It’s not uncommon for anyone to fall prey to temptation, no matter what their relationship status is. Many people say they are never tempted to cheat, but are they telling the truth? Learning to resist temptation isn’t easy, but it’s important if you want to avoid devastating your partner and ruining your relationship.
The truth is, even if you’re completely in love with your partner, you may still find other people attractive; it’s just part of being human! However, there is a difference between finding someone attractive and acting on it. [Read: Are you in love with two people?]
The people who say they are never tempted to cheat obviously haven’t seen enough of the world or interacted with enough good-looking people.
And the people who say you can never get tempted or be attracted to someone else if you’re in love, well, they’re just wrong too.
Love and sexual attraction are two different emotions, and it’s very much possible to experience these two unique feelings for two different people at the same time.
You may be clouded by an intense surge of love and infatuation at first, enough to convince you that it’s a potent cocktail of love and sexual attraction. But soon enough, you’ll realize that finding someone else attractive is as natural as feeling hungry or wanting to sleep. [Read: Psychology of attraction – 6 types and the ones that make you fall in love]
When it comes to knowing how to resist temptation in love, you have to understand that the more you’re surrounded by sexually attractive members of the opposite sex who are attracted to you, the more you’ll be tempted to cheat on your own partner.
That probably clears up why movie stars have such a hard time staying in long-term relationships. They’re obviously surrounded by hotties, and after a certain point, they just can’t help themselves. But then again, if they really wanted to resist temptation, they could have. [Read: The 12 rules of attraction as explained by science]
Cheating is the worst possible thing you can do in a relationship; it’s betraying the trust of the one person you love. So why do we cheat in the first place? Not to validate cheating, but people cheat for lots of reasons.
Maybe because either their physical or emotional needs weren’t being met, or their partners have changed into someone they no longer recognize. It could also be because they no longer love their partner and can’t handle confronting them about it.
Look, there are several possibilities, but none of them ever make cheating valid or okay. But many do it anyway. And once you’ve cheated, it isn’t easy to turn back.
You have to live with that guilt and shame for a significant period, and somehow, you don’t turn back because you feel stuck in your choices. But you can always learn how to stop cheating – if you want to. [Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The truth most people ignore]
Learning to resist temptation gives you plenty of control against negative actions, but can a little temptation ever be a good thing?
In some ways, yes. When you’re tempted to cheat, perhaps you could use that as a sign that you need to change something in your relationship. By doing that, you make things better for the two of you.
The most important thing is to accept temptation as a normal part of life. But again, acting on that temptation isn’t okay when you’re with someone. [Read: 38 small changes to better your love life and improve the relationship 10-fold]
One of the first things you have to understand about resisting temptation is the real underlying fact. If there is no temptation, then there’s nothing to resist.
This may be valid for a lot of things, but it doesn’t hold true for humans and the opposite sex. Humans are evolutionarily built to get attracted to the opposite sex. But is every interaction going to end in bed? Of course not.
You may speak to an attractive guy or girl and even flirt with them, but if you’re not really interested in taking it beyond innocent flirting, then you don’t have to worry about fighting temptation. But does your partner think flirting is cheating too?
Well, then it’s time to understand how to resist temptation in love based on your own relationship. This includes some tricks to distract your mind and how to avoid misunderstandings. [Read: 23 intense signs of unspoken mutual attraction between two people]
Every relationship is unique. What you consider cheating may not be worth a second thought to someone in an open relationship. You know yourself and your partner better than anyone else, at least when it comes to matters of the heart.
So set your boundaries and avoid crossing the line if you know it could hurt your partner. [Read: What is an open relationship?]
The temptation to cheat on your spouse may overpower you, or you may just want to cheat once and forget all about it. But if your partner ever found out about it, can you imagine what could happen?
Would your partner walk out of the relationship, or would there be a big breakdown in trust between the both of you? Before you take a plunge into the waters of temptation, always think about what you stand to lose. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat?]
It’s never worth it; anyone who’s ever cheated on a partner would tell you this. The sexual excitement of heavy petting or a one-night stand could be sizzling, but the second you’re done with the deed, you’d feel empty and hollow.
And once you’ve crossed the line even once, there’s really no turning back again.
Never mind about getting caught, but how would you feel if you were in your partner’s place? If your partner could see you flirting or trying to get physical with someone else, can you imagine how shattered and betrayed they’d feel? This is a call for your conscience.
Your partner may never find out if you cheat. But in a relationship that’s built on love and trust, you have to learn to think from your partner’s point of view and decide your next move. [Read: How to end an affair]
Having sex with someone else can seem like an exciting thought. But at the end of the day, sexual satisfaction alone can never give you the fulfillment and satisfaction of a happy relationship.
If you’re considering cheating, is it because there is something wrong with your relationship that needs to be fixed? Use this as a red flag rather than the green light to go ahead and break your partner’s heart. [Read: How to be happy in a relationship]
You may have built up the sexual excitement for several days, and on one eventful day, you may be on the verge of finding yourself in an affair. Just think about this for a moment – can you ever handle the guilt or gaze back lovingly into your partner’s eyes when they happily hug you or kiss you?
Can things ever be the same again after you’ve lain down in another person’s arms, in another bed?
It’s easy to fantasize about a sexual getaway, but learning to fantasize about the repercussions as well as the satisfaction can help you get a better perspective on whether you should cheat on your partner or not. [Read: Subtle signs of a cheating partner]
If your relationship is built on a strong foundation of love and trust, you really shouldn’t worry about any kind of insecurities. If a guy at work flirts with you, or if a girl you met at a conference told you she likes you, don’t hide those details from your lover. Speak frankly about your crushes and who you find attractive.
When you hide little flirty details from your partner, you’ll also associate a bit of sexual awkwardness with that thought. As the days pass, you may have many more flirty conversations or stolen glances, and it’ll soon become a sexual secret that you fantasize about. [Read: What to do when you like someone else?]
If you want to know how to resist temptation in love, stop hiding from it. Learn to confront it. It’s a temptation only when you fear it or are afraid you can’t handle it.
If you can have a fun, flirty conversation with someone and not think about having sex with them, there’s no temptation to worry about or resist.
Locking up the thought of temptation is never the answer. Learn to confront it and face it. Every time you share a closer-than-normal moment with another person, ask yourself if this new person is actually better than your own lover. [Read: Should you confess if you ever cheat?]
One of the reasons people cheat comes down to a boring sex life. With monogamy comes years and years of having sex with the same person, which, no matter how fabulous your moves are, may start to get mundane after a while. This happens to most couples at one point or another.
Instead of straying, try spicing up your sex life in fun new ways. Pick up a book of sex positions and try a new one every day; introduce new toys, swings, or bondage; try your hand at scandalously discreet public petting or role-playing; or have a monthly sex-box bundle delivered to your house.
Not only are these fun new ways to explore each other, but they are fun tools to open up communication. [Read: 10 ways to make married sex feel like a one-night stand]
If you think yours is the only long-term relationship to take a dive into boredom, think again. Realize that at one point or another, everybody gets bored. If you think your girlfriend hasn’t stared right back at you and wondered what her life would be like somewhere or with someone else, then you’re wrong.
Like a rollercoaster, relationships have highs and lows. You don’t stay in love every single second your relationship is active. Instead, love dies down for a time and then seems to return with a vengeance.
Just remind yourself that if you can just get past your momentary period of boredom, you will start to feel that love and desire again like you did before. [Read: 15 most common reasons people get bored in their relationships]
You may feel like getting your head out of town may be just what you need to center your relationship issues. You may very well be right.
Going alone will give you a great opportunity to clear your mind and give you a chance to miss your partner. However, your goal of remembering what’s important in life should be kept clearly in mind when planning your getaway, not using your vacation as an excuse to cheat.
On the other hand, bringing your significant other along may bring the two of you closer in a relaxing environment. [Read: How to reignite the lost spark in no time]
Thinking of having an affair, and now suddenly you’re watching movies, TV shows, and reading books and websites all about scandalous affairs? Not only does this look incredibly suspicious, but it fills your mind with a desire to emulate what you’re seeing.
You may soon find yourself obsessing. Keep hold of your self-control and avoid shady media. [Read: Should you consider being in an open relationship?]
Is there an obvious problem between you and your partner that’s causing you to have a wandering eye? It’s important you narrow down your problem before you can take any action.
According to the book The Truth about Cheating, most men actually cited their reasons for cheating as emotional rather than a strictly physical need. So if you have a problem with your partner, try talking before cheating. [Read: What happens when you cheat emotionally]
While you may not want to come right out and say, “Hey honey, I’ve been thinking about cheating,” after a hard day’s work, it would be beneficial for both of you to be open and honest about your current situation.
If you are feeling bored and have already tried other means to quell these feelings, you may need to tell your partner that you’re feeling a little restless and explain that it’s something you’d like to work out as a couple.
At least in this scenario, if you do end up going down separate paths, you know you did everything you could. [Read: 16 steps to communicate better in a relationship and how to fix a lack of it]
The media often has a bad habit of romanticizing adultery. Heartbreaking affairs are often portrayed as star-crossed lovers enveloped in scandalous, sexy complications. Remind yourself that there are other people’s feelings involved in this situation, especially if you share children with your current mate.
Don’t overlook the reality: affairs are messy, scary, scarring, and hurtful.
If you find yourself growing attracted to your co-worker or a close friend, don’t tempt fate by continuing interactions. That means minimizing your communication, giving them a clear “I’m taken!” vibe, or even removing them from your social media accounts.
Give your relationship a fighting chance by removing temptation from your buffet. [Read: Are you falling in love with two people?]
If you’re already feeling the urge to have your way with somebody else, watching porn probably isn’t the way to go – especially if you’re indulging in fantasy porn of the husband cheating with the babysitter or the hot neighbor.
While you may think this will act as a release for the ants in your pants, watching pornography may actually encourage you to make your bad behavior fantasy a reality.
Often, people don’t appreciate what they have, so they desire other things. For you, this could be a case of “the grass is greener on the other side.”
To help you gain perspective, try to see your partner with fresh eyes. Open your heart to all the possibilities of what you already have instead of wanting more. [Read: Emotional cheating and 10 bad things to can do for everyone involved]
If you’re serious about learning how to resist temptation, don’t compare your partner with other people. How would you feel if they did the same to you?
People have their strengths and weaknesses, and whatever is so beautiful, exciting, different, and desirable in your lover may just be a product of the honeymoon phase.
You may also find out that your ideal is impossible. There is no perfect, especially in relationships. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better. [Read: Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]
Aside from physically removing yourself from the situation *such as avoiding going to places where you might see your crush*, you should also stop any communication. If you have to change your number, delete theirs, and block them from your phone and social media accounts, do so.
The key to learning how to resist temptation is to be persistent with this change in your life. This often requires cutting off all communication with the person who’s caused your eye to wonder. [Read: Cutting people out of your life – Learn how to do it right]
If you’ve already given in to temptation, it is better to end things briefly and abruptly without giving them a chance to lure you back. This makes things much easier for you.
By meeting up with them again to talk things over, *there really should be nothing else to talk about*, you are also exposing yourself to the risk of being found out by your partner.
Most importantly, it tempts you to be physical with them one last time. Cheating is like an addiction – it’s challenging to get out once you’re in. [Read: How to end an affair the right way and get over it completely]
If you’ve exhausted everything and things still aren’t working, then you should consider marital or relationship counseling. Talk to a professional about your troubles and get to the root of the problems in your current relationship and the reasons why you want to stray.
If you really want to save your relationship and don’t want to waste those years of being together, relationship counseling is your best option. [Read: Relationship counseling – The signs you need it to save your love]
Sometimes, cheating has nothing to do with our relationship or partner but has everything with our issues. Maybe you don’t have the confidence to feel loved, or you don’t know how to take care of yourself.
Maybe you think you’re someone not worth loving, so you sabotage a beautiful thing when you get it. Fix the issue; otherwise, the cycle will continue through all your relationships. [Read: 19 signs of emotional damage and ways to get past them]
Cheating can often be a passive-aggressive way of sabotaging your relationship when you’re too scared to leave outright. You need to decide what you really want from the relationship if you want to learn how to resist temptation.
If all you’re after is a breakup with your partner, realize that you can always just break up with them. If you’re that unhappy, your partner doesn’t deserve the trauma of being cheated on. Just leave. [Read: How to stop being passive-aggressive and get out of the toxic state]
The best thing you can do is use temptation to highlight the existing issues in your relationship and work on them. This can be how you rebuild your relationship into a happy and contented one, so you don’t consider cheating ever again.
There was something wrong with your relationship, which may be why you feel so tempted. So by fixing the foundation of your relationship, you can fix this too. [Read: Quick tips to make your relationship a little better]
If you find yourself constantly giving in to temptation or thinking about it, this is the time to keep yourself busy. Hit the gym, exercise, go running, or take a hike.
The next time you’re tempted, keep yourself distracted – otherwise, you will give in to your urges. Cheating is a choice; while you can’t control your emotions, you have a say in what you choose to do with them. [Read: The best ways to stop moaning and stay busy after a breakup]
Maybe you have a friend who encourages you to look at your temptations and give in to them. In that case, consider how much time you spend with them.
They’re not the greatest friend in the world if they encourage you to cheat.
Whenever the temptation to cheat arises, focus on everything we’ve talked about so far. Use mind over matter and remember the implications that will occur.
Focus on it and allow it to stop you from doing something you’ll more than likely regret. [Read: How to have a long-term relationship that lasts]
The fact that you’re trying so hard to resist temptation means that something isn’t quite right, either in your relationship or in how you feel about yourself. Take some time out for yourself and focus on self-development.
During that time, question what you really want in life and what is standing in your way. Perhaps it’s nothing to do with your partner at all and something you feel you’re lacking in life. [Read: Alone time – why you need it, how it helps, and how to make the most of it]
Feeling temptation doesn’t necessarily make you a “bad” person. However, when you take that too far and cheat on your loving partner, that always opens a Pandora’s box of awful problems.
Cheating shows your need for intimacy, connection, and a renewed sense of self. However, you really don’t have to look far to have those needs met!
By focusing on resisting temptation in the first place, you can avoid the devastation of cheating and look to improve your current relationship instead.
[Read: 17 secret ingredients to a happy, monogamous relationship]
Knowing how to resist temptation in love isn’t about hiding from temptation. It’s about genuinely understanding that what you share with your lover is worth more than any affair in the entire world.
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