And we women thought it was a myth. See, we aren’t always right, blue balls exist. Here’s how to cure blue balls and get back on the horse.
Listen, I really didn’t think blue balls was a thing. I mean, men complained about it, but my connection to testicles is somewhat limited, so how would I know? However, after some years, I’ve come to accept blue balls exist. They don’t turn blue for fun, so knowing how to cure blue balls is important to understand.
I mean, it makes sense. When a guy gets turned on, blood flows to the penis giving him an erection and swollen testicles. But, what happens when he doesn’t ejaculate after an extended state of arousal? Instead of going back to normal, the pressure builds up, and they’re left with painful balls. And the only option left is to learn how to cure blue balls before the pain gets unbearable!
Want to know more about blue balls, what kind of foreplay causes it, why it happens, how it happens, and personal first hand experiences to know the real sensations from a man’s perspective? Read the full feature on what are blue balls? The guide to blue balls and real experiences to become a blue balls know-it-all in 5 minutes!
Now that you know what are blue balls, it’s time you learned how to get rid of them.
But why are the called blue balls? Honestly, I haven’t seen an actual pair of blue balls. But I do know that the testicles don’t turn blue. Oh, just FYI, if a guy’s testicles DO turn blue, rush to the hospital because it’s probably a much more serious condition like testicular torsion.
Yes, I know, the name, blue balls, doesn’t make sense. I just thought I would make it extra clear for you—the balls turn don’t turn blue, people! But you still need to know how to get rid of blue balls.
If you have balls, you are susceptible. If you’re aroused, you are susceptible. But, those who really have it the worst are young men.
Young men are horny, easily aroused, so, if anything, they’re the ones truly suffering. I mean, have you seen a teenage guy? They get aroused over almost anything, what a nightmare. [Read: Powerful ways to stop being horny – Without masturbating or having sex]
Women may not have balls, but, that doesn’t mean women can’t get blue balls. Okay, it’s not actually called blue balls for us. But, if women don’t orgasm, they feel irritation and aching in their lower abdomen and pelvis.
So, since we all suffer from blue balls, the best thing we do is help each other when we start experiencing this horrid pain. Read more about the female equivalent, the female blue balls, the blue bean and the search for answers here.
There are two ways to prevent blue balls.
Pay close attention, take some notes on this, it’s important.
So, if you want to prevent blue balls, this is what you’ll have to do:
1. ejaculate or 2. don’t become aroused!
I know the second option isn’t ideal. Personally, if I were you, I would avoid it. Stick to prevention method one, you can’t go wrong with that one.
If you want to get rid of blue balls, here’s what you need to do.
At the end of the day, the easiest and most efficient way is to masturbate. If you’re at your in-law’s house, just go to the bathroom and rub one out.
I know, it’s not the time or place but you’re suffering right now. So, take a couple minutes, pull out your phone and go onto PornHub. The point is, ejaculate if you want immediate relief. [Read: Cum like a porn star – How to shoot a powerful load every time]
If you experience blue balls, the most efficient way to get rid of blue balls and relieve yourself from the pressure and pain is to rub one out. It may take you a while longer than usual to ejaculate when you’re being extra gentle, but it’s well worth the extra time.
Sometimes you can’t masturbate. You want to, but if your parents are around or your roommate is home, it’s not so easy. Instead, use a cold compress which plays the role of acting as non-adrenaline. Non-adrenaline is the hormone released after you orgasm. With the cold compress, it constricts the blood vessels and lowers the blood flow to your testicles.
It’s going to be a little cold, not going to lie, but it helps. So, get that bag of frozen peas out and throw them, gently, on your balls. What happens is that cold compresses mimic non-adrenaline and reduces the blood flow to your balls, thus, reducing pain. [Read: Big balls – The pros, cons and what women think of them]
Who wants to exercise when they have blue balls? I know, you don’t want to, but if you can’t use a cold compress or jerk off, well, your options are limited. Get up and go for a run, it helps reduce the pain. You want to get the blood flowing and away from your testicles. Move around, and your balls will thank you.
Bring out your inner Arnold and lift some heavy objects. It may seem weird to you, but lifting heavy object causes Valsalva Manuever. This is the feeling you get in your lower abdominal muscles when you lift weights. What happens is that it changes your blood pressure and relieves it from your testicles, which then reduces the pressure in your genitals. Not bad, right? [Read: The 7 at-home tests you need to do on your own balls to make sure your testicles are healthy]
So cliché, I know. But time does heal all, especially if you’re unable to work out or masturbate—you just need to take it.
I get it, the clock is going to tick slowly, but there’s nothing else you can do. It takes around an hour for the pain to subside, so, turn on a movie and try to distract yourself. This one is probably the most painful way to get rid of blue balls, but sometimes you literally have no other options. You can’t go jerk off at your engagement dinner, no way. You just have to wait it out.
But blue balls do go away after some time. How much time? Well, that depends on your balls. But word on the street is that they typically go away in about an hour’s time. [Read: What do women really think of your penis? A look into their minds]
Meditation calms your mind, it may not help much with your loins to begin with, but it does help increase the blood circulation. Use a meditation app or just set a timer in sets of 15 minutes. Sit in a comfortable place, close your eyes and breathe deeply. Before you know it, you’ll start to feel more relaxed.
Of course, it’s a lot better if you have someone around, especially your girlfriend. But then, you’d rather do something else with her than get a massage. But if you don’t have a choice, sit down comfortably or lie on your back, and massage yourself around your thighs and abdomen. It can help increase the flow of blood around your pelvis, and away from your balls. [Read: Boxers or briefs? What do girls like on a guy]
No one really knows why this works, but it does. It could be the cold jet of water, the relaxing sensation, or you just feeling calm, but if you do have an option, get under the shower and cool off for a while. Don’t like a cold shower, try a warm one as a next resort.
Nothing beats this. If you can have consensual sex with a girl who’s eager to have sex with you, well, now is the time to have sex. Be gentle, or you’ll just end up experiencing more pain. A quickie is all you need here, so let your girlfriend know you plan to be selfish *and that you’ll make it up to her the next time!* [Read: 15 sexy ways to have a quickie that leaves both of you satisfied!]
I know many women, including myself, have been in a position where their boyfriend started talking about blue balls and that he needs some help. Well, sometimes, I don’t want to help, sometimes I just want to cuddle and watch Netflix—no chill. But blue balls actually are a painful event, and we understand, but that gives you absolutely no right to pressure a woman into having sex with you out of pity.
[Read: 18 fascinating and unknown facts about the penis that can change the way you look at it!]
Now that you know how to cure blue balls, next time you feel a painful tingle in your pants, take charge and rub one out. If that’s not an option and you’re looking for ways to get rid of blue balls, use these methods, so you won’t have to suffer so much when you get ‘em.
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