Love, as happy and blissful as it seems, can still be a minefield of confusion. If you’re unaffectionate, your partner may think you don’t love them. And if you’re too giving, your affections and your giving nature might not be appreciated. So, you are probably wondering, “am I being taken for granted?”
Do you ever wonder why some people get taken for granted so easily, while a few others are never taken for granted?
The truth is, not all of us get taken for granted.
And almost all the time, it’s just a few kinds of people who get taken for granted all the time, by everyone around them!
[Read: 16 reasons and traits that make some people get taken for granted all the time]
Every relationship always starts with insecurities and confusions.
Does my partner really love me? Am I good enough for my partner? Will they ever leave me?
Even if both of you are madly in love with each other, you may find these questions floating in your mind every now and then.
And it’s this insecurity that makes you try harder to woo them all the time, even if both of you are dating already. You want to be reassured in love because uncertainty just drives you crazy.
But as the first few weeks turn into months or years, you may start to feel more reassured in love. And you may start to realize that your partner really does love you, and may not leave you for anyone else.
And it’s at this point, that lovers start taking each other for granted. It’s at this point in time when gestures and expressions turn into expectations and demands.
When you start to believe your partner would never leave you because they’re so much in love with you, your mind starts to take it easy and you may not try hard to woo them or impress them. [Read: 21 reasons why most couples drift apart over time]
Now, not all lovers take each other for granted. But most of us do, even if we don’t realize it. Ever since both of you started dating, you may be doing something special for your partner all the time, like planning a surprise birthday party or cooking them a hearty four-course dinner each time they come home.
And at some point in time, your partner may turn this romantic gesture of your affection into an expectation.
If you plan an elaborate birthday party for your partner every single year and surprise them with a big gift on each birthday *you save for months to afford it!*, and three years later, on one birthday, you decide to take it easy and just take your lover out for dinner at a fancy restaurant, you may still find that your partner may be slightly annoyed with you!
And that’s a clear case of being taken for granted in the relationship. [Read: 21 secret signs your relationship is starting to go bad slowly]
No, it only means you need to start letting your partner know just how much of an effort you’re taking each time. Don’t be a martyr.
You may think being a silent martyr works because your partner would understand just how devoted and loving you are someday, but it doesn’t always work that way.
Your partner may realize it at times, and at other times, they may not. And you’d just end up disappointed. When you’re being taken for granted by your lover, it all starts with your overwhelming silent love and your partner’s lack of reciprocation and increase in expectations.
You have every right to expect your partner to treat you with the same love and affection that you shower upon them. And the day you start to believe that you need to do more to win their affection or to hold on to them, that’s the day they’d start to take you for granted. [Read: The martyr complex and how to recognize this syndrome in yourself]
Do you ever feel like you’re being taken for granted by your partner? If you keep asking yourself the question, “Am I being taken for granted,” then you just might be.
Now we’re not all saints, and any of us could feel just a wee bit disappointed now and then when it comes to expectations from a lover. But there’s a thin line between taking your gestures for granted and taking you as a person for granted!
If your partner starts taking you for granted, they may not care enough for you or they may treat you like you don’t deserve their love or attention, all because they believe they’re too good for you or that you’d never leave them no matter what they do because you need them so much more than they need you. [Read: 20 signs to recognize a selfish person and steps to stop them from hurting you]
Here are all the signs that can help you find out if you’re being taken for granted in your relationship. If you find any of these 25 signs in your love life, you really need to talk to your partner about it.
Or else, you may end up feeling miserable and useless in the relationship, even if you’re the one who’s more giving and loving in the relationship. [Read: Are you a giver or a taker? 19 signs of a taker in a relationship]
When you call or text your partner, they don’t call you back even if several hours pass by and you know they’re not that busy.
Or worse, when you confront them about it in the evening, they tell you that they completely forget about it!
Your partner loses their temper very easily while trying to explain something to you. And at times, they intentionally try to explain it in a way that’s too complicated to understand just to make you feel small.
You may make plans several weeks in advance, but they keep canceling them for silly reasons all the time.
But yet, each time they make plans, even at the last minute, they expect you to drop everything and be there for them. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
How can you tell? They just don’t seem to care with whom you go or what you’re doing, even if you mention that you’re at a party or out with an old friend from college.
And at times, they may even make bold statements in arguments like “I know you’ll never find someone as good as me” or “You know I’m too good for you!”
They just don’t admit their mistakes even when they’re wrong. Because they have a very big ego, they just don’t ever want to see you outdo them at something.
They believe that looking small in front of you or apologizing to you is an insult to their ego. [Read: 17 questions to help you realize if you’re being abused in your relationship]
It’s been happening for so long that you don’t even think twice about it. Your partner forgets things and doesn’t really know what’s happening in your life.
They don’t take the initiative to even ask you about your day. That’s because they believe their life is so much more important than yours.
Your partner may not acknowledge this, but you know this already. You don’t feel like you’re an important part of their life, and see yourself as a second or third option at best. [Read: Should you make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them?]
Your special favors have now turned into an expectation. Even if you do something special, your partner believes it’s your responsibility to do that. And if you don’t do something nice all the time, your partner gets angry with you or sulks like you’ve done something really bad.
You may have sacrificed many things for your lover, your happiness, your life, or even your future. But yet, your partner doesn’t respect you and still behaves like you’re such a small part of the relationship.
Another way to answer the question, “Am I being taken for granted?” is if your partner is indifferent towards you.
Sometimes, they don’t answer your questions, at other times, they just give you a dark stare and walk away even if you ask them something. [Read: How your own self-respect affects the way your partner treats you]
You may treat your partner with a lot of love and affection, and you may try hard to please them all the time. But no matter what you do, it just goes unnoticed.
And on the other hand, even if you make one mistake, they make it a point to never forget it and keep bringing it up at every instance they get.
Your instincts tell you that you’re being taken for granted and that your partner doesn’t even care about you. And almost all the time, you feel like you’re just being used in the relationship to cater to the whims and fancies of your partner.
You feel this, but you’re too scared to say it out in the open. And you’re too broken inside to even acknowledge that you deserve something better even though you know you’re being wronged in the relationship. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse in a relationship]
Your lover constantly forgets what you say even if you remind them about it several times. They may not be a bad person.
But this kind of behavior just shows how low on their list of priorities you are. If they can’t even remember something you ask, it’s obvious there are other things that are of more importance to them.
You know a happy relationship shouldn’t feel this way, but yet, you just endure it in the hope that they may see just how giving and loving you are.
But the harder you try, the more they take you for granted and expect more from you. No matter what you do, it’s just never enough to please them.
You feel used, hurt, and disrespected in the relationship. But you feel like you are a strong individual around other people, but your partner has broken that pride of yours and always makes you feel useless and small in the relationship.
You don’t even think of leaving them, but you’re constantly worried about whether your partner would leave you someday. [Read: 21 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
And this fear makes you try harder to please them. The harder you try, the more they expect from you. And what starts off as a little doubt turns into a vicious cycle that hurts you and leaves you feeling more vulnerable and defeated all the time.
It’s just common courtesy to say thank you to someone who does something nice for you. But if you are always doing things – whether it’s cooking dinner or buying a special present – you never get thanked.
You feel like they don’t even notice the nice things you do for them. It’s almost like “thank you” isn’t even in their vocabulary.
They expect you to pay for more things than they do. When you go out to dinner, they never reach for their wallet or credit card. They expect you to buy them things and take them places without ever offering to pay their share.
So, if you are feeling used because of all the money you spend on them with no appreciation, then you don’t have to wonder, “am I being taken for granted,” because you already are. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
Everyone has needs and desires that should be fulfilled by their partner in a relationship. We have emotional and physical needs. So, if you feel like you are the only one trying to help with your partner’s needs and they don’t even think about yours, then you are being taken for granted.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself into someone else’s shoes and see any situation from their perspective, and not just your own. So, people who are using others have very little ability to express or show any empathy.
They are too busy being selfish to even think about how their actions are affecting others. All of your attempts to get them to understand your point of view are unsuccessful. [Read: 20 Signs of lack of empathy that show they don’t care what you think]
Birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Hanukkah, anniversaries, and more are pretty much ignored by them.
It doesn’t even matter if you try to make a big deal about their special days and buy them presents. They don’t feel the need to do the same. In fact, they don’t even feel guilty when they don’t put in any effort.
They might always be on their phone, playing video games, watching sports, or doing something else that doesn’t involve you 24/7. That is a sign that you are being taken for granted.
They don’t even feel the need to spend time with you, and it almost seems like they are trying to escape from you because they never try to talk or be in the same room.
Not only is there very little sex *if you’re in a romantic relationship with them*, but there is also no more emotional intimacy either.
You feel emotionally distant and that you are hardly even noticed. A good relationship of any kind has a strong bond between the people involved. [Read: A lack of affection and intimacy in a relationship – is it time to walk away?]
If trying to engage them in any type of conversation feels like pulling teeth, then that is not good either. Maybe your daily interactions are about the weather or grunting about what’s for dinner.
You might be longing for the days when you had long, interesting conversations that stimulated you. And if you are, then you and your presence in their lives are being taken for granted.
If they are making plans with their friends, and going out until the wee hours of the morning without ever thinking about you, then that is not good.
They might even buy things or go away for days without telling you. It’s almost like you don’t even exist in their lives. Because they just do whatever they want, whenever they want to.
Now that you know what the signs are that you are being taken for granted, what should you do now?
First, you need to decide whether or not you even want to continue on in a relationship where you are being taken for granted. That is no way to live. Everyone deserves to be respected and appreciated, and if you’re not, then that is not healthy. [Read: How to stop being taken for granted in a relationship – 15 strong ways]
But, if you have decided that you want to stay in this relationship, then you should make some changes. There is no reason you should put up with the other person’s bad behavior.
You should talk to them and tell them how you feel about being taken for granted. Don’t be accusatory. Just simply point out all the ways that you feel used or unappreciated.
Hopefully, they will be receptive and willing to change. [Read: How to tell your partner you’re not happy and 18 steps to do it without hurting them]
But if they are not willing to change, then you should just stop doing things for them.
For example, if you usually do their laundry, stop doing it. Or, if you always pay for things, stop doing that. This will show them that you are sick of being taken for granted. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t even know it!]
Eventually, they will notice that you are not doing what you usually do to make a point. If they are still taking you for granted, then you should, once again, think about whether or not you should continue with the relationship.
[Read: 15 signs of codependency to know if you’re being taken for granted]
Use these signs to answer the question, “Am I being taken for granted?” And if you are, think about what you want to do. After all, there’s no way to fix this. That is, unless your partner changes for the better or you leave the relationship for good.
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A true believer in the beauty of life and the world we live in, Preeti Tewari finds every excuse to lose herself in nature, be it smelling flowers on a stree...
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