It’s normal to feel a little insecure from time to time. It’s normal to ask questions. But if you’re too clingy in a relationship, you’ll suffocate your partner and cause them to question whether they really want to continue in the union or not. It might be time to stop and ask yourself, am I clingy?
Am I clingy? The most obvious signs that you might well be
Look, I get it, dating is a pretty cutthroat world. There are a million things that could go wrong. It’s easy to focus on the negatives. However, there are also a million and one positives to think about too. By being clingy and thinking that your partner is about to go AWOL on you, you’re missing the good stuff!
[Read: How to stop being clingy and the truth behind why people become needy]
If you’ve asked yourself the question “am I clingy” once or twice, you might feel like you should take a step back. Just because you’re asking yourself that question doesn’t mean that you’re the latest owner of the cling. But if you’re thinking it anyway, it’s a sign that you might need to simply breathe and let things be for a while.
What will be will be. Quite frankly, most of the time ‘what will be’ is pretty damn good! Go with the flow.
#1 You send a text and expect a reply or a call within minutes. We’re all impatient occasionally. I’m certainly not the most patient person when I’m waiting for a reply to a message, but if you hit ‘send’ and obsess over when your phone will chime with a reply, question why you feel that way.
[Read: Am I codependent? 14 signs you’re overstepping boundaries and annoying people]
Perhaps their phone is in their bag and they’re in the gym. Maybe they’re in a meeting. Perhaps their phone battery has died. Maybe they’re on the phone with someone else. There are a million and one reasons why someone doesn’t reply to you straight away.
Do you reply to messages every single time straightaway? Probably not! Chill a little, they’ll get back to you when they can. Remember, the lack of an immediate reply does not mean that they’ve decided they don’t want to be with you anymore. [Read: Double texting and second texts – 6 simple rules to play it cool]
#2 You read into messages. Do you analyze every word, every emoji or lack of, and always look on the negative side? If so, you’re probably erring towards the ‘yes’ side of ‘am I clingy’!
It’s normal to read into messages a little but not every time. If your partner simply answers you with ‘okay’, it doesn’t mean they’re angry, uninterested, or not bothered. It might literally mean ‘okay’, or it could mean that they’re busy at the moment and rather than not reply to you at all, they sent a quick message and they’ll get back to you again later on. Chill out a little! [Read: How to overcome neediness and regain power in your life]
#3 You don’t like it if they go out without you there too. We all need space, and if you’re always becoming a little annoyed or paranoid when your partner goes out with you, chill out and take a step back. A relationship without trust is literally going nowhere, and feeling this way when they go out without you, you’re showing that you either don’t trust them, or you really don’t like your own company.
It’s good for partners to go out on their own occasionally, go and see their own friends, and have a good time. Then they will go out together and have dates and meet up with friends as one big group. This is how relationships work. You cannot be together 24/7, and if you want to be, the answer to ‘am I clingy’ is a big, fat yes! [Read: How to learn to love someone without smothering them]
#4 You can’t just let it be. If your partner tells you something, do you simply accept it or do you ask a million and one questions and attempt to catch them out? For instance, if they go out with their friends to watch a movie, do you go into private investigator mode and want to know who was there, what they watched, etc.?
This is one of the main traits of someone who is a little on the clingy side, and you should be careful that this doesn’t drive your partner away.
Again, it shows no trust and that you don’t have enough to do with your own time. Head out with your friends when they go out with theirs. Fill your time and enjoy space as well as time together without feeling the need to interrogate them all the time. [Read: 13 very effective ways to stop being a Stage 5 clinger]
#5 You turn up where they are. Have you ever done this before? Be honest. Okay, once I can let you off with, but more than that and you have a problem. If you’re nodding your head to this one and asking ‘am I clingy’ then I’m afraid you are!
If you know that your partner is going to be at a certain place and you happen to swing by there, when you have no real reason to, you show super-clingy signs. Your partner needs their space, just like you do. How would you like it if you were out with your friends and suddenly your partner turned up randomly more than once? [Read: 12 key moments in a relationship that predict your future together]
#6 You don’t see your friends as much. Since you started dating, do you see your friends the same amount? Sure, it’s normal to not see them quite so much at the beginning. However, it should level out over time. Strive for a balanced social life, seeing both your partner and your friends. If you’re only seeing your partner and your friends have forgotten what you look like, that’s a sign of clinginess.
It’s not healthy to lose interest in your friendships when you get into a relationship. Your friends were there before you met your partner. If things don’t go well, you’ll want them with you afterward.
#7 You can’t remember the last time you did something you always enjoyed before. Did you like painting but now you can’t remember the last time you did it? How about reading? When was the last time you sat down and read a book?
You can nod your head to ‘am I clingy’ if you’ve given up your own hobbies and likes, and all you do is the things that your partner likes. You might even convince yourself that you enjoy these things, but deep down, is that really the case? Could it be that you’re just trying to keep them happy? [Read: How to fix a smothered relationship – Pull back and reignite the sparks]
#8 You always put them before you. It’s normal to put your partner first occasionally, but that doesn’t mean you need to do it all the time. Your happiness is just as important as theirs. If you’re always the one who misses out because they come before you, why do you do it? Why do you think that they’re more important than you? What are you scared of losing?
The chances are, if your partner found out that you weren’t happy because you were always putting them first, they’d be devastated. [Read: How to recognize a martyr complex and stop the self-inflicted suffering]
#9 You always check their social media feeds. It’s normal to look at your partner’s social media occasionally, but if you look at theirs far more than your own, you’ve got a clinginess problem!
Social media is often the death of many relationships. There are so many outside influences which can sway things from one direction to another. Most of the time they’re blown out of proportion. You can answer ‘yes’ to ‘am I clingy’ if you’re always checking Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter of your partner and reading into every little thing that you see.
[Read: How to stop being clingy so people won’t up and leave you]
Many people ponder, am I clingy, occasionally. But, when you really analyze your behavior, be honest with yourself if you want a true answer.
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