to mesh no matter what you do.

Sometimes, it’s not even because the guy you choose is a bad person. He’s just bad for you. We’re all on our path to find the one, so you’ll have to kiss many frogs before meeting your prince.

[Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you need to get away from ASAP]

The heart wants what it wants

It may work out for those Disney princesses, but it certainly doesn’t always sail smoothly in real life. We all know that love is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. And how are you certain it’s love anyway? True love shouldn’t make you suffer, ladies.

Whatever kind of attachment you have with this guy, it’s definitely not love. But it’s enough to make you come up with all sorts of excuses to defend him to your friends, family, and even yourself. While deep down, you know he’s wrong for you, a part of you will always be in denial.

It’s time to stop making excuses! Start looking into the reasons why you keep choosing the wrong guy.

Reasons why you consistently choose the wrong guy

We’re not saying that minor relationship problems can’t be fixed, but if you keep choosing the same guy in a different font over and over again, you won’t be able to find your Prince Charming. [Read: A compelling case against dating a bad boy]

1. Alpha male syndrome

One reason why you keep choosing the wrong guy is that you suffer from Alpha male syndrome. This basically means that you want your man to be manly, no matter how much of a brute he is. He may treat you poorly or even abuse you, but as long as he’s masculine, you’re still drawn to him.

The thing you have to know about alpha males is that they are usually strong-willed, stubborn, and, more often than not, successful. A majority of them tend to be intimidated and threatened by women who are on par with them.

Hence, if you’re also strong-willed, stubborn, and successful, there’s a chance he won’t like it, consciously or otherwise. Why do you think fabulously wealthy men seem to only want trophy wives?

More often than not, they want to be the ones who bring home the bacon and can’t stand it when a woman can hold her own. [Read: What is a trophy wife and why do all men desire one?]

Now ask yourself why you’re incapable of surviving on your own. Why do you need this type of man in your life to tell you what to do?

[Read: Dating an alpha male – The tips to remember for happily ever after]

2. Too many good men in your life

As ridiculous as it sounds, you may consistently choose the wrong guy because there are too many good men in your life. The fact that you’re surrounded by good men—be it your brothers, cousins, friends, or the dudes in your “friend zone”—may have unconsciously caused you to be jaded.

It may just be your personality that’s pushing you to seek out something extraordinary.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to break free of convention and carve out something totally different for yourself. But can you leave those kinds of aspirations for your career instead of your love life? [Read: 23 must-know relationship tips for women to live your best love life]

3. Daddy issues

Daddy issues could also be what’s causing you to fall for men who treat you poorly. They say that a girl’s father is her first exposure to the wide world of men.

So if the father is a great role model, chances are his daughter will fall in love with a great guy. If he’s terrible, there’s a chance she will inherently be drawn to men who exhibit his terrible traits.

Look back on your relationship with your father, and try to figure out whether he displayed good or bad traits. If it’s the latter, there’s your answer.

[Read: 15 traits of a girl with daddy issues you should know about]

4. Bad is all you know

You may be choosing the wrong guy multiple times because they’re all you know. We tend to stick with the familiar in all aspects of life, and it’s no different when it comes to relationships.

When you’re familiar with a certain type of man, you probably think that you’ve “got it” and can handle anything that comes your way because you’ve “been there, done that.”

Inexperience is a bad thing when it comes to finding a boyfriend. But hey, after all those times that you’ve fallen for the bad boys, you should be experienced enough to know that they’re bad for you, right? Learn your lesson and get yourself a good guy. [Read: How to get a boyfriend – A no-nonsense guide to finding yourself the best guy]

5. You think you can change him

Ladies, you have to stop believing that you can ever change a man. In all fairness, people can change, but it’ll be on their terms. If he’s a jerk, there’s a high chance he will remain a jerk. No amount of babying, threatening to leave, amazing cooking, doting on him, or anything else that you do will change that.

If someone wants to change for you, they will. But your job isn’t to wait around and “help” them change. This isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey.

[Read: Can a narcissist change? The real truth if you’re looking for hope]

6. You don’t have great self-esteem

You may be drawn to men who treat you poorly because you lack self-esteem. Women of all shapes, ages, and colors are drawn to men with confidence. And guess what? Most of the jerks out there have plenty of confidence. They think they’re all that and, more often than not, will belittle you to lift themselves up even higher. [Read: 30 signs of low self-esteem in a woman that reveal a need for self-love]

You have to realize that you are a powerful being who doesn’t need to take shit from any man, no matter how hot and sexy he is. Once you have the courage to build up your own self-esteem and confidence, you will find that attracting a man who isn’t a prick isn’t that hard to do.

Start by changing the way you look on the outside. Work out, eat right, get your nails done, and do whatever else you need to do to feel pretty and amazing. The inside will follow suit once you start looking good on the outside.

[Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]

7. You’re tired of looking so you settle

Dating isn’t easy. Many people struggle to even get past the talking stage, or they get ghosted before entering the talking stage. So maybe you’re tired of swiping left and right on dating apps, so you just settle for the first guy who wants to date you.

This is where it all goes wrong. Never settle. Yes, keep your expectations realistic because nobody’s perfect. But before you start dating a guy, imagine being in the same room with him and all the guys you’ve ever had a connection with or found attractive *including celebrity crushes*. Would you still pick him?

If the answer is no or a very weak yes, he’s not the right one.

[Read: Should you settle for less when you can have much more?]

8. You don’t want to be alone

You’re terrified of the idea of being alone. You don’t know how to be alone. Sometimes, loneliness makes us choose the wrong guy. You may just take the first hand that reaches out and stay with that person because you don’t know what or how to be without him.

Is this because you have no passions or hobbies or friends? It seems like the problem here is you. You don’t have any type of support to fall back to, so he’s all you have. But are you all he has, too? Probably not.

So before you enter any relationship, you must learn how to be happy alone.

[Read: How to deal with Valentine’s Day when you’re single & feel all alone]

9. To love is to tolerate?

Many women believe that you have to tolerate the man you love. That’s why they keep choosing the wrong guys.

It’s true that in a relationship, there will be differences. If you date someone long enough, you’ll start noticing their quirks and flaws. This is only normal if they’re willing to change for you, or you can easily look past those quirks because they are part of who your boyfriend is. You shouldn’t have to tolerate them at all.

Like that famous quote from How I Met Your Mother: “Shouldn’t we hold out for the person who doesn’t just tolerate our little quirks but actually loves them?”

10. You like him for his potential

Maybe you knew from the start that there were things about him that you weren’t okay with. You might have noticed all the early red flags, too. But you told yourself that he could be perfect if he changed for you, so you want to give him a chance.

Again, you shouldn’t expect someone to change for you. And you shouldn’t date someone if you don’t like who they are now in the present.

This is very similar to going shopping and seeing some items you like. You put them together to make an outfit in your head and like how it looks. So you pay for those items. But when you go home and wear them all together, they just look awful.

With clothes, you can always return or exchange them as long as you keep your receipts. You can’t just “return” or “exchange” a person. When you choose the wrong guy, you choose the wrong guy. There’s not much you can do but learn from your mistakes so you won’t ever repeat them.

[Read: Should I break up with my boyfriend? 36 signs you MUST to be happy]

11. You think nice guys are boring

Many girls like bad boys because books and movies tend to glorify them. But keep in mind that books and movies also glorify abuse and toxic relationships, so they’re not exactly reliable sources.

The truth is: Love doesn’t have to hurt. You can be in love and be happy.

Just because a guy is respectful and treats you well doesn’t mean he’s boring. Don’t worry if you don’t feel those butterflies when you’re with him. It’s because he makes you feel comfortable and safe.

Butterflies and roller coasters aren’t always a good thing. They can also mean you’re anxious. It’s your gut telling you something is wrong. And that’s what you get for choosing the wrong guy. They’ll never give you peace.

So the next time a nice guy wants to get to know you, consider giving him a chance. [Read: Where to find a nice guy]

12. You go for looks

When it comes to finding a boyfriend, there’s nothing wrong with going for the hot guy. But looks only matter if they come with a pretty personality. A lot of conventionally attractive people don’t have to care about their personality. People will like them and give them attention anyway.

Hot guys with zero or awful personalities are only good for sex. If you can’t hold a conversation with them, or if they’re rude and annoying, it doesn’t matter what they look like. They’re not worth it.

[Read: 20 personality traits that make the ideal perfect guy]

13. You don’t go for looks

You may like someone for their personality, so you try to convince yourself that it doesn’t matter if you find them attractive or not. But you see, this might not be an issue at first, but over time it will be.

When you’re dating, you need to be physically attracted to each other. You may even have to be sexually compatible to have a happy relationship. A lot of people cheat because they like their partner but do not find them attractive.

So find someone who looks good and makes you feel good emotionally and sexually, too. [Read: What does sexual attraction feel like? 15 hot signs to recognize it]

14. You date for money

Are you dating trashy rich men because you’re financially reliant on them? You may think money can make you happy, and maybe it’s true for some. But not many of us get to be Cinderella, and it’s never a good idea to live on someone else’s money.

You’re a fully grown adult. Start saving. Get a job. If a teenager can make money by waiting tables, there’s no excuse for you to sit around and wait for rich men to save you. They can drop you as easily as they drop those dollar bills. [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]

15. “We accept the love we think we deserve

Bill said this to Charlie in The Perks of Being a Wallflower. So what does this mean? It means that the love you choose reflects who you think you are as a person.

So you may get to have two guys wanting to date you. You may know which one is bad and which is good, but you end up choosing the wrong guy anyway. Deep down, you think you don’t deserve the good one.

You think if you set your expectations too high, you’ll fail or screw things up. That’s probably why you choose the wrong guy.

This all comes down to your own insecurities. So you need to work on your confidence and take care of yourself mentally and physically. Think of the type of woman you admire and try to be her. Soon, you’ll attract a decent man into your life, and this time, you’ll be confident enough to say yes to him.

[Read: How to look hot – 24 sexy tips to go from boring to irresistibly desirable!]

Being attracted to someone is a very hard thing to explain. In order to find the one, you must find yourself first. That said, if you’re wondering why you always choose the wrong guy, you have to be smart enough to know when to stay and when it’s time to pack up and leave.

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Preeti Tewari Serai
Preeti Serai
Preeti, the founder of LovePanky, is an eternal optimist and believer in the beauty of love and life. With an exhaustive experience in love, relationships, and ...