It’s the holy grail of a man’s dating life – to be able to date multiple women at the same time. Can you pull it off while being a gentleman?
Are you the type of guy who wants to date multiple women? This is an important place to start. Not everybody is cut out for this lifestyle, and while it might sound appealing in principle, in reality, it might not quite work out for you.
Dating multiple women does have its headaches. More people to keep happy, more text messages to answer, and balancing all these people in your life means you won’t have a really deep relationship with anyone.
It is this last point that is the most pressing. If you are looking for a deep relationship, a life partner, then this is not for you. Seeing multiple women at once tends to keep everything very casual and surface-level only.
Until you improve your value in the eyes of women, you shouldn’t be worried about trying to date many women. Focus on being the best version of yourself to become the kind of guy that many women will want to date and even be content dating, whilst knowing that you are dating other people too.
Does your desire to date multiple women at the same time come from a good place or a bad place? If you love women, enjoy feminine company, and are just not looking for a serious relationship at this time, then go right ahead. If, however, you have some bitterness or anger towards women and feel like you want to “get one over” on them, this is not the way to do it.
Assuming you are ready to go ahead and date multiple women at once, what are the dos and don’ts to keep in mind to ensure you’re not being a douche and hurting people?
#1 Brutal honesty. Do not lie to women about your intentions, your past, or whether you are dating other people right now. You don’t need to shout it from the rooftops, but when the questions inevitably come, you need to be honest with them.
A lot of guys are scared of being honest because they don’t believe that women will accept them for who they are, so they try to make themselves seem “better.” I can tell you now, this kind of mindset will always end in tears, and you should work on your own self-esteem to nurture an abundance mindset – there is an abundance of women out there who will fall for you! [Read: 10 rules of casual relationships to follow while dating multiple women]
If you believe that you are good enough, then you will be comfortable with being completely honest to the women and not live in fear of losing them. Speaking of which…
#2 Don’t fear losing them. When you are completely honest, you are giving the women the option to pursue something with you or not. Each of the women you date has her eyes open to reality.
Manipulating and lying to women is borne out of a scarcity mindset, of believing that women won’t like you for who you truly are. You have to be comfortable enough in yourself to know that you can tell her the truth, and if she leaves, no big deal.
It comes from experience and self-esteem. Some women will not be okay with the situation as you present it, and they will leave. This is part and parcel of the kind of lifestyle you want to lead.
#3 Let them make their own decisions. Being honest seems like the right thing to do in principle, but guys will often slip when they are hit by the fear of losing somebody. They will start saying things to appease her and tell her stories to try and make her stick around. This is going to end badly for everyone and is completely unfair to the woman in question.
Don’t try to convince them or force them to do anything. If they want to leave, let them leave. Oftentimes, women will get upset that you don’t want to pursue a monogamous relationship with them, but if they are left alone, will come around in a few days. If you are the kind of guy that many women want to date, she will often be content dating you, knowing that it is not exclusive. [Read: 7 dumbest relationship mistakes men often make]
#4 Don’t treat them like your girlfriends. What I mean is, don’t mess with their head and give the impression that this is more than it really is. If it is casual, ensure that it stays casual.
Don’t allow too many feelings to develop in either direction, and don’t do too much “couples” stuff. For example, only see each of them once or twice per week. Don’t take them to work or family events as your date. And never, ever post lovey-dovey photos of you two together on social media. You don’t want to send mixed messages and give them the wrong impression.
#5 Don’t talk about other women. They should be aware that you are not exclusive, but they absolutely do not want to know the gory details. Never talk about other women in front of them, and don’t spell things out in an obvious way.
It will either make them stop seeing you, or hurt their self-esteem and end up emotionally scarring them. Say things like “I don’t want to be in an exclusive relationship right now,” not, “I’m currently sleeping with 3 different women.” [Read: 25 biggest dating deal breakers for women]
#6 Don’t be stupid. I mean, don’t put her at risk or do anything that jeopardizes her in any way. Use protection with all the women that you sleep with, and steer clear of dating anyone whom you think might cause problems for you or anyone else if things were to turn sour.
This is just basic respect and caring. You must look after everyone involved and not be sleazy. This should be an enjoyable and fun arrangement for everyone, knowing exactly what they are getting into and doing so with their eyes wide open. [Read: 7 signs a girl gives away if she wants to sleep with you]
#7 Let them do their thing. If you are going to date other people, you have no right to tell them not to do the same or get jealous if they do. A lot of girls actually won’t want to date other people, but if they do, you must respect that. Have an adult conversation about it, and ensure that everyone is safe and that this is going to work for everyone.
Jealousy is ugly, and it will repel women away from you. You have to be comfortable in letting them do what they want to. If you are not, you are not ready to date multiple girls at one time. Again, you should go back to working on yourself and building your own self-esteem before you worry about trying to date lots of different women.
These are the 7 tips to ensure that you are happy and, more importantly, that you are not hurting anybody or manipulating women into a situation they do not want to be in. Remember, when you date many women at the same time, the point of it all is to make sure it’s fun for everyone involved!
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