Unless you have been on more dates than you can remember, it’s likely that you dread the idea of the official first date. You just dream of mastering how to be more playful and flirty and have fun dating instead of feeling awkward or nervous.
You panic, you can’t be yourself, and you spend hours trying to think of what to say, then when you’re at the date, it all goes out of your mind. It’s horrendous! I often wonder why we put ourselves through it. However, most of us are attempting to find our soul mate or equivalent, and it’s why we attempt to put ourselves “out there” and worry about it for the many hours beforehand.
However, have you ever considered that you’ve been looking at dates all wrong?
[Read: How to remain hopeful while dating and not let heartaches stop you]
Do you see them as an interview of sorts? Perhaps a terrifying example of social networking gone wrong? If that’s the case, it’s time to shift your mindset and learn how to be more playful and flirty. If you do that, you’ll instantly relax. Who knows, you might even learn to enjoy the date!
Why it is important to learn how to be more playful and flirty
When you’re relaxed and playful, you find it easier to be your natural self. Showing who you really are is the entire point of dating. It’s no good pretending to be someone you’re not because if this dating situation actually works, you’re going to have to keep up a pretense for a very long time. That’s exhausting and nobody has the time for it. [Read: How to be flirty while maintaining class and poise]
So, by learning to let your playful and flirty side out, it means that you’re simply being who you really are. When that’s the case, who could resist your natural charms? [Read: How to be charming and liked by everyone]
The other point is that when you relax and be a little playful, you also encourage the other person to do the same. This knocks the nerves out of the date and as a result, the entire thing becomes far more enjoyable and less like a rather terrifying job interview.
So, how can you learn how to be more playful and flirty without becoming someone you’re not?
It’s actually easier than you think. [Read: The 7 stages of dating anxiety and how to get through each of them]
#1 Think about how you are with your friends. When you’re with your friends, it’s likely that you have your guard down, you’re relaxed, happy and simply your witty and playful self. That’s how you need to be on a date.
So, pretend that whoever you’re going out with is one of your friends. Perhaps pull back on the gossip and specific subjects you’d normally talk about, but simply act in the same way, knocking down the barriers and allowing yourself to truly relax into their company. [Read: 20 ways to perfect your first date conversation]
#2 Vow to be yourself. This isn’t the easiest of points but it sounds like it should be the simplest one of them all. You just need to be yourself. If you act like you’re someone else, how can you be sure that if they tell you they like you, it’s really YOU they like?
It’s far better to be rejected for being your true self than it is to be accepted for being someone who is fake. I’m not suggesting it isn’t painful but let’s be honest, it’s their loss in that case, right? So, vow to just be yourself and don’t give a damn.
Practice, and just go for it. I guarantee the more you do it, the easier it becomes and you know what? The happier you’ll become too. [Read: How to be yourself – Steps to unfake your life and love yourself]
#3 Take the pressure off. It’s all about mindset. If you want to learn how to be more playful and flirty, you need put yourself in the right situation. That means relaxing, letting your worries go, and easing the pressure.
Don’t see this as a date, see it as a quick chat with a stranger. It doesn’t matter if they like you or not; if they do, fantastic, if they don’t, no problem. Remember, you’re trying to work out whether you like them or not too, it’s not all about you trying to impress someone else!
#4 Never attempt to practice. The worst thing you can do when attempting to learn how to be more playful and flirty is to practice. Playfulness comes naturally, that’s why it’s playful! If you rehearse it, it becomes wooden and you feel awkward. The whole point is that it flows naturally and the same goes for flirting.
If you’re trying to remember a million things you should do to come over as sexy to another person, you’re just going to look wooden and distracted, not at all flirty and fun! Be in the moment, and just go with it. [Read: 15 subtle flirting moves to bring anyone closer without much effort]
#5 Know the difference between playful and seductive. The fact that we’re talking about how to be more playful and flirty means that you’re not attempting to seduce someone. Playful flirtiness is innocent in many ways, but seductiveness isn’t.
In this case, you’re simply trying to make them realize that you’re a fun and happy person, someone who has a hint of naughtiness about them with your subtle flirting. You’re not attempting to make them see you as a truly sexual being. Of course, you are one, but that’s for another day. [Read: How to seduce someone – Seduction techniques that’ll leave them yearning for you]
Why is it so hard for us to simply be ourselves?
It’s crazy when you think about it, but most of us struggle to let our guards down and just be who we really are. It sounds like the easiest thing in the world, but in most cases it’s the hardest.
We worry people will judge or laugh at us, but so what? Could you easily judge and laugh at someone else, but you wouldn’t do that because you’re not a horrible person. That’s the point here, if someone doesn’t appreciate you when you let your guard down and simply be yourself, it’s their problem, it’s certainly not yours. Perhaps that’s the most important thing to remember when you’re trying to understand how to be more playful and flirty – it’s about not caring.
When you don’t care about judgement, you’re free to be yourself. When you’re free to be yourself, you can relax into the moment and you say whatever comes into your mind. In most cases, that’s when the fun and flirty moments happen – totally naturally and without rehearsal. [Read: 15 secrets of seduction that every guy and girl must understand]
Of course, I’m not suggesting that being yourself around people you’ve never met is as easy as just doing it. If you’re someone who is a little shy or introverted, maybe you need to warm up to the moment first. That’s fine, and in that case, why not just say to the other person, “just give me a minute, I’m a little shy around people I’ve just met.” They’ll appreciate your honesty, you’ll relax and then boom! You can be your naturally wonderful, playful, and flirty self, free of judgement. [Read: How to flirt by touch without making it obvious at all]
That’s the main point here. You are naturally playful and flirty, you’ve just buried it under layers of self-consciousness. Being around someone new, or someone you like, is a huge trigger to bury it even further. Grab a shovel and get digging. The playful and wonderfully flirty side of you should be let out to play a little more often!
[Read: How to be a tease with flirty moves to capture their attention]
Learning how to be more playful and flirty doesn’t really need major instructions. It’s simply a case of relaxing and opening up to be your true self.
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