When Is It Time to Break Up? 15 Signs to Know for Sure If It’s Time
You may try hard to stay in a relationship, but sometimes, you have to learn to let go. And understanding when is it time to break up can show you the way.
Sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking everything is okay when it’s not. And knowing when is it time to break up is the only way to know if a relationship is worth fighting for, or if things will only get better if you two part ways.
Breakups suck… and it’s really hard too!
I hate breaking up with people. I mean, I don’t do it often and when I did, I didn’t. I usually just made it so that they have to be the one who does. I’d have the talk, but it wasn’t really the talk, more like me beating around the bush for an hour. See? Even someone who writes about this is prone to falling into this behavior. That’s why understanding when is it time to break up is invaluable.
In some relationships, I knew right away it wouldn’t work out but stayed in it on the chance that it would get better. Obviously, it didn’t. I look at the signs of affection he would give me and pretend that all the other things he did that pissed me off didn’t exist. [Read: Why something feels off in your relationship and ways to sniff out the cause]
Why we stay in a relationship for way longer than we should
It’s never easy to recognize a wrong lover or realize if it is time to break up, especially if you’ve been in love for a while.
But if you’re in a relationship that’s causing you more pain and sleepless nights than love and happy hours, then perhaps it’s time you watch out for these silent signals that every bad lover gives away.
There’s something about love that all of us should remember, when your gut tries to tell you something, you have to follow it. [Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]
But if you’re not really sure if you’re stuck in a losing battle, here are a few telltale signs that confirm the fact that it’s time to break up and walk on, without your lover by your side. See if these traits describe your relationship, and if they do, you’d be better off going your own separate ways. [Read: How to take a break in a relationship and decide on the way forward]
When is it time to break up?
Maybe you’ve been together so long you’re scared to break up and be alone. Or you don’t think you’ll find someone as attractive as this person, which is insane by the way.
But the point is, we all have our reasons for sticking in a relationship that isn’t doing anything for us. However, it’s time to grow and develop as a person. So, check yourself back into reality and see when is it time to break up with your partner. The only person who can know for sure is you!
#1 You’ve been thinking about breaking up. If it even crosses your mind, that’s a huge sign that something is really wrong. If everything is going well, this thought should never ever cross your mind.
No one happy wants to end a relationship that makes them feel good. So, why are you thinking about breaking up? Possibly because of some of the reasons below? [Read: Letting of of someone you love without the bitterness]
#2 You’re miserable. You’re simply not happy. You’re always down in the dumps, you’re moody, snappy—even your friends notice your behavior. Why are you not happy? But really, why? It’s time to sit down and really reflect on your emotions. [Read: How to know if you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
#3 They don’t meet you halfway. You do it all. The arranging of date night, the cooking, the cleaning, initiating sex—you’re a one-person show. You could probably do this even better if you were single, you’d get even more done. If they put in minimal effort, what are you doing? You’re not a horse.
#4 You cannot resolve your issues. You try to resolve the issues between you but nothing seems to work. You did counseling, you sat down and talked about it, made a plan, yet, you still find yourself arguing over the same things.
Well, if someone wanted to put in the effort to solve a problem, they would do it. They may be doing all the steps with you, but they don’t actually care. [Read: Why you keep having the same fights and how to find the root cause]
#5 You don’t trust your partner anymore. You’d rather trust the guy who does B&Es for a living than your partner. You don’t believe a word they say. You constantly check up on them and always think about how they could screw you over.
This sounds more like an enemy than someone you want to build your life with. If you’re doing the whole “keep your friends close, your enemies closer” this is the wrong context.
#6 Your needs are not being met. This is a pretty simple way to know if it’s time to break up with your partner. What you need out of a relationship is not happening. For example, you need affection, but your partner isn’t hugging, kissing, or sleeping with you.
Then you need to ask yourself why you’re in this relationship if you’re not getting what you need out of it. If your needs aren’t being met, it’s time to go. [Read: The 9 big emotional needs in a relationship that hold it together]
#7 Your life paths are in the opposite direction. Of course, you have different goals in life, but if your life goes in a complete opposite direction, that’s a problem. You are supposed to grow together and support each other’s goals, while keeping your relationship just as high of an importance.
It’s a balancing act. However, if your partner wants to go to China to teach English and you want to open a Doggy Daycare in a small town, there are going to be some problems and it’s probably time to ask yourself if you both should part ways. [Read: 10 signs your partner is truly supportive of your goals]
#8 You two do not agree on the fundamentals in life. In order for a relationship to work out, you should have an understanding of the core aspects of life.
Marriage, children, values—these are all things that you should have a pretty solid understanding and agreement on. Now, of course, things can always change, but usually, they don’t veer off that far. Discuss the things that matter to you, and find out what matters to your partner. How similar or different are they? It’s one of the best ways to know for sure if it’s time for you two to break up or work on fixing these issues. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]
#9 You don’t feel like you can be yourself. In the beginning, you felt completely natural and free. As time passed, you no longer feel that you can relax and be you.
The whole point of a relationship is to be with someone who lets you be yourself without any judgment. If you walk on eggshells around your partner, ask yourself why.
#10 You spend less time together. Usually, when couples are in love, they miss being with their partners. Makes sense, you want to be around the person you love.
But if you spend more time away from them than with them, why are you together? I mean, if it’s because of the sex, you can find that anywhere else. The connection you two have should make you want to be around each other. If both of you don’t want to be around each other, chances are, it’s probably because both of you have checked out of the relationship mentally and have parted ways already.
#11 Everything about them pisses you off. But like, literally everything. The way they chew their food, how they hang laundry, when they crack open a beer—every movement makes you clench your teeth with anger. It shouldn’t be like this. Take a deep look inside as to why they make you so angry. [Read: 16 discreet signs you’re being taken for granted by the one you love]
#12 There’s no sex. Or very little sex. If you pretend you have your period or a headache more times than you have sex, that’s a problem. Sex is extremely important in a relationship. It’s basically what separates this relationship from a friendship.
#13 You’re happier when you’re away from your partner. When you’re with your friends and family, it’s like you’re another person. You’re laughing, making jokes. You’re happy.
But when you’re with your partner, you lose your smile and your laughter fades. Your partner is supposed to make you happy. The connection and the fact that you’re with this person should be reason enough to put a smile on your face. [Read: How to fix a relationship that’s falling apart and rebuild it together]
#14 You or your partner have wandering eyes. You notice when your partner has wandering eyes whether you’re a man or woman. If they’re looking around like it’s a Black Friday sale, well, that’s a pretty good sign that it’s time to break up because your partner just isn’t interested in you anymore.
If your eyes are also wandering or if you actually like someone else, then you need to look at why you’re in your current relationship. Are the feelings still there? [Read: What it means when you start thinking of someone other than your partner]
#15 You no longer want to make sacrifices for them. Relationships are made of sacrifices. Maybe your partner has a new job in another city, so you move there with them. That’s a sacrifice you made in order to be together.
But if you no longer want to make decisions in order for your relationship to continue, then why are you in it? If anything, you gave up on the relationship and you’re just coasting by.
If you looked at the signs and notice that this is basically how you feel, well, then it’s time to take a look at what you want in life and decide if it’s time to part ways. Or is this someone you want to be with for the rest of your life? Because it doesn’t sound like fun anymore.
You could always work on your relationship. But if letting go is the better alternative over the long term, use these signs to know when is it time to break up, and take a decision. And bring happiness back into your life again.