Have you ever found yourself falling for someone when you’re already in a committed relationship?
Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time?
If you have, you aren’t alone.
While it may infuriate your partner or seem morally unethical, falling in love with two people is as simple as falling in love with one person.
It’s no different, and it really shouldn’t be.
After all, love is an emotion that can be experienced when the symptoms are right.
You like someone a lot, you find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam! You fall in love.
Now you meet someone else. You find them attractive, and you’re sexually excited to be with them, and bam again! You fall in love again with a new person!
[Read: How to know if you are in love]
Are you in love with two people?
It’s ridiculous to assume you can’t fall in love with two people.
Many teenagers and even lovers in committed relationships feel threatened when they find themselves in love with two people.
Relax. You really don’t love your partner any less just because you find yourself falling in love with someone new.
I remember experiencing the same conflicting feelings a few years ago while I was in a relationship with my boyfriend (now ex!). He had to travel to conduct his research for a year and a half, and there I was, all alone and waiting for him to return. And incidentally, I met another guy whom I really liked. And he liked me too.
A month later, I was madly in love with this new guy I had met. But then again, I was still in love with my own boyfriend too. So there I was, confused and deliriously happy. I was in love with two people and I was ecstatic with the fact that I had two people who loved me back!
But I didn’t ever assume I was in love with two people, I just knew I was cheating on both of them. I felt like a wily temptress who was luring single men into her bed. At that point of time in my life, I couldn’t accept that anyone could ever fall in love with two people at the same time. It just seemed wrong.
But when I look back, I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It could happen to anybody.
Can a person fall in love with two people at the same time?
The answer is simple, yes, you can.
But the bigger question is, do you want to?
Falling in love with two people and holding both of them close to your bosom is not as easy as it sounds. At the same time, love is not and has never been a once in a lifetime experience. You fall in love with different people in different ways. And at times, you end up feeling romantically excited towards two different people at the same time.
While falling in love with someone is inevitable, it’s still in your control to pursue it or let it go. If you really want to, you can avoid falling in love with a second person by simply taking a step back and putting a stop to the flirty conversations and the sneaky dates. The feelings of love and lust may linger for a while and fade away, and the best part is that it won’t emotionally confuse and torment you. [Read: Is it limerence?]
How do we end up falling in love with two people?
As I’ve mentioned earlier, falling in love is not an exclusive and unique emotion that never repeats itself. But that being said, it’s not really easy to fall in love with two people at the same time.
It’s always easier to fall for someone else when you’re already in a later stage of love with your present partner. When you’re in two different stages of love, the emotions you experience don’t contradict each other. And it’s two unique experiences that come together at once. [Read: Stages of love for men]
You may be passionately in love for the first few months with your partner, but mature love is very different from the passionate fiery love you experience at the beginning of a relationship. So when you experience the same fiery passion with someone else, it’s easy to experience both stages of love at once.
Don’t compare your lovers
Most people who fall in love with someone new start comparing their new flame to their older lover. And almost always, they assume the new lover is sexier, more loving and more caring. But is that really true?
Remember, sexual passion may fizzle out as the years go by, but true love matures into a happy relationship. On the other hand, a new lover may excite you and remind you of your earlier years in love, but you have to realize that the lusty excitement of the new secret relationship will only last for a few months or a few years. So if you ever have to compare your lovers, compare them for the compatibility instead of the passion. After all, there are always ways to bring back the sexual chemistry even in an older relationship. [Read: Is it true love or is it just lust?]
The problems of being in love with two people
As a society, we’re not ready to fall in love with two people at the same time. And that’s the biggest problem there is. You may truly love someone other than your partner, but it’s always looked at as an illicit affair, not a budding romance.
So the best way to deal with the problem of being romantically involved with two people is to walk away from one person. It’s hard, but it is still the best way out.
But if you do want to have two lovers and can’t imagine parting with any of them, here are a few things you need to think about and work your way around it.
# Would you partner accept it?
If you want to be in love with two people at the same time, you have to let both your partners know about it. Do you think your partner would have the emotional maturity and strength to accept your choice? [Read: Are you ready for an open relationship?]
# Jealousy in love
You may try to balance your love life with two partners and make sure you give both your lovers equal attention, but can you ensure that one of your partners will not end up feeling jealous about the other? [Read: How to deal with a jealous boyfriend]
# Would your partner want to get even?
Let’s face it. You have two lovers, and you get to have twice the fun all the time. What would you do if your partner wants to get even and tries to have a sexual relationship with someone else just to satiate their bruised ego?
# Morally unethical
When you share your bed with two lovers, it’s not something that’s morally accepted. Can you deal with that?
I have a friend who’s immigrated to the United States from a little community in Tibet where polyandry (a woman has multiple husbands) is actively practiced. She has two fathers and she has no idea who her biological father is, and since she’s given equal parental love from both the men, she has no intention of ever wanting to know who her real father is. While such forms of love are commonly accepted without any psychological effects in some scenarios, it can lead to confusing relationships in other cases over the long term.
What to do when you’re in love with two people?
The answer is subjective, but simple. Do what you feel is right. It can’t get easier than that. In most cases, the best possible way to deal with falling in love with two people would be to break away from one relationship and live happily with the other.
And if it’s just a little crush we’re talking about, then perhaps, you don’t need to confuse yourself over your emotions. Crushes come and go, and even if it does turn serious, you always have the option of walking away from a new prospective lover if you must.
Ask me and I’d tell you one thing. Love is complicated, and it’s easier to be in love with one person, whoever you may pick. Pick two and you’ve just doubled your complications. So unless you really have no choice, try not to fall in love with two people at the same time!
[Quiz: Would you cheat on your partner?]
So are you in love with two people at the same time? How are you dealing with it? Or what are the consequences of it? Share your stories here.
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