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22 Boundaries For Your Boyfriend’s Female Friend & Signs He’s Too Close

Your boyfriend is a little too close to his friend who’s a girl. So, here are the signs and the boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow.

boundaries your boyfriend's female friend should follow

When you first start dating, it’s all wonderful and romantic, then small things creep in and bother you. Like your boyfriend’s super-close female friend, for example. But there are boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow to keep peace.

Have you been in this situation before? It can be super-annoying and confusing to deal with. If the female in question is particularly clingy when it comes to her friend, you might feel that she is acting against you, freezing you out, or even worse, making a quiet move on your guy behind your back.

The likelihood is that she simply feels a little threatened because she used to have her friend all to herself. Now, you’ve come along and he’s not spending as much time with her anymore. You can understand it, but at the same time, she should certainly understand you too.

So, you are probably wondering, “Is my boyfriend too close to his female friend?” and “Is it okay to be jealous of your boyfriend’s female friend?” Well, those are some good questions that we are going to examine.

[Read: What do guys think of their female friends? 15 biggest secrets revealed]

The subtle signs your boyfriend is too close to his female friend

Sometimes you should be worried, but sometimes you shouldn’t. So, to help you differentiate between the two, here are the signs that you should be worried about your boyfriend’s female friend.

Let’s start with the signs that you should be worried about your boyfriend’s female friend.

1. She hates you

If you feel like your boyfriend’s female friend basically hates you, then you should definitely be worried. He would feel the same way if you had a close guy friend and the situation was reversed, right?

The fact that she doesn’t like you says that she might be secretly in love with him and wants her to herself. And you’re standing in her way.

2. She tries to exclude you

It might feel like she is always trying to get him alone. So, she always suggests hanging out – but without you. When you try to invite yourself, both of them seem uncomfortable with the idea.

If there wasn’t anything to worry about, they would welcome you with open arms any time they do anything fun together. [Read: Win ’em over – how to get your boyfriends friends to like you]

3. She flirts with him

We all know flirting when we see it. There’s a difference between being friendly and flirty. Watch her body language when she’s with him.

How much does she touch him? Does she look deeply into his eyes? Are her hugs just a little too long and lingering? All of this screams that she thinks of him as more than a friend.

4. You’ve seen it before

Maybe this isn’t the first time one of your boyfriends had a close female friend. And because of past experiences, your instincts are on high alert.

So, if you’re having flashbacks and seeing familiar behavior that tells you that something is up between the two of them, then listen to that feeling.

5. He doesn’t like that she’s dating

If he tends to talk a little too much about the guy – or guys – she dates in a negative way, then that’s a red flag. Why would he care so much?

Sure, he might be worried about her in a brotherly kind of way, but he could also be jealous. Make sure you find out which one it is. [Read: 22 very obvious signs your boyfriend has a crush on his girl pal]

6. You’re embarrassed by their behavior

If you, your boyfriend, and his female friend hang around other friends and family, you might be embarrassed about how they act with each other.

You are uncomfortable with their interaction, and you are starting to notice that they are catching on too.

7. He confides in her a little too much

If something great happens to him, like getting a new job, he calls her right away. Not only that, but he tells her things that go on between the two of you as well.

It seems like he should be telling you all of these things first, but if he goes to her, then you have a problem.

8. Too much posting on social media

If one or both of them post about each other on social media, that is pretty inappropriate. Especially if they are posting photos of them that would make other people think that they are boyfriend-girlfriend, not just friends.

It’s never okay to go public in a way that makes people wonder who his real girlfriend is. [Read: The happy couple’s guide to social media etiquette]

9. You already have trust issues

Perhaps your boyfriend isn’t the most trustworthy guy in the world. He could have cheated on you before, or maybe you just have caught him in a lot of lies in general. If you already feel like you can’t trust him, then you can’t.

10. He’s always on his phone

Even when you’re with him, he can’t keep his nose out of his phone. And he also seems to be smiling and laughing a lot when he’s talking to “someone,” and you know that someone is usually her. He should be paying attention to you, not to her.

11. He says you’re crazy

In other words, when you bring up the fact that you think that he and his female friend are just a little too close, he tries to make you sound crazy for even thinking it.

This is called gaslighting. He is trying to get you to question yourself so you don’t keep questioning him. [Read: Gaslighting – What it is, how it works, and 22 signs to spot it ASAP]

12. Your intuition is screaming there’s something wrong

When all else fails, you need to follow your gut feeling. Even if your boyfriend *and her* are telling you that you are paranoid and imagining things, you probably aren’t. So, you need to listen to yourself – not them.

If you see any of these signs, then chances are that your boyfriend also likes his female friend. And if this is true, then you need to talk to him about boundaries with her.

Boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow at all times, or else!

The key? Set boundaries that should not be crossed. In that case, your boyfriend can continue a close friendship with someone he knows and cares about. You can continue to allow your relationship to develop without jealousy and petty annoyances. [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries – how to talk about them and set them]

So, what are those boundaries? You can set any particular boundaries that work for you. But, here are nine basic boundaries your boyfriend’s female friends should follow at all times. No questions asked.

1. No secret conversations that make you feel left out

Now, be a little open-minded on this one. Understand that your boyfriend’s friend needs to talk to him in private about something in her life that you don’t need to know about. However, those situations should be few and far between.

If you feel like there is a lot of whispering, giggling and private conversation going on between your boyfriend and his friend, you’re going to wonder what they’re talking about. And it will slowly drive a wedge between you.

You should not get to the point where you feel like you have to ask your boyfriend to choose between you and her. He’s known her longer, what’s to say you’ll win? [Read: How to get your boyfriend’s attention when he’s ignoring you]

2. Date nights are yours and yours alone

She might drop in occasionally. Maybe you all go out for drinks sometimes. BUT date nights should belong to you and your boyfriend and no one else.

If she encroaches on this sacred couple time, your boyfriend should have a word. Make sure that she understands this is a boundary that can’t be crossed.

Hopefully, she will completely understand this from the get-go and an intervention will never be needed.

3. Understand your need for a couple’s private time

Aside from date nights being for the two of you only, one of the boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow is the understanding that couples should have private time. They should have conversations that are private to them and there should be ‘in’ jokes that no one else is privy to.

Yes, the first boundary was that she shouldn’t be having private conversations with your boyfriend. But a couple having them is totally different. As a couple, there should be a certain amount of privacy involved. [Read: What to do when your guy’s friends are a bad influence]

4. No ‘in’ jokes that you aren’t a part

One of the worst feelings is being excluded from something, especially when you’re looking at your boyfriend joking with another woman, friend or not.

If there are ‘in’ jokes, they should be explained to you, even if you’re not really a key part of them. At least then you understand it and won’t feel threatened by it and wonder about the underlying message.

It’s super-easy to become paranoid in this type of situation but, by explaining things to you, you side-step the problem.

5. Understand that she can’t just call like you used to

Your boyfriend’s friend used to have no problem calling in the evening before you got together or having long text conversations. That must reduce drastically now that he has a relationship.

It’s no fun for you if you’re on the sofa watching TV together and he’s laughing at his phone because she’s constantly texting him gifs and emojis.

She should understand that while she can call and still have a close friendship with him, she also needs to take into account your feelings and schedule calls and long text conversations for better times. [Read: These are the most important new relationship boundaries you can set]

6. Trips away are no more

It could be that your boyfriend often went on trips or weekends away with his girl best friend, completely platonic and above board. One of the big boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow is not to ask him to go away or go out on these big night’s out without you. You two are a package deal now.

While you may choose not to go and give your blessing for your boyfriend to have a bit of down time with his friend, you should at least be asked. It’s a big no-no to not consider you part of the gang.

7. Keep her hands to herself

It’s normal for friends to be tactile with one another, because they know that there’s nothing romantic or sexual in it. However, it doesn’t mean you see it that way.

A huge boundary is that tactile touching and hugging is now over. It’s not respectful to you. Also, it might make people around you think that something is going on. You’ll then receive messages and conversations about your boyfriend with another woman.

While you know there’s nothing in it, the fact that others think there might be isn’t fun for you. She must keep her hands to herself! [Read: A full guide to deal with your boyfriend’s flirty girl best friend]

8. Any social media posting needs to be clear

Touching should stop to avoid anyone getting the wrong idea, you included. But the same goes for social media posting.

It’s easy for others to get the wrong idea, particularly if members of your family see anything that could easily be confused or misconstrued. Can you imagine the conversation? Anything that she posts on social media including him must be clear that it is from a friendship point of view only. Excessive posting should also stop. Once more, it’s not respectful to you. [Read: The happy couple’s guide to social media etiquette]

9. Don’t talk behind your back

It’s hard when your friend couples up. Suddenly they’re not around as much as they were before. And, when it’s a friend of the opposite gender, your friendship is bound to change a little because of the boundaries we’re talking about here.

With that in mind, it’s probable that she will become a little frustrated. It might cause friction between the two of you.

One of the biggest boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow is zero talking about you in a negative way. The same goes for you talking about her. It’s not fair to put him in the middle of two important people in his life.

[Read: The platonic girlfriend guide to keeping peace with his girl]

The boundaries your boyfriend’s female friend should follow may sound harsh. But, in practice, they actually happen quite naturally.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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