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How to Know if You’re a Lesbian: Sexual Curiosity or Is There More?

how to know if you're a lesbian

Sexuality isn’t black and white. Figuring out how to know if you’re a lesbian or a bisexual depends on understanding your place on the sexual spectrum.

Sexuality is a journey, so it may take some time for you to figure out your sexual preferences. It’s your life, so take your time. You may try to figure out how to know if you’re a lesbian, or a bisexual, especially when you’re unsure about how you feel towards someone or a particular gender.

If this is the case, you’re thinking about how you feel towards other women and if you feel anything sexual for men as well. So, it’s time you knew the biggest signs that you’re more likely to be a lesbian. [Read: What is it really like to have a lesbian experience?]

How to know if you’re a lesbian

Ten years ago, you were either straight or gay. Those were our options for sexuality. Pretty black and white, right? But now, there’s an entire spectrum of sexuality that people identify with. You can be gay, straight, pansexual, asexual, the list goes on and on. Though it’s great that there are more definitions of sexuality, this can also make it a little overwhelming when trying to see where you fit. [Read: The list of sexualities and what you need to know about each orientation]

But, of course, before anything, you should know that you don’t need to label yourself. If you’re not sure what your sexual preferences are, that’s okay. No one tells you that you must decide and announce it to everyone. Who said sexuality was easy?

#1 You’ve questioned your sexuality. Now, if you’ve questioned your sexuality, then there’s a higher chance that you’re not straight. If you’re asking yourself whether you’re a lesbian or bisexual, it’s a pretty solid sign that you’re not heterosexual. If you’re straight, you wouldn’t be asking yourself these questions. [Read: The subtle clues that point out if someone is gay]

#2 You find yourself attracted to women. Now, you may be thinking, yeah, but that means I could also be bisexual as well. Well, here’s another question, are you attracted to men as well?

If you’re sexually attracted to both men and women then you’re more likely bisexual. However, if you have sexual feelings towards women and do not have those feelings for men, well, then you may be a lesbian. [Read: How to understand if you’re a lesbian or a bisexual]

#3 Your sexual fantasies are about women. Now, this doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian. It could also mean you’re bisexual, but if you only fantasize about women, that may be a pretty good sign you’re a lesbian. You can be straight and fantasize about women. However, if women dominate your thoughts, you could be a lesbian.

#4 You feel more comfortable with the lesbian community. Maybe you’ve been to a lesbian bar and felt more at home and welcomed than at a straight bar. There’s just something about the atmosphere and vibe that makes you feel included, almost as if you fit there. If you’re a lesbian, you’ll probably love the culture and community.

#5 You can appreciate men but are not sexually attracted to them. We can all appreciate the appearance of someone who looks good. Of course, you can see an attractive man and find him to be good looking. But, you don’t have any sexual feelings or urges when you see him. If you don’t find yourself sexually attracted to the opposite sex, then you may be a lesbian.

#6 You check out women. When you’re sitting at a cafe or walking down the street, you’re not checking out men. You’re checking out women. If you’re staring at the butt of another woman or checking out their cleavage and thinking about what it would be like to have your hands all over her, well, you may be a lesbian. If you don’t do the same thing when you look at a man. Well, yes, you’re probably a lesbian. [Read: The signs that tell you if you’re a lesbian]

#7 Rom-coms aren’t the same. When you’re watching a rom-com, you’re not interested in the happy ending with the guy. You’re watching it hoping that she has a moment with another woman and decides that being with a guy isn’t what she wants. You’re hoping that she hooks up with her best female friend instead.

#8 Your friends tell you. If your friends are telling you that you’re more of a man than a woman or if they’re asking you about your sexuality, then maybe it’s a good sign that you’re not straight. Your friends aren’t saying this as a joke. They’re telling you this because they feel it. They’re feeling that you’re not completely straight. Now, this doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian, but you could be bisexual.

#9 You kissed a girl and you liked it. Maybe you’ve had the chance to lock lips with another woman. For you, the feeling didn’t leave you. You’ve probably kissed men before, but with a woman, it felt completely different. This doesn’t mean that you’re a lesbian, but you could be bisexual. If you’re sexually aroused when kissing a woman, you’re not straight.

#10 You’ve fallen in love with a woman. She could be your best friend or a woman you met at a bar, but the point is, you met her and you’ve fallen in love. Let’s say, the relationship ended and now, how are you feeling? If you’ve had one relationship with a woman, it shows you that you’re into women. However, if you continue dating women, maybe you are a lesbian.

#11 You don’t hang out with men. If most of your friends are women and the guys in your life are gay, well, you may be a lesbian. You surround yourself with women for support and friendship. All of your closest friends are lesbians. And if the men are hanging out with you, they’re not straight. [Read: The signs that tell you if you are gay]

#12 When you date men, you think of women. You may be on a date with a guy, however, you’re not thinking about him. You have your eyes on the woman at the table over. If you can’t wait to talk to your best friend or see the girl you met at the bar over a date with a man, maybe you need to check if you’re actually into guys.

[Read: The best apps for lesbians to find love]

Sexuality can be tricky. If you’re not sure how to know if you’re a lesbian or not, don’t panic. There are so many different sexual preferences out there for you to identify with.

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Natasha Ivanovic
Natasha Ivanovic
A serial dater, Natasha Ivanovic knows a thing or two about men and the dating scene. Much of her writing is inspired by her encounters with men - and for good ...
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