Making up your mind on whether to confess or not is one of the most disturbing phases in a relationship.
Well, of course, so is getting into an affair in the first place.
But let’s not pretend like we’re all angels here.
Having an affair is inevitable, and it can happen even to the most loyal of partners.
It can be prevented though, but if you do find yourself crumpled in someone else’s sheets one afternoon, don’t hate yourself for it.
[Read: Having an affair with a married man]
Kick yourself, yes, but hate yourself?
Well, some things just happen and we don’t see it coming until it’s too late.
But the big question here is whether you should confess to cheating on your partner, even after you’re through with the affair.
Your bag of guilt may have gotten heavier with each passionate night with your lover, but now that you’ve decided to end it all and come clean, there’s more than a good bath that you’re going to need.
Figuring out whether you want to end an affair can seem complicated, but you’ll soon see that figuring out whether to confess to your partner or not can be just as confusing. So what do you want to do?
Should you confess to cheating?
Let’s face it. Your partner’s not going to be pleased to hear of your affair. In fact, they may be rather pissed off when they hear about it.
On one hand, they’ve had their heart broken because their loving partner who’s been cuddling them and pushing their head under a sweaty crotch has been doing the same to someone else. That’s gross, and definitely worth a heartbreak.
And secondly, your partner couldn’t bloody well figure it out until you revealed the lusty relevation! And that’s seriously going to make your partner feel… dumb.
So if you ever do confess to your partner that you’ve been a very bad boy/girl and have been getting jiggy with it, they’re going to feel angered, repulsed and disgusted by it. [Read: Cheating in a relationship]
Understanding the circumstances
You may just want to go ahead and reveal it all to your partner. You may want to kneel down and go on a confession spree while your partner sits down with their clenched fists in the mouth. That’s the right thing to do, that’s for sure. Really, how can you even sleep at night if all you hear is “cheater… cheater… cheater…” every time your partner holds you in their arms?
But here’s the thing, would it be better to shut your mouth and ignore the cheater cries or would it be better to ‘fess up and live guilt free? Weigh these pros and cons. And hey, make up your own mind… you cheater!
How would your partner react?
Are you willing to risk your marriage or your relationship over a little fling? Of course, you cheated and had an affair behind your partner’s back. But do you intend to do it again? If you sincerely feel bad about your horny shagathons, you should give your confession a serious thought. Is your love deep enough to survive an affair? Is your partner understanding enough to accept your lack-of-sexual-control and forgive you, or would your partner ever try to get back at you by having an affair themselves? Or worse, would your partner want to end the relationship?
Learning to forgive someone isn’t a weakness, it’s difficult to accept that we all make mistakes even though some mistakes are pretty damaging. The fact is, most people aren’t good with forgiveness. Confess if you must, but it would be wiser to do so only if you know your relationship is strong enough to survive your screw up. [Read: How to be happy in a marriage]
How will the confrontation affect your family and friends?
When you’re married, you come with a package, your family and its extended versions and friends of the family. Your spouse may be a loudmouth or a relative may understand what’s going on at the next family reunion. If the word does go out, will you (and your spouse) be shunned or become the cynosure for all the gossip? Would all of them be as understanding? Sometimes, locking away the guilt is way easier. It’s a sick thing to do, especially when your partner truly thinks you’re a saintly lover, but you’ll have to deal with it.
Can you (and your partner) put the episode behind?
At times, it is indeed better to just confess and put it all behind. It’ll make you feel better after a while and help you breathe easier. And if you ever call your own partner by your ex-lover’s name accidentally, it can be forgotten after a few months. In most cases, we’ve seen that a confession can actually bring partners closer in a relationship. But that happens only if both partners are willing to put it behind as a bad memory. So how certain are you that your partner has a secret box in their head where they can stash all your filthy dirt away?
Can you live with the guilt?
Guilt sucks the life off anyone. And if you’re truly in love with your own partner, you’re going to be terribly guilty about the whole bang-bang in another bed. So it all boils down to this. Can you really live with yourself and lie in your partner’s arms after doing all those dirty things with someone else? If you can’t, confess.
If you want to give guilty life a shot, then lock the secret away and don’t ever talk about it with anyone. You may feel uncomfortable for a long time, and you may even have sudden urges to confess. But think of the damage it could cause and hold it back in. [Read: Are you in love with two people?]
Try to understand the real fact, that banging someone else when you’re truly in love with your own partner will only feel good until you reach for the skies. After that, you’ll only feel sick and guilty. Promise yourself that you’re through with your cheating ways, and try to sleep in your own bed from now on. It’s a mistake that you can make up for.
Instead of rolling in another bed or wallowing in guilt, focus on your loyal partner and love them the way they love you. And soon enough, life can come back to normal for you and your ignorant partner, just as long as you don’t try cheating again because you didn’t get caught the first time around. [Read: Is it love or lust?]
Times when you definitely have to confess to cheating
# When your illicit lover blackmails you.
# When you want to use the fact that you cheated as an excuse to break up. But just make sure you go into the explicit details while explaining yourself.
# A friend of your partner sees you and your lover in a compromising position, be it a kiss or a missionary.
# A hidden cam video of you and your lover start doing the rounds all over the internet.
# When you pass on a sick sexual disease to your loyal partner.
# When your partner walks in and finds you in bed with your lover. P.S. Just don’t say “this isn’t what it looks like!” Seriously, are you out of your mind, WTF does it look like to you?!
[Quiz: Will you be unfaithful again?]
So what’s the right thing to do? Should you confess to cheating on your partner? Well, confess and face the aftereffect. Or hide it, and become a better lover. Now, it’s your call.
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