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How to Tell If a Lesbian is Attracted To You & How to Respond to Her

Generally, lesbians are subtler than men. Want to avoid embarrassing misunderstandings? Learn how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you.

How to Tell If a Lesbian is Attracted To You

If you’ve been spending a lot of time chatting with a female friend who happens to be a lesbian, you might be wondering if she’s seeing you through friendship eyes, or whether she has feelings which run a little deeper. It’s not always easy to know why this girl spends time with you, especially if you’re not sure how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you.

Whatever you do, do not fall into the trap of thinking that just because she’s a lesbian and she is talking to you, it means she is attracted to you.

Do you think that about every man who speaks to you? No, of course not! So do her a favor and pay the same thought process to her motives too! It could very well be that she simply finds you interesting and wants to strike up a friendship.

[Read: What it means to have a lesbian fantasy as a straight woman]

The subtle differences in flirting

However, on the whole, girls tend to approach flirting in a much more subtle way compared to men, and as a result, it can be easy to miss the attraction signs coming your way.

To help you understand how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you in reality, you need to look past the regular signs you might be used to and think outside the box. Why? Because women don’t tend to go down the route of peacocking like a man usually does, puffing out his chest and strutting his feathers. As a result, it can be much harder to understand the difference between politeness and friendliness, and actual flirtation.

The problem also lies in the stereotypes which surround lesbians. There is a very false assumption that lesbians are butch, and that you can tell their sexuality very easily. The truth is actually very different. Any woman can be a lesbian, and you won’t be able to tell by the way she is dressing, the way she is acting, or the way she is speaking. For that reason, you need to look for the signs on how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you. [Read: 15 common lesbian stereotypes and cliches we hear about all the time]

How to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you? The signs you need to look out for

#1 She will give you a lot of attention. If a lesbian is attracted to you, she will shower you with attention. Of course, it’s going to feel great! If you notice that you’re getting more attention than she is giving to anyone else, it’s quite likely that she is crushing on you and trying to get to know you a little better. In that case, how do you feel about it?

It’s important to know for sure before you respond in kind. If you’re not interested because you’re not a lesbian yourself, or not interested in experimenting with your sexuality, then you need to make that clear in a gentle way. Going along with it for a laugh is cruel – remember, dabbling in lesbianism isn’t a hobby or something to pass the time, it’s her life and her sexuality. [Read: Am I a lesbian? 20 clues to know the truth without asking around]

#2 She will smile whenever she sees you. Of course, it could very well be that she is just a happy person, so when trying to figure out how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you, make sure you look for a few other signs to go alongside this one.

If you’re noticing that she smiles whenever you enter the room and whenever she is speaking to you, perhaps she can’t keep the smile off her face, then that’s one sign that she likes you and wants spend more time with you.

#3 She makes excuses to touch you. She is likely to make any excuse to touch you. Perhaps making a comment about how your hair always looks soft, only to reach out and touch it. Perhaps she nudges you jokingly a little more often than normal, or maybe she brushes your arm. Whatever it is, it’s a sign that she’s likely attracted to you and she’s trying to let you know in a subtle way.

As with most of the signs on how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you, subtlety is key. None of the signs are going to be very ‘in your face’, so you need to read between the lines but be very careful that you’re not letting your thoughts run away with you. [Read: How to tell if a woman is starting to get attracted to another woman]

#4 She mirrors your movements. A classic attraction sign is mirroring movements. So if you’re standing slightly to one side, it’s likely that she will mirror that stance and do the same thing. If you’re crossing your arms, she might do the same. If you’re sat with your legs crossed, she might mirror that position. This is something that people do without really thinking, but it’s a sign of attraction in the most subconscious of ways.

#5 She asks you a lot of questions. Women like to get to know someone via asking questions and striking up a conversation using the answers they receive, so if she is asking you lots of questions, she’s either very inquisitive and simply curious about you as a person, or she is attracted to you and wants to get to know you a little better.

Either way, have a conversation and see where it leads! If nothing else, you might make yourself a wonderful new friend. [Read: The first time lesbian experience – How to have it minus the awkwardness]

#6 She might mention her sexuality a few times. This may or may not be the case, but if the lady in question is quite forward, she might mention her sexuality to you a few times. In this case, she’s proud *rightly so* and she’s testing the waters to see how you feel about it and of course, what your particular leaning is in terms of your sexuality.

If you’re wondering how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you, this is one of the biggest signs to look out for.

#7 She gives you lots of compliments. Women tend to be quite complimentary of other women when they’re trying to be friendly, so don’t read too much into this particular sign if you aren’t noticing any of the others in combination. However, if you’re seeing a few of the other signs and you’re noticing that she’s constantly sending compliments your way, that could be a firm pointer that she’s attracted to you and trying to find out how you feel about it too. [Read: 15 secret signs of female bisexuality to recognize a bisexual girl]

What should you do about it?

If you’re noticing many of these signs on how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you and you’re pretty sure that she is, what should you do about it?

Firstly, think how you feel. Never lead someone on when you’re not too sure how you feel about it. Dabbling in your sexuality isn’t something you should do lightly if you’re involving someone else. She has feelings, she might have a very firm handle on her sexuality and if you’re experimenting, make sure she knows that and that she’s fine with it. [Read: Am I lesbian or bisexual? How to understand your true desires]

Of course, if you’re not interested in a relationship and you simply want to be friends, you can tell her that in a gentle way. By doing that, you’re letting her know early on that you’re not interested in anything more than friendship, and that leads the way to allow friendship to grow between you.

However, the key here is to be gentle – when you rebuff anyone’s romantic feelings, whatever their sexuality, it’s important to do so with humility and respect.

[Read: Is she a lesbian? 20 signs your BFF is a bit too close for comfort]

These signs should give you more insight into how to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you. However, it’s important to look for more than one. Don’t just notice one and then assume that she’s crushing on you! You need a combination of around three, or maybe more, to be sure.

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Nicky Curtis
Nicky Curtis
Having stumbled from one relationship drama to another throughout her 20s, Nicky is now somewhat of a guru in the crazy world of life and love. Telling it how i...
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