Contrary to what most of us believe, we don’t really fall in love at first sight. Almost always, it’s lust at first sight.
The intense attraction that you feel for someone when you first lock eyes with each other, those butterflies in your stomach and that skip in your heart, in all probability, is lust and not love.
But lusting for someone isn’t a bad thing, because love generally starts with lust and desire and grows and blossoms into love over a few weeks or months.
The happiest relationships are those where there’s a perfect balance of love and lust.
But what is it that you’re experiencing, is it love or lust?
Is it love or lust?
Often, our minds can get confused with the experiences and you may assume you or your new partner may be in love, when you’re just lusting for each other.
While sexual attraction is great to keep the chemistry alive, it’s no good in keeping a relationship happy and blissful.
When you’re in lust with someone, and not in love, you really don’t care about the future or the happy moments, all you care about is the urges in your pants.
It’s not always clear and easy to find out whether it’s love or lust, but these tips should help you find out if either you or your partner are truly in love or just experiencing lust for each other.
Thoughts at first sight
If you’re filled with happiness and can’t hold your smile back when you see your lover, you’re definitely in love with them. On the other hand, if you meet your lover and the first thing that comes to your mind every single time is how good looking or sexy they are, your relationship is based on lust rather than love.
Your feelings in love
Do you feel happy and romantic all day, and find yourself staring at happy things or smiling without realizing it yourself? You’re probably full of love. Or do you feel really sexy or sexually excited throughout the day? If this is the case, lust is definitely in the air.
Spending time with each other
During the first couple of weeks or months, it’s natural that both of you can’t keep your hands off each other. But once you’re past that, how do both of you spend time with each other?
Do you end up making out all the time or do both of you have a happy conversation? And even if you do make out, do both of you spend the night together or do you kiss and say goodbye after an hour of great sex? If having sex or making out is where all the fun ends, then there’s more lust than love in the relationship. As important as physical intimacy can be, emotional connection too, is of vital importance in long lasting love. [Read: Is he the one for you?]
Going out on weekends
So where do you hang out over the weekends? Do you and your partner go out with friends or party all night long, or do both of you go out with each other to a restaurant or some quiet place to spend time with each other?
If you are genuinely in love with each other, you can’t help but want to spend time alone with each other over the weekends. On the other hand, if you’re just looking to have a fun weekend, you’d prefer to spend time with friends, and if it’s lust on your mind, you’d go to a party and run your hands over each other all night. So is it fun, love or lust in your relationship? [Read: How to build trust in a relationship]
Your best memories in love
Spend a minute and think of your partner and some of the best memories you have together. Is it love or lust that comes to your mind? If most of the thoughts that come to your mind revolve around making out or the places you’ve had sex, it’s pretty clear that lust holds an upper hand in your relationship.
When you think about your partner
When you’re at work or away from your partner, it’s natural to think of your new love now and then. When these fleeting moments of love drift in your mind, what do you think about? Do you remember cuddling up and watching a movie, or your partner’s smile or laughter, or do you get gooseflesh remembering how good making out with this person feels? If your thoughts linger on sexual memories more than all other memories, it definitely means you’re having a lot of great sex and that’s the highpoint in your relationship.
Calling each other up
It’s not necessary to speak with each other every hour or so, but it’s always great for the relationship when both of you communicate often. What time of the day do both of you speak more often and what kind of conversations do you have? If either of you speak or text a few times throughout the day, love is definitely in the air. But if the only time you spend on communicating with each other is late at night, and all you talk about is how good it feels to make out, then it’s obviously only lust that’s holding your relationship together.
If both of you truly love each other, you’d think of each other throughout the day, not just at night when you’re all alone and feeling frisky.
What do you want to do when you meet each other?
Do you feel like making out every single time both of you meet each other? You may be going out with a gorgeous stunner, but if sex is all you can think about when you’re with your partner, and you have a hard time keeping your hands off their body, you’ve got a lusty situation in your hands. A bit of cuddling and public display of affection is cute, but if both of you don’t have anything to talk about with each other and need some kissing to keep the clock ticking, you’ve got some serious issues of communication and compatibility to deal with.
Compromising in love
Do you compromise with your needs and wants now and then, if you know that doing something else would make your partner feel happy? Taking an initiative to compromise for each other is one of the biggest signs of true love.
But if you’re more interested in what you can get out of the relationship or how often you can make out with each other, and don’t really like compromising and giving up on your happiness just so your partner can be happy, it’s obviously not love but lust that’s holding the relationship together. [Read: How to better a relationship]
Making introductions to your friends
Do you like spending time with your lover, but feel embarrassed or awkward to introduce your partner to your friends? If you subconsciously feel awkward to be with your lover in public, it’s natural that the only reason you’re still together with them is because of the great sex. If you genuinely love your partner, you’d be excited to introduce your sweetheart to all your friends because you’d see your partner as an important part of your life. [Read: Is he serious about you?]
How involved are both of you?
Do you think about making out or having sex every time you think of your new lover? It’s great that you’re going out with someone you’re so physically attracted to, but if you truly love your partner, you’d also respect them and would want to hear about their opinion on your life and the issues in it. If you think of your partner only when you’re feeling lonely or horny, there’s a good chance that you don’t really love your new sweetheart, and only lust about them. [Read: Long term relationship poll results]
Thinking about the long term
When you’re truly in love with someone, you can’t help but think about the future with them. This is the biggest sign in finding out whether it’s love or lust on your mind.
Can you see your new lover in your life a few years down the lane or is that something you just can’t picture? Most of the time, we find someone we like and the sex is great and dandy, and we assume we’re in love. But yet, if you give it a serious thought, you’d know you’re never really going to be happy with them in the years to come. If you can’t see your lover as an important part of your future, it’s a sure sign that it’s just lust working its charm on you. [Read: What is the right age to get married?]
So what’s your story? Is it love or lust that’s keeping your relationship alive? Remember, lusting about a partner is great for the relationship. But if it’s only lust in the air and not love that’s keeping both of you together, it’s going to be a pretty big missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle of love and that just can’t be overlooked.
[Read: Dating facts]
It’s never too late to change your future if both of you really want to. Once you know where you stand with these pointers on is it love or lust, make a decision for the better and make a difference in both your lives.
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