13 Secret Signs Your Boyfriend’s Not Over His Ex

13 Secret Signs Your Boyfriend’s Not Over His Ex

Are you in love with a guy who seems to be in love with his ex? Here are 13 secret signs he’s not over his ex that can help you read his mind. By Francesca Marie

Are you dating a guy who seems to have a rather soft spot for his ex?

If you’re troubled by the quicksand of sappy emotions your man has for his ex flame, you’re not alone.

And it’s completely acceptable to hate him for it.

Really now, if he’s still in love with his ex, what the heck is he doing with you?

If a guy tells you that he still thinks of his ex fondly, you could admire his honesty.

And then you can kick him out to the curb.

But what do you do when he says he’s over his ex, but you still don’t believe him?

[Read: Does your boyfriend speak to his ex often?]

Is he over his ex?

Getting over an ex is never easy.

If you’ve been in a passionate relationship that had to end, you’d know how hard it is to get over a special someone.

While it’s not easy to forget someone you once loved, there’s a thin line between forgetting someone and staying in love with them.

If your boyfriend still loves his ex, chances are, he still wants to get back with his ex. And that is definitely not something you should put up with.

You’re not a rebound girl nor are you his nanny to nurse his heart to good health so he can regain his broken heart pieces and pursue his ex again when he feels better.

13 signs he’s not over his ex

If you see any of this behavior in your new squeeze, it’s time to have that talk with him. Does he love you or is he still in love with his ex? Are you just a rebound or are you someone he truly loves? [Read: How to tell if he’s serious about you]

After all, the start of a relationship is all about infatuation and lust. If he says he loves you, yet gets flustered when he sees his ex or spends all the time thinking of his ex, can he ever love you when all he does is dream of her?

Here are 13 signs that can help you figure out if he’s over his ex or not.

#1 He talks about her all the time. It doesn’t matter if he talks fondly of her or bitches about her all the time. If he thinks of her, he still has feelings for her. If a guy has come to terms with his break up, he won’t keep whining about it. He’ll get over it.

Only a guy who’s constantly bothered by thoughts of his ex would like ranting about it to his present girlfriend. If your boyfriend constantly finds ways to bring his ex into the conversation without you initiating it, he’s definitely still missing her. [Read: How to get to know a guy you want to date]

#2 His browser talks. Unless your boyfriend is a sneaky ex lover, he’ll definitely leave a few signs now and then on his computer or phone. If your boyfriend’s browser history shows that he’s been visiting his ex’s facebook or twitter account or her blog often, he’s definitely not over his ex.

So how much is too much? Checking up on an ex once a week is barely acceptable, but if he’s been frequenting his ex’s pages more often than that, you need to have that talk with him.

#3 He looks flustered when he bumps into her. The next time you walk hand in hand with your boyfriend and bump into his ex, watch how he behaves. Does he let go of your hand immediately, or does he get flustered or mumble like an awkward prepubescent child? If his heart races or he starts sweating around his ex, she’s definitely been running marathons in his mind behind your back.

#4 He keeps in touch with her. Exes don’t stay friends. Well, unless they’ve become sexless after a long boring relationship. There’s no good reason for exes to stay friends unless there’s something binding them. If your new boyfriend is good friends with his ex and frequently contacts her, you definitely have reason to worry.

#5 He gets annoyed when he hears that she’s dating someone new. He’s dating you. He’s happy. But if he gets to know that she’s dating someone new and turns into an uncontrollable whining boy, he’s obvious pissed off that she’s doing the deed with someone new. If he’s truly happy with you and has overpowered any strings of residual love, he shouldn’t be bothered if she dates someone else. [Read: 12 signs he really is the one for you]

#6 He’s her Man Friday. Exes don’t have to stay friends, but they can still keep in touch with each other. But if your boyfriend behaves like her slave and is always ready to help her out of a spot, he’s definitely trying to stay in her good books for a reason. Only a guy who’s still in love will constantly try to help an ex out with her life, be it by being the handyman or someone to chauffer her around.

#7 He enjoys getting teased with his ex. Does your boyfriend stiffen a giggle or does he blush like a little girl when you pull his leg with his ex or when his friends tease him about a romantic incident involving his ex? Men don’t get shy. They get surly and angry when they’re being teased about a bad incident with an ex. Only lost and lovelorn lovers like fantasizing and talking about exes with a glazed look of happiness plastered over their faces. If your boyfriend loves hearing about his ex or getting teased with her, he obviously likes being associated with his ex even now.

#8 He’s still got her gifts or memories lying around the house. A boyfriend who still holds a stuffed toy given by his ex while lying in bed is never good news for a new lover. Does your boyfriend have all her gifts placed neatly around the house? Does he still use the watch she gave him? And wait a minute, is that her toothbrush near his sink? Yes, you’re allowed to stick it up his romantic ass!

#9 It’s been less than three months since his break up. Break ups take time to heal. If you’re in a relationship with a guy who’s broken up with his girlfriend less than three months ago, he’s definitely not forgotten about his ex already. And chances are, gasp, you’re his rebound girl even if he doesn’t know it himself. [Read: 15 signs you’re in a rebound relationship]

#10 He clings onto his memories. Do you find him clinging onto his memories when he thinks you’re not around? Does he hold something of hers or droolingly stare at her facebook page when he thinks you’ve left the room? Does he stare at an old text from her when you aren’t around? If you see your boyfriend dreamily staring at his ex’s face on his computer while tenderly moving his fingers across her image, walk out of his place and never walk back in again.

#11 He’s not ended the relationship yet. This is a tricky place to be in. This is something you’ll come to experience if you steal a guy from his girlfriend. Was he still in a relationship when you wooed him away with your sexy ass? He may not have broken up yet, and he even though he’s told you that he’s ended the relationship, he may still keep in touch with her. [Read: Signs he’s dating someone else along with you]

His excuse? “It was such a big shock to her… I need to ease her out of loving me over time… You understand, don’t you, sweetheart?”

Your answer. Yes, slamming the door is a good move.

#12 He hasn’t deleted her texts. Does your new boyfriend have loads of his ex’s lovey notes and dirty talking texts? Seriously, which guy in his right mind keeps his ex’s old texts stored in his phone? There may be a huge list of texts, but deleting it is the right thing and only thing to do if he’s actually over her.

#13 He has her pictures. Does your boyfriend have pictures of his ex on his computer or in his phone? Or perhaps, even lying around the house? That’s not good, but it’s acceptable as long as he understands to delete or move all those photos away into a CD as soon as you voice your insecurity. [Read: 15 subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]

If your boyfriend was in a relationship for a while, he may even have his ex’s nudie pictures and steamy sex videos too. Of course, he won’t tell you about it.

As long as he’s moved all his ex’s pictures and videos into some corner of the attic, never to see it again, it’s all fine. But if he has a few images hidden around the house *hidden, but easily accessible*, then he’s definitely taking a good look at his ex while you’re all alone in the shower.

[Read: 16 do’s and don’ts to make your boyfriend want you more than ever]

Sometimes, all of us miss our exes or think of them. But there’s a thin line between a passing thought and an obsession. Keep an eye on these signs that he’s not over his ex and talk to him about it. It’ll clear the air and help you make up your mind.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/collettgenevieve Genevieve Collett

    I would like to know what you think. Is is possible to still be in love with your ex- girlfriend and still date another one. My ex-boyfriend wanted to date me again a few years ago but for some very complicated reasons to explain right now I said no. I still loved him and he loved me so so much He asked for a hug. Well! he dated someone else for 4 years before he passed away. A friend saw hi 3 weeks before his death. She said he only talked about. As if I was the girl of his life. I said, well maybe its because she does not know his girlfriend. I called his girlfriend to wish my condolences. She had never heard of me but found a letter I wrote years back that my ex- kept. Then another friend said that he used to talk about me but that was years ago… Still, I held a special place in my ex heart and he cared deeply about me. Do you think he still loved me but had no choice to date someone else because he wasn’t going to stay single all his life?

    Thanks for your time and answer. Its a mind boggling question. Gen

  • kay

    he was really inlove with you dear!

  • Jennifer

    So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years now. He’s a great guy and has never cheated on me. 4 months ago we deleted our facebooks due to jealousy BUT a month ago I added mine back and he made a new one. I told him to block his ex girlfriend (that he dated for a year, they were pretty serious and he dated me quickly after) and some other girl that tried to get in between our relationship. He didn’t struggle what so ever. He was completely understanding.

    He has a twitter account thoough (he made me delete mine because of jealousy). Then made his own like 6 months after. I was recently at his place, checked it for the very first time and noticed that he’s been talking to his ex and the other girl that I asked him to block on Facebook.

    What am I supposed to think of this?? And it’s never them starting the convo. It’s him tweeting about their tweet, kinda playfully too. He said he wouldn’t talk to them, yet he’s talking to them where I cant see…

  • Little Tibet

    Ive been living with my boyfriend for a year now, I feel like he’s still not over his ex, which bothers me a lot!. He’s been with her for 5 years… He has stuff lying around and yes I catch him all zoned out… When I go to his brothers house there’s a few pic of her… Which kills me. Case it doesn’t help someone get over there ex!. Like wtf!!!?!… Don’t get me wrong he treats me great but then again everyone has their flaws.. I had to make a big fuss with the pics on the computer and delete little things she had left on his Fone.. I really didn’t want to be the person to do that, but that isn’t fair to the person you live with. He tells me numerous times he won’t be getting back with her but that’s happened before a little time period. I LOVE HIM sooo much, I’ve made to s of sacrifices to be with him. All these things around the house, he leaves them out in the open when he walks by or w.e… Ugggghhhhh!, how I fucking loathe that!… What am I supposed to do or say?… I know it takes time but if all these things are in your face everyday, I don’t think it helps the person get over their ex… Sighhh*… Should I be worried?

  • Nervous Wreck

    When I met my boyfriend of 10 months he was single but secretly talking to an ex that is underage. They obviously couldn’t be together because of an age difference and he would end up in jail. We hit it off great and started dating when I found out he was still talking and seeing her, telling her he loved her and wanting to be with her. When I found out right away I ended it and said its either me or her and he did the whole apology thing and said he really did care about me, then basically he tried to hide that he was with me about 2 months into trying it out again, when I found out I was furious! I beyond blew up infront of him and his best friend. I told him I was done went to my best friends house and didn’t talk to him at all. His best friend texted me saying he really cares about me and I said he should have thought about it before he decided to lie to both of us..Eventually I gave him one last chance and we were doing great. It was about nine months that we were together and he finally told me he loved me and the next day we had a wedding to go to when he saw his ex and he just fell apart and basically told me drunkenly that he regretted saying he loved me. And now 10 months dating and he wont say it and I straight up asked him and he said he was sorry that he couldn’t say it and sorry he still cared about his ex..but yet he always talks about the future saying things like when we get married…or things that seem like we are permanent. My gut keeps sending me red flags over this but I feel like I should just wait and see how it goes. Im just afraid that once his ex turns 18 he will just drop me for her, which would be about a year and a half for us being together which makes me think how can he do that after being together for such a long time..I know they still talk because I told him I cant be the bitchy person to say no they cant talk but it’s very seldomly that they do and shes been dating someone for a couple of months now and posts things saying she loves him already…I just don’t know where to go from here..if I should seriously consider walking away or hold on??? Help

  • That Ex He dreams about

    My Ex and I were Friend’s Before Lover’s. We knew each other for 5 year’s before we began to date. We met each other at age 13 But we dated at age 19. Which lasted about 3 year’s. We were extremely young. And both new to true love. But we had an incredible bond. I’m still growing so is he. I broke up with him for about a year and began to focus on my career and school. I chose to be celibate. One day I found out he’s dating someone new. I was completely heart broken. But I understand he’s a man he wouldn’t stay single for long. especially after begging me to be with him again for so long people start to give up. & I acted as though I didn’t care so he could move on I thought that was what I wanted. But it wasn’t. Back to the new girl he dated it hurt. So I told him it’s best if we don’t speak anymore he wouldn’t give up. He called constantly. I ended up changing my number blocked him on any social networks. It was far to emotional I couldn’t live on because he would not let me go.& I couldn’t live with such pain. This year I haven’t called him for any holiday’s or birthday’s like I usually do But I was still broken I refused to let him know. So I gave him a Call . Blocked my number so he couldn’t get in contact with ne and I asked how he was. I kept it simple didn’t want him to have the upper hand at all. We ended up speaking for about 10 hour’s since we were both off work. Before I hung up he insisted I call him anytime. I am the type of woman whom respects any relationship even if my ex has someone new. That’s the type of woman I am. My birthday comes around a few week’s later he email’s me a happy birthday and sends flower’s. His sisters were also emailing me happy birthday. It felt great I’ve missed him so much. One day he emailed me (remember ) he doesn’t have my number to call and he asks About the past. I responded telling him it’s in the past now. He Then wrote an essay explaining how he still DREAMS about the spontaneous sex. How he still has some things I’ve left at his house a while back. Old text. Pictures. Gifts. Bras Undies. And he remembers all of the times we had he reminds me of every moment. and Misses Them. How us drifting apart is Not what he wants. He felt it was the wrong timing the first time around and how he Still IN LOVE’ WITH ME TILL THIS DAY. And how he refuses to live his life without me. He answeres my message’s Right away. And when we talk we have incredible memories and great conversations. He’s a bit afraid I would break up with him again I can see his fear. But I love him with every bit of my heart and he love’s me AS well. His parent’s even plan on us getting married some day. I’m still taking it slow. I do not want a relationship Until I finish college I see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Only thing I’m not sure if he’s still dating the same girl. I’m not sure if she was just Rebound. But I don’t want to ask About it yet Until we are back on good terms. And I don’t want him to think I want him back. We are starting over as bestfriends. He’s extremely Straight forward & if she is still in the picture he will let her Know He will continue to have me in his life rather she likes it or not. But I’m not the type to disrespect any relationship. I have choices some involve him in my future and some don’t. I don’t want him to be “the one that got away” I know I could have him Today. But I’m thinking FUTURE. Until I find out if she’s still in the picture. My questions are unanswered. _

  • Heather

    hi! I have known the guy I have been dating for about 15 years and have been dating him for almost 2 years. He and one of his ex’s have a child together and for some reason when he leaves he runs right to her house. He tells me he does not like her but it’s a roof over his head. All she does is text me saying that they have slept together. anyways a few weeks ago he went there for like 5 days and she was saying she had him, which I really did not think she did but he also looked me in the face and told me he did not and that he does not like her. Well I looked in his phone and she had sent him a picture of her laying on the couch in her bra and underwear and that was from when he was there and he kept it. Than his excuse is that he like the underwear and bra lol. Why would he keep this on his phone if he loves me and wants to move foward with our relationship? we have a 9 month old son together. Do you guys think he has been with her and if he still has feelings for her? should I be mad at this? I really feel hurt because he always tells me i have nothing to worry about.

  • totallyconfused

    I have been dating this man for almost 3 yrs. now. He confessed to me that he has been talking to his ex. Casual conversation as he called it. Talking about helping him to park his Van on their yard to sell it. Well, one day she called him and he didn’t picked up the phone and i asked him who it was and he said it was his ex. I asked why you didn’t picked up, he said,it just don’t sound right to talked to her in front of you, i raised my eyebrows i said, call her back right now..and asked what she wants and why she called you. and he did called her back while i have my hands on my waist. He told her that he can’t park the Van at their Yard and hanged up. I told him, I don’t understand why you keep talking to your ex when you are trying to move on and have a relationship with me. It’s either go back to her or stay with me your choice i don’t play that game. I told him, You are giving her the impression that you are not so over with her and you cannot move on because you are a hard loser. And he tried to defend himself by telling me, why i can’t be friends with my ex. i just answer him, because i don’t. And i asked him, If he wants to call my ex and have a nice conversation with him. He hit the roof. So i said. Your call, i let you know that it bothers me, i will not chase you. You are free to go. After that, I never caught him again yet.

  • InTheSameBoat

    I’ve been with my guy for a year and a half now. I just found out that he’s been constantly talking to and texting his ex EVERYDAY. They do have a 12year old son together, and I can understand why communication needs to remain open…But everyday seems a bit much. I have expressed my concerns to him. His response is that they’ve known each other since they were 14 y/o (they are 44 y/o now), so they are like best friends. They entered into a relationship once, broke up and then got back together again. He lives with me, sleeps in my bed and said they he didn’t realize that we were in a relationship???? I feel used and concerned that once he gets back on his feet (which i’ve been helping him do), that they will get back together again. Just knowing that she is the first person he talks to in the morning and the last at night makes me uncomfortable, but he claims it’s all innocent and that the reason is basically my fault because I have a job that doesn’t allow me to just sit and talk on the phone all day. He doesn’t work, so he gets lonely during the day and she is a security guard that has to work outside on a loading dock by herself and calls to talk. It’s fishy, but I just don’t want to put him out on his tail. My question is how can i place this out of my mind and move on? I’ve been in this situation already and based on the outcome, it’s not looking good.

  • Arianna

    My boyfriend is always talking about his ex to me and Ive told him a bunch of times that i dont like her so you can talk to her but dont talk to me about her but he brings her up everytime we are on the phone. When his ex texts him he tells me everything she says and how much he hates her. And im just like wel if you hate her then why will you not stop talking about her1 I just dont know what to do!

  • Lindy

    I have been dating this guy since 2010 our relationship was a bit complicated like he would only call me when he needed something or says he misses me. I was at a university out of town that time and he used to call and we would stay on the phone for hours. I got pregnant by him and he didnt contact me as often when i told him i was pregnant and he kept quite for over a year that was in 2011 November when he stopped calling. In that long period of us not being in touch he would make fake facebook profiles one of them he sent me a message which was like “Baby how is london my pretty queen, the one next to my side. God loves you more than i do, i cant leave to forget you. And another time last year in July because i accidentally added him on facebook, he wrote me a message which said “hi babz, how re u. been a long time, i ve tryed ma best to gte accross to u buy no means. hope u re gud”. Another one was “Hi hun
    How re u. Its so unfortunate that I can’t get intouch with u. Nd am sorry in anyway if I get u upset. But I tried getin intouch but all my effort was hopeless. Anywayz how re u. Just checking on u”. Later on early 2013 in January he adds me on whatsapp saying ” hi babz, longtime though, happy new year my reply was who was this, and he was like my name is Allen, so i said i dont know anyone by that time and if he could send me a picture to remind me who this is so he sent his picture and to find out it was him and we carried on talking coz he asked where i was and if i was okay. Does this still mean he loves me? I need your help guys. Thanks

  • Lindy

    Even though he is seeing someone at the moment/or other girls. He is not faithful and even his facebook name “Ex Boo” explains all. But i just want to know if he loves me even though he is seeing someone new at the moment. Based on the fact that he has kept in touch with me whilst dating someone else.

  • champix

    been with my bpyfriend for 18months. Its been up and down with both being ill. But i am concerned that he is still in love with his ex wife. They have two children together so i understand that yhere needs to be communication. The ex wife has made it very clear that she doesnt love him, but he still talks about her often, types her name into google and youtube, drops plans he has made with me to help his ex wife. Mocks me to his ex wife, calling me his taxi. He has uploaded photos of tjeir weddinh onto our shared laptop in the last month. He told someone that for the first 6months aftrr ahe ended their relationship that he was hoping she would take him back, eventhough he had met me. He said this when i was in the room. Does he love her still and settling for 2nd best or am i being silly!

  • Lisa

    I like a boy that used to date a girl from my school (we were not friends, just acquaintances). I believed he sent me some signals, but I’ve never been good at detecting signals from guys, so whatever. I’m aware he and his ex girlfriend broke up around 7 months ago, but it was because she was moving to another city and they didn’t want to have a distance relationship. He talked about her rarely, but I also brought her some times (since I know who she is and we’ve talked to each other). Once we went out the two of us and he talked about how distance relationships weren’t his thing and stuff like that. Then he said “what he liked about a girl” and he mentioned his ex and said she wasn’t really smart, or pretty, but he thought (past tense) she was interesting. However the very next day, we go out with a group of friends and she was there. We talked (her and I) and everything normal, but I would say (I don’t know if it was only me) they looked like they still had feelings for each other. She actually came back to the city to say goodbye and pack her things because she was not only moving to a different city, but also to a different country. The day she left, she actually wrote in her facebook profile “Because you only know you love her when you let her go” and he liked that status! Appart from that, they haven’t had any other facebook likes or stuff like that, but I’m still worried. I don’t want to interfere where there’s still a relationship.

  • Laila

    I have asked this boy( I used to date) if we could try again but take it slow .unfortunately he said no so I have left seperate gaps between and dated 9 boys to try n make him go out wiv me but every time my mates ask him out(when I don’t want them 2) he just get annoyed n says NO :'( what shall I do gals any tips ‘ll do!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope u understand what I been through

  • Blanca

    My boyfriend and I met at church after knowing eachother for two years we stated dating now we have one year together and he says here Wantss to Marry me and have a family but recently I went on his facebook and he was talking to hes ex who lives in Mexico he was telling her tht he want to go visit soon and she said Ohh ethyl you probably will already be married and he said no im not and they stated flirting alittle and he told her she was nice and nobleand a great person and he says he cant wait to see her and im planning on breaking up with him first thing tomoroow even though I kno hes going to beg me to not leave him!! and I already kno hes going to say he loves me because we went trew alot together trying to get or parents to let us go ot since he was 19 and I was 17 when he first started going out.. im so sad and depressed this sucks

  • Jayla

    Hi. I started likin this guy this year but every since i met him he was with this girl. They were on an off for 2 years. An they loved eachother. Well in the past couple months everytime they would break up, me an him would hold hands an then he would text me for a couple days, then him an his girlfriend would be back together. So yea, i know i was a rebound then. But am i now? We started talkin again last week… Saturday we went to an Amusement park (our parents job got free tickets, so we met up) an while we were there we did nothing but hold hands. Then Sunday he picked me up an we went on a date to the park, started dating that night. But i wanna know if he still wants to be with his ex. He tells me “oh she begs for me back an when i do all she does is try to argue you me an i just cant handle her bs no more an i gotta move on. You have nothing to worry about. Just trust me. What can i do for you to trust me?” An i mean im the one that brings it up sayin “im scared that your gunna get back with her” And i would trust him about it… but all the other times that we talked he said they wernt gettin back together, but a couple days later he would stop talkin to me n would b talkin to his ex again. But the real reason i wanna believe his this time is because he actually took me to the park for a date, an he actually asked me out this time. An he wont say i love you un till he really means it so then i feel even more that i can trust him. I dont know what to do or think. Please help

  • Chelsea

    I need help! There’s this guy I’ve been seeing now for about 3 months. About 6 months ago he broke up with his girlfriend/fiancé of 4 years because she was putting him on an emotional roller coaster ride (one day she loved him and the next she hated him etc). I’ve known him for 5 years and we’ve always flirted and teased each other and helped each other out with relationship problems. When him and me first started dating, his ex called me and begged me not to see him. They still talk everyday yet whenever I’m over at his house, he always says “I don’t know what I ever saw in her” or there’s a situation of where she won’t give him her stuff back. He still wears the engagement ring his ex gave him and she still wears hers. Am I being played? I’m scared. Help?!

  • Stephanie

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years. Things were picture perfect with us in the beginning. Like something you see in a love movie. Well around the first of this year he left his cellphone in the bathroom on accident. When I went to the bathroom I of course noticed his phone sitting there. I had been having this gut feeling that he was keeping something from me so I convinced myself to check his text messages in his phone. That was one of the best and worst decisions I could have made. I definitely found texts between my boyfriend and other women. Talking about them hanging out and having those women do “favors” for him. Some for money. I was irate when I read those texts. My heart sank in my chest and it was hard to keep my composure. The one thing that my guy does in his phone is to not put names with his phone numbers in his phone so only he knows who he is talking to.. That has always been the sign that he is unfaithful. A few months after the first incident I noticed he had “liked” other girls pictures on Facebook. He has many girls as friends on his Facebook and some are his ex girlfriends. When I ask him to delete his Ex’s he gets defensive and says he will never delete any girls who are just friends for a girlfriend because that shows there is not trust in the relationship.. Well earlier this week I finally had the chance and now know why he won’t delete them off of Facebook. I was at his house and he forgot to log out of his Facebook account. So once again I convince myself to snoop. I know it’s wrong but my instinct tells me to. Because I know he is unfaithful. So as I’m reading through messages I come across many messages to other women once again asking for favors.. But the conversation which worries me the most is one between him and his ex. She was his first love and they were together for 2 years. During the conversation his ex asks him if he had already settled down with me because we are in the process of getting our own place. His response is “I mean I’m with someone, but that doesn’t mean that much (as in wanting to settle down) especially when it comes to first loves.” Obviously by that statement I am just a girl he’s with so he is not lonely. He doesn’t plan on being with me for the long run and I feel he is using me to get out into his own place. I can tell he wants back with his ex. I need to bring this up to him but I cannot find it in me to do so. :( I need help

  • Yvonne Latham

    So I started dating my bf in july 2011 i was 18 at the time and he was 27. When we started going out I moved in one month after and the left side of his bed was broken and I asked him what happened and he tld me his ex had jumped on him and it broke. I didnt like that at all but i tried to ignore it. Then he would always tell me his sex stories about them and how they met and how he fell in love with her and I reallly didnt like that. I found a song he wrote about her about how he would take her back. Now he went out with her back in 2006 and they only went out for like 5 months and they broke up cause she cheated on him. And he still had pics of her on myspace and stuff. About a couple months after we were going out he wanted a bby so we got pregnant.And we need to move into a two bedroom apt for more room so we dis that when i was 6 months prego. As we were moving i remember he found her prom pic and her date was in the pic with her and he was telling me how much he hated the guy and i was thinking just shut up!!! And i had gone in the bedroom and i poked my head out and i noticed he was gazing atthe pic for a while like he missed her and he ripped it as soon as i walked out. A couple of months after we moved in our new apt I was 8 months prego and so uncomfortable. And my bf wantrd to have sex and I said no cause i was uncomfortable and wasnt sure if it was safe, and he said “Angelica let me put it in when i wanted to” Angelica was his ex and that hurt me alot and i regret not saying anything about it. Months after We had our daughter we got a laptop and while my husband was working I looked at his flash drives and i found sooo many pics of his gf and videos and my heart just sank:( I tried to keep my mouth shut about it but he eventually found out and was calling me a piece of sh** and nosy and so many things and i kinda understood cause i knew he didnt want me to see it and his excuse of why he couldnt delete then was cause he didnt have a computer. But after that i had found pics of them in his photos and he could have thrown those out but it was my fault again. Its been a year since all that happened and we’re married now and i know he loves me but it has also been a year since we’ve done it and every day he turns me down and it makes me feel like crap. His excuse is he doesnt wanna risk getting pregnant again but i always tell him we can use protection but he says no. And i gained some weight during my pregnancy but i lost over 30 pounds and im pretty much back to normal but im still trying to lose more. Every day he asks me to weigh myself and i have curly hair and he always asks me to straighten it but sometimes i dont want to cause i dont want split ends but he doesnt understand. And i just feel so ugly and sometimes I feel like hes not physically attracted to me and im not trying to sound conceited or anything but alot of guys liked me in h.s but hes just different. His gf had really curly hair in all the pics that they were together and it was obvious he didnt make her do her hair. So thats my story, can anyone help me out im starting to feel ugly and depressed and i cant even cry in front of him cause he gets mad now:( so pls anyone!!!

  • Eva L.

    If he goes on her blog maximum twice per month and he only kept 1 text message, should I worry? Please tell me what you think!

  • JaneParker

    Just writing to say that this whole text is spot on! All these sings are real red flags and any woman who sees them should take them seriously. My ex left me for his ex after being with me for 2 years. I saw the signs, but as time went on I convinced myself I was just being paranoid. After all, he couldn’t have been with me for that long if he didn’t really love me, right…? Wrong! When he left me for her I was heartbroken, but mostly I was angry with myself because deep down I knew it all along. Didn’t help that when I finally got over him I fell for a guy who ALSO left me for his ex (tho that one’s on me, I definately should’ve known better by then!). I must have some kind of curse, really. But anyway, just trying to warn my fellow sisters. If you feel that there’s something fishy, you’re probably right. Don’t ever allow yourself to be in the position I was. It’s heartbreaking AND humilliating. And don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that if he talks smack about her, that’s a good thing. If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t even talk about her, period. Or, if asked, you wouldn’t feel anger in his voice.
    Hope this little rant helps someone see things as they are. Good luck and don’t settle for being the rebound girl (who is usually so much cooler than the “main girl” but they’re too blind to see it)

  • Tasha

    The guy I was in a relationship with didn’t leave me for his ex but I felt he would have. He claimed they are just friends which I didn’t have a problem with because everyone needs friends. They texted every day which kind of got on my nerves. I expressed that to him but he would just say they are friends. The big problem I had with her is that she tried to break us up on several occasions. That let me know she still had feelings for him. I also felt he still had feelings for her because out of all the times she’s tried to break us up, he would still be her friend. Why be friends with someone who can’t respect the relationship and purposely try to end it? She even claimed she got back with her ex and was living with him (he never did move out after their 1st break up). So if she was over my ex and got back with her ex then why try to ruin what we had? Also, I found out that she sent him a picture of her private area and he sent one back in return. He claimed he did it because he was bored. I didn’t talk to him for a while after I found out but, of course, I stopped being mad. I eventually broke up with him because once again she tried to break us up and he didn’t do anything about it. Plus there were other females who he claimed were just friends who tried to break us up. He say it’s jealousy. I say something else was going on but I didn’t want to keep guessing so I ended it. To this day he still sends messages every now and then and the friend is in a relationship with someone new. I still feel eventually they will be together.

  • Kiyara

    hi, I am having an affair with a guy who is working with me. now it is more than one year to our love. but previously we had this affair from 2010 few times and any time this did not work. I am his second love. he replaced his 1st love for me in 2010. Now I found last month his Ex is still in his face book. I asked it and then he said he will discontinue his profile. then I said no need. Now yesterday again I found she has posted some exam tips on his page. It made me really worries. I did not ask this yet. because previously when I asked he said they are only good friends. I do not know what to do.

  • Gena

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and a few months now. When we first got together, he had just broken up with his ex a month before. Ever since the first like year or so, i noticed he still talked to the ex he broke up with before he got with me. And more recently, recently, we broke up and got back together. He mentioned to me that he was talking to her while we were broken up and wanted to get back with her, but then told me i wasn’t his second choice. Since we’ve been back together, we agreed that to keep our relationship strong and not have confusion, we wouldn’t contact our ex’s or have them as friends on Facebook. He deleted her, and wasn’t talking to her at first. Then i found out that when I’m not around, he constantly looks her up, sends her messages, and continues to talk to her. If i bring it up, he’ll only get angry with me so i keep it in. I know he’s still hung up on her, but she doesn’t want him i don’t think. I just don’t know what to do, it’s been constant problem and hurts me, a lot. Why did he get back with me if he wants her? If he didn’t, it wouldn’t be an issue for them to stop talking…

  • Janet

    Uh oh, what if I already married the man and has kids, and now I’m reading this and seeing a lot of the signs that he’s not over his ex-girlfriends (plural!)? Yep, that’s my situation. My husband never got over his old girlfriends, and after I got duped into marrying this jerk and having his kids, I now find out he’s been keeping in touch with the exes, looking at their steamy photos and videos, and a lot of other clues! I wish I could turn back time. Ladies, beware! Read these tips and take heed! Do not marry a man with these signs!!!

  • Sasha

    What if he left his wife for you and is, believe it or not, on great terms with his ex, who has made it clear that she wants him back and forgives him? (Not me, I’m asking for someone else.)

  • peggy

    i was in a relationship for 10 years we were friends for 4 years things were bad for 3 years fighting and other things he would always say he was leaving but never did because he has a camp site and he only wanted a 6 month lease somewhere that took dogs he had no luck i did treat him badly at times but he did the same he has a lawncare service he would work from sun up to sundown did want to go on vaca because of his job i finally gave up but became distance no intimacy be cause of women problems which he said did not bother him he still loved me . in Oct of 2013 he told me it was over i thought he was just talking like all the other times a week later he said he was going to florida with his friend he has know for 30 yrs did i mention it is a girl when he returned he told me that they were now a couple i lost it needless to say i have been a emotional wreck for 3 month over this whole thing. he said if he only knew that i truly loved him that this never would of happened he truly thought it was over and that either of them were looking for this to happen it just did i can not get over this i have literally have cried everyday since i found out how can someone who tells me now that i was his forever and if this girl and myself where in the same room he would pick me and she will never replace me. he has also said that she drinks and smokes both of which he does not like he is a recovering alcoholic. he also said if she would only screw up it would be easier he does not want to be the bad guy it not fair to me im so confused what should i do

  • Brandy

    Ouch. This article hits at least 10 sensitive points for me. I’m trying so hard to not be the over-bearing, controlling girlfriend, you know? He told me when we met that he and his ex had been split for 2 years and while they’re still good friends, that he’d never cheat on me or get back with her. And you know what, I still dont think he has cheated, nor do I believe she even wants him back. All I know is, is that he still has everything of hers around his apartment, they hang out at least twice a week. Just this past weekend when I visited he was complaining about being broke, I filled his fridge with groceries. Soon as I left to go to work, he takes his ex out to eat. She’s also started hanging out with his sister. She will NOT look me in the eyes AT ALL. I need to just accept that I’m a 3rd wheel and move on.

  • Zoey

    My bf told me he still loved his ex but in a friend way. Yet when i read the texts between the two they told eachother when they both were single they would try? What should i do? Whats this mean

  • ineedadvice

    Help! I’ve been seeing this guy for about 6 months now. I was starting to trust him until one day I decided to use his laptop to check my online classes. Well after I checked my online classes I decided to go through his pictures to see if he had any of me (sadly he doesn’t) but I came across a album containing thousands pictures of some chick. I was completely devastated! The pictures where too much. He doesn’t know that I looked through his laptop & I feel bad about not speakingup on it. I just don’t know how to approach this situation when he doesn’t like talking about his past relationship. I only know so little & when I do try talking about it he gets defensive & guard. It’s way too much to this story & I really need someones advice & opinion. Please help me…

  • golden girl

    I knew he still loved her. Talks about her all the time and showed me pictures of her…. : (

  • Justbeamanaboutit

    I have been with mines for almost 20 yrs. we had our bumpy road me i did my share of dirt he knows he would never admit to his anyway I did one major disaster and I never wanted to leave home I’ve begged and pleaded and I’m here funny thing is he never once asked me to come home or said ok but I’m here anyway I have been extremely good best behavior inlove him more than life could hold possible I always say I love you and I’m in love with you through everything my feelings never once shifted he told me one he can’t can not say he love me no more he still in his Ex’s life Facebook gifts being recieved out of blue but he claims just friends I know he talks a hell of a lot to her he can joke about my Ex’s I can not joke about his it sets a tone with for awhile she has Facebook say bout what’s wearing if picture is posted on his page But he won’t admit his feelings or hes still on love with her they have a LDR Sextexting relationship ( they ended because she had gotten a new man now she’s single they back together as I see it ) I stand by my words “what ever makes him happy I will give that’s all I want for him to be happy onlove or just love someone even ifs its not me )
    Can someone help me thanks need advice or input

  • Christy

    What if it’s been over 20 years and he still talks about her and he gets photos of her off Facebook? Need help!!

  • Marie

    Well, now I know that my boyfriend is still in love with his ex. :/ another thing my boyfriend did was cry and got sad when he heard about his ex expecting a baby. Made me think that he wanted it to be him she was having his baby with. Now a year later, I’m pregnant with his son, and i don’t see the same emotions he had when he found out about his ex being pregnant. I guess he seems to be happy but I can tell it’s not really genuine. I don’t want to say anything because I don’t want to ruin our relationship. I guess I just got to suck it up for myself and the baby. :(

  • Teresa Lighton

    My ex and I have a daughter together, he recently made contact after 14 months of not talking to each other. He changed his mobile # and moved somewhere without letting me know. Now he calls me crying on the phone apologising for what he has done. He is saying he can see things from a different perspective now and that he misses his best friend (me)and our friendship and that he misses his daughter like crazy. This man left me for another woman so I don’t know what happened to their relationship, i did not ask it’s none of my business. What do you think people

  • Thurgah

    Hi…here something wanna share bout my boy..tats main prob im suspected on him is waiting col…y he wan tok bck wit her..im tryng both of col goin waiting col..hmm..whn im askd bout tiz to my boy no im toking wit reltn,fren lie wth me..one dy im msgng to his ex n askd sme ques..tat y u stll toking wit my boy wat u want now ol..she tld tat if my boy hates her means y he shld want to cme to her..tok to her..hmm..im silent d..thn she tld tat coz of me my boy nt happy..thn im the one who is thnkng tat my boy live a hapi relatn to me..she tld lyke tat to me..bt gt onething..when im lyke nt answrd my boy col,fightng times means his col il goin waiting on tat time..another onethng whn im with him he wont gve his hp to me..dnt noe y..bt i noe clearly he gt keepping her msgs n ol..if he nvr gve his hp to me means..on tat time i il suspect rte..am i rite??if i ask anythng bot her ex he fghtng bck to me…owh..nw u suspct me..like tat..hmm..frustrtd lar..i wan noe y he is stll cntct to her?when bfre he cpld wit me he tld wat noe..im hate my ex fully..im throw d frm my life..i do wnt her anymore..like tiz..wat the hell he want tok bck wit her nw????in mind hvng a big questn mark…

  • PCN

    I was a rebound. It still stings. Spent a year in what was basically an imaginary relationship with a guy who has this unnecessary undying loyalty to all his ex girlfriends (except the one that cheated on him), but all the other times, girls broke up with him and he got into other relationships. It was what ultimately ruined those relationships too.

    Otherwise, he’s a great guy – smart, handsome, quirky and a lot of fun to be around and we hit it off instantly. He has so much of what I was looking for in a partner and he told me when we met that it had been over a year and a half since he broke up with his ex. Well, silly me to think that that usually means you’re over them by then. I could understand 6 months or less easily, but I had little to go on.

    Our relationship was long distance and we met on a dating site, but he was born and raised in my hometown, still had his connections there and even a house waiting for him after his mother died, but was on the other coast because he moved there for his ex before his most recent. He would take trips back home every few months and we got to spend around two weeks at a time on average when he would visit, so it wasn’t a sight unseen situation.

    At first, I knew he had stayed friends with his ex, and normally that doesn’t make me feel any particular way. I know it happens and if his girl had not intervened, I probably would be friends with one of my exes still. However, I didn’t know at this time that he still had feelings for her. That made all the difference. My intuition kept telling me “this man is not truly in the relationship with you”, but I couldn’t intellectually figure it out.

    Eventually, the truth came out during the last discussion we had as a couple. He had been focusing on moving and was saving up his money, so visits became less frequent and ended up being non-existent. My mother asked me why in all this time, even though he has been here that he never flew me out there or never said he would put me up (he had friends that flew out there and he offered to have some stay at his place).

    When I asked him why I was never offered a stay, he first used the excuse of him not having enough cash to put me up properly or fly me out (his company pretty much ceased operations around that time and he was freelancing). I then said that I could’ve saved up for some plane tickets. He then started up some other line of excuses talking about how he thought he would be near me already….before mentioning his ex and how he didn’t want to have to EXPLAIN TO HER why he wasn’t available at any time IN CASE he texted (yes, she doesn’t even know that I exist and the distance just made it easier to keep me a secret). When I threw his reasoning back in his face all he had to say was:

    “That does sound bad, doesn’t it?”
    “YES…IT DOES!”

    Not too long after, we decided to split. I still care about him, sadly…but the fact that he gave his ex who had been out of his life in that capacity for a couple of years at that point way more consideration than someone he was dating is something that still makes me literally sick to my stomach. The hopeless romantic in me didn’t want to split and he said that he has to be “adult” about this (heh), and do right by me. Well, when the reality of it all hit me, I was depressed for three days. He’s FINALLY half-moving here during Thanksgiving weekend and I know he thinks things may be cool between us, but I’m not enthused like I would’ve been all those months I was waiting for him to be back here permanently.

    I don’t know if I should give him another shot or not. It’s obvious he’s going to have to do a LOT to have me trust him with my heart again, and that’s only considering that he’s over his ex. If that condition isn’t met, he hasn’t a shot and he knows it. I know that this sounds passive aggressive, and if you’re reading this you’re saying “What? No, don’t do it!”. And I get it. It may not even happen……I would say maybe 50-50 at this point but if he takes too long to get over her and/or isn’t willing to do what it takes, I will be forced to move on.

    I think about how I loved him and how he would react as though it wasn’t a good thing at times. I think about how he can’t stop talking about ONE of his exes at some point in almost every convo we’ve had. I think about his recent ex and how she doesn’t know who I am. I think about the times he’s spent the “weekend” over at her place (I’m certain he wasn’t physically cheating, and honestly if he were, it’s the fact that he was emotionally cheating that stung since he still had feelings for her). He told me how his feelings weren’t at “full strength”. How he has a really strong sense of loyalty. How when it finally clicked and I texted him “Do you still have feelings for her?” He responded with “Who ______”, where that was the EX BEFORE THE ONE I WAS REFRENCING. I think that one was the one who got away to him. He moved across the country to be with her….when I asked a while back if he was moving for me he gave me a “don’t get it twisted” attitude and started listing all these other reasons (childhood friends, etc) that he was moving for. Now recently after our split, he tells me I’m 50% of the reason. It definitely doesn’t feel special anymore. I hate that he’s going to be here thanksgiving week until December 8th and for the first time, I don’t feel that excited to see him.

  • Jasmine

    When I first started dating my boyfriend of two years now, he still had pictures of his ex-girlfriend in his phone (half naked) I ignored it. And let him take care of it, which he did ( the phone wouldn’t properly delete pictures so he went to his phone provider to permanently delete them. She began harassing me through FB I told him to handle it. He didn’t he began to yell at me because I would “let stupid things get to me” yes it did because she would call him,text him, msg him and look for him at his aunts house (his aunt and his ex are neighbors) it started getting to me because all he would say is “ignore it” I did to the best of my ability until she began creating fake FB pages to msg him AND me. It began to worry me more when we moved in together. Because a few things that she had given him started to come out. A note here and trinket there. He wouldn’t do anything until I asked him to throw them away. Come the ending of our first year together and I found out that for 6 months straight he had been looking through his exes FB. He would look her up and go through Her FB statuses and such. I confronted him the day I found out and he (according to him) freaked out and lied to me. Telling her that she was blackmailing him for something which now really just…. Wow I fell for it. Wanted to believe him. However I wouldn’t let things go I kept pestering him to tell me the truth he eventually admitted to having looked her up because he hated that she cheated on him. I didn’t understand because after she had cheated on him he cheated on her! He also admitted to having asked his friends about her then current bf. It’s been almost two years now and it’s been tough. And yet I still find myself thinking about his lies and the pain he caused…

  • Rosa

    I been with my bf 6 yrs and we have two girls together one time I found out he called his ex after I gave birth to are first child then I made him block her in fb for some reason she’s not blocked I went threw his search history and he have searched her every week this this month but like to month ago I found there where fallowing each other on Instagram I’m not shore what to do this is driving me nut I keep telling him about it and he apologize but then does it again I don’t think his over her I’m just lost don’t kno what to do I’m not mad just hurt

  • Rita

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 months. & I’ve liked him for 4 years now until finally we got in a relationship. But a few months before that, around 5, his ex had broken up with him. She broke up with him to get with his best friend. But while they were together he knew that I liked him & he asked me if I still do & when I said yes he said to forget about him to try to not like him cause he’s happy with his girl & shit like that (We go to different schools so Idk this girl & we messaged this each other through Facebook). So, when they broke up he told me about it & how much he hates her & how much he hates his “best friend”. There’s a song that I like & I texted him a little phrase & he sang along (the Number None by Atmosphere) it basically talks about a girl who got with the guys best friend. But he kept going on & I told him let’s not do that. & when he asked do what I told him let’s not sing that song because I knew what it reminded him of. So instead, I asked him what he was doing to change the topic. And he replied with thinking. & I told him I’ll leave you alone to think. He said, I guess. & I wanted to ask a question that I’ve asked multiple times but he always replies with “no, fuck that puta!” He replied with yeah…. So I replied back telling him goodnight. No “sleep well, I love you.” Just… Goodnight.
    & Idk what to do ????

  • anonymous

    I read so many of these comments. My ex (together & friends for 3-4 years) had an ex he could not stop talking a out. She had left and married another man with whom she has 2 kids. They are still together. If I heard that girl’s name once I heard it a thousand times. I confronted him directly about it – very directly.
    My advice to any of you women who are wondering is to confront the man. I asked him if he was still carrying on with her and he said no. I suggested to him if he wanted her back be should go get her. He did not. I explained that I was not her and I was sick of hearing about her. That did not seem to stop him from talking about her. (They had broken up 7 years before he and I met!)
    Finally I took out an old photo album with a variety of pictures – friends, family & a few exes. He did not like it one bit. I never heard that girl’s name again.
    I do not think he will ever get back with her. All I know is she is “the one who got away” and I don’t think that man ever gave me a fair chance, because in his mind no one could ever replace her.
    Women, beware. Make sure of where you stand. If the “ex” is still in the picture (unless of course she is a co-parent) you will never be his “one and only”. Don’t put up with a lot of excuses. I am sure the “exes” may be perfectly nice people but he is supposed to be sharing his life with YOU.

  • Bee

    I recently blocked my BF’s ex from his FB account. I checked today and she’s unblocked. They are not friends, just unblocked….Why????

  • drea

    My husbands ex is living with us she is now with his brother they were together for almost 6 years he got mad when he found out they were dating and I tell him I don’t want him talking to herbut he dose aanyways…what do I do??I mean I have the rite to tell him he is not going to talk to her rite? And why don’t he do that for me? Please help I need answers

  • April Parker

    my ex boyfriend blocked me on facebook cause he said his girlfriend getting mad he tell me leave him alone but we brake up he said he dont like me but y n earth does he keep staring at me his he crazy but he dont talk to me bey when he round orther girls i is won kill him so bad butt he said we are just friends trust me we are not friends help still love my ex boyfriend but y he keep staring at me still like him i dont like his girlfriend sometimes we end up in the seem places when he stare at me he is be mad i is be mad then he ask my friends did the bell ring then i start laughing but he keep on dating orther girls how he could be my boyfriend if he has a girlfriend even tho he loves me but iwon tell him how ifeel man but i scared ineed help please help me i need help heart broken

  • becky

    My bf still has his ex things in house and I know he still txt her but he says I will never take her back and when he talks bout her I can’t say anything and then hes also stopped being intimate they haven’t been together in 2yrs but they was together for 25yrs and we have been together for 8 months what should I do

  • Fivezenses

    Because he still wants to check up on here from time to time. He wants to know whats going on in her life. He misses her on some level.

  • Fivezenses

    He clearly isn’t over her yet, especially if they were together for 25 years (thats a quarter of his life!). He needs more time to process it still, even if it’s been two years. He needs to either purge some stuff from his life of his ex or you both need time apart for him to figure stuff out.

  • becky

    So idk what to do he says he wants to be with me but he doesn’t talk to me about anything and still wont get rid of things..what would be good I do love him but dont know how much more I can take

  • chyna

    you are dilusional leave the guy alone he blocked u for a reason!