If you’re in a long-term relationship, sex with your partner has turned into the same old thing. You basically know every move your partner will make. Of course you will, you’ve been sleeping with them for years! But it doesn’t have to become a yawn session for the both of you, these 16 tips are guaranteed ways to spice up your relationship and get your sex life back on the road.
Time for spicin’ it up
Some people find it daunting to find ways to reignite the flame. However, many small, yet impactful, things afford you ways to spice up your relationship. Get that notepad out and take some sexy notes—here we go.
#1 Remove the distractions. Yeah, I know, you wanted to watch the new episode of your favorite new series, but you have more important things to do right now… remember… the flame. If you have a television in your bedroom or a cell phone attached to your right hand, it’s probably a pretty good reason why you’re falling asleep before having sex.
Sure, technology is great, but it’s also highly distracting and does more harm than good to your sex life, especially when you’re trying to spice up your relationship. Take the TV out of your room and put your phone on silent. Gasp. I know, it’s a big step. But trust me, once you’ve removed these pesky, cockblocking devices, your partner will probably take the extra attention from you as shocking. Once they recover, you two will be able to focus more on each other. [Read: Romance is dying a slow death – Is technology to blame?]
#2 Bring out the lingerie. Some women aren’t fans of lingerie. I mean, besides a guy, who is actually a fan of lingerie? It’s too silky, you’re sliding everywhere and all you want to do is wear your worn out t-shirt that you bought in Hawaii ten years ago. I get it.
However, if your t-shirt is touching you more often than your partner, surprising them with a little sexy bra and pantie piece really ignites the flame. Think of it like this, do you actually think that lingerie will be staying on you for longer than a minute? Yeah, that’s what I thought.
#3 Get into character. You don’t have to be a Hollywood actor to play a character. Naughty maid? Sexy nurse? Throw on a wig and pretend to be someone completely different. It’s fun. Be whoever you want. Sure, if your partner isn’t expecting it, they’ll be a little surprised at first, but once they see you all dressed up in your sexy costume, they’ll be into it too. [Read: 15 effortlessly sexy role playing ideas for the shy]
#4 Send a naughty text or photo. If you know they’re in a boring business meeting, sending a sexy text saying, “I’m touching myself and thinking about you” or “I want you inside me” will certainly make their meeting more interesting. You don’t have to send them a fully nude picture to turn them on. Your lips, legs, stomach—any little piece of you that you know gets them excited. By the time they come home, they’ll be eating you for dinner.
#5 Express your desires. A huge issue between partners is that they don’t know what the other person wants. If you feel the sex is getting dull, don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. They’re probably feeling the same. Ask them what they want, what they desire and then go from there. Test out what you both want and see what works and what doesn’t work for you. Communication is key, people!
#6 Surprise your partner. If they’re coming home from work, greet them at the door completely naked. Wake your partner up one morning with oral sex. You don’t even have to surprise them with sexual acts. Set up something spontaneous—like a weekend trip. This shows your partner how you care about them, bringing a spark back between you two. [Read: 10 ways you can make your relationship more fun]
#7 Stroke the ego. There isn’t anything wrong with complimenting your partner. Tell them they’re hot. Tell them they make you wet. Make them feel like they’re the best thing that has happened to you because most likely it’s true. Everybody wants to feel needed and loved. If you want to spice up your relationship, don’t be shy about sharing compliments with your partner.
#8 Take time for yourself. Many people invest a lot of time in work, family, friends. This is all fine and great; however, you won’t be able to give your partner your all, if you don’t put yourself first.
Make sure you’re doing things for yourself. This makes you happy and confident. It will show in your relationship. Want to try a Pilates class? Sign yourself up! Interested in creative writing? Write in your journal every night. You, you, you! [Read: 8 ways to get your “me time” in amidst a hectic schedule]
#9 Have sex outside of the bedroom. Have sex everywhere. In the car, in the bathroom, at the movie theaters, at a hotel. Do it everywhere! Public sex is risky, naughty, and exhilarating. The bedroom is all fine and dandy, but you can have sex there whenever you want—it’s your safe place. Now, get out there and do something out of the box. Just don’t get caught… or do. [Read: Top 20 kinky things you can do with your boyfriend beyond the bed]
#10 Bring out the toys. If you want to spice up your relationship, go to the sex toy store. Explore the aisles of dildos, anal beads, and lubricants. Don’t be nervous, everyone has sex so it shouldn’t be seen as anything taboo. Buy a bunch of different sex toys and try them all out with your partner. My boyfriend and I bought anal beads. Sure, we had no idea what we were doing, and it was a failed attempt but we laughed the whole night.
#11 Don’t be ashamed of PDA. I don’t like people who show public displays of affection, but when I do it, I don’t care about the other people. I like holding hands, kissing, touching, whispering. Just because you’re in public doesn’t mean that you can’t act like a couple.
Now, you don’t have to dry hump each other on a park bench, but don’t be afraid to run your hands through your partner’s hair or kiss them on the lips without feeling shame. It’s your relationship, not anyone else’s. [Read: Looking for a cute relationship? You may already have one!]
#12 Add in a new sex position. After having sex with the same person for a while, you start to develop a pattern. I still remember the sexual positions of my ex-boyfriend in order: missionary, cowgirl, doggy, missionary. That exact order. We broke up four years ago. That’s scary, eh?
So, if you’re terrified of that happening, introduce a new sexual position every month. It could succeed or fail, but that’s not the point. Trying new things with your partner will spice up your relationship.
#13 Squeeze in a quickie. Who doesn’t love a good quickie? Exactly. Maybe your partner will be in their office at lunch. Surprise them and have a quickie on their desk. While you’re getting ready for work in the morning, have a quickie before you head out the door. Don’t underestimate this—a good quickie goes a long way. [Read: 15 sexy ways to have the best quickie every time]
#14 There’s an app for that. I’d rather not include advanced technology in the bedroom; however, there are some helpful apps. There are sexual activity tracking apps which log every time you had sex. Don’t understand the purpose? It’s actually designed to help motivate couples to have more sex. More sex!!
#15 Leave your partner a love note. Everyone loves a handwritten note. It can be a dirty, sweet, or cute note, the point is, you wrote it thinking of them. Leave them a note in the morning, saying that you can’t wait to see them tonight or that they better be naked when you come home. These notes increase the bond between you and your partner bringing better sex. [Read: 40 romantic movie quotes about love and relationships]
#16 Plan a date night. Yes, you’re in a relationship but that doesn’t mean you can’t have date nights. Go see a movie, have dinner, go to a concert. You need to do things with your partner that are fun and relaxing. This is what a relationship is about, building memories. My ex-boyfriend and I never went anywhere—that’s why he’s my ex.
[Read: How to make a relationship last: 19 love commandments]
So stop yawning, yeah, that’s right. Stop it. Now is the time to put a little elbow grease into it and spice up your relationship. If you follow at least one or two of these suggestions, you’ll notice a huge difference in your sex life—and the bond with your partner.
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