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Don’t Want to Have Sex? The Honest Reasons & What You Need to Know

Are you suffering from a bout of sex boredom, where one of you don’t want to have sex anymore? This can happen to anyone, and as frustrating as it can seem, you can change it all in no time.

i don't want to have sex

If there’s one thing that haunts our mind during our formative years as a teenager, it is sex, and of course, the kind of impression we make on the opposite sex.

But as we get hitched with someone and the years roll by, sex takes a backseat.

And soon enough, sex, just like many things in life start to become a chore.

And this can happen even if you don’t have kids. And one of you may just not want to have sex anymore.

Somehow, most people associate more kids with less sex. But that’s just not true.

There are innumerable couples without kids who would rather watch reruns of an old sitcom late at night than indulge in a bit of bang-bang.

Why partners don’t want to have sex anymore

The reasons can be many, but none of it is acceptable or justifiable, unless it’s a traumatic experience or a medical condition.

If that’s the case, well, true love should prevail and sex can be put on the backburner. But in all other cases, it’s just crazy to not want to have sex!

If one of you want to have sex and the other partner just doesn’t want to have sex anymore, perhaps, it’s time you do something about it. Here are the most common causes, and we’ve also pointed out a few things you can change to burst the boredom out of sex.

And we’ve given a few links within each pointer that could help make a big difference in your bedroom life. Of course, use the links that work for you and skip the ones that are too risqué for you!

#1 Not sexually attracted to your partner

Most people are confused about this, but seriously, sex and love are two completely different things. You can love someone intensely and still get physically attracted to someone else. Of course, with love comes passion, but it’s just not the same as raw physical attraction. So if you don’t want to have sex anymore, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. It simply means you’re not sexually attracted to them anymore.

Over the years you’ve been together, you may have gotten so used to seeing each in the nude that getting naked before having sex may just not seem exciting anymore. And sexual arousal is also a lot about the sensitive touch, and that magical effect could have worn off too. [Read: Taking naked pictures of your partner]

If you don’t want to have sex or are completely uninterested in sex because you’re just not attracted to your lover anymore, you need to bring the passion back, or the rest of your sexual lives could be boring, miserable and a perfect place for cobwebs.

Most of us forget how sexually attractive our partners are, and need to be reminded about it now and then. [Read: How to play hard to get with a guy]

As much as we make up our own minds, humans need constant reassurances from the people around us. Go out more often, meet more people and take off on a sexy vacation now and then. If you see your partner getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex, it would automatically make you desire your partner more. The bottom line here is desire. Rekindle that and realize how attractive your partner really is, and you’ll be drawn to your partner with a sexual surge you’ve never felt before. [Read: Fun on the beach for couples]

#2 Sex is too predictable

Are you so used to routine that you can actually count the bed creaks to the last digit each time you have sex? What starts off as a comfortable position can soon turn into the only position. Don’t let that happen. [Read: What men want in bed]

One of the best things you can do here is to try something new and exciting. Sex is never boring, it’s a part of life and evolution, and your mind will never get bored of it. It’s the routine that gets boring for partners. Trying something new can be uncomfortable at first, but it can open the doorway to better sex. It’s about experimenting slowly and bringing in a few changes one day at a time.

#3 It’s not as fun as it should be

You can try new sex positions all the time. But almost always, when sex isn’t fun, the new positions would only get more frustrating. Instead of trying new positions, try new things. [Read: How to talk dirty in bed]

Sex is like an amusement park. It’s got cotton candies and choo choo trains for the mild, and roller coasters and devil rides for the daredevils. And if you notice, crazy rides always get your adrenalin pumping. Sex works the same way too. If having sex in the house is too boring, go out and play. And as your adrenalin rises, so would your sexual libido.

[Read: Sexual fantasies for men]

[Read: Sexual fantasies for women]

#4 One of you isn’t turned on enough

Do you dress up and try to look your best when you go on a night out or for dinner at a great place? Of course, you do. But what about at home when you’re with your partner? Do you dress up and look nice?

Most people take their partner for granted, dress shabbily at home, and then whine about the boring sex. But sex, as much as it is emotional, is also physical. You need to look attractive to get the attraction. Don’t dress shabbily or in loose, ill fitting clothing. Don’t wear the same frayed shirt or pants every evening. Clean yourself up and dress to impress, even if you’re at home. Look good for your partner and they will obviously feel sexually attracted towards you. [Read: How to sleep with him in a sexy way]

And if it isn’t just about that, try a few new games that can arouse your partner. Sometimes, having sex too quickly can be quite annoying. Men may hate foreplay, but they love bedroom games that prolong foreplay in the manner they like.

[Read: Sexual role play for beginners]

#5 Too tired for sex

Your partner and you may be sexually attracted to each other. But at times, work pressure and stress at work can make one of you distracted and lose interest in sex. Or even if you have sex, you may not really enjoy it enough, or you may end up not performing to your best which can lead to more frustrations. [Read: Tips on turning a guy on]

What starts off as one round of bad sex can make one of you shrink away from sex further and further until you’re just not interested in sex anymore. This is especially true for men because a lot depends on how hard he can be. If he finds his little buddy bowing down in shame halfway through the deed, he’d start to avoid sex as much as he possibly can. [Read: How to have sensuous sex]

When you’re going through this phase, avoid sex for a few weeks, and just focus on foreplay. Make it clear that both of you aren’t going to have sex for a couple of weeks. Don’t set a precise deadline. That can be even more stressful! Just cuddle and kiss, and spend a lot of time together in the bathtub or in bed, just warming each other up. Soon enough, the humble little guy would be upright and waiting for a standing ovation! [Read: Happy ending massage]

#6 Too busy with something else

One of you love gardening or spending hours on the Xbox? Sometimes, even watching a few great shows on the television back to back every night can lead to boring sex lives. You could be having so much fun watching a movie every night that both of you might just give up on sex.

If you’re experiencing this, it doesn’t mean you’re not sexually excited by each other. It’s just that you’ve decided to give up on together time. And when you start doing this for a couple of weeks, it would go on the same way forever. We love routine, and it’s pretty hard to change something once we get comfortable with it.

To make sure this doesn’t affect your sex life in future, get into bed an hour earlier or spend at least an hour every evening cuddling up with the TV turned off once you’re done with the shows. It may seem quite boring at first, but you’ll see what cuddle time can lead to! [Read: Tantric sex]

#7 Just not into sex

Yeah, for all your horny lovers out there, this sucks, but it’s true. Some partners just aren’t into sex. You may love making love to the computer or you may end up using a toy to pleasure up, but the whole act of sex could seem distasteful to your partner.

If all the earlier tips fail, then perhaps, it’s time you have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Sometimes, it could be a childhood trauma, hormonal imbalances or even a medical condition. In almost all cases, this is curable with a little effort.

Many people put a lot of emphasis on sex and copulation. And that can put off a partner. Sex is a lot of fun, but that doesn’t mean foreplay can’t be fun. You could just cuddle up, talk dirty, fantasize, role play, explore a few sexual fetishes, or do just about anything else we’ve mentioned here, and stop putting the focus on sex. If your partner doesn’t even like to kiss, then well, stay away from physically touching them and just talk. Ask your partner if they like talking about it. Surely, there’s bound to be something that could interest your partner. In most cases, they may have a few sexual desires and may be too afraid to reveal it. [Read: Sexual fetishes]

Or on the other hand, it could be a serious traumatic issue or a medical condition. If that’s the case, then obviously, both of you could take the help of therapy or counseling.

Why do partners lose interest in sex?

The reasons could be many as long as it’s not a medical condition, as we’ve pointed out in the introduction and in the points here. But putting medical and hormonal reasons aside, here’s one theory that the Lovepanky team has tested, and it could surprise you.

If you and your partner share very different lifestyles, and if one of you meet and interact with a lot of people, while the other partner is more of a quiet loner, there’s a huge chance that both your libidos are going to start changing with time. And the worst part, it will change in opposite directions.

The partner that interacts with very few people will start to lose their libido, while the partner who interacts with a lot of people and meets new friends often will retain their libido, or even see a surge in their sexual energy.

If evolution has taught us anything, we should know that the main *job* of humans is to procreate and produce more humans. But if you’re going to spend a major part of your life alone or with minimum interaction with other members of the opposite sex, there’s really no need for your body to invest in sexual energy that has to be wasted on useless libido. Instead, you body might as well use it on something else.

Confused? Well, ostriches have wings but they can’t really use them to fly, can they? If that can be evolution’s work, libido can work through the same cycle too!

How to increase your partner’s libido

Your partner may just not be interested in sex at times. In such cases, you need to help your partner understand that sex is just as natural as eating or breathing. It’s one of the necessities of life. Spend more time going out and socializing with others. Meet your friends at parties, or go on a vacation with another couple that you know enjoys a great sex life. [Read: Public flashing confessions]

Sometimes, as humans, we need to watch someone else take the plunge off the diving board before we try something ourselves.

If your partner isn’t interested in sex, introduce your lover to other people who glorify sex. Of course, don’t reveal your intention straight away. Sometimes, even a bit of PDA and kisses on a dance floor could excite your partner. Help your partner explore the possibilities of sexual arousal and show them how enjoyable it can be. And soon enough, your partner would be able to express themselves and enjoy a better, happier sex life. [Read: Public display of affection etiquette]

When your partner is not interested in sex, don’t get frustrated. Instead, hold each other’s hands and explore the many paths of sexual arousal. It can be exciting and fun, and somewhere along the way, we’re pretty sure your partner will like something too!

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Team LovePanky
The editorial team of LovePanky comprises relationship experts and real-life experts that share their experiences and life lessons. If you want the best love ad...