It’s normal to feel a little insecure from time to time. It’s normal to ask questions. But if you’re too clingy in a relationship, you’ll suffocate your partner and cause them to question whether they really want to continue in the union or not. It might be time to stop and ask yourself, am I clingy?
It’s never easy to question yourself in this way. Nobody wants to identify problems with their own behavior. But, without doing so, you could end up single before you realize it.
[Read: How to stop overthinking – Secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]
Before we can explore whether or not you’re clingy, we need to really nail down a definition. So, what does it mean to be clingy?
Basically, when you’re clingy, you suffocate your partner or your friends because you have to be close to them or in touch with them at all times. You don’t give them the space they need, and that means you also don’t get the personal space you need.
When you’re alone, you text them. If you’re away from them for any length of time, you get panicky and worried, so you contact them again. You always think the worst. None of this is healthy for you, or them. [Read: How to stop ruminating – 18 ways to leave your past and be present]
Look, we get it, dating is a pretty cutthroat world. There are a million things that could go wrong. It’s easy to focus on the negatives.
However, there are also a million and one positives to think about too. By being clingy and thinking that your partner is about to go AWOL on you, you’re missing the good stuff!
If you’ve asked yourself the question “am I clingy” once or twice, you might feel like you should take a step back. Just because you’re asking yourself that question doesn’t mean that you’re the latest owner of the cling. But if you’re thinking it anyway, it’s a sign that you might need to simply breathe and let things be for a while.
What will be will be. Quite frankly, most of the time ‘what will be’ is pretty damn good! Go with the flow. [Read: How to stop being such a clinger and the truth behind why people become needy]
We’re all impatient occasionally, but if you hit ‘send’ and obsess over when your phone will chime with a reply, question why you feel that way. [Read: Am I codependent? 14 signs you’re overstepping boundaries and annoying people]
Perhaps their phone is in their bag and they’re in the gym. Maybe they’re in a meeting. Perhaps their phone battery has died. Maybe they’re on the phone with someone else. There are a million and one reasons why someone doesn’t reply to you straight away.
Do you reply to messages every single time straightaway? Probably not! Chill a little, they’ll get back to you when they can. Remember, the lack of an immediate reply does not mean that they’ve decided they don’t want to be with you anymore. [Read: Double texting and second texts – 6 simple rules to play it cool]
Do you analyze every word, every emoji or lack of, and always look on the negative side? If so, you’re probably erring towards the ‘yes’ side of ‘am I clingy’!
It’s normal to read into messages a little but not every time. If your partner simply answers you with ‘okay’, it doesn’t mean they’re angry, uninterested, or not bothered.
It might literally mean ‘okay’, or it could mean that they’re busy at the moment and rather than not reply to you at all, they sent a quick message and they’ll get back to you again later on. Chill out a little! [Read: How to overcome neediness and regain power in your life]
We all need space, and if you’re always becoming a little annoyed or paranoid when your partner goes out with you, chill out and take a step back.
A relationship without trust is literally going nowhere, and feeling this way when they go out without you, you’re showing that you either don’t trust them, or you really don’t like your own company.
It’s good for partners to go out on their own occasionally, go and see their own friends, and have a good time. Then they will go out together and have dates and meet up with friends as one big group. This is how relationships work.
You cannot be together 24/7, and if you want to be, the answer to ‘am I clingy’ is a big, fat yes! [Read: How to learn to love someone without smothering them]
If your partner tells you something, do you simply accept it or do you ask a million and one questions and attempt to catch them out? For instance, if they go out with their friends to watch a movie, do you go into private investigator mode and want to know who was there, what they watched, etc.?
This is one of the main traits of someone who is a little on the clingy side, and you should be careful that this doesn’t drive your partner away.
Again, it shows no trust and that you don’t have enough to do with your own time. Head out with your friends when they go out with theirs. Fill your time and enjoy space as well as time together without feeling the need to interrogate them all the time. [Read: 13 very effective ways to stop being a Stage 5 clinger]
Have you ever done this before? Be honest. Okay, once we can let you off with, but more than that and you have a problem. If you’re nodding your head to this one and asking ‘am I clingy’ then we’re afraid you are!
If you know that your partner is going to be at a certain place and you happen to swing by there, when you have no real reason to, you show super-clingy signs.
Your partner needs their space, just like you do. How would you like it if you were out with your friends and suddenly your partner turned up randomly more than once? [Read: 12 key moments in a relationship that predict your future together]
Since you started dating, do you see your friends the same amount? Sure, it’s normal to not see them quite so much at the beginning.
However, it should level out over time. Strive for a balanced social life, seeing both your partner and your friends. If you’re only seeing your partner and your friends have forgotten what you look like, that’s a sign of clinginess.
It’s not healthy to lose interest in your friendships when you get into a relationship. Your friends were there before you met your partner. If things don’t go well, you’ll want them with you afterward. [Read: How to be a friend – The real art of true and meaningful friendships]
Did you like painting but now you can’t remember the last time you did it? How about reading? When was the last time you sat down and read a book?
You can nod your head to ‘am I clingy’ if you’ve given up your own hobbies and likes, and all you do is the things that your partner likes.
You might even convince yourself that you enjoy these things, but deep down, is that really the case? Could it be that you’re just trying to keep them happy? [Read: How to fix a smothered relationship – Pull back and reignite the sparks]
It’s normal to put your partner first occasionally, but that doesn’t mean you need to do it all the time. Your happiness is just as important as theirs.
If you’re always the one who misses out because they come before you, why do you do it? Why do you think that they’re more important than you? What are you scared of losing?
The chances are, if your partner found out that you weren’t happy because you were always putting them first, they’d be devastated. [Read: How to recognize a martyr complex and stop the self-inflicted suffering]
It’s normal to look at your partner’s social media occasionally, but if you look at theirs far more than your own, you’ve got a clinginess problem!
Social media is often the death of many relationships. There are so many outside influences that can sway things from one direction to another. Most of the time they’re blown out of proportion.
You can answer ‘yes’ to ‘am I clingy’ if you’re always checking Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter of your partner and reading into every little thing that you see. [Read: Dangers of social media – Why it makes you feel really insecure]
Do you feel like you can’t really relax? Perhaps you’re always nervous or on edge? That’s a sign of being clingy too. You’re always expecting the worst to happen and that’s forcing you to act out of character, or in character if clinginess is a part of it.
Clinging on too tightly to your partner is not going to make them stick around. We don’t want to say this, but the truth is that if they’re going to cheat, they’ll do it anyway. You holding on to them so tightly is not going to stop them.
If anything, you’ll push them further away and toward the possibility. But, how do you know that your partner is going to do anything bad at all? You’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in so many ways. [Read: How to get rid of nervousness and calm your mind wherever you are]
You’ve been asking ‘am I clingy’ so the chances are you need to change your behavior a little. Here’s how you can stop being clingy and move away from the constant upset.
If there’s something that’s causing you to feel clingy, why not sit down and talk to your partner about it? Maybe they can reassure you that everything is fine.
It might be enough to get you to relax and settle into the relationship. After all, your partner isn’t a mind-reader. [Read: How to communicate in a relationship – 16 steps to a better love]
It’s very easy to say “trust them” but you have to try. If they haven’t given you any reasons to distrust them then you have to just blindly go with it and hope for the best.
Yes, it’s scary. Especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, but you can’t tar everyone with the same brush. If you can learn to trust them, you’ll find your clingy behavior is easier to shrug off.
Keep yourself busy! The more you focus on the things you enjoy doing, the less time you’ll have to think about what may or may not be going on.
So, if you enjoy painting, do it. Perhaps you’re a keen jogger, and in that case, get out there and jog away. The more you keep your mind ticking over and away from the things that cause you concern, the less clingy you’ll be. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]
If you’re asking yourself ‘am I clingy’, it’s probably because there’s something that has caused you to feel that way. It could be low self-esteem in general, but maybe it’s that someone hurt you in the past.
Try and pinpoint the reason and do some thinking. Try and overcome it by talking about it with someone you care about, especially your partner.
A person who is quite clingy is often focused entirely on their partner. But, you need to focus on yourself. Me time is something we all need.
Head off to the spa, go for a run, eat your favorite foods, and watch the movies you adore. The more you realize that you’re important and you deserve care too, the easier it will be to overcome clingy behavior. [Read: How to love yourself – The 23 best ways to find self-love and happiness]
Surround yourself with your nearest and dearest and you’ll not only be distracted but you’ll feel great too. Our friends lift us up and drag us out of the dark times.
You need your friends right now, so make sure that you talk to them about how you feel and get them to distract you as much as possible. The more fun you have, the less you’ll focus on things that you don’t need to focus on. [Read: What makes a good friend – 15 traits we desperately seek in a friend]
It may be that you need a little extra assistance to overcome the core reason for being clingy. That’s fine and if that’s the case, be sure to reach out and get all the help you need.
It’s never a failure or a weakness to say “help me.” It’s a truly strong thing to do. Counseling or therapy could be the answer for you and in that case, grab it with both hands.
[Read: How to stop being clingy so people won’t up and leave you]
Many people ponder, am I clingy, occasionally. But, when you really analyze your behavior, be honest with yourself if you want a true answer and want to learn how to stop being clingy once and for all.
Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.
LOVEPANKY IN YOUR INBOX
Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox!