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First Time Lesbian Experience: How to Try It Minus the Awkwardness

A first time lesbian experience can either be the one of the best or the most meh moments. Here’s every single thing you need to know to try it right!

first time lesbian experience

Whether you just want one hot night with a girl to know what it feels like, or think you might be a lesbian or bisexual, there’s nothing like a first time lesbian experience to learn from.

If you think you might be attracted to a woman and want to experiment with that feeling, then you’ll no doubt be gearing up to have your first-time lesbian experience with someone.

Fantasizing about a lesbian experience is normal

Many women, at one point or another, find themselves fantasizing about having sex with another woman. While for some, it simply remains a fantasy, there are those who want to experience what it would be like to be with another woman.

Of course, there are those who just see it as a one time thing, a way of fulfilling that sexual fantasy they’ve always dreamed about. Others realize that it is more than just a fleeting sexual desire and decide they want to be with women going forward.

[Read: What it really means to have a lesbian fantasy as a straight woman]

Whatever your reason for wanting to be with a woman, the first-time lesbian experience might feel a little daunting. If you’ve only had sex with guys before, or if you just haven’t had sex with anyone before, it’s no wonder that your nerves are at an all-time high.

Lots of women have a sexual fantasy that involves another woman. In fact, the lesbian experience fantasy is one of the most popular and common for young women to have.

And why not? Being with another woman doesn’t necessarily make you a lesbian – though obviously it’s OK if you are! But the idea of exploring another woman’s body – even if it is for one night – only can be a serious turn on.
Of course, some fantasies are fantasies for good reason. They can be very disappointing when the idea in your head doesn’t live up to the real-life experience.

[Read: Am I lesbian or bisexual? The best ways to understand your true desires]

How to have a first time lesbian experience

Women are quite different than men in the way they give and receive pleasure, so doing things differently in the bedroom than what you would do with a guy is definitely important – after all, there’s not a lot that’s the same when it comes to what’s going on down below, so it’s a good idea to prepare yourself in advance!

So how do you have a first-time lesbian experience? We have everything you’ll need to experiment and find the right partner, and also how to take things forward, and some things to think about in the bedroom too.

[Read: How to tell if a lesbian is attracted to you and how to respond to her]

How do you meet a girl who’s interested in trying it with you?

In reality, if you are looking for a first-time lesbian experience, then you should head to a well-known lesbian bar. This is by far the easiest place to find a girl who you’ll want to go home with, and who wants to go home with you.

Dating apps are also good for this. You can find girl-specific ones or simply use a generic one. But set your profile up for girls who like girls! If you’re feeling a little nervous, this can be the best way as you can initially just look through pictures of girls, find matches, and have conversations with them, without any pressure.

Though in a bar, you can always have a few glasses of wine or whatever you fancy to give you a bit of dutch courage!

Before you go further, do you know about pansexuality? Could it be possible you’re pansexual? Read here about what is pansexual and everything you must know about it.

Should you try it with a friend?

On the other hand, when it comes to meeting someone, there’s also the alternative of giving this a try with an acquaintance or a friend. This was the easiest way to have a lesbian experience before online dating got popular.

Many girls aren’t too comfortable with making the effort to set up a dating profile or go seeking matches. So they just use a few drinks to give them the liquid courage they so desperately need, and hook up with a girl friend they can feel sexual chemistry with.

It’s one thing to have one drink too many and kiss a girl friend and enjoy it. But it takes a whole new level of courage and resolve to get naked and get into bed with each other!

As easy as this may seem, it can sometimes lead to unexpected and complicated results. What if your friendship suffers because of your drunken hookup? What if it was a one time thing for you, but your friend wants a relationship out of it? Or vice versa?

And let’s be honest, it is a bit manipulative too. You’re interested in a lesbian experience, and your motive is to use your friend to sleep with you at their weak moment. If the feeling’s mutual, that’s all well and good. But if you don’t get any vibes from a friend, don’t break their trust and use them just to strike one fantasy off your sexual bucket list.

Use this guide on how to tell if a woman is attracted to another woman to know for sure that your friend is interested in a lesbian experience with you as well.

How to approach someone to have a lesbian experience

If you see a girl you like the look of, then you’ll have to pluck up the nerve to go up to her. Approaching a girl is really just like approaching anyone. Just be friendly, ask questions to get the conversation flowing, and look out for signals that she is interested in you too.

If you aren’t sure, try a bit of flirting, hold her gaze, give her a compliment, or subtly touch her arm. If she responds in kind, then you know you are onto a winner!

If you are getting along great and flirting that’s the first step, but of course, not every girl wants to go home with you on the first night! Still, if you are feeling the vibes and want to go through with your first-time lesbian experience, then it might be up to you to make the move.

You could suggest a night cap at your place, going somewhere else, or just getting some fresh air. If she is keen to leave with you, it’s a good sign that she might end up going home with you too! [Read: 14 must-know lesbian dating tips to impress a girl in your first meet]

First-time nerves and your first time doing it right

It’s natural that you are going to be nervous the first time you have sex with a girl. Let’s face it, the first time having sex with anyone new can feel a bit daunting. However, it’s not surprising that this situation would have even more added pressure and awkwardness.

You might feel like you have absolutely no idea what you are doing, but that’s okay. Try to stay calm, be natural, and relax into it – that way, things are more likely to flow.

We’re sure that every time you have played it out in your head, it is just a hot and steamy night of passion where everything goes exactly according to plan. The reality is that you are going to probably be pretty nervous. So try to stay calm and not let the nerves get the better of you. Meet somewhere neutral and have a few drinks to give you that helpful bit of confidence first!

[Read: The main types of lesbians and why it’s important to tell each one of them apart]

Communication in bed is very important for the first time

Great sex is all about great communication. If you feel like you are going to fall apart and scream ‘I have no idea what I am doing!’ in her face at any second, then try to reign that in, and instead ask her what she likes and ask her to show you.

Girl-on-girl sex works much better if you have an open line of communication. *actually this is true of all sex, but that’s besides the point*

If you aren’t sure how to impress your lady lover, then just ask her. It is far better to get her to tell you or – even better, guide you – rather than you getting all worked up over whether what you are doing is ‘right’ and then ruining the evening for the both of you.

Do you think creating a perfect setting will help you? Here are 16 sex bedroom essentials that scream sex and make sure both of you have the perfect first time lesbian experience together!

How to calm down and relax during your first time together

Remember, sex should be fun! If you are having your first-time lesbian experience, it is better not to ruin it by being all tense. Try, if you can, to remember that while sex is sexy and hot, it also can be silly and awkward and weird at times.

So, don’t assume just because you are having sex with a woman or it’s your first time lesbian experience, that things won’t happen that might be a little strange – or not as you planned. As long as you are able to relax and find the funny side, you are so much more likely to have a good time! [Read: A straight girl’s view on why she finds lesbian porn so much hotter]

You’re nervous, and because it’s your first time, you’re probably wondering what to do with your hands. Or when you should touch her below the belt. Or who gets on top. There are probably a million questions that’ll race through your mind. But the best way to deal with all of them is to just relax and follow the next steps.

Start with a kiss, it only gets better

If you’re feeling completely lost, start with something that’s the most simple, but also the most electrifying, sensation – A kiss. Just wrap your arms around her and kiss her, and just enjoy the sensation without thinking about what you need to do next.

The two of you could end up pausing and giggling, and that’s completely fine. Just knowing that you both kissed will help calm your nerves. You’ve started already, so there really is no reason to get stressed about how it all begins, or how awkward it’ll be. You’re doing it, and it’s going great. Now you just need to let your instincts kick in, and take things ahead slowly, without hurrying through it. [Read: 18 empowering reasons to love being a lesbian]

The anatomy of a woman’s body and how it differs from a man

We all know that the anatomy of a woman is quite different than that of a man. There are some of the things you might like to think about!


You might feel a bit like you don’t know what to do with them. But boobs play a big part in lesbian sex, so it is time to get involved. Stroking, sucking, gently caressing the breasts, and even lightly pinching the nipples can all add to the sexual intensity. So make sure you don’t avoid her boobs altogether. [Read: Nipple play – How to pleasure a girl by focusing on her breasts]

The clit

The good thing about lesbian sex is that you are a woman, therefore, you know what a clit is and where to find it! Make sure you spend lots of time stimulating it and think how you would like it done to you as a guidance point. However, remember that everyone is different, so if in doubt, just ask!

[Read: How do lesbians have sex? The real truth about girl on girl sex]

Erogenous zones

There are plenty of erogenous zones on the body that aren’t just the obvious ones. Make sure you spend plenty of time touching and caressing her all over. Take your time and do it slowly, and you are sure to send her wild with desire. [Read: The top 10 erogenous zones that drive women wild in bed]

The easiest way to go about pleasing the girl you’re with is by being empathetic. What would please you? What would you like if you were in her place? Focus on her pleasure, so she can focus on yours.

What counts as lesbian sex?

Often, those having a first-time lesbian experience aren’t sure what actually counts. There are no hard and fast rules around what ‘counts’ and what doesn’t.

The general consensus seems to be that if you are heading south of the border and below the belt, then you are participating in a sexual act, and therefore, are having sex. It’s more important that you both have a great time and lots of fun, rather than trying to prove you actually ‘did it’ though!

[Read: How to scissor with a girl and become her perfect scissor sister]

The most intimidating part of a first time lesbian experience

If you’re really turned on by the thought of a lesbian experience, you may actually enjoy this part. But if you’re like most women who fantasize about a lesbian experience, but pussyfoot around the idea of trying it in real life, then you’re probably going to be intimidated by this more than anything else – The pussy!

The pussy, the vagina, or more appropriately, the clitoris. And what’s even more intimidating? Going down on another girl for the first time.

To some, this may be the most exciting part. But if you’re one of those who are intimidated by the thought of pulling down another girl’s panties and eating her out, know that it’s completely normal. You’re not familiar with the idea yet, and that’s okay. [Read: How to eat a girl out – The 16 biggest secrets to make her scream!]

Take it one step at a time, and for starters, slip your fingers in between her thighs. Before you know it, you may actually be aroused by the idea of playing around with her clit with more than just your fingers.

Take it slow, and see how you feel about the idea of giving another girl an oral. But remember, you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Of course, you may be called a pillow princess by doing this *and that’s not a compliment!* but if that’s how slow you want to go, then that’s how slow you should go!

Experiencing your first lesbian orgasm

Obviously, the idea of doing the deed with a woman is a massive turn on for you, and that’s great! You may have just fantasized about it, or watched some lesbian porn, or simply just have a burning desire to find out what it is like. [Read: The real reasons why lesbian porn is way hotter than straight porn]

The point is that if you have ever masturbated over the idea of lesbian sex and had an orgasm, this doesn’t necessarily mean the same will happen when it comes down to it in real life.

If you haven’t had sex before, or your only other experiences have been with men, this will feel new and different and may take some getting used to.

It’s also important to remember that women generally tend to take a little bit more time to achieve orgasm then men. So if you come quickly, and she takes a while – that’s fine, and it’s the same the other way around. [Read: The 17 best lesbian sex positions that’ll make you feel and look like a pro]

Just remember that having an orgasm isn’t the only thing that makes great sex, so don’t let this be your only goal when it comes to a lesbian experience. Otherwise, you may end up feeling disappointed.

[Read: Are you bisexual or a lesbian? How to understand your true desires]

Whatever your hopes and dreams are for your first-time lesbian experience, try not to be disappointed if they don’t all come true. Sex between two people takes time to perfect, so just enjoy it for what it is!

What to expect from a lesbian experience

Ever wanted to have a lesbian experience? Maybe you’ve never thought about it. Maybe you have. Having a lesbian experience for the first time can be truly thrilling. However, there is a lot to think about.

If you have fantasized about the idea of getting down and dirty with a girl, then that’s great, and why not make your fantasy a reality? It is just important to remember that it might not quite be exactly how you expected – and that’s okay.

If you truly want to have fulfilling, exciting lesbian experience then, as with anything, you need to have trust, great communication, and be okay with a little experimentation to see what works for you *and her!*

So if you are thinking of acting out your fantasy of having a lesbian experience, why not find out what it is really like before you do?

[Read: How to tell if a girl is gay by the way she behaves around you]

A few more ways to make your first time lesbian experience way better

By now, you probably know every single there there is to know, to make sure you have a great first time lesbian experience. But if you’re looking to take it up a notch, here are a few tips and suggestions to make your lesbian love affair just a little better in bed!

1. Self-love

If you want to get some practice, who better to practice on than yourself?! Sure, every girl is different, but we’ve all got the same basic ‘tools’ going on down there, so why not experiment on yourself first?

Really think about what you are doing, perfect your technique, and then you’ll have a few great tricks up your sleeve to try out on your lady when you two get down to it. [Read: What is tripping? The complete guide to master the art of scissoring]

2. Trial and error

Like we mentioned earlier, every lady is different – so if you are enjoying your very first lesbian experience with the fairer sex, you might just have to accept that you need to figure things out with each other by testing the waters and seeing what works.

Some gals achieve orgasm through hard and fast clitoral stimulation, others prefer slowly rubbing and building up.
Remember it’s a good idea to trim those nails beforehand – while digging your nails into someone’s back is always sexy, getting a fingernail caught in an intimate area, really isn’t.

3. Protection

Just because you can’t get pregnant when with a woman doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about protection. Though the likelihood is generally reduced, women can still pass on STDs to one another, so it is a good idea to prepare and protect yourself against this.

You can buy dental dams which are small square of latex places over the genitals in order to prevent the transmission of disease, or simply split open a condom and use that to cover instead.

4. Toys

Lots of ladies like to bring a little bit of extra fun to the bedroom. If you are comfortable discussing this with your lady lover, you can find out what you both might like to experiment with beforehand. Anything from vibrators to strap-ons can add to your pleasure.

However, if you are just looking for a one time lesbian experience, or it’s your first time, it might be a good idea to hold off and just enjoy each other – no gadgets necessary.

[Read: Lesbian lovers – How to tell if two girls are more than just friends by looking at them]

We hope this has given you insight into what a first time lesbian experience is like as well as some handy tips for when you actually do it. Just relax, keep these steps in mind, and you’ll soon be able to bring your fantasy to life, and maybe more too!

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Bethany Locke
Bethany was born and raised in Scotland and now resides in Brighton where she lives with her partner and rather disobedient cocker spaniel pup. She works as a f...
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