What Is Cheating? The Emotional, Digital & Physical Lines You Shouldn’t Cross
What is considered cheating in a relationship? Learn the emotional and physical gray zones of infidelity, and how to define your own boundaries in love.
What is considered cheating in a relationship? If your partner liked their ex’s selfie at 2 AM and claimed it was “just being nice,” would that feel like cheating to you?
Here’s the tricky part, cheating isn’t just about sex anymore. It’s emotional connections. Secret Snapchats. OnlyFans subscriptions. Even flirty little DMs that feel off.
In 2025, infidelity isn’t just physical, it’s psychological, digital, and highly subjective.
In fact, a 2019 study shows that people have widely different views on what qualifies as infidelity, shaped by personal history, relationship style, and even culture. Yet, the emotional impact of betrayal? That’s pretty universal.
📚 Source: Selterman, L. D., Garcia, J. R., & Tsapelas, I. (2019), What Do People Consider Infidelity?
Cheating doesn’t have to involve taking your clothes off. Sometimes, it’s the moment someone hides their phone screen when you walk in the room.
Let’s try to understand what counts as cheating today, the many forms it takes, and how you can create real, respectful boundaries in your relationship.
[Read: Emotional Affair: What It Is, 76 Signs & Steps, 7 Infidelity Stages & What To Do]
What is considered cheating in love?
Cheating used to be clear-cut: physical betrayal meant you crossed the line. But today, it’s a maze of gray zones, Instagram likes, emotional texting, and situationships that blur every boundary.
The truth is, what’s considered cheating in a relationship often depends on the couple, their boundaries, communication style, and emotional expectations.
Thanks to social media and digital connection overload, we’re more accessible, and more tempted, than ever before.
Flirty DMs, emotional late-night convos with someone who “just gets you,” or even following your ex’s gym thirst traps… none of these involve physical touch, but all of them can still feel like betrayal.
In fact, a study found that emotional infidelity often causes more distress than sexual infidelity, especially among women, who may perceive it as a deeper relational threat.
What counts as cheating really comes down to this: Would you feel hurt if your partner did it to you? If the answer is yes, it’s probably a boundary violation.
That’s why talking about these things, yes, even the cringey stuff, is essential. Clear, compassionate conversations can save a relationship before betrayal even happens. [Read: 50 Best Relationship Topics & Things to Talk About in a Relationship]
So, what is cheating?
Ask ten people what cheating means, and you’ll probably get ten very different answers.
For some, it’s kissing someone else. For others, it’s liking their ex’s bikini photos. And then there are those who think just thinking about someone else can be a betrayal.
But here’s the deal: cheating isn’t just about what you do, it’s about what you hide. [Read: How to survive infidelity without tearing the relationship apart]
Psychologists often define infidelity as any act that violates the implicit or explicit boundaries of your relationship, especially when it involves secrecy, deception, and emotional investment outside the partnership.
📚 Source: Drigotas, et al., (2005), Motivations for infidelity in heterosexual dating couples
Cheating can happen in any type of relationship, even in open or polyamorous ones.
Why? Because it’s not just about exclusivity, it’s about trust. If someone violates the agreed-upon boundaries (like sneaking off for secret texts or hiding an emotional bond), that’s still a betrayal.
And here’s something else: your relationship needs a conversation about what counts as cheating. Because what feels harmless to one person (e.g., flirty memes or emotionally venting to a coworker) might feel like emotional infidelity to the other. [Read: The unwritten work spouse rules to keep things fun and uncomplicated]
So, what is cheating in a relationship? It’s anything that betrays the trust your partner placed in you, whether emotionally, physically, or digitally. [Read: How to deal with jealousy in a relationship and learn to overcome it]
Cheating is more than just physical
It’s important to realize that there are several types of cheating in a relationship, and not all of them are physical.
We tend to think that a partner has had sex with someone else when we hear the word ‘cheating,’ but what cheating is to one person may actually be totally fine with someone else. [Read: Dating facts]
For instance, do you think that kissing someone else is cheating?
Some people say no, and some say yes.
As you can see, you have to figure out what you deem cheating to be and where your boundaries are. [Read: Emotional cheating vs. friendship – the point when you cross a line]
You should also realize that if cheating does happen to you, your boundaries and the way you think about it all may shift. That’s fine, too; go with what feels right at the time.
To help you figure out where you stand on cheating and the different definitions, let’s check out the four main types of cheating in a relationship in a bit more detail.
Emotional vs. physical cheating
There are so many different types of behavior that may or may not fall into the cheating category. It’s so confusing to work out how you feel about it when it happens to you. [Read: The biggest signs of an emotional affair you probably never noticed in your own life]
The thing is, you can never be sure how you’re going to feel. It’s all very well and good having an idea that if your partner did this or that, you’d leave them. But if it actually happens, you might find yourself feeling differently.
Each situation’s circumstances vary wildly. Are they sorry or showing zero remorse? Do you trust them never to do it again? Are they willing to give you the time you need to overcome it all?
It’s such a complicated subject that you can never have a true idea of how you would react. [Read: How to forgive a betrayer – the questions you need to ask them]
For many people, it comes down to two categories: emotional cheating and physical cheating.
Outside of that, you also have sexting. This isn’t in either category. You’re not actually touching physically, and you may not have an emotional connection with the person.
But you cross a line by speaking in a particular way to someone who isn’t your partner. You betray the private and special bond you have. If your partner found out, they would probably be devastated. [Read: Is sexting cheating? The answer you really won’t want to accept]
What do you consider to be cheating? Think about it for a second.
Would it be worse for you if your partner developed a close emotional connection to someone but never slept with them, or if they actually had sex with someone else, even just once?
Both are heartbreaking situations. Many people feel that when emotions enter the situation, it’s even harder to forgive and move on. [Read: What is emotional cheating and 15 signs to recognize an emotional affair ASAP]
Perhaps that’s because it comes down to your partner not only breaking your trust but compromising it over the long term. Let’s be honest, it’s entirely possible for someone to have too much to drink and end up making a huge mistake.
They sleep with someone and wake up instantly regretting it. They didn’t do it because they have any feelings; it could literally just be sex.
Or a partner is feeling neglected, pushed out, and is going through a hard time. It’s no excuse to cheat physically. Nevertheless, it happens countless times to different couples. [Read: How to get over emotional cheating with a broken heart]
In all of these situations, your partner has no deep feelings, they just made a spur-of-the-moment decision that could cost them their relationship.
However, when your partner actually has feelings for someone else, that means your partner knowingly formed a bond with that person, and that takes time.
Do you believe it is possible to fall in love with someone else when you’re already in love with your partner? That’s what it comes down to. Do they really love you if they can love someone else too?
Both situations are a severe breach of trust and a huge betrayal. But what is considered cheating depends on the person, so your partner may not even feel guilty. [Read: 18 signs of an emotional affair you probably didn’t notice]
Even if it doesn’t fall into a specific category, the fact that your or your partner’s behavior is ‘on the fence’ is worrisome; if it doesn’t end now, someone is going to be heartbroken.
The main types of cheating in a relationship
You might decide there are several other types of cheating in a relationship besides the four we’re going to describe. This is because, as we’ve already said, everyone has different boundaries and decides what cheating is versus what isn’t.
However, for the purposes of generalization, let’s check out the four main types most people agree with. [Read: Why do men cheat? 3 main reasons and 27 excuses men use]
1. Physical/sexual cheating
This is by far the most common type and can cause a huge amount of hurt. It’s one of the biggest betrayals possible, but how you deal with it depends on how you see the event.
Was it one time? Or was it more than once? Was it with one person or more than one person over a series of events?
This type of cheating can take a long time to repair if the two parties decide to stay together. Building up the trust again and probably even getting physical together will take time. [Confession: I cheated on my boyfriend and feel a lot better now]
Only you can decide whether the time is worth it.
2. Emotional forms of cheating
For a lot of people, this is worse. What do you think? Emotional cheating is when someone forms an emotional attachment with another person behind your back. It may include sex, but not always.
If a partner cheats in this emotional way, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t love you anymore, but you do have to question why they formed an intense emotional connection to another person if that is the case. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs that seem harmless at first]
3. Online cheating
This is one of the hardest types of cheating to catch because anyone can be a totally different person online.
This type of cheating means talking and flirting, perhaps even having video or phone sex, with another person on a dating site or social media site.
The person may have no intention of actually having actual sex with this person, i.e. in a physical way, but they’re still breaking the trust. [Read: 18 really smart ways to catch a cheater in the act]
Of all the types of cheating in a relationship to catch, this is the hardest.
But if you do find that your partner has been indulging in this type of activity, perhaps monitoring their internet usage for some time to come afterward is the only way to rebuild the trust.
4. Sexting
The final form of cheating is very similar to online cheating, but in this case, it usually means that your partner knows the other person they’re talking to. [Read: Frexting – why sexting friends is the naughty new trend]
Sexting is basically sending sexually charged text messages or social media messages to another person.
There may or may not be actual physical contact. And there may or may not be an emotional connection.
But the crux of the matter is whether the sexts are a precursor to the person intending to meet up and cheat physically or not. [Read: Is sexting cheating? How to know when you’ve crossed the line]
Flirting, relationships, and cheating
Let’s be honest, flirting isn’t always innocent. But does it always count as cheating? That depends on one thing: intent.
Some people genuinely flirt without realizing it. It’s light, casual, and not meant to go anywhere. But when flirting becomes secretive, sustained, or emotionally charged, it can absolutely cross a line. [Read: When does flirting become cheating? The guide to know for sure]
Flirting with others when you’re in a relationship isn’t just about charm or attention, it’s about boundaries. And in every relationship, those boundaries need to be clearly defined.
Do you and your partner agree that playfully complimenting someone else is okay? Great.
But if one of you is hiding it, deleting messages, or getting defensive… then we’re not just talking about flirting anymore. We’re talking about betrayal. [Read: Friendly vs. flirty – 34 subtle flirting signs to tell if someone is flirting with you]
A 2016 study found that perceived flirtation outside the relationship, even when it didn’t lead to sex, could cause significant trust issues and long-term damage to relationship satisfaction.
📚 Source: Kirstian Gibson et al., 2016, Attraction to others as predictors of infidelity among young adults
Healthy flirting can exist within relationships too, flirting with each other, teasing, playfulness, attraction. That stuff strengthens the bond.
But if you’re saving your best jokes and compliments for someone who isn’t your partner? Time to check your intentions. [Read: Boyfriend extra-friendly and flirting with other girls? 19 signs and must-dos]
Flirting and text messages
Texting opened up a whole new cheating gray zone. What used to be an occasional flirty conversation at work can now turn into an ongoing private message thread that feels dangerously intimate. [Read: Is he into me, or is he just being nice? 85 signs to read his flirty interest]
But is it cheating?
Here’s the rule of thumb: If your partner read those texts, would they feel hurt, betrayed, or blindsided? If the answer is yes, you already have your answer.
Sometimes texting starts out innocent. A few funny memes, a compliment, a “haha you’re so bad 😏” joke. But over time, if it becomes emotionally charged, secretive, or something you wouldn’t want your partner to see, it’s no longer harmless. [Read: Micro-Cheating: What It Is & Signs You’re Unintentionally Doing It]
Even if nothing physical happened, it still compromises emotional trust. And emotional cheating can sting just as deeply as physical betrayal.
If you’re unsure whether something is crossing a line, ask yourself: Would I be okay if my partner was doing this behind my back?
If not, it’s time to pause and reflect, or better yet, talk about it with your partner and set boundaries that feel safe and clear for both of you. [Read: 46 must-dos to regain and rebuild trust after cheating or lying in a relationship]
Cheating in the Digital Age: The New Gray Zones
Let’s talk about the modern stuff, the messy, complicated, futuristic cheating dilemmas no one warned us about in high school.
Relationships are evolving, and so is infidelity. In 2025, cheating isn’t just about secret hotel rooms. It’s about your digital footprint, emotional energy, and even AI companionship. Seriously.
Here are the gray areas that are confusing the heck out of people today:
1. AI & Chatbot Affairs
AI girlfriends and boyfriends are very real. People are forming deep emotional bonds with chatbots that give them affection, attention, and fantasy fulfillment 24/7.
Is it cheating? If you’re hiding your emotional attachment to an AI partner from your real one… maybe.
2. Virtual Reality (VR) Cheating
From VRChat to adult metaverse experiences, people are having sex, or emotionally connecting, with avatars in full immersion.
And while it may not be physical in the traditional sense, the brain doesn’t always differentiate. Emotional cheating can absolutely happen in VR.
You may never meet your favorite Twitch streamer or influencer, but spending hours obsessively watching, DM’ing, and emotionally investing in them while your partner feels neglected?
That’s still a form of betrayal, especially when emotional intimacy is redirected outside the relationship. [Read: Parasocial Relationship: What It Is, 41 Signs & Why We Fall So Hard for Celebs]
4. Following & Interacting with Exes or Crushes Online
If you’re watching every IG story your ex posts, sliding into their replies, and hitting “like” on every swimsuit post while hiding it from your current partner, you’re dancing on the edge of emotional betrayal.
Even digital breadcrumbs can damage trust.
5. Emotional Cheating Through Gaming
Yep, it’s a thing. Spending every night building emotional intimacy with someone you game with, sharing life stories, trauma bonding, venting about your relationship, isn’t just “play.”
If your partner doesn’t know, it’s a breach of emotional intimacy. [Read: Emotional Cheating vs Friendship: The Point When a Line is Crossed]
What do you consider cheating?
Really, it comes down to the definition of cheating to you. Problematically, everyone has a different definition, and it can vary within relationships. [Read: 20 signs you can’t trust the guy you’re dating and he’s up to no good]
Perhaps you consider flirting to be cheating, but to your partner, it’s only cheating if there’s actual physical contact. You can understand how issues can arise if you don’t agree with what you both consider cheating behavior to be.
In many ways, it comes down to asking yourself one key question. If your partner was doing the same thing behind your back, would you feel upset or betrayed? If the answer is ‘yes,’ that’s a pretty hard line that denotes cheating behavior.
How common is cheating in a relationship?
In the U.S. alone, one in three marriages ends in divorce, with infidelity issues being the nail in the coffin for a lot of them. [Read: The four most common – yet painful – types of cheating in a relationship]
In a recent national survey, twenty-two percent of married men have strayed at least once during their married lives, while fourteen percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives.
And that’s the number of people that confessed to their deed! Can you even begin to think of the number of secret affairs going on right this minute?
Cheating is hurtful regardless of the type
Perhaps ‘hurtful’ isn’t a strong enough word, and maybe ‘damaging’ is better. [Read: How to get over being cheated on quickly without breaking apart]
Regardless of the right adjective to use, cheating has the power to tear a relationship apart completely. It also has the potential to tear apart the person who was cheated on completely.
Trust is one of the most important facets of any relationship, and once cheating comes to the fore, that trust might well never come back.
There are even some other types of cheating that most people don’t even think of. Here are some of them. [Read: 15 glaring signs you’re being cheated on to help you know for sure]
1. Financial infidelity
When a couple marries, they share everything – both legally and emotionally. And one of those things that they share is their money.
So, if one of the partners is spending too much money behind the other one’s back, then that’s financial infidelity.
In addition to spending too much money, if one of them is secretly saving money and their partner doesn’t know, this is also financial infidelity.
In a healthy relationship, both partners are up to date on their financial situations without keeping secrets. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
2. Pouring your time and attention into a hobby
Spending quality time together is essential in any relationship or marriage. That doesn’t mean that you have to be together 24/7. But both of you do have to be emotionally committed to nurturing the relationship.
So, if you have a hobby that is more like an obsession than a general interest, you might be “cheating” on your partner by taking time away from the relationship.
For example, if you are a health nut and spend every free minute you have in the gym, that means you have less time to spend with your partner. [Read: Emotionally unavailable man signs – 25 red flags to look for]
There’s nothing wrong with having a hobby or a passion in life. In fact, it’s healthy. But it’s only healthy if it doesn’t cause problems in your relationship.
3. Micro-cheating
There are a lot of behaviors that people engage in that seem normal or harmless when in reality, they aren’t. These little things are micro-cheating.
Some examples of micro-cheating include stalking your ex on social media, having an active online dating profile, texting someone you’re attracted to, or keeping secrets from your partner. [Read: Micro-cheating – What it is and signs you’re unintentionally doing it]
They may seem harmless, but your partner probably doesn’t think so. As a good rule of thumb, ask yourself, “would my partner be upset if they knew I was doing this?” or “would I be comfortable telling my partner I’m doing this?”
Also, ask yourself if you would be upset if your partner were doing the same thing to you.
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then it’s micro-cheating, and you should stop doing it. [Read: Is watching porn cheating? No, but it can make or break your sex life]
4. Commemorative infidelity
This one might be surprising to most people, as many wouldn’t jump to call it “cheating.” But for others, it can definitely fall into that category.
Commemorative infidelity is falling out of love with your partner but still staying in the relationship. While the person might not be talking to or seeing anyone else, they are still emotionally unavailable in the relationship.
In other words, this kind of infidelity is more like an emotional betrayal. Your partner is supposed to love you and be emotionally connected.
But if they withdraw and disconnect from you, then many people consider it cheating. [Read: The most practical steps you need to take to rebuild trust after being cheated on]
As you can see, these types of “cheating” also break down the trust in a relationship, even though they might not involve emotional or physical cheating.
It’s not impossible to rebuild trust, but it will take time, and effort, and it will also take forgiveness.
It can be extremely hard just to let it go. [Read: How to forgive a betrayer – 8 questions you need to ask them]
If you decide to stay with someone after they’ve cheated, no matter which of the types of cheating in a relationship occurred, you have to leave it in the past.
You can’t keep bringing it up. You can deal with it, sure, but don’t keep throwing it back in their face.
If your partner has recently cheated on you, or if you’re being unfaithful, how you deal with it is your choice. [Read: The four most common yet painful types of cheating in a relationship]
And while everyone will tell you what they think you should do, you should always go with how you feel and what your gut is telling you. One way or the other.
Have you ever been cheated on?
Hopefully, the answer to that is ‘no.’ However, if you have, did you consider what happened to you to be cheating before it happened, or did you change your definition of what is considered cheating during or after?
For instance, if your partner was sexting another person and you found out, did you consider that to be cheating before you found out? And when you did find out, did you feel a huge sense of betrayal? [Read: Snapchat cheating – what it is, and 12 signs your partner is doing it]
What you consider to be cheating can change according to the situation. That’s why you should never try and work out in your own mind what your reaction would be if that happened.
You can only feel it in the moment and allow the situation to sink in, working out how you feel over time. Rushed decisions will only lead to regret in the future.
Don’t listen too much to what other people say you should do. Your friend might be telling you that “once a cheater, always a cheater” and label your partner as a rat who can’t be trusted. [Read: How to get over someone cheating on you and repair the damage]
However, you might have a gut feeling that this isn’t the case. After a while, you might come to the realization that they made a mistake, they’re sorry for it, and they’re willing to work on themselves to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
In that case, if you want to take them back, it’s your choice and yours alone. Do not let anyone make you feel like cheating has to be the hard “we’re over.”
However, some people don’t deserve second chances. If they’re always hurting you, betrayed you to the point where you just can’t trust them again, or do it more than once, let them go. [Read: How to rebuild trust in a relationship after even the worst type of betrayal]
You deserve so much better. There is someone out there for you who won’t treat you in the same way.
While you should definitely have an idea in your mind of what is considered cheating to you, remember it can also be fluid. Your feelings can and do change according to what happens in your life. That’s okay.
Give yourself time, and don’t feel rushed. If your partner is truly sorry for their actions, they’ll be willing to wait for you to reach a point where you can move on, too, regardless of what your final decision is. [Read: Is it possible to learn how to regain trust after cheating?]
What should you do if you’ve been cheated?
There is no right or wrong answer to what you should do about the situation when you discover your partner has cheated on you. It’s a very personal choice and a decision you have to make for yourself.
Everyone will interject and try and tell you to leave, and that’s something you should expect, but you should also take the time to work out how you feel, give yourself time, and come to your own final decision in the end.
Getting over an unfaithful incident
What’s happened cannot be undone. Instead, you could take fate into your own hands and decide to commit the exact same act upon your partner. [Read: Affairs in a relationship and the role of egos in fixing it]
But why? To feel that justice will be served? Hardly. If anything, trying to regain any kind of justice in a relationship isn’t possible. That doesn’t exist.
Justice is not served in relationships; love is. And to truly love is a test of one’s ability to move on. Just remember, as Gandhi once said, ‘an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.’
If you don’t want to feel miserable endlessly, you will have to try and forgive, forget or move out of it. There are far worse things in life that can happen to you, ones that are more worthy of your sorrow. [Read: Getting back with an ex for sex]
The life and love we create are the life and love we live. If you face situations that you define as cheating, it’s the belief in yourself and the way you think that will get you over this situation.
Ask yourself what is cheating, and define your boundary of faithfulness.
Too many relationships fail because the boundaries are not set at the beginning. But even if they are set, we get drawn into what is considered cheating by those that define it around us. [Read: 22 boundaries for your boyfriend’s female friend and sign he’s too close]
We set boundaries based on what we see in the movies or in our friends’ lives. It is only up to you to know what is worth the value and what isn’t.
We only live once in this lifetime and to let your eyes believe you’re being cheated makes you blinder to the bigger picture.
In life, we all make mistakes, and we all learn from them. But in love, when we make mistakes, we don’t allow ourselves to learn because we are restricted by whatever boundaries are placed on us. [Read: How do affairs start? The way they play out in real life]
Today, the temptation to cheat and even the opportunities to cheat have increased tenfold. Opposite sexes spend days and nights together over work or while socializing, and it takes a small oversight to make a huge mistake.
We don’t live in a fairy tale romance where there’s just one good damsel and one prince charming. We’re surrounded by lovely fairy tale people all the time.
[Read: Drunk kiss dilemma – So you accidentally kissed someone when you’re drunk. Now what?!]
What is considered cheating depends on your truth
At the end of the day, what is considered cheating isn’t about rules written in stone, it’s about boundaries written in trust.
Every couple has their own emotional map. What feels like betrayal to one person might feel like no big deal to someone else. And that’s okay, as long as both people in the relationship agree on where the lines are.
If you’ve been cheated on, your pain is valid, no matter what form it took. Whether it was physical, emotional, digital, or something that didn’t even have a name yet, you’re allowed to feel it, process it, and decide what healing looks like for you.
And if you’ve crossed a line, it’s never too late to take responsibility, get honest, and rebuild what was broken, if both of you are willing to do the work.
Cheating isn’t just about sex or secrets. It’s about safety. Trust. Integrity. And choosing your partner, even when temptation tries to tell you otherwise.
So be brave enough to talk about the hard stuff. Set boundaries. Rebuild when you need to. Leave if you have to. And always, always, honor the version of love where you feel respected, seen, and safe.
[Read: Micro-Cheating: What It Is & Signs You’re Unintentionally Doing It]
There is a huge gray area over what is considered cheating. Only you can decide what your definition is, but allow yourself the freedom to choose your reaction based on your experiences.
