I’ve been in a relationship for a long time.
Seven years to be precise.
And to tell you the truth, I’ve always been happy in love.
We met in college and he wooed me for a few months before I finally gave him the nod.
And things could never have been better for both of us.
[Read: 25 relationship rules for successful love]
We even joined the same workplace and shared every moment happily with each other.
But about six months ago, I joined another organization with a better paycheck.
And that’s when things started to spiral out of control.
[Read: Making the choice between love and career]
If you would have asked me then if I would have ever cheated on my boyfriend, you would have heard me banish the thought in a flash.
But life, as they say, can take interesting and unpredictable turns along the way.
Experiencing my freedom
At first, I was nervous to not have him around me to depend on.
But within a couple of weeks, I fit right into my new workplace and everything was perfect. The people were great and a lot of fun.
At the same time, I met a great guy in my new workplace who had a huge crush on me. He constantly asked me out and flirted with me. It was a laugh at first, and soon enough, I was having a lot of fun flirting back with him. [Read: 20 signs of attraction in the first conversation]
It was harmless and a new experience, and that thought excited me.
Life with my boyfriend
My boyfriend and I wanted to move in together, but we put that thought away for a few more months because of my new job and its schedule. [Read: Things to know before you move in with your boyfriend]
We spent our evenings together and an occasional weekend too, when he wasn’t hanging out with the boys.
I don’t know where we went wrong, but somewhere along the way, things started to get on edge. He started asking me a lot of questions about my workplace and I started getting annoyed with his constant calls during my busy work hours. [Read: How to make your boyfriend feel less insecure and jealous]
Somehow, we just weren’t getting used to the fact that we weren’t around each other anymore. When I missed him, he was busy. When he missed me, I was busy. It was very frustrating.
Soon, we started fighting over petty things.
Eventually, I started to believe that my boyfriend had been taking me for granted all this while. He wouldn’t like meeting me over weekends because he was busy doing something else or hanging out with his friends.
So I started taking him for granted. I pretended like I was busy during the weekdays.
I started to like the attention
And in the midst of all this confusion in my love life, the guy from office who had a crush on me started asking me out more often.
Eventually, I yielded one evening and we went out for a drink. And it was so much fun! I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so excited.
I had such a nice time with this guy who was such a charmer and smooth talker. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and was secretly waiting for him to ask me out again.
He did ask me out again for lunch the next day.
Soon enough, this guy who liked me started wooing me. He took me out to fancy dinners and splurged on extravagant gifts and showered me with attention. We watched movies and had candlelight dinners. [Read: Why do men like pursuing women?]
But my boyfriend had no idea of any of this.
Taking the next plunge into lust
One day, after a bitter fight with my boyfriend over the phone, I called this guy who had a crush on me and asked him to take me out because I wasn’t feeling too good.
He drove to my place immediately and we went to get a few drinks. I liked this guy a lot because he was always there for me. He cared for me and pampered me, something my boyfriend seemed to have forgotten recently. [Read: Are women fickle in love?]
And on the way back home, we shared our first kiss. I really liked it. I invited him back to my place and the next thing I knew, we were making drunken love on my bed.
I felt better than I felt for the last seven years with my boyfriend. I felt weak and passionate, like a fire that has awakened within me. I loved every single emotion I was feeling.
He wasn’t my boyfriend, but I just liked him a lot. But deep inside I loved my own boyfriend and knew this guy could never take my boyfriend’s place. But each time I made love with this guy who had a crush on me, it made me feel good because I felt like I was getting back at my boyfriend for treating me badly. [Read: Is he the one for you?]
Stepping deeper into the fields of lust
I knew I cheated on my boyfriend, but somehow, it didn’t feel bad. Instead, I felt bold and empowered. I even felt powerful. I wanted more.
There was a guy from my university who used to like me. I liked him too, but I couldn’t do anything about it because I was dating my boyfriend. And he knew that.
I called him up and started flirting with him. Soon enough, we planned a date that evening. That very night, I got him into my bed and had the best sex of my life, for the second time in a week!
I was having so much fun juggling three guys in bed, my boyfriend, a guy from work and a guy from college. It felt like a dream come true.
At that point, I knew I only loved my boyfriend and no other guy, but the buffet of sex I was having was making me delirious. All of a sudden, I loved my life.
My ignorant boyfriend comes back
It’s easy to see why I stop caring about my boyfriend and our petty fights anymore.
I told my boyfriend I wanted a break from the relationship. He thought I was upset about the petty fights. My boyfriend had no idea it was because I hated getting his calls while I was having sex with my new lovers.
He tried to woo me back. He came to me in tears and asked me if we could work on our relationship. I loved him, but I was confused. Did I really want to go back to that lifestyle again? [Read: How to deal with a complicated relationship]
Experiencing my new sexy life
I liked my life. It was too frisky at times, and soon, I started getting bored of all the fake dates and the sex. It started to feel just the same again. It was just sex after all. But it was still better than staying with just one guy all your life! [Read: Do you want to be single again?]
But one night, the guy from my university didn’t turn up for a sleepover at my place. I found out the next morning that his girlfriend had come over to his place and he couldn’t leave her. I was annoyed at first. But then, I realized who I had become. I was a behaving like a whore, jumping from one bed to another.
My mind was a confused mess all over again, I didn’t like what I was doing. I had great sex, but I felt empty all the time. I didn’t know what was wrong with my life all of a sudden.
My boyfriend comes my way
One evening, I was sitting alone at home and crying on my couch.
The door bell rang and I saw my boyfriend. As soon as I saw him, I was filled with happiness and gratitude. I don’t know what happened next, but he hugged me, and I just hugged him back. For the first time in several months, I felt loved and safe.
I felt so good just resting my weight on his shoulders. It felt like nothing could harm me or trouble me anymore. It was a moment that I can never forget.
We got back together and made things up again. I ended my illicit affairs with the other men in my life, and realized that nothing really was worth the love that my boyfriend has for me. [Read: Affairs in a relationship and how egos lead to it]
I never told my boyfriend anything about those few months. I don’t see why he has to know any of these details. It would only hurt him more.
Learning from my lessons
My boyfriend has no idea I cheated on him with two guys in no time. He’s still blissfully happy to have made things up with me.
I, on the other hand, now know how easy it is to cheat and get away with it.
I could always cheat if I wanted to, but I’ve now understood that cheating doesn’t really fill any emotional void. It just creates a lusty confusion that magnifies any void in your head, and confuses you further. [Read: To cheat or not to cheat?]
If you’re just looking for sex and fast love, well, cheating works just fine. But a few months down the road, it’ll feel like a stagnated relationship all over again.
And the only way to get the excitement back again is to cheat with another person.
And the cycle goes on and on forever. You can be a serial cheater. Or you can work on a relationship and make it better.
It’s true that the infatuation and excitement won’t last forever in long love. A lasting relationship can lose the zest of infatuation and the sizzle of lust eventually. But it can give new meaning to your life and to togetherness. [Read: How to have a perfect long term relationship]
After all, a warm hug from the one who loves you can feel so much better everyday than an insecure shag with a stranger who’ll be boring in a week’s time.
15 things I’ve learnt after I cheated on my boyfriend
I’ve learnt from my experience, and in a way, don’t really regret it. I experienced a whole new life and now I know that what I have is special and magical. Perhaps, it takes losing something to really understand its value.
But if you’ve just cheated on your boyfriend or are contemplating on cheating on your boyfriend, I’m not going to tell you that it’s a bad thing. Instead, I’ll just share 15 things that I’ve learnt from my experience.
#1 It’s easy to cheat and get away with it.
#2 If you’re clever, you’ll never ever get caught just as long as you keep it a secret.
#3 There’s always a conflict between love and lust in our minds. But the final decision to stray still lies in your own mind. [Read: Find out if it’s love or lust you’re experiencing]
#4 Getting attention from hot guys is no excuse to cheat, even if they try to seduce you or woo you.
#5 Sex feels the same with anyone after a few times.
#6 You feel used, hollow and empty as soon as you orgasm.
#7 You never feel as comfortable or intimate sleeping with another guy as you feel with your own boyfriend.
#8 It’s better to avoid telling your boyfriend that you cheated unless you know you’ll get caught. [Read: Should you ever confess to cheating?]
#9 You’ll feel guilty and hate yourself. And your life can spiral out of control at any time.
#10 The guilt will haunt you for the rest of your life.
#11 You lose focus on happiness and worry more about secrecy and ways to avoid getting caught.
#12 You can look for motives and reasons to cheat. Or you can try to work on your own relationship and make it better. [Read: How to better a relationship]
#13 You’ll understand that at the end of it all, it just wasn’t worth the pain and the confusions.
#14 You could stop believing in love. And there’s nothing that can make your life feel more worthless.
#15 You could lose a perfect relationship over a few months of mindless lust.
[Read: 25 reasons behind why women cheat so easily]
I cheated on my boyfriend and have learnt what really matters in my life. You could take a lusty chance, or you could trust me on what’s better. Or you could decide yourself and see what works for you.
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