We all want to find the person who will make all of our dreams come true. Once we do, we assume that everything will be fine. What’s surprising is sometimes strange feelings of resentment and insecurity suddenly bubble up to the surface without us knowing why.
No matter how happy you are with a person, you find yourself distancing yourself from this happiness because you feel that it will be short-lived. You’re afraid of doing something that can ruin your relationship. You feel that one day your partner will wake up to find that they don’t like you anymore. You think that what you are or who you are will not be enough to make them stay.
Why do people feel insecure in their relationships?
Everything boils back down to the source – you. Feelings of insecurity can hinder the growth of a happy relationship. There are several reasons why a person might feel this way.
#1 Low self-esteem. People who don’t think they are good enough can sometimes blame their partners. You might think that your partner is too attractive, too smart or too sexy for you. You think that they deserve someone prettier, with better skin or a better stock portfolio.
#2 Past issues. We all go through different things in life. Before you met your partner, you had your own experiences that left marks you didn’t know could affect your state of mind. Traumatic experiences can manifest as a behavioral disorder – some of which include depression and insecurity. [Read: 10 signs your past is keeping you from moving forward]
#3 Definition of success. Your competition with yourself can be intensified by a partner who is open and generous. Because they are giving you everything, you may feel that you are not giving your relationship and yourself enough. You don’t have the perfect job. Your savings are not enough. Your car is crap. Your attitude sucks. Those things can increase your insecurities as well.
#4 Your partner. If you think your loved one is turning a blind eye to your distress, your insecurities could be further amplified by their ignorance. You think that they don’t care enough, so you compensate by blaming yourself because you are not getting the attention you feel you deserve.
#5 Money. Like they say, it’s the root of all problems, but it’s also the solution to most. In this case, it may be what’s causing your insecurity. Not having enough may be the problem for you. If you are a man, it can be seen as a huge blow to your ego. If you are a woman, you might feel weak because you are not providing as much.
Relationships are made up of two people. These two people need to work together to make their connection, communication and development better. Before that can happen, you must address the issue at a primary level. You need to understand yourself better and fix the problem from the source before you can actually start to feel better about yourself in the relationship.
Feel less threatened by your partner and your relationship
The key to finding the strength to overcome your insecurities lies in your courage to face the problems head on. You can’t just turn your back on them and wish for them to go away. Be proactive in taking care of yourself and find it within you to let go of your self-doubt.
#1 Find the joy in what you do. Your work is as much a part of you as your relationship is. Once you feel that your worth is not sufficient in terms of your career, you need to find a way to make it matter. If you are doing what you love, stop thinking that it won’t be enough for your partner. If you are in a position where money matters more than your passion, remind yourself why you’re doing what you do, and stick to that.
No occupation is worthless or demeaning. A good and honest living is something to be grateful and happy about. Once you find happiness at a professional level, you will find that competing with your partner or not being able to live up to their standard is now a non-issue. [Read: 12 steps to finding happiness in your life]
#2 Enjoy your partner and everything that they do. Your insecurities can come from the successes of your partner. Their success in life, work, physique or overall disposition can sometimes put you down because you feel that you are not on their level.
Once you start to appreciate their accomplishments without comparing them to yours, you can finally appreciate yourself and let go of your competitiveness. In turn, your insecurities about your worth in the relationship will finally melt away.
#3 Stop comparing yourself to everyone around you. Just because you’re not comparing yourself to your partner, does not mean that your insecurity is not affecting the relationship. Being unhappy about your lot in life is inevitable once you start to count your achievements while looking at another’s list.
While you list down the things that you failed to do, you are inadvertently fueling your resentment in your relationship because you feel that you are not up to par with the people you compare yourself to. [Read: 10 ways to stop being jealous of other people’s success]
#4 Indulge yourself. In order to feel good about yourself, you need to feel good, period. Go out with your friends. Buy something you’ve always wanted. Treat yourself to a solo vacation. You can even start a new hobby or finish a project that you never got around to. Help your relationship by helping yourself. Once you let off some steam and feel better, you can face your problems with a clear mind. [Read: 14 stress busters that will instantly make you feel better]
#5 Talk about your problems with your partner. The reason why you have insecurities about your relationship is probably because you never told your partner about them. You are dealing with all these assumptions and fears all alone while your partner is in complete ignorance. If you put your concerns out in the open, your partner can help you deal with them. Getting some form of assurance from your partner can be enough to eliminate your insecurities.
Level with your partner and discuss these types of problems. If they are never acknowledged, it could spell trouble for your budding relationship. You need to overcome your fears and insecurities for you to grow within the relationship.
Your partner is someone you chose out of love and affection. You know this person well enough to trust them. That is why you should use this trust to help assure yourself that there is nothing to be worried about. All you need to do is take care of yourself and enjoy the things that you share with your partner. [Read: 3 big ways to build trust in a relationship]
[Read: 9 effective ways to stop being needy and insecure]
Insecurity is normal, and it won’t help if you just try to brush it off. Feeling insecure in your relationship can be remedied by trying to make yourself a better person while also finding the courage to be honest about these misgivings with your partner. Once you find that there’s nothing to worry about, you’ll look back and realize that your insecurities were just needlessly holding you back.
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